Begin to Begin (14 page)

"So they got him?" she asks, hopeful.

"Yeah, they got him. Thanks to Dalton." I smile as I remember how comforting he was to me last night.

"Wow, Marin. That's awesome. I'm sure that takes a giant load off of your shoulders. Now they just need to find who murdered Benji."

Shaking my head, I gaze at the big oak tree. There is one hummingbird that always makes an appearance but I don't see him yet this morning. "I'm not sure if they are meant to catch who did it."

She places her cup on the table. "What do you mean?"

"I don't know. I'm just starting to feel like we are fighting a losing battle."

"Oh, honey.” She jumps up off her place on the step and crouches down in front of me, placing her hands on my knees.

“Don’t think like that.” She then wraps her arms around me in a tight hug.

As she hugs me, I blurt out, "Dalton kissed me." She goes completely still and pulls away slowly.

"OK, and how does that make you feel?" I glance again at the tree.

"Sad. Happy. Confused. Angry. Intoxicated. I don't even know. It drummed up so many feelings. I didn't not like it though." I grab my coffee and stand up, I need to get back inside. It doesn't feel right talking about this out here, where Benji rests. Amelia follows behind me.

"You know what I think you need?" Not sure if I want to know the answer, I turn to hear it anyway. “You need a guy in your life. Not necessarily a relationship, unless you are ready for that. But someone to spend time with and to relieve some stress with, no strings attached, if you know what I mean?"

"Jesus, Amelia, I don’t know if I’m ready for that. But I won't deny that I probably do." I rinse our cups out and place them in the dishwasher. “It’s just, I don’t even know how to be with a guy like that again. Benji was my first and only. Dalton is so freaking intense, so unlike Benji. I … don’t know what I want.”

"Well, maybe Dalton is exactly what you need then. He’s the total opposite of Benji. The last thing you need is someone so like Benj that you are constantly comparing the two. Then you will
never
move on and love again. And hey … you can't deny that he's hot as fuck.” She leans back and fans herself. “Geez. If I didn't have Joey and I didn't think you had a thing for him, I'd be on him faster than … Well, let's just say the deed would be done by now," she says with a wink.

I roll my eyes and turn back around and ask, "I thought you didn't like him?"

"I never said that. I don't even know him. And seriously, how can I not like him. He saved your life. I feel like I owe him mine." She grabs her bag from where she left it on the table. "I have to get going. We can talk more later if you want but I say go for it. Benji would want you to move on. He wouldn't want you to end up being the crazy cat lady."

"Hey! I don't even have a cat."

"Not yet!" she yells as she closes the door.

What the heck? I guess I can't get that cat I was thinking about getting. I'd never hear the end of it.

I decided to take the day off today. I didn't get home until late and there are a few things I want to take care of for Gwenn's going away party and I can do them from here. I also want to sit and think about everything. So much has happened in the past couple of weeks that it's been kind of like a whirlwind.

I brought my laptop outside and pulled a lounge chair under Benji's tree. I decided he deserves my attention today. As I sit here looking up party supply vendors on my computer I reminisce back to the day that we decided this was the house for us.

"Mar! Babe! Come out here and see this incredible oak tree," Benji yells from the backyard. I'm still inside checking out the cute but cozy kitchen with the realtor. It could use a little TLC but it's definitely livable.

As I walk out the French doors to the nice sized deck he has himself propped up on the tree like some male model from a calendar and I double over with laughter.

"Get down here and check this thing out!" I do as he asks and walk down through the yard to where he stand.

"It is a beautiful tree." It's probably the biggest Southern oak tree I've ever seen. Its trunk is at least three feet wide.

"You know what I see here, Mar, I see kids in this backyard. Maybe a dog. Birds flocking to this tree. We can hang bird feeders in it and plant flowers back there—" he points to the back corner of the lot "—it will be incredible." He pulls me into a hug and nuzzles my neck. "Maybe we can even have us some alone time under this tree." He waggles his eyebrows and I laugh.

"You're right, I love it all."

"So, are you sold? Should we make an offer?" I beam at him. His always happy demeanor can make the saddest person joyful.

"Yes! Let's do this!" He dips me back and kisses me deep on my lips and I can hear the realtor chuckling in the background. But I don't care. This moment with Benji is all that matters.

This is the first time a memory hasn't triggered tears. "Why is that, Benji? Have I cried all the tears I'm able to cry?" I look to my left at the branches of the stoic oak and notice my friend the hummingbird. He floats above the feeder then zips away, and before I know it, he is hovering again, this time facing me. He's still closer to the branch than me but ten seconds must pass before he zips away again. The crazy bird seems to appear when I need him the most.

I pack up what I was working on and decide to head back inside. I want to call Dalton or at least send him a message to make sure he got home OK and to see if we can meet sometime this weekend to talk. I don't know if I'm ready to step into a romantic relationship but I do know that I'm not ready to cut ties with him. Lately, he's been my anchor.

I grab my phone and flop on the couch.

Me: Hey Dalton, just wanted to make sure you got home OK last night.

Me: And I wondered if we could meet up this weekend......whenever.

I wait a few minutes and there is no indication that he's read the text yet so I decide to get a few things done around this place. He's probably working so it could be a while before he responds.

A couple hours later, my phone rings. I rush to get it thinking it's Dalton but notice that it's Joey.

"Hey, Joey, what's up," I answer casually.

"Just checking in. Wanted to make sure you were OK since you didn't go into the store today."

"I'm fine and you already know that. I'm not dumb. I know you talked to Amelia and she told you about my night," I add, rolling my eyes.

He blows out a loud puff of air. "Am I that transparent?"

"Yes, yes you are. Not to mention I know you almost as well as I knew your brother so I'm surprised it took you this long to call me."

Slowly, Iwalk into the kitchen ready for the third degree from Joey. Since Benji's been gone he has really stepped into the big brother role even though he's younger than me. "So you and Dalton?" he asks.

"It was just a kiss, Joey, it doesn't mean we are settling down together."

"He kissed you?"
he yells into the phone, and I have to remove it from by ear for fear of hearing loss.

"I thought you said you talked to Amelia?"

"Well, I did but she told me you guys went to dinner and then all the details about the catching the guy who attacked you. Nothing about
kissing."

"Calm down, Joseph." A few seconds pass before he says anything. His tone as changed, it's much softer now.

"Do you have feelings for him?" he asks.

"I don't know, Joey. I feel something. Whether it stems from him saving me or something else. I can't deny that I actually
feel
when I'm with him, though. I haven't done that in a very long time."

"I'm sorry I yelled. I just didn't expect … I don't know." I hear him shuffling around in the background. "The only thing any of us wants for you is to be happy. It's time to move on, Marin. The case will go on without you hounding Detective Merritt all the time. Benji wouldn't want you to devote your entire life to it. He would want you to be happy and free of the sadness."

"I know, Joey. I think I really do know that now. It's still hard, though."

"Day by day, sweetheart, day by day," he soothes. And he would know. Other than myself, he was closest to Benji. They were only a year apart in age and they moved to Orlando together from Georgia. They were best friends.

We continue talking for a few minutes. Mostly about Gwenn's party in two weeks and about him possibly moving in with Amelia. I think he would be stupid if he didn't. She can be a handful but anyone can see that they are crazy for each other. And financially, it would be smart for them.

After we hang up, I check the phone again for a message from Dalton. There was nothing.
Hm. I hope that he's OK. Maybe I should call, you know, to make sure that he’s OK.

Hesitantly, I dial his number but I don't press the little green send button for a few moments.
Am I being a pest? Did he lose interest?
That kiss was definitely not from someone who didn't have any interest in me. Before I talk myself out of it, I press the button. It rings four times then goes to voicemail.

"Hey, Dalton, it's me, Marin. Um … I hope you are OK. I texted earlier and haven't heard back so just wanted to check in. Can you call me … anytime? OK, well, I'll talk to you soon. Bye."

After hanging up, I think to myself that the message I left may have possibly been the stupidest message I ever left for someone.

Oh, well, too late now.

Hours pass and I never hear from Dalton. Eventually, I decide to go to bed, still hoping he might call.

I fall asleep when the darkness envelopes my room with my phone still curled in my hand.

The alarm’s buzz wakes me from a restless sleep of only about two hours. I finally got home in the wee hours of morning when the sun was starting to rise. I ran the errand for JR and Sonny. I know they will be contacting me again for something else, at least I hope they will be this time. I need them to still keep contact with me for my plan to work and for them to steer clear of Marin.

It took everything I had in me to not drive by her place last night and watch her house and make sure she was safe. But Sonny was in constant contact with me on the burner phone he gave me so I had a pretty good idea that she was OK and not anywhere near them.

My history with Sonny and JR started when I was a teenager. They had this bright idea that we could start breaking into cars and stealing items to make a quick dollar. I wish that's all it ever was. One thing led to another, and the next thing I knew we were completely wrapped up in gang territories and running a chop shop for the Sol del Sur gang that seems to run most of Florida. I started backing off. Limiting my involvement bit by bit, but I always got sucked back in.

I broke away the first chance I got. Last year, there was a big blow up between the Sol del Sur's and another smaller gang and that gave our chop shop reason to cut our losses and run.

Thinking it was all over and I could move on with running the garage for Uncle Mel was a mistake. I should have known that Sonny and JR would want to pick back up as soon as they could. All those years ago it was something stupid we did for the rush we got and the few dollars it put in our pockets. Now they did it for power. Plain and simple.

Soon they will have no power. Not Sonny. Not JR. Not the Sol del Surs. If Sonny and J.R. go down, they’ll go down with them.

Rolling out of bed I grab my phone—I left it here yesterday as I didn't need any distractions—and see that Marin texted and called. A lot

"Fuck …" I run my hands through my hair in frustration. I'm not sure what to do. I should distance myself from her until all this is done with, but by then, she may want nothing to do with me. Especially when this all comes to a head. I can't even begin to imagine how she's going to take it. I'm sure she will hate me; she’ll more than hate me if it’s possible.

For now, I think it's best if I ignore her. Until I know this shit storm will come to an end soon. I can't take any chances with her life and the more time I spend with her the more intriguing she becomes to Sonny, not to mention she will show up on the gang’s radar.

Throwing the phone back on the table, I grab some clothes and head to the shower. Hopefully, the hot water will clear my head. Something needs to because that kiss is the only thing consuming it right now … and how I want more.

******

I'm in the garage under the Bronco when the door opens to the shop. It's Saturday and we're closed so it could only be Liam or Uncle Mel.

"Well, well, well. Lookie here. It's Dalton doing what he does best," Sonny's voice sneers from above me. I see his feet and want nothing more than to take him out with this wrench in my hand.

Sliding out, I leer at him while I'm still on my back. "What do you want, Sonny? Where's your sidekick today?"

"Don't worry about where he is. He's around. That's all you need worry about." He runs his hand down the Bronco, looking it over. "The more time you spend on this the nicer it gets, but I shouldn't be surprised. You’re the best around."

"Listen, Sonny, whatever you want, get on with it because if my Uncle Mel catches you here, he won't hesitate to blow your head off."

"Aww, I'm offended that the old coot has such negative feelings about me," he says with a pout. "I'm only here to tell you that you did a good job last night. Rico loves the Benz. In fact, he loves it so much that he gave me another contact."

I start shaking my head no but realize that if I want this to work out I need to be all in with him for a little while longer, but I have to keep it off everyone's radar because I can't tell anyone what I'm up to. It could blow the whole plan out of the water.

So instead, I sigh. "When does it need done by?" Sonny beams. I'm sure he came in here thinking he was going to have to threaten me again.

"Not until Thursday, so you have almost a week. The guys in the shop could really use your help finishing it up. Help them out and I'll double your cut." Sonny leans back against the Bronco, crossing his arms across his chest, waiting for my answer.