Beautifully Awake (29 page)

C
hase fished through his wallet before yanking out a white card. He swiped it over the keypad just outside the car window, allowing the gate to open and for us to pass. The large white sign read
KimCore
. So this was his company.

Our ride from Cape Cod was
relatively
quiet. For the most part we made idle chitchat while I focused on how Chase brought me to a place I never thought possible. A place of love and happiness. But I also knew Chase was seeking closure, and returning to Boston, where his sister died and was laid to rest, was weighing heavily on his shoulders. This visit was crucial to his healing process. And important for the health and progression of our relationship.

My phone chirped inside my bag, pulling me out of my head. From its muffled sound I assumed it was somewhere in the bottom of the endless pit. Chase smirked as I dug deeper.

“Blue, truth. That’s the worst fucking bag I’ve ever seen,” he teased while slowly driving through the parking lot.

“Hey. It was a gift and it’s designer.”

“It’s luggage. It’s got to go.”

I scrunched my nose in protest, which lasted all of two seconds. He shrugged his broad shoulders, looking adorable, as if to say—
what, am I wrong?
We both laughed, relieving the tension we refused to admit was building in the car once we hit Boston.

Chase parked the car. “Tell you what, after lunch, we’ll go shopping and replace your designer luggage with something that doesn’t weigh as much as you. Sound good?” His knuckles softly brushed across my cheek, reaching my lips, where I gladly returned the sentiment with a kiss.

“Sounds good,” I said, because it did.

It had nothing to do with a bag or shopping, it was the promise of later. Of us being an us. No more second-guessing. Chase expected me to object like I always did when he talked about buying me things, but his expression changed when he realized I wasn’t going to protest, at least not this time.

“So?” Chase nodded toward the phone I’d finally found. I had to admit he was right—the damn bag was annoying.

“Oh, it’s the buyer of the luggage. She just wanted to say
thank you
again. They’re on the train.”

“Do you think Sierra’s pissed you didn’t go home with her?” His tone implied the answer didn’t really matter. Dr. Possessive was back in full effect.

“No, she was fine with it. I think she’s warming up to you.” That was the truth. Sierra wasn’t surprised in the least when I told her this morning at breakfast that I wouldn’t be traveling back with her and Dodd.

“
Warming
. Really? That’s what you call it. Let’s make sure you pick her out a bag this afternoon too. That way we can try and expedite the
thaw.
” Chase winked, and I chuckled. He was freaking adorable when he wanted to be. “Come on, let’s go.”

I glanced around. The parking lot was dead. It was Sunday; I probably shouldn’t have been surprised. “Not a slave driver, huh?”

He smirked at my joke and made his way around the front of the car. “I wanted to give you the private tour.” Grabbing my ass, he dipped his head down and sucked on my bottom lip. “Hmm. So much for private,” he mumbled against my lips. Chase must have heard the car, because I sure as hell didn’t. The only thing I heard was my pulse jack-hammering in my throat like it was our first kiss.
Please God, in the name of all things holy, don’t let that ever change
.

Chase kissed my nose, and then we watched the black Porsche Cayenne pulling up alongside us.
I really do love the kissing the tip of my nose thing too.

The dark tinted window slid down, revealing a snickering Asher. “Waiting for me, or was I interrupting?”

“Nice to see you too, asshole,” Chase huffed, removing his hand from my ass to give Ash one of those guy fist bumps through the window.

Asher hopped out of the car and kissed me on the check. “Gorgeous as always, Lili, great to see you smiling.”

I had to admit—Asher’s wink was sexy, but paled in comparison to Chase’s.

“C, always a dick, but I expect nothing less. Let’s get you two inside before you put on a show for our parking lot cameras. I’m sure the security guards wouldn’t mind though.” He laughed and shook his head. “Boss and his girl going at it.”

“Watch it, Ash, my knuckles are healed, but your cheek is looking pretty tempting.”

I knew Chase was teasing, but I winced, now knowing the reason for his battered hands.

“Enough, tough guys. Think I might get to see the inside of this place anytime soon? I’m expecting the deluxe tour.”

Chase possessively tucked me into his side. It was my turn to laugh. Like he had anything to worry about.

“So you two are staying with me tonight, right?”

“Yeah, if you don’t mind. Got a few things to take care of this afternoon, but thought we could all grab some dinner, hang out tonight.”

My heart sped up a little thinking about the heavy day in front of us.

“Of course I don’t mind. Sounds great. Must be nice, huh, being able to take off whenever you fucking feel like it? Slacker, I’ve got to try that.” He oozed sarcasm, jabbing Chase with his elbow.

“Yeah, I can see how rough you’ve got it, jackass.”

I failed to share in their humor; instead, I rolled my eyes remembering that
I
hadn’t actually taken tomorrow off.
I
wasn’t even part of that decision. Unbeknownst to me, Chase had called my supervisor and told her I wouldn’t be in. Although nothing—I mean absolutely nothing—would have stopped me from being here with Chase,
I
needed to make that call. Needless to say, explaining the concept of boundaries to Dr. P filled in the areas when we weren’t making idle chitchat on our ride from the Cape to Boston. As I should have predicted, Chase had zero patience for such a discussion and opted for distraction. Damn him. This topic would be revisited, whether Dr. Bossy liked it or not … and when his
miracle
fingers were out of reach and unable to dissolve my irritation in seconds flat.

“Cool. We should hang low and get some take-out.”

“Ash, that sounds great,” I said.

Hang low sounded perfect. I was totally exhausted. But all the reasons
why
I was so wiped trumped my fatigue. At three in the morning Chase had snuggled into my side, long after I lost count, and breathlessly whispered that I was his favorite reason to lose sleep. I had no argument. None. Zero. Who needed sleep? So totally overrated. I smiled to myself.

However, my smile faded when we walked through the sleek marble lobby—a modern masterpiece—and past a life-sized black and white portrait of Chase’s sister. No name on a sad brass plaque underneath, just a massive oak framed picture; an exquisite piece of art. It was Kimi.
KimCore
. Her long hair cascaded down her petite frame, and her eyes shined bright, even in the absence of color. I knew they were a beautiful shade of blue, from the photos I saw and from how Chase described her. But in this portrait, towering larger than life, her eyes sparkled a magnificent crystal grey. The color of rare sea glass. I was staring at Chase’s eyes. She looked like exactly what she was, a seventeen-year-old ready to take on the world. The scripted quote that trailed along the bottom read:
A selfless life was dedicated toward creating a better life for others.
The meaning of those simple words confirmed that Kimi’s life was not wasted. Because of Chase. His strength, his determination, his undying love for his sister saved and created better lives for an infinite number of people after her. Chase gave her a beautiful life.

Asher shuffled us toward the elevator. It was no surprise that we didn’t linger in the lobby. Instead, I witnessed Chase’s conflicting emotions as we moved through a series of long hallways. Happy to show me around, yet somber, his shoulders appeared heavier. He explained how and where the actual equipment was constructed. It was truly amazing, all of it. But thick melancholy loomed in the air. Asher seemed oblivious or was used to ignoring it. Probably the latter. He covered by talking non-stop about all of Chase’s accomplishments and the company’s performance. Asher was clearly proud of their success. I realized Chase never allowed himself to feel accomplished; his guilt and grief were always in the way. This place—his company—was an epiphany of pure greatness stemming from his worst nightmare. How did you recover from something like that? I squeezed his hand and softly smiled up at him. I hoped one day he could enjoy his success without the extra weight. But deep inside I wasn’t sure that would ever happen. We walked most of the way in silence, listening to Asher chatter. I never let go of his hand. He never let go of mine. We weren’t running anymore. This was us for the long haul.

“C, since we’re here. You mind running into the office real quick and signing the final copies of the paperwork for the real estate transaction in Wrangel?”

“Wrangel?” I questioned. Chase shot Asher lethal eye daggers. “What’s in Wrangel?”

No sooner had the words left my mouth, it freaking hit me—my conversation with my dad. Fuck-face’s family restaurant closed because the strip mall was bought and being renovated. It was way too coincidental. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to jump into his arms and thank him or be pissed. I stewed on my emotions several seconds too long.

He hugged me tight to his chest. Intensity brewed. “You think I’m going to let you in a less than three hundred mile radius of that selfish fuck? Don’t think that I haven’t mapped out how many miles it is from Philly to Wrangel. And when you want to visit your dad and Sharon, when you want to go home, now you can ... anytime you want, and I can breathe easy.”

I almost smiled. Almost.

Something surged inside me, wanting to bubble over. An emotion, a calm. I couldn’t describe it. I just knew I needed to remember this feeling.

“Thank you,” I whispered against his lips.
From the bottom of my heart that you pieced back together.
“I love you.” I really, really did.

“Well, thank fuck. I was sure my ass was fucking toast.” Asher dramatically wiped his brow, and I laughed at his theatrics. Not that he was too far off.

I turned back to face Chase. “I wish you had told me though.”

He paused for a second, choosing his words carefully. “And if I told you, what would you have said? Baby, you gave me a hard time over a pair of fucking shoes. You’re telling me you would have been fine with me buying half of Main Street? Come on, Blue, truth.”

Okay. Definitely not. He unexpectedly looked away, breaking our eye contact. He looked ... embarrassed.

“Besides, we weren’t really speaking at the time.”

Ouch. Even though we were so far beyond it, I didn’t want to rehash my heartache the weeks Chase turned his back on me when I needed him the most. The weeks he physically tortured himself drowning in his own darkness. I had been so wrong, about a lot of things.

“You’re right.” Truth. “Just promise me next time you feel like doing something crazy you talk to me first.”

“Crazy? Baby, you should thank Ash here for talking me off the ledge of crazy. Buying a fucking strip mall sure as shit wasn’t
my
first choice and isn’t even close to crazy enough in my book, but it gets the job done.” He was dead serious.

Asher seconded the notion with a mix of relief and
you-don’t-want-to-know
written all over his face. Yeah, I didn’t want to know.

“Okay.” That’s all I said. I would walk through fire for this man. How could I fault him for wanting to do the same for me?

He drew me into a deep, lengthy kiss, only to release me to murmur against my lips, “Love you, Blue.”

I was anything but pissed. I was grateful he had eliminated the only reason I hated my hometown in a blink of an eye. He kept his promise, that bastard was never going to hurt me again.

“Shit, I need to find myself a woman” was all we heard before we watched Asher striding down the hall. “Later! Meet you at my apartment,” he shouted over his shoulder. “Try to keep the porn to a minimum. Last thing I need is to clean up that mess all fucking week.” We both laughed out loud. “And sign the damn paperwork so I can stop chasing your ass down.”

“W
ine, beer ... what can I get you, Lil?” Asher asked.

Asher’s high-rise penthouse apartment was in the center of Boston, showcasing panoramic views from each room. The modern simplicity of the designer space flowed seamlessly. Perfect for entertaining, of which I was sure Asher did his fair share. The black hardwood floor and streamlined furniture was sleek, yet inviting. The masculinity of the sparse dark accents and the enormous billiard table sitting under a modern chandelier, which I only assumed was supposed to be the dining room, screamed bachelor pad.

“Wine. Thanks, Ash.”

Asher left for the kitchen and I strolled up to the window to enjoy the city lights.

Chase snaked his arms around my waist and kissed my neck. “Whatcha thinking ’bout, beautiful?”

“Just how lucky I am.” On so many different levels. The most superficial was standing in yet another living room, enjoying the million dollar views of yet another spectacular city. And on the deepest level, how this man loved me so unconditionally.

“You know I love you more than anything, Blue.”

“I know.” Because I did. We had spent the afternoon wandering through the cobblestone alleys of Boston. Girl coffee in one hand; Chase’s warm fingers entwined with mine in the other. Life was nearly perfect. And several designer shops later, my niece-to-be as inspiration, I decided on an amazing Gucci soft stirrup
pink
tan python shoulder bag to replace my oversized luggage. And Chase insisted on a bag for Sierra. So I chose the dark pink nylon Guccissima diaper bag. Sierra was going to flip. And I was pretty sure the deep freeze would officially be over.

Asher came back and handed me a glass of red wine.

“Thanks, Ash, your view is fantastic.”

Asher opened the terrace door. “Thanks, come see the best part. It’s a gorgeous night.”

“You guys go. I’m gonna hop in the shower before dinner.” Chase kissed my cheek and walked toward the bedrooms, while Asher and I walked outside. It was warm, a little muggy and not much of a breeze. Typical for August.

“You like Boston?” I asked.

“Yeah, came here after college for law school, and you know...” He didn’t need to finish his sentence; I got it. That was only a year after Kimi died. Chase was in Boston and had two years of med school to finish. Alone. “Anyway, kind of got sucked in ... being a finance lawyer in a city like Boston is the place to be. Besides, gotta keep an eye on Chase’s investments, while, you know, he plays doctor and all.” We laughed..

“Seems like the company does well.” I sipped my pinot noir. Not that I cared if it filed chapter eleven. If Chase were bankrupt, I’d probably love him even more. No question.

“Yeah, well, your guy worked his fucking ass off to be where he is today. On top of being a world-class neurosurgeon, he redefines entrepreneur and real estate mogul without jack shit from his parents. Did you know he went to college and med school on a full academic scholarship? Fucking sick.” Ash swigged his beer.