Begin to Begin (19 page)

“Oh, Amelia, I have no idea what I was thinking.” I take a long satisfying drink of my wine before I continue. “I thought … I thought that if I threw on a sexy outfit and went to Dalton’s I could seduce him.” She smiles knowingly.

“So, did you?”

I can’t help the small smile that question causes. “Almost.”

“What do you mean almost?” Leaning in closer to me, I can tell she wants juicy details that I refuse to give her.

“We didn’t have sex if that is what you want to know. No pants were removed.”

Quirking an eye at me she inquires. “But shirts were?”

“Goodness, Amelia, do you really need details?” I glare at her but am met with the same hopeful smirk. “Yes, they were. Well … kind of.” She jumps up and down on the couch like a teenage girl.

“Sit down! You’re going to make me spill my wine!” I choke out through my giggles.

I continue on with the story, and even though they make me blush, I give her the juicy details she wants. I tell her how we were interrupted by his aunt and how I freaked out and wasn’t sure if I was ready for a physical relationship with anyone. Because even though when it’s happening, when Dalton’s lips are on my skin … When I’m not with him, the feeling of guilt consumes me.

“I think you’re falling for him, Marin,” she blurts after a few minutes of silence. “I think you are afraid because you only want to love Benji. But you just won’t give in to the fact that you are allowed to move on. You are allowed to want to be with someone else and still want to make sure justice is served in Benji’s case.” She sighs as she takes my hand. “Marin, listen to me. You have been so different since Benji died. You ended.”

“What do you mean I ended?” I asked, not even sure where she’s going with this.

“The Marin I knew ended. She died with Benji that night. I wasn’t sure I’d ever get her back again. But since Dalton … It’s been a new beginning for you.” She squeezes my hand. “You’re beginning to begin again.”

Her words casus me to shake my head and I open my mouth to speak, but she cuts me off before I have a chance to say anything. “You won’t ever be the same but you will be good again.” She lets out a small laugh. “I mean, come on, Marin, haven’t you noticed that I haven’t been your shadow nearly as much lately?”

Smiling, I nod. “Yeah, I’ve noticed. Not that I don’t love the attention you give me, but it’s been nice." She gives my arm a small nudge and then turns serious again.

“Here’s the thing, I can’t know completely what you are going through. I can only feel through what you are feeling. But before you make that step with Dalton, maybe you need to make peace with your feelings for Benji. Not with what happened to him but come to some kind of understanding. Talk to him.”

“Yeah, maybe you’re right. Maybe I just need a night to talk to Benji, lay everything out there.”

We continue to chat for a few minutes. She fills me in on how things are going with her and Joey. He has pretty much moved in. She still won’t admit that she’s in love with him, but she doesn’t have to. I can see that sparkle in her eyes when she talks about him. Maybe Amelia and I have more in common on that front than she thinks.

Settling in on the couch, me on one end, her on the other, we share a big fluffy blanket and put on some reality TV re-runs. I’m not much for watching television, but reality TV is a guilty pleasure of mine. And Amelia is a complete addict.

We both must have dozed off because the next thing I hear is the door opening. I glance up and see Joey tip toeing inside.

He looks over to the couch and sees that I’m awake and whispers, “Hey, Mare Bear.”

“Hey, Joey.”

“You good?”

“Yeah, I think I am. Just a mini meltdown.”

“Let me take Amelia to bed and I’ll be out. We can talk for a few minutes and then if you would like I can drive you home or are you staying?”

“Nah, I don’t need to stay. I’m gonna head home but I’ll wait.”

I watch him lean down and place a small kiss on Amelia’s forehead. He whispers something in her ear before he lifts her into his arms and carries her to their bedroom. He’s back out in a few seconds and sits down beside me.

“So, you got it pretty bad, huh, Joe.” I smirk.

“Yeah … I guess I do.” He smirks back at me. “I think I love her, Marin.”

“Good. I know she loves you too. You guys are perfect together. She needs you.”

He pulls me into a side hug.

“Yeah, but not as much as I need her.” He doesn’t need to say anything else. I can see the hurt etched in the lines of his face. If there is one person that comes close to knowing how much I miss Benji, it’s Joey. They weren’t just brothers; they were best friends. They relied on each other for everything from the time they were young until adulthood.

“Marin, I need you to hear this.” He pauses, taking both my hands in his and squeezing softly. “I don’t know Dalton but I do know enough to know that he would never hurt you. I also know that Benji would have liked him. I’m not sure if that helps with everything you are struggling with but I just thought you should know that. From me.” I throw my arms around him. I’m not sure why those words coming from him mean so much. Maybe because he is the closest thing to Benji I have left.

“Thank you, Joey.” We sit in silence, staring at the wall for a few more minutes before I sigh and stand up. “Well, I guess I should be heading home.”

“OK. I’ll walk you out.” He slips his flip flops back on and walks out to the parking lot as I follow.

“You know, Joey?” He turns to look at me smiling. “Dalton is coming to Gwenn’s party so you will get to know him a bit more there.”

“Good. I can’t wait to drill him on how he better not hurt you and always take care of you, yada yada yada.”

“Oh, Lord.” I laugh. “Just be nice.” He opens my door for me and I get in.

“I will.”

And I know he’s telling the truth. He will.

The next night, I pick up the car from Sonny’s meeting point and get a bit of a surprise in the process. Not only am I given the car to drop but I am also given a barely out of high school teenager to “ride along” with me. Apparently, he’s in training. He introduced himself as Eli and the kid can’t be a day over eighteen and I should throttle Sonny for pulling a kid this young into this. But I understand where the kid is coming from. I mean … I
was
him.

We have been cruising up the interstate for the last hour in relative silence, the only sound the constant change of radio stations by the kid, when he finally speaks, “I know this sweet thing goes faster than seventy-five. Why are we going so fucking slow?”

Sighing, I glance to the kid. “Listen. First, watch your mouth. Are you even old enough to say fuck? Secondly, I don’t know why Sonny sent you with me, but since you’re here and there’s no turning back now, let me school you on one thing with a transfer. You only go five over the limit. Max. If you go more than that there is a bigger risk of getting pulled over. You get pulled over, it’s all downhill from there.” I should probably pull over. Make him get out. Make him find a way back home because he doesn’t know any better. But I know he would most likely call Sonny. Then everything would be for nothing. All I can do is hope they go easy on the poor kid and he uses this as a learning experience on what not to do with your life. Maybe I can help this kid in the short time he’s with me. If I find out more about him, maybe I can steer him in a more honorable direction.

“So, Eli, how old are you exactly?”

He looks shocked that I’m speaking to him. “Um, nineteen. Well, I’ll be nineteen next week.”

“Cool. So how did you get mixed up with the likes of Sonny and J.R.” Why not just cut to the chase and get right to what I want to know, right?

“He’s a friend of my dad’s. My dad thought that it would be a good learning experience for me to hang out with Sonny and J.R.”

Interesting. Either this kid’s dad is bad news, which is what I would put my money on, or he is clueless and is actually someone that Sonny is scamming.

I decide to be straight with the kid. He needs to know what he’s getting himself into. “Listen, I’m not sure if you understand what all this entails. What Sonny’s all about.”

“Yeah, I know. I might even know more than you know.” He looks pretty smug and I laugh.

“Doubt it kid. Sonny and I go back a long time. I have been connected to him since the beginning. But here’s the thing. He’s trouble. Almost everyone connected to him is trouble. I would hate to see a kid go down this shitty path, and believe me, it’s shitty, when they could possibly have more options for their future.”

He looks to me, listening but skeptical so I continue. “I’ve been trying to get unattached to this ‘business’ for some time now, and it’s not easy. Once you are in you’re in and Sonny isn’t easily reasoned with. Bad things can happen. Really bad things.”

“Like what?” he asks intrigued.

“Oh, I don’t know. You could get caught. You could get hurt or …” I pause, thinking about Marin. “Or you could hurt someone else or someone you care about.”

“Well, that won’t happen because I don’t care about anyone but me. I’m gonna make enough money and then I’m gonna get the fuck out of this town.”

I roll my eyes. It’s just what I thought. He’s just like I was so there’s going to be no changing his mind. “Whatever you say, kid. I just wanted to give you a heads up.” He has a big surprise coming tonight.

******

As we get closer to the drop point, I can’t help but get a little worried. What if the agents aren’t there? What if Sonny is setting me up? He’s been known to have insider information into things like this and then take out the mole. Am I a mole?

Huh? I guess I am now.

My thoughts run wild with the unknown lying a few miles ahead. But one thought sticks out more than the rest.

The thought that this will all be over soon. But not for me.

For Marin.

I pray that she’s going to still be there when all is said and done. It would be more than a lie to say that I won’t be devastated if she leaves me. If she decides that I’m not the man that she thought I was. Hell, I’m not the man
I
thought I was. I’m better.

Looking over to Eli I see that he has fallen asleep at some point and now has drool running down his chin, and I grin at the sight. “Yo, Eli!” I yell. “Get up, we’re almost there.” He jumps at the sound of my voice and looks around groggily.

“OK, good,” he yawns out. “You got a piece for me?”

“A piece? A piece of what?” I ask, confused.

He rolls his eyes. “You know a fucking gun.”

I can feel my eyeballs about fall out of my head. There is no way in hell I’m giving this kid a gun.

“That would be a big fat negative and really, dude, stop saying fuck so much, you’re just a kid. You will never get a classy lady with a mouth like that.”

He turns to me and waggles his eyebrows. “Who says I want a classy lady? I prefer them kinky and dirty.”

Good lord, he’s a pig too. Maybe jail will be good for him after all. “You just think that’s what you want. You will change your mind one day.”

“How do you know? Let me guess, you have a classy lady now?”

“As a matter of fact, I do. Not only is she classy but she’s sweet, and smart, and the sexiest woman alive.”

“Well, good for you Don Juan. I’m not planning on settling down anytime soon so all I’m looking for is some warm pussy to cuddle with at night.”

“Really dude? Then get a cat.”

“Whatever,” he mumbles and looks out the window.

Apparently, he doesn’t wake up in a good mood. Well, his mood is about to get a whole lot worse.

******

Sonny set up the meeting point for the transfer at an old shipyard in Jacksonville.

It’s late, it’s deserted, and it’s eerily quiet. I sure as shit hope everyone is in place for this because as far as I’m concerned, I’m making the drop like normal and Detective Merritt is taking care of everything else. I hope I can trust him.

“Are you sure this is the right place?” Eli breaks in and shatters my concentration.

“Yeah. This is the place,” I say as I spot the small group of men in the south corner of the lot. I see Sonny and J.R. made it here, as usual, and there is also a group of men that I don’t recognize.

“Well, what happens next?” Eli asks nervously.

“We make the transfer and then we go home.” I don’t tell him that he most likely won’t be going home. And as far as I go, I probably won’t be until early into the morning. “Hopefully.”

He glances over at me, and for the first time, I notice he’s scared shitless.

“Listen, kid, if you changed your mind just say the word and I’ll get you out of here before this happens. I’ll tell Sonny you got sick or something and I didn’t want you puking in the car so I dropped you off at a rest area along the way.”

“No way. I’m all in.”

Stupid fucking kid.
“OK. Let’s get on with it then.”

We roll toward the group of waiting people. Mostly men, but I see one woman. Young, tall, fake. You know the type. Fake boobs, fake hair, fake nails.

Well, she’s in for a rude awakening.

The car rolls to a stop, and I leave it running as I get out. Usually, the buyer likes to take the car for a spin before the final transaction is made. Sonny always sends one of his guys along for that ride. Just to be certain the buyer doesn’t decide to take off without completing the buy. But as I step out, Sonny yells to me, “Go ahead and cut her off, D. These fine people are good to go.”

Reaching back in, I turn the car off and pull the keys out. I glance to the kid who is still sitting in his seat. “Eli.” He jerks his head my way. “What are you doing? Get out of the car.”

Giving a quick nod, he reaches for the handle and jumps out of the car.

As I approach the group with the keys in hand, I see the woman is full of excitement.

“Dalton!” Sonny calls. “This is Mr. Kingston and his beautiful bride, Bambi.”

I reach out and shake Mr. Kingston’s hand. He looks like the slime ball I’m sure he is. He has greasy slicked-back hair, pock-marked skin, and his eyes are those of a snakes. “Pleasure,” is my only greeting. I reach out to take Bambi’s hand and place a small kiss on it since I want to make this as real as possible. “It’s nice to meet you, Bambi.”