Be Good (9 page)

“I’m sorry you lost your mom. It sounds like the two of you were close.”

He didn’t respond, which I thought was strange. There seemed to be a lot more there that he wasn’t telling me. Then he said, “All this work in the garden must have made you hungry.”

I didn’t want to push if he was done talking about his mom. I was happy he shared what he did with me. At some point, though, I wanted to know the rest of the story.

“Yes, trimming a few small branches and basically watching you replant those tickseeds starved and exhausted me.”

“You didn’t just watch the replanting. You dug the holes. That’s the most important part.”

“Whatever you say. What are we making for breakfast?”

***

I expected Brett to just drop me off at the airport and part of me hoped he would because we would avoid the painful process of having to say goodbye. I just knew I would cry. I could feel it bubbling up inside me. Kind of like those volcanos third grade teachers always made for their classes; the sadness was getting ready to erupt.

Brett insisted on parking the car and helping me get checked it. I suspected he didn’t want to say goodbye either and this was his way of prolonging my visit as much as he could.

After my bags were checked and I got my boarding pass, Brett took my hand in his and walked me to the gate. We both stood there for a few moments just looking into each other’s eyes. Then Brett kissed me. It wasn’t the peck you’d expect in a crowded airport. It was a kiss filled with passion and hunger. It sent a wave of shivers through me. “I can’t wait to see you again,” he whispered in my ear. “Only two weeks until the wedding in Tucson.”

At that moment, two weeks felt like a really long time. He might as well have said two months. I willed myself not to get emotional but I couldn’t help it. The volcano
inside was about to erupt. “I’d better go,” I managed to get out. I didn’t want him to see me fall apart.

He embraced me in a hug and that sent me over the edge. I could feel my body start to convulse. I was crying. For someone, who never cried (
Flaw 5
) because she was completely dead inside with a withered heart (
Flaw 23
), I certainly broke down a lot with Brett.

He continued to hold me tight. “It’s okay. We’ll see each ot
her soon.”

Then he grabbed my shoulder and looked into my eyes. “I want you to know that you’ve captured a piece of my heart. And
you’ll have it with you wherever you go. Please take good care of it.”

That made me sob
even more. He kissed my forehead. “You have a plane to catch, my beautiful Anna.”

No words would come out of my mouth, which completely shocked me. Being at a loss for words had never been a problem
with me. Just the opposite. I generally lacked a filter and managed to say awful things I immediately regretted (
Flaw 9
).

I just nodded. Then I placed a soft kiss on Brett’s lips and turned and walked away. As much as I wanted to, I didn’t turn back around to look at him one last time. I knew if I did, I wasn’t going to get on the plane at all. So I hurried toward the security gate and
headed back to Phoenix.

***

By the time I got home, it was late afternoon. Winter must have been working because our apartment was desolate, which didn’t improve my mood. I didn’t even see the evil cat anywhere; it must have been hiding.

I threw my bag on my bed and didn’t even have the energy to deal with unpacking. I turned on my laptop and decided to do some mindless
web surfing.

My first stop was Facebook. I wanted to see Brett’s photo, so I stared at his page for a few minutes. It was amazing how much he’d changed in the five years since we were freshman in college. He’d gone from
not
cool
to
kind of hot
.

A twinge of sadness washed over me when I
saw his relationship status still sad single. Not that I expected him to change it. It probably would have freaked me out if he did. We’d only been seeing each other a few days, if you could even call it that. I didn’t know what to call it. It felt like much more.

I debated uploading some of the photos I’d taken at
Fililo. Not only did I not ask him how he felt about it, I knew all of the people we’d gone to school with would freak out when they saw them.

Okay, I admit, I wanted Sweater Vest to see them. I wanted her to know he had someone else. I wanted her out of his life and I wanted me
in it.

Fuck it.

I scrolled through the shots on my phone and selected three that I thought were really good. I tagged Brett and uploaded them to my Facebook page.

Then I waited.
And waited. And waited some more. I waited about 15 minutes before the flood of comments started, more than I thought there would be.

Most of my so-called friends from
college expressed surprise, which didn’t surprise me. I was as shocked as they were that the two of us were “together.”

Olivia
asked if she should change her seating chart and put us the same table for her wedding reception.

A few of the guys I’d been with made rude comments like:
I’m available, Baby, if you want a real man
.

I held my breath until I saw Brett was online. He messaged me:
Nice photos. Looks like I’m one lucky guy
.

Sorry about the comments
, I messaged back.

They’re just jealous that I got the girl
, he messaged.

Me:
Want a few more to upload to your laptop? That’s why I took so many
.

Brett:
Of course. Please send them. I can never have too many photos of you
.

I emailed him most of the photos. And he messaged me back a few moments later:
I’m uploading these right now. Now you’ll need to come back to visit me so you can see if I’m telling the truth
.

Me:
Maybe…if you’re good
.

Brett:
I’m always good
.

Me:
We’ll see how good you are in Tucson
.

Then I
saw an alert come through:
A comment on a message you were tagged on from Rebecca Stiller (friend of Brett Conner)
. I clicked on Brett’s wall to see what Sweater Vest had posted.

One of the photos Brett was tagged on was of the two of us standing in front of
Fililo. It was a gorgeous photo. The sun as just right and our faces were lit up with sunshine and the happiness of the moment.

While the photos of us had garnered scores of comments, Sweater Vest’s was the only comment on the photo on Brett’s wall. The comment was short but to the point:
Who’s that?

Obviously she didn’t mean
it in the literal sense. She could see my name on the photo and she could visit my wall to find out all kinds of interesting things about me, which I was positive she was already doing. And I was sure her final conclusion would be:
what’s my ex fiancé doing with that slut?

Sweater Vest didn’t really want to know
who I was
, she wanted to know
what I was
. She wanted to know what my relationship was to Brett. I guess that was the one and only thing we had in common because I wanted to know the exact same thing.

***

Work on Tuesday was more boring than it had ever been. It didn’t help that I kept thinking about Brett. I didn’t want to wait two weeks until the wedding to see him again. I didn’t want to admit that I missed him but I knew I did. The guy had managed to expand my withered heart just enough to weasel his way into it. It was a feat no one else had ever managed to do but somehow Brett knew just how to do it.

After work, I found myself in the garden section of Target with little recollection of how I had actually gotten there. I had never actually been to a garden store before an
d I felt uncomfortable being there, like I was some kind of imposter. But being there also reminded me of Brett, which made me smile for a brief moment. Then I just felt pathetic. Was I actually pining after a guy? Me? The biggest slut of the 21
st
century. I could drive to any club in the Valley and have my pick of hot guys in the place within minutes yet the only guy I really wanted was in another state. And while I was usually very sure about what most guys wanted (sex), Brett was a complete mystery to me. I wasn’t sure exactly what he wanted and that made him intriguing and scary. Mostly because he seemed to have the upper hand and that was something I definitely wasn’t used to. I was used to having the power and holding all the cards.

As I was browsing through the garden section, I noticed a stand of small plants that were on clearance. They all looked like they had been neglected and were half dead. They reminded me of myself in so many ways I could feel a little pull on my hear
tstrings as I examined them. Sad little plants that no one seemed to really care about or want; it was the story of my life. I often felt disposable. Like something to be used then thrown on a sale rack because it  was too pathetic for anyone to pay full price for. In an impulsive moment, I grabbed the most pathetic looking plant of the bunch and took it up to the register.

The older woman
at the register eyed me suspiciously when I went to pay for the plant. It looked even worse when I set it on the counter.

The older woman wrinkled her chicken beak of a nose at me. “You know this will probably be dead in a day or two.”    

“And your point is?” I was in a take-no-shit mood, which was a fairly common mode of operating for me (
Flaw 35
).

“What would you want to waste your money on a pathetic thing like this for?”

I glared at the woman, suddenly feeling defensive for the fragile plant. “Somebody has to at least try to save it.”

“Some things aren’t worth saving,” the woman sneered and I could have sworn she was talking about me.

I threw two dollar bills at her and grabbed my plant.

“Don’t you want your change?” I could hear her say as I hu
rried out of the store with my pathetic excuse for a plant.

By the time I made it back to my car, I saw seething. In the outdoor sunlight, my plant did look pathetic and sad. I wasn’t sure it was worth saving but I was going to try. I thought about Brett. Would people ask him why he was wasting his time with a slut like me? Would they tell him I wasn’t worth it? I’m sure Sweater Vest already had.

When I got home, I placed my little plant on the counter. I gave it a tiny bit of water and then stared at it and waited. I wasn’t sure what to do next. I knew it would take time to get better. I knew I would have to have patience with it. Was that what Brett was doing with me?

I grabbed my cell phone and snapped a photo of my plant. I decided to call my plant
Marvin because when I was a kid and asked for a dog, which my parents refused, I always wanted to name my dog Marvin.

I decided to get some plant advice from the expert so
I emailed the photo to Brett and waited. It only took him a few minutes to respond: You got a Dracaena. They’re great plants. Although, the one you selected is a bit rough around the edges. It will take a little bit of work to bring it completely back to life and thriving again. I wish I was there. I could help you with it. But here are a few suggestions. First, it will need to be repotted so it has room to grow. I have attached some suggested types of pots with dimensions. Second, the plant needs moderate sunlight. It’s a delicate balance. Too much sunshine and you’ll burn the poor thing. Too little sunshine and it will wilt. The same is true for water. I would suggest using a spray bottle and misting the plant rather than watering it. I have provided a link to a YouTube video that explains all about misting plants. Finally, please get a little bit of Miracle Grow that will provide the plant with some nutrients it looks like it missed while it was developing. You can’t make up for everything it missed but you can give it enough to bring it back to health. I know you’ll be able to save the darling little thing. I think you’ll be surprised how lovely it will be with a little love and someone to care about it.”

I was suddenly struck with a sense of fear. I had never made a commitment to anything in my life. I didn’t even like to commit to
being at any one party on a Saturday night, if I could help it. Now I had committed myself to bringing a plant back to life. I wasn’t sure I could handle it. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to. I could have looked up stuff about plants online but I realized I had told Brett about the plant because I wanted to make myself accountable. I wanted him to know about it because otherwise I might have just said fuck it and thrown the thing away.

I looked at
Marvin. Since I had never actually done anything worthwhile in my life, I decided I’d start with this pathetic little plant and see if I could save him from the brink of death. I wasn’t sure I was up to the challenge but at least I had to try.