Beauty for ashes: receiving emotional healing (15 page)
Read Beauty for ashes: receiving emotional healing Online
Authors: Joyce Meyer
Tags: #Religion, #Christian Life - General, #Christian Life, #Christian Theology, #Spiritual Growth, #Family & Relationships, #Religious life, #General, #Child abuse, #Adult child sexual abuse victims, #Meyer; Joyce, #Abuse, #Adult child sexual abuse victims - Religious life, #Spirituality
And also the Holy Spirit adds His testimony to us [in confirmation of this]. For having said, this is the agreement (testament, covenant) that I will set upandconclude with them after those days, says the Lord: I will imprint My laws upon their hearts, and I will inscribe them on their minds (on their inmost thoughts and understanding),
He then goes on to say,And their sins and their lawbreaking I will remember no more.(Hebrews 10:12-17, emphasis mine)
But for us to benefit from God's promised forgiveness, we must receive it by faith.
Many years ago when I was first developing my relationship with the Lord, each night I would beg His forgiveness for my past sins. One evening as I knelt beside my bed, I heard the Lord say to me, "Joyce, I forgave you the first time you asked,
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but you have notreceivedMy gift of forgiveness becauseyouhave not forgiven yourself."Have you received God's gift of forgiveness? If you have and you are ready to do so, ask the Lord to forgive you for your sins right now. Then pray this aloud:
Ireceive Your forgiveness, Lord, for the sin of(name the sin).
It may be difficult to verbalize some of your mistakes an sins from the past, but speaking them forth helps bring the release you need.
One time as I was praying, I asked God to forgive me because (as I put it), "I missed it."
"Missed what?" He asked.
"Well, You know, Lord," I answered, "You know what did."
He did, indeed, know. But for my sake it was made cleartome that I needed to verbalize my sin. The Lord showedthat the tongue is like a dipper reaching down into a well within us and bringing up and out whatever is down there.
Once you clearly ask for the gift of forgiveness, receive it your own and repeat out loud:
Lord, I receive forgiveness for
(name the sin),in Christ Jesus. I forgive myself and accept Your gift of forgiveness as my own. I believe that You remove the sin from me completely, putting it at a distance where it can never be found again-asfar as the East is from the West. And I believe, Lord, that You remember it no more.
You will find that speaking aloud is often helpful to you because by doing so you are declaring your stand upon God's Word. The devil cannot read your mind, but he does under
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stand your words. Declare before all the principalities, powers, and rulers of darkness (see Ephesians 6:12) that Christ has set you free and that you intend to walk in that freedom.Whenyou speak, sound as though you mean it!
If the devil tries to bring that sin to your mind again in the form of guilt and condemnation, repeat your declaration, telling him: "I was forgiven for that sin! It has been taken care of; therefore, I take no care for it." Satan is a legalist, so if you want to, you can even quote the date on which you asked for and received God's promised forgiveness.
Do not just sit and listen to the devil's lies and accusations; learn to talk back to him!
Confess Your Faults to One Another
In James, chapter 5, the way to be healed and restored is madevery clear:
Is anyone among you afflicted (ill-treated, suffering evil)? He should pray. Is anyone glad at heart? He should sing praise [to God].
Is anyone among you sick? He should call in the church elders (the spiritual guides). And they should pray over him, anointing him with oil in the Lord's name.
And the prayer [that is] of faith will save him who is sick, and the Lord will restore him; and if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven.
Confess to one another therefore your faults (your slips, your false steps, your offenses, your sins) and pray [also] for one another, that you may be healedandrestored [to a spiritual tone of mind and heart]. The earnest (heartfelt, continued) prayer of a righteous man makes tremendous power available [dynamic in its working], (jas.5:13-16)
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We are to confess our faults to one another. But this does not mean that every time we sin, we need to confess it to another person. We know that Jesus is our High Priest. We do not have to go to people to receive forgiveness from God. That was the case under the old covenant, but not under the new covenant.What is the practical application of James 5:16? I believe we not only need to know the Word of God, but how to apply it practically to our daily lives. A person can be bleeding and know that he has a bandage, but if he does not know how to apply the bandage, he can bleed to death. Many people have the Word of God, yet they are "bleeding to death" (living in torment), because they do not know how to apply the Word in everyday situations.
I believe that James 5:16 should be applied in this manner. First, be sure you know that man cannot forgive sin-that is God's job. Yet, man can pronounce and declare God's forgiveness to you. Man can agree with you concerning your forgiveness. Someone can even pray for you to be forgiven (see 1 John 5:16), just as Jesus did when He was on the cross praying for those who had persecuted Him to be forgiven.
When do you need to apply this passage? I believe a time to consider placing James 5:16 into action is when you are being tormented by your past sins. Being poisoned inwardly keeps you from getting well-physically, mentally, spiritually, or emotionally.
Once exposed to the light, things hidden in darkness lose their power. People hide things because of fear. Satan pounds at the mind with thoughts such as:What will people say if they learn that I was abused? Everyone will think I'm horrible! I'll be rejected,etc.
In my meetings, numerous people have come to me for prayer, confiding in me, "I have never told this to anyone, butIfeel I need to get it out of my system; I was abused." Often
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they weep uncontrollably. With this weeping, however, often there comes a release that is desperately needed. Hurting people feel safe with me because they know that I was abused also.Now,pleaseunderstand that I am not saying that everyone needs to admit to being abused and to ask for prayer for healing. If you are suffering from the effects of abuse, be led by the Holy Spirit, not only in deciding whether you need to confess to someone, but also in deciding to whom you should make your confession. The person must be carefully chosen. I suggest a mature Christian you know you can trust. If you are married, and your spouse fits these criteria, consider him or her first.
You should know that often when a spouse finds out about the situation, he or she will respond with anger toward the abuser. Therefore before you make your confession you should be sure that your spouse is Spirit-controlled and willing to follow God's leading and not personal feelings.
Your spouse may ask you some questions that you can easily misunderstand if you are not fully prepared for them. For example, when I told my husband about my father sexually abusing me all those years, he asked me, "Did you ever try to get him to stop?" and "Why didn't you tell anyone?" Keep in mind that your spouse may not fully understand your situation and feelings and may just need some answers. In my case, as soon as I explained to my husband that I was controlled by fear, he understood.
The practice of confessing our faults to one another and receiving prayer is a powerful tool to help break bondages. I had been having trouble with jealousy in a certain area for some time, and I certainly did not want anyone to know about it, so I refused to ask for prayer. Instead, I chose to fight it out alone, and as a result made no progress at all. As God gave me revelation on James 5:16, "Confess to one another therefore
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your faults," I came to realize that there were a few areas in my life that were maintaining power over me, simply because I was hiding them and was too proud to bring them out in the open.Fear can cause us to hide things, but pride can do that too. I humbled myself and confessed my problem to my husband, and he prayed for me. After that, I began to experience freedom in that area.
A Word of Caution
Sometimes people relieve themselves of a problem and, in the process, give the problem to someone else. After hearing me teach on the importance of truth, and how hiding things can cause problems, a woman who attended our meetings came to me to confess that she had always disliked me intensely, and had even been gossiping about me. Then she asked me to forgive her, which, of course, I was willing to do. She left excited that she was rid *of her problem, but I was left fighting off bad thoughts about her. I wondered what she had been saying about me, to whom she had been talking, if they had believed her, and how long this had been going on.
Balance, wisdom, and love are key words in the Bible. Operating in these qualities will accelerate your progress. A person who is filled with wisdom and love will think a matter through, seek and receive direction from the Lord, and handle the situation in a balanced way.
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PART TWOBut Now I Am Free
Soif the Son liberates you [makes you free men], then you are reallyandunquestionably free.
John 8:36
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FOR many people, forgiving the one who abused them is the most difficult part of emotional healing. It can even be the stumbling block that prevents healing. Those who have been badly wounded by others know that it is much easier to say the wordforgivethan it is to do it.I have spent a great deal of time studying and praying about this problem, asking the Lord for practical answers to it. I pray that what I have to say to you on this subject will be a fresh approach to a major issue that must be dealt with.
First, let me say that it is not possible to have good emotional health while harboring bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness.Harboring unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping your enemy will die!Unforgiveness poisons anyone who holds it, causing him to become bitter.And it is impossible to be bitter and get better at the same time!
If you are a victim of abuse, you have a choice to make. You can let each hurt or problem make you bitter or better. The decision is yours.
How can a hurt or problem make you a better person? God does not bring hurts and wounds upon you, but once they are
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inflicted upon you, He is able to cause them to benefit you if you will trust Him to do so.God can makemiraclesout of mistakes!
Satan intends to destroy you, but God can take whatever the devil sends against you and turn it to your good. You must believe that or you will despair. As the psalmist wrote long ago, "[What, what would have become of me] had I not believed that I would see the Lord's goodness in the land of the living!" (Psalm 27:13).
Recently I received a letter from a woman who wrote, "I know God did not cause your abuse, but if you had not been abused, you could not have helped me." She continued, "Please don't feel too badly about it, because God is using your pain to set others free."
Many years ago I had a choice. I could choose to remain bitter, full of hatred and self-pity, resenting the people who had hurt me as well as all those who were able to enjoy nice, normal lives, those who had never been hurt as I was. Or, I could choose to follow God's path, allowing Him to make me a better person because of what I had been through. I thank Him that He gave me grace to choose His way rather than Satan's way.
God's way is forgiveness.
I remember when I first started trying to walk with God. One evening I realized that I could not be full of love and hate at the same time. So I asked the Lord to remove the hate from me that had been there for so long. It seemed as though He reached down inside me and just scooped it out. After that experience, I never hated my father again, but I still resented him, disliked him, and was uncomfortable when I was around him. I wanted to be free from all the sour feelings and bad attitudes inside me, but the "how to" was a big question for me.
As I continued to study and meditate on the Word of God and to fellowship with the Holy Spirit, the Lord taught me
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many things. I would like to share with you what I have learned in the years of my progression toward complete healing.Steps to Emotional Healing
First, you must choose God's way of forgiveness. He will not force it on you. If you want to lead a victorious life and enjoy full emotional health, you must believe that God's way is best. Even if you do not understand it, choose to follow it. It works.
Next, learn about God's grace. Grace is the power of the Holy Spirit that comes to us to help us accomplish God's will. James says of God, "But He gives us more and more grace (power of the Holy Spirit, to meet this evil tendency and all others fully). That is why He says, God sets Himself against the proud and haughty, but gives grace [continually] to the lowly (those who are humble enough to receive it)" (James 4:6).10
You may choose to forgive, and yet still have to struggle with frustration because you are attempting to forgive in your own strength, when you need the strength of the Lord. The prophet Zechariah tells us that it is "not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit. . . says the Lord of hosts" (Zechariah 4:6).
It is not necessary for you to be face to face with your abusers in order to benefit by forgiving them in your heart. In fact, even if those who abused you are no longer living, you will still enjoy great freedom if you choose to release their sins against you.
After choosing to forgive, and realizing that you cannot forgive without God's help, pray and release each person who hurt you. Repeat this prayer aloud:
