Begin to Begin (24 page)

“OK, but if you need anything or even just want to talk about all this. Call me. This was a lot to take in today and as angry as I am, I don’t think Dalton meant for you to find out the way you did.”

They hug me one more time before they leave, and I go into my room and grab my phone to text Cole and let him know that he doesn’t have to come in today and that I’ll explain later.

I carry my phone and my coffee out to the back porch and sit down at the small patio set I bought last summer. My gaze falls on the tree, as it usually does when I’m out here, but there are no birds. That’s odd because they are always here unless the weather is bad and the weather is actually beautiful.

I glance down at my phone again and scroll through my missed calls. I have one from Gwenn, one from a number that looks like it might be one of the applicants for the job, and two from Detective Merritt. But there are no calls from Dalton. I guess I really didn’t expect there to be. I didn’t give him a chance to explain anything but he didn’t really try to, either.

After last night, I should have at least let him explain. But I couldn’t stand to hear the sound of his voice then. Not after knowing the truth, knowing he was there that night. But how far did his involvement go?

I didn’t go straight home. I couldn’t even if I had wanted to. I told Detective Merritt I would come into the station to finish up some questioning regarding the case. He said he thought he had the majority what he needed from me but I still needed to sign some paperwork the DA sent over. I don’t even want to sign it.

I belong right there behind bars with Sonny, J.R. and the three other people that were arrested in connection with Benji Stevens’ murder.

So here I sit, in an interrogation room again, four hours after I left her.

And I can’t erase the look in her eyes. First the utter and complete joy they held when the detective told her that there has been an arrest and then how it appeared that a flip was switched and they carried immediate devastation.

I know I ruined anything good that we had. But she deserved the truth. Benji deserved the truth.

Detective Merritt walks in with a handful of paperwork and a man I am unfamiliar with trailing behind him.

“Dalton, this is Assistant DA Jake Randolph. He’s going to be trying the case against Sonny Parsons, JR Phillips, Miguel Hoya, Raphael Martinez, and Pedro Gomez.”

That’s them. All of the guys that were there the night of the murder. Except me. I was there with them.

Mr. Randolph is young, but he looks serious and driven—a no holds barred kind of guy. He doesn’t even come close to cracking a smile when he says a curt, “Hello.”

“Mr. Young, I have all the paperwork here that outlines the terms of our agreement. In exchange for your help and information, we have reduced the charges you could have faced to carrying a concealed firearm and receiving stolen property for your connections to the chop shop ring.”

I nod as he sorts through all the paperwork. I know it’s a good deal. I know I should be happy, but all I can think about is Marin.

“You can thank your lucky stars that Detective Merritt went to bat for you or you would be facing some serious jail time with your buddies. But you will be on probation for thirty-six months and need to check in every month with a probation officer. No firearms—”

“I know the drill. What if I changed my mind?”

“What do you mean ‘changed your mind’?” the DA asks.

Detective Merritt sighs deeply then looks over at the DA. “Give us a minute, Nick.”

He nods and gathers his paperwork and walks out of the room.

“Listen, Dalton.”

I lean back in my chair and wait to hear what he has to say.

“I know you aren’t a bad guy. I feel it in my gut so don’t talk yourself into thinking that you are. You’re not like most of the guys that come through here. Once they get stuck in this life, they don’t want out. The life itself is like a drug to them, needing the high more and more often. That’s why when these guys get out of prison, they go right back to the life.” He pauses, rolling his pencil back and forth on the table. “Do you want to know how I know you’re different?”

I shrug, only mildly caring about his speech at this point.

“Because, when you figured out who Marin was and how her life connected to yours, instead of turning tail and heading for the hills, you came to me. You wanted to help her, regardless of what happened to you in the aftermath.”

I’m silent. He’s right. I don’t care at all what happens to me in this mess. If they want to put me away for life, I’m OK with that. I wanted to turn my life around before meeting Marin, but honestly, I wasn’t sure that I could do it. I was willing to try. But when I met her, I wanted nothing more than to be the man she deserved.

And then I knew the truth. I knew I was never that man and never could be that man. Not for her, anyway.

“You were willing to sacrifice yourself for her. That is why I talked to the DA. You need her, and she needs you.”

I roll my eyes because this man is clearly daydreaming. I mean, he was there when she kicked me out, right?

“She doesn’t need me,” I say under my breath. I don’t have the strength anymore to fight this. “I gave her everything she needed. Everyone responsible for her fiancé’s death are behind bars. Everyone except me.”

He sighs in annoyance. He thinks he’s not getting through to me. I do understand where he’s coming from, but it doesn’t matter.

“Dalton. Just give her time. She’s going to be pissed as a wet hornet for a while and hurt. But when she comes to you, she’s going to have a lot of questions. Answer them, all of them. She will need answers. Believe me, I know. She was in here every month on the date of that boy’s death wanting answers from me. But please, be patient. You both need each other. She will come to you.”

I nod, hoping that by some miracle he’s right.

It’s been three weeks since I’ve seen him last. Not much has changed since then. I go to work. I come home and then repeat these steps each and every day. I can’t stop thinking about him.

I miss him.

I hate him.

It’s been six weeks since I’ve last seen her face. Since I’ve last touched her skin. Since I’ve last heard her voice. It’s safe to say she is gone from my life. The daily routine is a struggle, butshe never leaves my thoughts.

I miss her.

I love her.

A loud knock at my door startles me awake. Glancing over at the clock, I see it’s 8:30 am. It’s Sunday so the store is closed. I’m not expecting anyone, so I have no idea who it could be.

The knocks continue as I roll out of the bed and throw on a robe. I shuffle quickly to the door and yank it open with fury.

“Detective Merritt.” I’m shocked to see him here. I spoke to him a few weeks ago about what happens next. The preliminary hearings and trials. Things I’m most definitely not looking forward to. But not because I don’t want to see the men that murdered my fiancé. I want to see them. I want to look into their cold dead eyes and watch them get condemned to life in prison.

No, it’s not them. It’s him. Dalton Young. The man that I fell in love with so fast and then had him take it all away just as fast. The man that brought the justice that I’ve been seeking for over a year and stole my heart at the same time.

The man that I don’t think I can bear to see again because of the hurt and pain that I feel.

“Marin. Good Morning. I’m sorry to stop by so early, but do you mind if I come in?”

Not sure what this is about, I move aside so he can make his way into the room. “No not at all. If you give me a minute, I can make us some coffee.”

“That sounds great, Marin.” He follows behind me to the kitchen and takes a seat at the table.

“So what brings you by, Detective? Did something happen?” I prepare the coffee pot then take a seat across from him.

“No, no. Nothing like that. I’m pretty sure the DA has a pretty solid case.”

“Oh, well that’s good.”

I look to him, waiting for him to say something. He clears his throat.

“Have you talked to him, Marin?”

Toying with the table cloth, I nod that I haven’t. I stand and pour our coffee and sit back down.

“I can’t,” I answer before taking a sip.

“Marin. There is a lot you need to know about that night.”

“I know everything I need to know.”

“No, you—”

“Stop! I know everything I
want
to know! I will hear it all in court. I just … No.”

He stares at me but says nothing.

We continue sipping our coffee in silence for the next couple minutes. The clock above the archway to the living room clicks loudly. The neighbor’s car starts up, probably on their way to church.

We have been silent for so long that I startle at the sound of his voice.

“I know you are struggling with this, Marin. With the knowledge of his involvement. I won’t be the one to tell you the details of that night. I think it’s something you need to hear from him. But I can’t make you do it, either. It’s your choice.”

“It been two months, Thomas! I haven’t seen him in two months.” Grabbing our empty mugs, I carry them to sink. “I don’t know if I can see him again.”

“Like I said. I can’t make you do it. But I think you should. I don’t think you will be at peace until you know everything. I’m not saying you need to run back into his arms. I would understand why you didn’t. But I think you need to hear him out. For both your sanity and his.” I keep my back turned to him but I hear him get up from his seat and walk toward the living room. “I better get back to the precinct. Just think it over.”

******

After getting out of the shower, I text Amelia.

Me: Can you come over for a little bit?

Amelia: Sure. Be there in about an hour. You OK

Me: Yeah, just need to chat.

Amelia: OK. See you soon.

Sliding open the back door, I walk out to the deck and sit in my lounge chair, staring out into the yard. I haven’t talked to Benji since before I found out the truth. I can’t. I feel like I betrayed him. So I sit and watch the tree and the birds.

Sometime later, I hear the patio door open. I look over my shoulder and see Amelia coming through it. She has two Starbucks cups in her hands.

“I brought reinforcements.”

“I see that. Thank you, sweets.”

“So what’s going on? I haven’t heard from you for a few days.”

“Detective Merritt stopped by this morning.”

She sets her cup on the small table and leans forward. “Did something happen? With the case?”

“No, nothing like that. He thinks I should talk to Dalton.”

“Why would he even come here and say that?” She looks thoroughly confused.

“He says there is more to the story than I think and that I should hear it from Dalton not him. But …”

“But what? I think you should.”

“What?”
I gasp in shock. She’s supposed to be on my side. Why would she think that?

“Just hear me out.” I stare at her. I’ll hear her out because she’s my best friend. My sister. Maybe not by blood but that is the type of relationship we have.

“At first, I was pretty damn angry when I heard everything. But there is no denying that Dalton loves you.” She pauses to take a drink of her mocha latte. “He could have gone to prison with the rest of those men; he’s damn lucky he’s not. He did it for you, Marin. He didn’t have to tell them anything; when he realized the truth of his ways he could have been selfish and not told a soul. No one would have ever known differently.”

Every single one of her words makes sense. Maybe I’m too stubborn to care. I shake my head furiously, and she grabs my hand and squeezes.

“He loves you. I see it in his eyes when he looks at you. I really think you should hear him out because you are right back to where you were when Benji died. You had been so much better over the months you spent with Dalton. Joey and I truly thought you had found happiness again and we couldn’t have been happier. But now …” she trails off and doesn’t finish her sentence.

Reaching up, I wipe the tears away that have slipped out of my eyes. This is the first time I have cried since the morning of learning the truth.

“I don’t know. I have been so messed up in the head since I met him, and I thought everything was making sense that he was the one to help me move on. To start to live again and now … I’m right back to the unknown.” I run my hands through my hair. I’m tired.

So damned tired of all of this confusion and loss.

Amelia pulls me into her arms and kisses the top of my head.

We sit like this for a long time. She holds me while all the thoughts I have been trying not to think rush through my head.

Thoughts of how I loved—hell, still love Benji. I’ll always love him.

How much I love Dalton. Maybe it’s wrong, but I do. I can admit that now.

And thoughts of how much I have missed Dalton over the past two months. God help me, I ache to have him near.

It’s time to end this pain.

“Jesus Christ, Liam!” I throw the wrench across the garage. That car was supposed to be done by now.

He holds up his hands in defense. I know I’ve had a short fuse lately. I don’t really know what to do about it.

She’s on my mind constantly. Every damn minute of every god damned day. Sometimes I wish I never met her. But then I think about her. The way she laughs at my not-so-funny jokes. The way she smells. The way her lips move against mine. And then my body goes into a fit of rage.

“Dude. Really? You need to calm the fuck down. I have it under control.” He sticks his head back under the hood of the Impala.

Storming into the office, I know Liam’s right, I do need to cool down. I’ve taken my anger out on everyone. Uncle Mel, Aunt Dot, Liam. I’ve been rude to customers. Uncle Mel has sat me down and talked to me about how I’m losing business and pissing everyone off, I just don’t give a shit.