Begin to Begin (9 page)

"So, speaking of perfect men, how was your day with Dalton?" It’s her turn to waggle her eyebrows suggestively like something actually happened between Dalton and me.

I don’t know what to tell her, though. He's a nice guy. Heck, he's a very good looking nice guy, I can admit that. But that's all he is to me. Well, maybe a friend. He did say he was going to call me tonight. It will be nice to have another friend now that Amelia and Joey are spending more time together.

"It was good. We got his little office somewhat set up. He needed a new computer. His was absolute garbage. You wouldn't have believed it if you saw it."

"Soo, you like this guy?" she asks hopefully.

Confusion is written on my face.

"What do you mean by
like
? Yeah, I like him but no it don't
like
him. I think he may end up being a good friend."

"Mmhmm … Keep telling yourself that." I roll my eyes and change the subject, talking about her job for a few minutes before we walk into her living room where we find Joey watching TV. We talk for a little while longer before I decide to head home.

“Just saying … Joey and I were supposed to only be friends too.”

Rolling my eyes, I turn and rinse my glass out and place it in the sink. "All right, you two love-birds. I'm going to head home for the night. I'd like to get to the store early tomorrow." Joey stands and gives me a quick hug before I hurry out the door and then turns and heads for the kitchen.

"I'll be there around seven, if that works," he calls over his shoulder from the kitchen.

"Works for me," I call back to him.

"OK, chica—" she blows me a kiss "—I'll talk to you tomorrow. Drive safe."

Once I start my car up, I look at the clock and notice it’s 6:30. Dalton hasn’t called yet but he said later. I have no idea when
later
is. It might not even be tonight.

I reflect on the day; I've been doing that a lot lately. But, I guess I have had quite a bit to reflect on over the last couple weeks. From finding out nothing new from the police, which I should be used to by now, to making a new friend in the most unlikely of ways, it's been a whirlwind of emotions all over the board.

Once home, I sort through my mail, turn on the news, and grab some fruit from the fridge to nibble on while I'm reading my email. As I finish up answering the last email from a personal assistant to a pretty popular author who would like to do a signing in the store, my cell phone rings. I recognize the number as Dalton’s.

"Hello," I answer with a grin.

"Hi. It's not too late for me to call, is it?" he asks, his voice low and unsure. I'm still not really sure why he wanted to call. Maybe he already has a few questions about the computer. And I’m also unsure as to why I
wanted
him to call. I guess I wanted to hear the sound of his voice again.

"No, it's not too late. Just finishing up answering emails." I press the send button on my laptop to send the last one. "So, what's up?"

He’s breathing heavily, contemplating what he wants to say.

"So, I was thinking. There's this place in town that has some great seafood. Well, they have other stuff too if you aren't a fan of seafood, but anyway, I was wondering if … dammit," he mumbles. “Shit. Marin, would you like to go get dinner with me one night this week?"

I'm shocked into silence, and I have no idea how to respond. Part of me wants to say yes. I have felt comfortable around him and though I hate to admit it, I almost never think of Benji when I'm around Dalton. I'm intrigued by him. The other part of me knows it's wrong. It's too soon, and I know I would feel like I was cheating on Benji.

Answering softly I say, "I don't know, Dalton. It's just too soon."

"Too soon? Shit," he curses. “I’m such an asshole. I’m sorry, Marin. Of course it’s too soon. You barely know me and you were just attacked a couple days ago.”

“No, that’s actually not it at all.”

I realize that he has no idea what I'm talking about because I've never told him about Benji. There really was no reason to talk about it. What was I supposed to do? While hooking up his new computer just drop the bomb, "Oh, by the way, my fiancé was murdered several months ago, but no biggie, carry on."

Sighing, I begin to tell him why I can't go out with him. "My fiancé, Benji, was killed a little over a year ago. I'm not comfortable dating yet. I'm sorry, Dalton."

"Wow, I had no idea. I'm so sorry, Marin. I really don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. It was a long time ago, even though it still feels like it was yesterday." I wipe the stray tear off my cheek. "I really am sorry, Dalton. Maybe if I would have met you at a different time in my life …" I trail off, because I do like him. He's sweet yet brooding, beautiful but rugged. He's nothing like Benji—maybe that's why I am so enthralled with him.

"I totally understand, Marin. But, what if it was just two friends out enjoying dinner at a great seafood spot in Orlando?" he suggested. He continues making his case before I have a chance to say anything else. "I mean, you already spent all day today with me. So, it's not like it would be any different than that, right?"

The more I run this around in my brain, I agree with him. It really is no different. But, I know for sure that my friends would see it differently. I know they wouldn’t judge me if I decided to start dating again but I'm not even sure they would like Dalton. Amelia is a bit of a diva and she profiles everyone that any of us come into contact with. Hell, she probably runs full background profiles and credit checks on them, too.

"So, it would just be dinner as friends? Could I meet you there?"

"Absolutely if that is what you prefer. Although, I have no issues with picking you up."

"OK." I must have shocked him with my answer because he pauses before he says anything.

"Really?"

"Yes, but seriously, this is just a new friends doing dinner thing."

"OK, I can do that. I could use a new friend." I know he’s smiling by the tone of his voice.

We continue talking for a few minutes and plan to meet at a newer seafood restaurant, Bubba’s Place, on Thursday evening at seven. Even though I've never been there, I know where it is. I’ve been by there with Amelia before. We hang up and I fall back onto the couch and take in that conversation. A smile creeps its way onto my face when I realize that Dalton was asking me out on an actual date, and even though I made him promise this isn't a date, I'm sure in his mind it still is. I wasn't lying when I said if it was a different time, I totally would have said yes to a date with him.

Who am I kidding? This is probably a date in my eyes too.

******

As I lie in bed running our conversation back in my head for probably the one hundredth time, I decide to talk to Benji. I do this quite often. It makes me feel like he's still mine. Sometimes I talk to him as I lie in bed and sometimes I go out to the tree where he rests to talk to him. I look out the open curtains into the black night sky and tell him about everything that has been happening lately.

I talk to him about Gwenn and how she will be leaving us soon.and him about the attack and how the police are looking for the person that did it. But he doesn’t need to worry about me. I’m totally fine.

And I tell him about Dalton. I explain how he saved me and then how I helped him. I didn't tell him how we are meeting for dinner Thursday night, though. I'm not sure why. In fact, I don't think I'm going to be able to tell anyone.

I tell him how much I miss him. How I still find myself reaching for him in the middle of the night and when he's not there I get the same pain in the pit of my stomach that I have since that dreadful night.

Lastly, I tell him that I don't know if it will ever go away.

******

The next morning, I show up in the store earlier than normal. I'm the first one there, which is a rare occurrence. Usually, Joey beats me but now that he and Amelia have made their relationship known, I'm sure he won't be showing up as early because he will have more important things on his mind—as he should. I head back to my office and notice there are voicemails waiting for me. Sometimes customers call with questions after we have closed and leave them on the voicemail.

I check the log to see what should be delivered today and what signings, if any, are this week. There is one scheduled for Friday night. A couple weeks ago, a new author that is self-published called and begged me to do a signing here. I don't have any problems selling books by self-published authors and this guy is a local so I told him I would love to help. He sent me some flyers he had made up via email so I will print the signs out this morning and hang them around the store to hopefully get him a few new readers.

While I wait for Joey and Gwenn to get here, I walk around the store and start straightening some of the books that got misplaced yesterday. This is a daily ritual, and though I know some would be annoyed by this task, I love it.

One of my favorite things to do in the store is walking through the shelves maybe discovering something that was stocked that I didn't know about and that I can add to my personal collection. I make my way over to the self-help books and general knowledge books and my eyes gravitate to the automotive shelf. Sticking out, almost as if someone pulled it out to be seen, is a book about classic Bronco restoration.

Flipping through the book I notice a few things that maybe Dalton would like to see and decide I'm going to keep this one out for him. I will take it to him Thursday night at dinner.

As I am placing the book behind the counter with a sticky note on it that I will pay for it before I leave, Joey walks in.

"Hey, hey, pretty lady. How goes it?" He walks over and pulls me into a hug. I pull back and look up at him and laugh.

"What has you in such a cheerful mood?"

"I have no idea what you are talking about. I'm always happy. Whatcha got there, Miss Marin?" he asks as he notices me putting the book under the counter.

"It's a book for Dalton on Bronco restoration. He has an old one that he has been meaning to fix up some and I thought he would like it." I finish writing my note and press the sticky to the book.

Joey pauses what he's doing and looks at me, brows pulled together in deep thought. "So you and this Dalton guy are a thing now? Is that it?" He doesn’t look angry but definitely confused.

"What? No!" I laugh as I walk out from behind the counter to get some coffee ready and make sure the mini fridge is stocked with waters. "I guess you could say we are friends now."

"Hmm. I don't know, Marin."

I know he is concerned for my well-being, but sometimes I feel that my support system is a little
too
supportive.

"Listen, Joey. He's a nice guy. Well, he seems that way, I guess. He helped me, I helped him, and I enjoy talking to him. Dalton is a breath of fresh air. No offense but he’s different than y’all, and maybe that is what I need." As soon as I said the words, I could hear his slight gasp.

"So, you don't need us?" he asks, in mock horror.

I slap him playfully on his shoulder. "It's not that at all! I will always need you guys. It's … I need to step out of my comfort zone, I guess. I have no idea how I will ever get over losing Benji. I probably never will, but I owe it to myself to try, at least. I mean, I should be allowed to make new friends. I can't help but think that if Benji was still here and Dalton was still the one to save me that night, Benji would welcome him into our lives." I turn to face him and he's still standing beside the chairs staring at me.

"You know … you're right, Marin. I'm sorry. It's none of my business anyway. I will always be here for you and will be here to look out for you. I think it's good that you move on. Benji would have wanted that. He would want you to be happy—find someone to love." I know what he means but I am nowhere near that point yet.

I head over to the comfy chair and plop down onto it. "This isn't about love. It's about not sitting on my butt hating life anymore. I'm not sure I will ever be able to love someone else the way I loved your brother, but I can try to be happy with myself." Joey smiles and walks toward me, grabs my hand, and pulls me into his chest. He leans down and kisses the top of my head.

"I love you, and I think Benji would be so proud of you. He would be amazed by what you have accomplished here and he would want you to love someone again. You have too much love caged up in your heart to hold it hostage. Set it free, Marin. I promise you it will be OK." He pulls back and grins. "Just make sure you get my approval of any men in your life first, and you better add Amelia to that list too. She won’t let anyone get through her shields without the third, fourth, and most likely fifth degrees.” He winks and I laugh. I know they want me to be happy, but I also know they will be overprotective.

"So I was thinking of planning a party for Gwenn." I turn and see that he's now made his way back into my office so I head back in there and lean on the doorframe. "Did you hear me? I want to plan a party for Gwenn, what do you think?" He is leafing through the order sheets; I don't tell him that I've already done this.

"I think that’s a good idea. What do you need me to do for it?"

"Well, aren't you friends with the guy that owns Adoro La Torta?"

"Sure am. Amato … great guy. Why?"

"I want to order about 150 cupcakes from there and have an open house style party. But make it be a surprise to her, of course. That way any customers can come as well. I'm sure there will be a few. Can you hook me up? I want to do the party on her last day."

"Marin, that’s only several weeks away. That's pretty short notice and I know he is starting to get knee deep in wedding cakes. I'll see what I can do, though."

"Great! And don't tell Gwenn. I want it to be a surprise. I think I will send her home early that day and then call her back in to sign paperwork … or I'll think of something to get her back here!"

"Sounds good. Now get over here and help me unload these books."

We continue working and chatting for the next hour when it's time to flip the sign and unlock the door. Joey still has a day job to get to. He's a copy editor for the paper and he likes to be in his office by ten at the latest. He gives me a hug as he is walking out the door. "Remember what I said, Marin. It's time to open yourself up. Share your love with someone. Just make sure it's someone that deserves it." He winks and walks out the door passing Edie who is on her way in.