Beautifully Awake (33 page)

Now it was his turn to laugh. “I never said I fucking liked the fact that my girl was sitting so close to another man on a secluded bench by a river, especially a man with proven feelings for her. Don’t think for a second I forgot he kissed you, for Christ’s sake. All I’m saying is don’t be surprised if Dr. Hunter doesn’t have a whole lot of free time. He wants to operate, he’s in luck—he’s going to operate his fucking fingers off.”

I shook my head and smirked. My Dr. Jealous wasn’t that far back, but we were good. Mmm. Chase and I were better than good.

W
ow. Friday snuck up on me. I loved the four-day work week, especially when you were lucky enough to go to sleep and wake up in the arms of your dream man. Was that corny? Yeah, it probably was, but I really didn’t care. It was the truth. My truth.

Our relationship was solidified by the hospital grapevine, and for the most part, everyone was finally sick of discussing us. Jack seemed to be keeping Leanne entertained with their own sexcapades. She finally let up on the daily sabotage where she drilled me for the play by play. I thought Sierra was bad, but Leanne blew her out of the water when it came to gossip and sex. Damn, that girl knew how to make me blush.

Even Guy and I had a run in, oddly enough in the stairwell this time, and he seemed to be
okay
. It was time to stop tiptoeing around his feelings as Chase so
kindly
suggested. So when Guy half sarcastically asked, “So you and Colton, huh?” I went the honest route. My friend deserved that. “Yeah. We’re good, really good.” He assured me our friendship was solid, with a
doll, you’re stuck with me
. And that’s why I loved Guy. So accepting. Just a genuinely nice guy with a killer dimple. So now that all was wonderful in Lili world, I was ready to start my last weekend of the summer.

My dad and Sharon were visiting us next weekend for Labor Day to celebrate my birthday. And even though I was thrilled they were coming, I selfishly loved that Chase and I had this weekend to ourselves. A quiet drama-free two days. A normal weekend. We had yet to do normal.

Tonight I planned to surprise Chase with a romantic dinner since he always beat me to it. Plus, I always wanted to try Ethiopian food. The vision of Chase’s big frame crouched on the floor, criss-cross-applesauce, eating with his hands made me smile. I grabbed my phone to call for the reservation and saw the missed calls and text.

Call me ASAP.

There’s a vice squeezing my belly!

Was I just dreaming about a quiet weekend? Shit.

“
L
il, thank god, what took you so long?” Sierra picked up on the first ring. “I’m not in labor, right? I can’t be in labor, I’m only thirty-six weeks. I thought this little shit needed to cook for forty weeks.”

I chuckled because I just couldn’t help it. “Um, Sier, hi! And yes it’s possible you’re in labor—people have babies early all the time—but maybe you’re just having those Braxton Hicks contractions.”

“Shit, Dodd’s gonna kill me. He told me we shouldn’t have had sex this morning because I could go into labor. And now he’s on a goddamn plane for the next six hours. Fuck, I told him he didn’t know what the hell he was talking about—we had four more weeks. I practically shoved his dick inside me. I’m such a horny bitch.”

I laughed so freaking hard I couldn’t talk.

“Quit your freaking laughing … ah shit!”

“What! You’re contracting?”

“No. I’m looking at my sucky toes. I need a pedicure stat. This chick is screwing with my plans.”

“You’re worried about your freaking nails and you might be in labor. Do me a favor before you rush to the nail salon ... call the doctor and I’ll meet you there. If you’re in labor we need Dodd on the next flight home. I’m not dealing with your craziness by myself.”

“All right, ass, I’m calling. I’ll text you when I have my appointment time.”

“K, bye. Oh and Sier, you’re so not in labor because we’ve been chatting at least five minutes and you haven’t contracted once.”

“Hey, just ‘cuz you’re
fucking
a doctor, doesn’t make you a doctor. Hell ... who am I kidding? You’re probably right, this sucks.”

“You’re a nut.
Just call the doctor
.”

“Fine.”

“Good. Then text me ... and Sier, I’m so excited for you. It’s really close, you know. You’re almost at the finish line. Hang in there.”

“Me too. Thanks.”

She was so not in labor, but that didn’t stop my excitement from bubbling to the surface. I was borderline giddy when I hung up the phone. It was crazy how the past eight months flew by. For me, at least. Sierra was going to be a mom.

6:15 tonight OB appt.

C u there.

Call if anything changes.

K.

Thx aunt lili!

Well, no sticky finger dinner for two. At least not tonight. But I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Sierra had dropped so much of her life for me over the years it was my turn. My honor. Chase could handle a night solo.

“C
losed, long and firm. What the fuck is that?” Sierra hissed, a little too loud.

I closed the exam room door behind us. “Shhhh ... at least wait until we are outside.”

Oh, she was pissed, and not because the office staff left us in the exam room for over an hour before her doctor came in to examine her.

“Lil, this sucks. Long and firm. What the hell? I’m never going into labor.”

Disappointment was written all over her face. I felt bad for her. Hell, I was even a little disappointed. “You’re only thirty-six weeks, you don’t want to go into labor yet. You even said she needed to cook for forty weeks. This is a good thing. And you heard your OB, her growth is good, her fluid is good. She’ll come when she’s ready. Besides, now you have a chance to get your pedicure, and if I remember correctly, you were pissed just a couple hours ago when you thought you couldn’t get it.”

Sierra rolled her eyes even though she knew I was right. Typical. She scheduled her appointment for next week at the front desk. Her manners were ... questionable, but she held it together, for the most part. The clock above the receptionist read eight fifteen. It was late. I was hungry; Sierra was cranky. Not my vision of how I wanted tonight to go down. We turned to leave the reception area, and sitting in the waiting room by the door was six feet plus of beautiful, head down, concentrating on his iPad.

I rubbed the nape of Chase’s neck to get his attention. “Hey, what are you doing here?” His hair was getting a little long. He needed a haircut. It looked amazing.

He wasn’t startled or surprised, like he’d been waiting a while. “How’d you do?” His voice was ... sincere. He didn’t answer my question but looked straight up to Sierra instead. I loved that.

Sierra shrugged. “False alarm. It’s a good thing, I guess.” She glanced back at me, then back at Chase. “Shit. I totally ruined your night, didn’t I? I’m sorry.”

Chase flipped the cover over his iPad to close it and stood up. “You didn’t ruin anything, just glad everything turned out okay.”

I smiled and squeezed Sierra’s hand. “We can eat on the floor with our hands anytime. Whatever.”

“Like now, hungry?”

Oh. Awkward. “It’s late, Chase. And I want to make sure Sierra gets home. Besides, I canceled our reservation.” I had called him earlier, spilled the beans about the night I planned and promised to make it up to him.

Chase didn’t bat an eye. “We have to eat. Let’s go, my car is outside. Of course I’m going to make sure Sierra gets home ... after I feed her.” He winked at both of us. “I changed the reservation. For three. But Blue, sorry to bust your bubble, Sierra and I are
not
sitting on the floor.” Sierra chuckled and smiled. She smiled so big my heart could have burst from my chest. Was this man for real? Screw a fancy diaper bag, this meant the world to me.

Ethiopian food was delicious. Not at all what I expected. Thankfully, Dr. Sophisticated ordered for the table because the menu was pure hieroglyphics to Sierra and me. We ate with our hands, made a huge mess, and talked about everything and nothing. Chase told us the little boy hooked up to the KimCore had done really well and was going home in a couple of days. Then he told us about a really tough case he had and even casually admitted Guy was a big help in the OR. Sierra and I recapped some of the latest CJ and Kate drama, wondering why we still hadn’t met him and when she was going to realize she deserved better. I hinted at a possible Asher, Kate introduction. Chase shot my idea down, “Forget it, Blue.” We talked about my dad and Sharon’s upcoming visit and somewhere I found the courage to mention Wrangel’s changing Main Street. Sierra knew fuck-face and family were
relocating
, but she had no idea Chase now owned the property and evicted them. I kept it quiet for now because even broaching this topic was huge for me. Sierra knew it and so did Chase. Surrounded by the two people who knew me better than anyone, I couldn’t have felt safer or more loved. They both supported me in their own way, the way I needed. Chase scooted his chair a hair closer, entwined our fingers and pressed our hands against his thigh under the table. His eyes never wavered from mine. And Sierra did what Sierra does and changed the subject at the first hint I was getting uncomfortable.

“So who would have guessed?” She slapped her sassy hands on the sides of her plate, drawing us back from the heaviness starting to surround our small table. Her grin was mischievous; her focus on Chase as she picked up her wine glass motioning a toast. It was seltzer all around tonight. Chase was driving, and even though I said I was too tired for wine, that was a lie. Knowing Chase’s demons with drinking and driving, I had no desire. If
we
were driving,
we
weren’t drinking. Period.

“Turns out you and my cervix have something in common, or so I’ve heard.”

Ummmm??

Sierra clinked our glasses. “To long and firm!”

Oh my god. Going to kill her.

I turned seventeen shades of red. Sierra twinkled, she was so proud of herself. This was how she aimed to change the subject. Total overshot.

Chase roared. He freaking laughed his ass off. I’d never heard a better sound in my life. Best sound ever. My perma-grin from seeing him so relaxed and carefree reached my eyes, but I was speechless, shaking my head in disbelief. Only Sierra.

Sierra ticked her head at me as if to say,
come on, that’s funny.
All right. It was. But there was no way in hell I was encouraging her. No telling where she’d go next. And I changed my mind, Leanne was a timid kitty compared to what Sierra just let loose.

Chase’s fit ended with a big exhale, but his smile didn’t budge. Fan-freakin-tastic. “On that note, ladies, let’s get you home.”

A
word I would never tire of—home. A simple word that meant the world to me and rolled effortlessly off Chase’s sexy lips. I couldn’t wait. We tucked Sierra into her bed with plenty of magazines and several bottles of water and headed
home.

“What do you want to do when your dad and Sharon come next weekend for your birthday?”

“I don’t know, show them around the city. Nothing crazy. I’m not much of a birthday girl.”

He stopped in front of my apartment. We got out and went inside.

“Who said anything about crazy?” Barely inside he made quick work of my clothes. My black shift dress was up and over my head in two seconds flat. He held me at arms’ length, clearly enjoying my black lace bra and matching thong.

“See something you like?” I batted my eyelashes, using his words like he had done to me so many times before.

“More than
like,
baby. I see my dessert, the only kind I crave.”

Goose bumps rose over my sensitive skin as he took his time running his greedy hands over all my curves. I loved when he talked to me like that, reminding me on a daily basis that I was it for him. I closed my eyes and tipped my head back slightly to relish his touch, as his warm fingertips memorized my body. His soft lips joined the fun his fingers were having in exploring my skin. He began right below my ear and licked and sucked and nibbled down my neck, across my shoulders and over the swell of my breasts. He unclasped my bra and it drifted to the floor. He caressed my breasts before taking one into his mouth. The feeling was exquisite, and my head fell back further. I sort of wished I was flat on my back and not still standing in my three-inch heels for this sexy seduction. I kept quiet though because the last thing I wanted was for him to stop. The ache deep in my core was deliciously intense. I throbbed from head to toe and every spot in between. His labored breath bathed my nipple, and I gasped when his teeth finally tugged the hard pearl into his mouth.

“Oh god, that feels so good.” Did I think that? Did I whisper it? Hell, I could have just wailed it; I was so lost in the feeling I had no idea. None. That’s what this man did to me. I savored every single second.

He continued his silent assault on my other breast before nibbling downward over my ribs and belly. My knees trembled when he dragged my thong down my thighs with his teeth. I steadied myself, gripping his shoulders, and he smiled against my inner thigh. He knew I wasn’t going to last much longer standing. I loved how he read me so well.

I blinked and I was lying on my bed. One swoop, two strides, and I was naked and being devoured by two insatiable grey eyes.

“You are so fucking beautiful. You’re my light, baby.”

He slowly unbuttoned his shirt. Every muscle below my navel spasmed at the sight of his chiseled, bare chest. I had no idea how many muscles there even were down there, but every last fiber was contracting, aching to be filled and stretched. I writhed against the soft sheets, searching for any friction to lessen the ache. I needed release.

Chase dropped his shirt and climbed up my body until we were chest to chest. He kissed my mouth so tenderly, passionately—desperately. I loved how freely he unleashed his emotions on me. We had come so far.

He spoke against my lips. “When all I saw was darkness, when I thought there was nothing left but pitch black, your shining blue eyes rescued me from that hell. I don’t deserve you, baby, not for one fucking second, but the fact that you want me for who I am, the fact that you love me, makes me actually believe that one day I might forgive myself.”

I inhaled a sharp breath as my eyes filled with tears. He ran his hand along my forehead, pushing any loose strands of hair from my face. The love that seeped from his eyes overwhelmed me. My heart heaved against my chest with the magnitude of his words. I never in a million years imagined loving someone this much.

“These tears, Chase, they’re good ones. I promise,” I croaked.

“I know I say it a lot. But you need to know I fucking love you more than life itself. I would return to that hell for you.” His breaths were loud and labored, matching mine.

I knew he would, god, I knew he would.

“Make love to me, Chase. I want you inside me. I want to get so lost in you, please.”

Before my next breath, his jeans vanished and he was pushing inside me, filling me with his limitless love … relieving the pulsing ache.

“Baby, I want you on top. I want to watch you breathe, watch your eyes change color. I want to see what I do to you.” In a single fluid motion I was on top. I straddled his hips and sat up. He immediately cradled my breasts as I continued pushing his length deeper and deeper. I slowed our pace and kept his hard length deep inside me. I felt him pushing up my womb. The intense pressure bordered on painful, but this was the pain I craved. We were one. I never wanted it to end.

“All I see when I look at you, Blue, is the future, our future. I can finally see past tomorrow. Fuck, you let me see past the next goddamn thirty seconds. You told me on the beach that day that I woke you up, but truth, baby—you woke
me
up. Fifteen fucking years I slept through life. Now I’m fucking living it, wide awake.”

“Oh god, Chase, I lo-love y-you so much,” I cried.

Then I bent over and pressed my lips to his. He gripped my hips, struggling for control and started to move us again, ever so slowly, in and out, deeper and harder. I was making him crazy. Hell, I was making myself crazy.

“Fuck. You feel so good. You close, baby?”

“Oh yes, so close.”

“Let it go, I want to come together.” He released my hips and gave me control. Every nerve tingled, every muscle contracted. Spasmed. Clenched. Pulsed.

“That’s it baby, give me everything.”

I buried him as deep as I could bear and his warm release filled me. He gave
me
everything.

I collapsed against his chest. The sound of our rapid heartbeats and breathing played like a song. Our song. When it finally quieted, I broke our connection and lifted up. My fingertips found the pale pink line still left on his forehead. It was the reminder that just a few weeks ago we were broken and struggling, but we didn’t give up.

I leaned over and kissed it. Kissed him. “Promise me something, no more...” I brought his hands to my lips and kissed each knuckle. “No more fists, Chase ... those demons don’t have to be fought anymore. Let’s keep them asleep ...
we’ll
stay awake ... together.”

He looked like he wanted to say something, but I wasn’t finished. I covered his lips with a finger. His eyes turned glassy. Slowly I worked my way down his body, my lips trailed along his tattoo.
First do no harm.
I finally understood its true significance. “This,” I traced each character, “is
not
your reminder ... this is truth. This is you.”

Chase needed to realize
he
never harmed anyone, not his sister, not his unborn child. He could never harm anyone. The emotion in the room was thick and in that moment there was nothing left to say. So I wrapped my body around him, and we held each other until the morning sun streamed through my windows.

O
ver the next week we didn’t really talk about
that
night again. We didn’t need to. We were both beautifully awake and blissfully living.

“I’ll send Pete to pick up your parents.”

“I’m gonna go with him. I want to be there when they get off the plane. I already took a half day. It’s Friday, and luckily, pretty slow on peds.” Their plane was arriving around four.

“You know I would come if I could, but I really need to finish up a couple things here first.” He seemed totally distracted and he had since last night.

“That’s fine. You sure everything is okay?” The only interruption we’d had to our bliss this week was a couple of cryptic phone calls Chase answered and physically left the room for, always business, and not just Asher. Lawyers, bankers, real estate brokers, financial advisors—Chase had a whole freaking team. The conversations I easily tuned out usually began with lots of numbers. I was probably in the loop a little more than I needed to be, but we had no secrets, and Chase was very comfortable talking about his financial security. He wanted me to be comfortable discussing it as well. I was still adjusting; it was going to take time. Being financially comfortable was not something I was used to and I wasn’t sure if I would ever be. Anyway, the last couple of days I felt like he was hiding something from me.

“Everything’s great. Excited for the weekend?” He kissed my lips. “Go, beautiful, you took a half day, go get your nails done or something. Where do you want Pete to pick you up?”

“Your apartment,” I said.

We decided my dad and Sharon would stay at my place for the weekend. Most of my stuff was in Chase’s anyway, because as he liked to remind me on a daily basis, “One of us has to be up before the sun while the other hits snooze a few dozen times. Gotta take advantage of proximity, baby.” Justifiable argument, but his sarcasm deserved the eye roll it got daily as well. Except when he added, “And I’m sure as fuck not going to sleep any earlier, not when your gorgeous body is lying next to me. No chance I’m wasting one precious second.” Yeah, that deserved way better than an eye roll. Mmm.

“Okay, baby, I’ll tell Pete. You gonna take them right to your apartment?”

“That’s what I was thinking, figured they might want to freshen up before dinner.”

“Perfect, see you then.” He kissed me one last time and disappeared down the hall. Obviously in a rush to do something.