Beauty for ashes: receiving emotional healing (14 page)

Actually, we do not need to believe in ourselves-we need to believe in Jesus in us. We do not dare feel good about ourselves apart from Him. When the apostle Paul instructs us to "put no confidence in the flesh" (see Philippians 3:3), he means just what he says-do not put confidence in yourself, or in anything you can do apart from Jesus.

We do not need self-confidence; we need God-confidence!

Many people spend their whole lives climbing the ladder of success only to find that when they get to the top, their ladder was leaning against the wrong building. Others struggle, trying to behave well enough to develop a measure of confidence in themselves, only to endure repeated failures. Both of these activities produce the same results: emptiness and misery.

I have found that most people fall into one of two categories: (1) They never accomplish anything, no matter how hard they try, and end up hating themselves because of their lack of achievement, or (2) they have enough natural talent to accomplish great things, but take all the credit for their achievements, which fills them with pride. Either way, they are a failure-in the eyes of God.

The only truly successful person in God's eyes is the individual who knows he is nothing in himself, but everything in Christ. Our pride and boasting are to be in Jesus alone, and He is to have all the glory (credit due) for whatever accomplishments we may achieve.

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In actuality, every person does have confidence (faith). The Bible confirms this fact in Romans 12:3. We are all born with a certain amount of faith; the important thing is where we put it. Some put their faith in themselves, some in other people, some in things-and then there are those who actually put their faith in God.Do not be concerned about yourself, your weaknesses, or your strengths. Get your eyes off of yourself and onto the Lord. If you are weak, He can strengthen you. If you have any strength, it is because He gave it to you. So either way, your eyes should be on Him and not on yourself.

Without true confidence (in Jesus), you will create many complicated problems for yourself. Here is a partial list:

You will never reach your full potential in Christ (as we have discussed in detail).

Your life will be ruled by fear and filled with torment.

You will never know true joy, fulfillment, or satisfaction.

You will grieve the Holy Spirit Who is sent to bring God's plan to pass in your life but Who is never able to do so without your cooperation.

You will open for yourself many doors of endless torment: self-hatred, condemnation, fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of man, perfectionism, people-pleasing (which eliminates the possibility of being a God-pleaser), control and manipulation by others, etc.

You will lose sight of your right to be an individual-the right to be yourself.

This last danger is the one I would like to examine now. We have looked at the others to some degree in the first part of the book, but this last one is of major importance and deserves more consideration.

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Confidence to Be an IndividualIn 1 Corinthians 3:16-17 and Romans 12:4-6, Paul teaches us that all of us make up one body, yet each of us is an individual member of that body. This is a truth that is very important for us to grasp because we make ourselves miserable and stifle the power of God in us when we try to be something or someone we were not designed to be.

We have often heard it said that we all came out of different molds, meaning that no two of us are exactly alike. There is nothing wrong with being different from each other! God had a purpose in creating each of us differently. If He had wanted us to be alike, He could easily have made us that way. Instead, our uniqueness was so important to Him that He even went to the extreme of giving each of us a different set of fingerprints!

Being different is not bad; it is God's plan!

We are all part of one plan, God's plan. Yet each of us has a different function, because each of us is an individual.

I defineindividualas separate, distinguished by specific attributes or identifying traits, distinct or unique.

For years I thought I wasweird-now I know that I amunique!There is a big difference. If I were weird, it would indicate that something about me got messed up and did not turn out the way it should have; while my being unique indicates that there are no others like me, and therefore I have special value. You should believe that you are unique, special, and valuable.

Don't Try to Be Someone Else

One of my unique identifying traits is my voice. Most women have soft, sweet voices, but mine is deep and firm. Quite often when someone who does not know me calls our home,

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he will think the man of the house has answered the phone. I was not always comfortable with this very unique trait; in fact, I was insecure about it. I thought my voice was just plain weird!When God called me to teach His Word, and I began to realize that I would one day be speaking over public address systems (loud speakers) and even have a radio and television ministry, I was terrified! I thought that surely I would be rejected because I sounded so different from the way Ithoughta woman should sound. I was comparing myself with what I perceived as normal.

Have you ever compared yourself with someone else? How did it make you feel?

We are not to compare ourselves with others, but let Jesus be our example and learn to reflect the presence and personality of the God Who indwells us.

Diamonds have many facets. God is like a flawless diamond, and each of us represents a different facet of Him. He has placed an expression of Himself in each of us, and we corporately make up His Body. What if our bodies were totally made up of mouths or ears, arms or legs? We would have no trouble speaking or hearing, carrying, or walking, but what about the other functions? What a mess we would be if it had been God's intention to make us all exactly alike.

Why is it that we struggle so much trying to be like someone else, instead of simply enjoying who we are? Because we believe the lies of the devil. We believe him, that is, until we hear the truth of God's Word, and the truth that we believe sets us free.

God's grace will never be available to you to become another person. He created you to be you-the best"you"you can be! Forget about trying to be someone else. That is always a mistake, because usually the person you choose to be like,

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the person who "has it all together," is not the way you Let me give you some examples:Example One

At one point in my life I decided that my pastor's wife was the "ideal woman." She was (and still is) a sweet lady: petite, cute, blonde, soft-spoken, gentle, mild, and endowed with the gift of mercy. I, on the other hand, with my deep voice and straightforward, blunt personality, did not seem very sweet, gentle, mild, or merciful. I tried to be that way, without much success. I actually attempted to lower the volume level of my voice and change the sound of it to seem more "feminine," but I only ended up sounding phony.

This lady and I could not seem to get along. Though we wanted and tried to be friends, it just did not seem to work out. Finally, a confrontation between us revealed that I was not really enjoying her because her presence put me under pressure to be like her. The really interesting thing that we both discovered was that Satan had sold her the same pack of lies I had bought; she was struggling to be more like me! She was trying to be less fragile and more forceful, to deal with people and things more directly and with greater boldness. It is no wonder that we could not have a successful relationship-we were each being pressured by the other!

Remember this:God said that we "shall not covet"(Exodus 20:17)-and that includes someone else's personality.

Example Two

My next-door neighbor was a sweet girl who was gifted in many different ways. She sewed, had a garden and canned vegetables, played guitar and sang, did various kinds of arts and crafts, wallpapered, painted, wrote songs-in short, all the

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things I could not do. Since I thought I was "weird" anyway, I did not appreciate the talents I did have. I only thought about what abilities I lacked and all the things I could not do.Since I was called by God to teach and preach His Word, my desires were different from those of many of the women I knew. While they were attending interior decorating parties, I was home praying. I was very serious about everything. It seemed to me that there was something very heavy going on inside me. While other women were relaxing and having a good time, I was constantly comparing myself to them, always feeling that something had to be wrong with me. This kind of feeling occurs when people are shame-based and insecure about who they are in Christ.

I did need to learn to "lighten up" a bit and have some fun, but God was doing something in me that needed to be done. He was causing me to see the mess that some people's lives were in, and calling me to help them out of that mess through His Word. I needed to be affected by the weight and seriousness of other people's problems.

I was in a waiting period during which God was not using me; it was a time of preparation, stretching, and growing which lasted about one full year. During that year I decided it was time for me to become what I called a "regular woman." I bought a sewing machine and took some sewing lessons. I hated it, but forced myself to continue. Sewing was not something at which I excelled either. When a person has not been gifted in an area, he is just plain no good at it.

Sewing was such a struggle for me! I kept making mistakes that caused me to feel even worse about myself. I finally managed to get through enough sewing lessons to make a few garments for my family, which they dutifully wore.

I also decided that I should grow and can tomatoes. They were just beginning to look good, almost ready to be harvested, when a swarm of bugs attacked them overnight and

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left huge black holes in all of them! But I was determined to can tomatoes because I had already purchased all the canning equipment. So I went to the farmers' market and bought a bushel of tomatoes! I worked and sweated, sweated and worked, until I finally got those tomatoes canned! Once again, I hated and despised every second of it, but thought I was proving that I was "regular."Through these very painful experiences, I learned that I was miserable because God would not help me be something that He had not created me to be. I am not to be someone else-I am to be me, just as you are to be you.

Be Yourself!

You have a right to be yourself! Do not let the devil steal that right from you!

If someone you know is a good Christian example in manifesting the character of the Lord or the fruits of the Holy Spirit, you may Want to follow his example. The apostle Paul said, "PATTERN YOURSELVES after me [follow my example], as I imitateandfollow Christ (the Messiah)" (1 Corinthians 11:1). Following a person's example is entirely different from trying to be like that individual in personality or gifts.

I strongly encourage you to think this over: Are you accepting the fact that you were not created like everyone else, that you are a unique individual? Are you enjoying your uniqueness, or are you at war with yourself as I was?

So many people are waging a private war inside themselves, comparing themselves to almost everyone they come near, which causes them to judge themselves or the other person. They conclude either that they should be like other people, or that others should be like them.

Lies.'

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None of us should be like anyone else. Each of us should be the facet of the Lord that He intends for us to be-uniquely individual-so that corporately we may accomplish God's plan and bring glory to Him.

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Forgiveness Frees You to Live AgainReceiving forgiveness for past mistakes and sins, and giving others for their mistakes and sins, are two of most important factors in emotional healing.

Forgiveness is a gift given to those who do not deserve it.

God wants to begin our process of forgiving those who hurt us by giving us the gift of forgiveness first. When we confess our sins to Him, He forgives us of our sins, puts themaway from Him as far as the East is from the West, andremembers them no more.

When you are tempted to look back, remember the promises of these scriptures:

If we [freely] admit that we have sinnedandconfessoursins, He is faithful and just (true to His own nature an promises) and will forgive our sins [dismiss our lawlessness] and [continuously] cleanse us from all unrighteousness

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[everything not in conformity to His will in purpose, thought, and action]. (1 John 1:9)As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.

As a father lovesandpities his children, so the Lord lovesandpities those who fear Him [with reverence, worship, and awe].

For He knows our frame, He [earnestly] remembers and imprints [on His heart] that we are dust. (Psalm 103:12-14)

Whereas this One [Christ], after He had offered a single sacrifice for our sins [that shall avail] for all time, sat down at the right hand of God, then to wait until His enemies should be made a stool beneath His feet.

For by a single offering He has forever completely cleansedandperfected those who are consecratedandmade holy.