Barefoot and Lost (2 page)

    
‘
Phil
,
do you know what’s going to happen to you now there is no one to look after you?
’
I look a
t
Tess in disbelief
, my stomach feel as though it has
just hit the floor
, what does
she mean
,
surely I could stay living with June
until my dad co
me
s
home
?

     ‘
Tess; that wasn’t very subtle
,
I’m sure no one at this stage has discussed
with
Phillip
his future
,
certainly
not
so soon after his bereavement
.’

     ‘Oh Phil I’m so sorry, I never thought.’

    
‘
Sorry about what;
Pop,
what does Tess
mean?’

     ‘
It is not our place to talk about your future Phil, especially with
you
;
it
is something that must be left to the experts
.’

 
   ‘What experts?
W
ho are they
? W
hy can’t I stay with June
,
that’s where I live
it’s my home
’

     ‘
Phil
,
I’m sure the Milligan’s would love
to have you
live with them but
I do
ubt if they will
be allowed to. Y
ou will probably be foster
ed until a relative claims you,
as a
child
and a victim of war
;
now your Gran has died,
social services will make the
decision
where you live, Reg and June will have no say
in the matter.
’

    
‘
Who will fos
ter me, you foster Michael could
you foster me as well
?’

     ‘
I’m afraid it doesn’t work like that, I am not an official foster parent
,
Michael is here with Tess and me
, well
,
hopefully he will be when he comes out of hospital. He has stayed with us
because Michael’s parents are very good friends and they trust us to look after him
. H
e is here as a guest in our house
because they wanted
him
to be
away from the bombing
in
London
.
Phil e
ven if we wanted to
we couldn’t
,
Tess and me
being
Jewish
would prevent
us
from
fostering
you,
ours
a different culture. S
oc
ial services will
want to
place you in a Christian home
, and added to that we are both definitely too old
to be considered as foster
parents
’

     ‘My Gran was older than you and she looked after me’

     ‘Yes I know but she was a relative’

     ‘
I don’t want to go
to
somebody I don’t know
.’
I can feel the tears running down my face
.

     ‘
I’m going home
;
I don’t want to talk about this
.’

     ‘
Wait Phil
,
we will come with you
,
we must
explain to the Milligan’s how this dreadful situation has arisen
,
we
wouldn’t want them to think we have been insensitive
.’

     ‘Ah
Sam
it is
so
good of you t
o bring
Phillip
home.
Oh
Phil
,
you have been crying
,
are you alright
?’

     ‘
I’m afraid June the tears are of our making
.’ Pop goes
on to explain how they have
put their feet
in it.
A
fter his explanation June looks
at me
then looks
across at
Mr. M
,
she takes
hold of both my hands
and
put
s
her face close to mine.

     ‘
Phil
,
Reg
,
and I
have been trying to find
the right time to tell you,
I think
now is that time
.
’

    
‘
You’re going to tell me you don’t want me
,
aren’t
you?’

     ‘
I’m going to tell you nothing of the sort
,
I want you to listen to me
,
any questions you have
,
I want you to wait until I have finished. There is no easy way to say these things, so
I’m going to be blunt,
it will hurt
,
but the truth often does
,
so please help me Phil.
’

     ‘
Now
your
Mum and your
Gran
are both d
e
a
d it would appear that you have only one living rel
ative and that is your uncle Ron.’

    
‘My d
ad
, as well, I have my dad he will be home soon?’

     ‘
Phillip
,
please let me finish, y
our dad is probably dead
--
,

     ‘He can’t be he is fighting the Germans’

     ‘Phil please don’t make this difficult June is doing her best’

     ‘Thanks Sam;
you see
Phil
,
the ship your dad was on was sunk by the Japanese in 1941 four years ago, he didn’t drown and was rescue
d by another ship and taken to the
British base at Singapore
,
but the Jap’s captured Singapore
.

     Ther
e was terrible fighting
but the Jap’s soon overrun the island
, a
ll the British sailors, soldiers
,
and airmen
,
were either ki
lled or became prisoners of war. T
he Red Cross has records of every serviceman that is a prisoner and your dad is not on any of their lists, so he is listed as missing
,
presumed dead
.
T
hat doesn’t mean he is dead but it‘s almost certain. Your uncle is with the Marines in
Holland
where
,
at the moment
he is in hospital,
severely wounded
. H
e is not well
, and
can’t come home to look after you
e
ven if he c
ould he is only twenty three and
not married
. To support you h
e would have to work and wouldn’t have time to look after you.

    
We would like to
foster you
but the authorities
probably will not allow us to
because we are too old and
,
having no children of ou
r own we have no experience of childcare
. T
o be a foster parent you have to be a very special person. Tomorrow
,
some people from the social service are coming here to tell you where and who you are going to
. W
e are going to suggest that you have a little holiday here with us until after the summer school holiday to give you a ch
ance to become
adjusted but
don’t build your hopes on that as
they may not agree.

    
‘
When will I have to go, will I ever see you
again?’

    
‘
We don’t know hopefully we will have a better idea tomorrow
.’

    
Pop and Tess
have not said a word.
Tess is sitting with her
hands in her
lap looking at them as though she has never seen them before. Pop gets to his feet
,

     ‘
Tess I think we should go home and leave Phillip to have his supper
;
June, Reg  I am unable to offer anything further
,
other than we will do all we can to help you keep Phil here
with you
,
we can only pray
there is a happy resolve to this situation
.’

     ‘
Good night Sam, good night Tess
,
thank you
very much
for your support
.’
Pop ruffles my hair

     ‘
Look after yourself
Phil
.’

I may have to, there doesn’t seem to be anyone else.

    
It is
now
seven
o’
clock I h
ave hardly slept all night. Once again I was woken by the dream I keep having
about the night when mum died
; the wailing of the siren, the rush
ing
of air and the noise o
f the express train
.
I woke myself shouting Mum.
Gran is usually here to whisper, ‘It’s okay Phillip go back to sleep’ but tonight there was
silence
, no creaking of Gran’s bed as she turns to speak to me, there was only
the
sound of my heart beating as it competed
with the tick of the alarm clock
as it counted off the minutes
since twenty past four
.
I have been laying here since then
frightened to sleep in case the dream starts all over again.

    
To stay awake I have been thinking of all the things that have happened to me in the ten months since that night in September 1944
. In my mind I have put the bad things on the left and the good on the right.
Moving
with Gran,
from
London
to
Hastings
was good, not at first, it wa
s better once I met Michael,
Pop and Tessa. F
unny how I thought Michael was foreign because he had dark skin, then he told me he was a Jew
. We had such good fun, he is the best friend I have ever had,
just when we were enjoying ourselv
es he got polio and nearly died.
I wonder when he will get out of
hospital, and will he be a cripple like they say.

     I
f Gran and me hadn’t come to live with Reg and June Milligan,
Pop wouldn’t have taught me to swim,
Mr. M wouldn’t have paid my subscription to the swimming club
and if Michael didn’t have polio I wouldn’t have met
Superintendent Langdon or
Len
Granger, t
he
n Len
wouldn’t have been able
to coach me and make me a record holder for the county.
If I hadn’t gone to the White rock baths on my own I wouldn’t have seen the notice about the Police boys club, and if I hadn’t joined I would never have learnt to box and beat Keith
Smith that bloody bully.
Oh yes and I wouldn’t have met Jet, the best dog in the whole world, if I have to go away I think I will miss him most of all

     There seem to be more good than bad and out of the bad something good seems to happen, but I can’t see what good has
come out of Mum and Gran dying.
W
hy has God taken away everyone that I love?
Who is God anyway? He’s supposed to be good but how can he be when he makes me feel so sa
d? Why do we have to have war?
Why do the Germans and the Jap’s hate us? All these questions and I don’t have the answers.
I
nstead of talking to Mum
in my prayers like Tess suggested,
I tried to pray like Gran showed me
,
I said the Lords prayer but I might have got it wrong. If I did, is that why God is not answer
ing me. Pop said look after my
self, how can I do that, I don’t know what to do. Should I go away on my own did he mean run away before these people come this morning, but where would I go? Everyone says that heaven is a nice place where Mum, Dad and Gran are; they are at peace and looking down on me. I want to be with them, I could look down on Michael. To go to heaven I must die, I could kill myself but I don’t know how to do it; Oh mum please help me!!

     ‘
Good morning Phillip di
d you sleep well,
o
h dear you’ve been crying
, have you slept,
it doesn’t look like it,
y
ou must otherwise you will get very ill.
’

     ‘
I don’t care if I get ill I might die and then I could be in heaven with Mum and Gran
.’

 
  
‘
Phillip
; you mustn’t talk like that
.’

     ‘
Well everyone says heaven is a better place and it would be nice to be somewhere nice with Mum and Gran
.’

   
‘
We don’t know if heaven is better, people say that so as not to make you afraid of death
, but nobody knows.
I have never met anyone that has been to heaven and come back to tell us all about it. Just imagine if you went there and it wasn’t nice
,
what then
?’

     ‘
I’d be with mum
,
it wouldn’t matter
.’
June
sits on the bed and gives me a hug.

      ‘
Now listen to me young man
,
you must not get depressed
,
and you must think in a positive way, life is made up of sad and happy times
,
if you are positive you will find there is more happy than sad. It is up to you to make your life a good one
. W
hen things seem bad
,
push the bad aside, and find the good things. The best way to be happy is to try to make someone else happy
;
right now you are making me sad so get positive
,
get happy
. Y
ou may not think so but there are many people worse off than you
,
stop feeling sorry for yourself. Now
,
no more sad
okay
; get up get washed and dressed
,
then come down and have breakfast and get ready to meet these people
.’

    
‘I’m s
orry
June
,
I’ll try
.’

    
‘Good boy’
she says as she kisses me on the forehead.

I wish she could be my
mum
,
she is kind and talks to me like a person not a kid, I like that.

    
I have been standing in the dining room for the past hour
,
looking though the net curtains
,
and waiting for the people to arrive. A small Hillman car with a gasbag on its roof pulls up outside
. A very fat woma
n with grey hair tied up in a bun
,
gets out from the driver’s side
,
she is wearing a black suit that looks too small for
her. A
n elderly thin man
,
wearing a black raincoat gets out of the other side. They stand talking for a few moments lookin
g up at the house. The woman
reaches into the rear seat and picks up a briefcase and a hat
. A
s she bends over her short skirt rides up showing her fat legs and the top of her stockings
. A
s they talk she very precisely positions the hat at a jaunty angle, the long feather on it sticking up
, making her look like a R
ed Indian warrior.
The man slightly stooped
is holding a white panama hat passing the brim though his hands as they stand there talking. They make no attempt to come to the door
;
it is as though they are waitin
g for something or someone. T
heir waiting comes to an end as a policeman r
ides up on a bicycle;
he dismounts
,
places his bike against the wall
,
and shakes hands with the couple.

     ‘
June
,
why
do you think
a policeman
has
come with them
?’

    
‘
I’m sure I don’t know but we will probably soon find out.
’

    
Mr.
Milligan answers the door and shows them into the sitting room
,
June
and I
follow,
holding
hand
s we
sit on a settee
, they haven’t looked at us I feel invisible
.
The three of them
are
sit
ting
on the edge of their chairs looking most uncomfortable.
Mr. M asks ‘
Would you like
a cup of tea or something else?’

     ‘No I don’
t think so!’ Indian warrior snaps
,
as though she had just
been asked to commit a crime. The policeman answers,

     ‘
That would be very nice thank you
,
I’m parched
.’

   
‘Well, if you’re making one, the Reverend and I will
join yo
u.’
Mr.
Milligan
leaves
the room to make the tea.

   
‘
Ah
,
you must be
Master
Snell
and
, pray tell who are you?’

    ‘
I am
June
Milligan
,
you have already met my husband and yes
,
this is
Master
Snell
but we prefer to call him
Phillip
, and you are?’

    ‘
Sorry
,
we seem to have got off
on the wrong foot, I am
Penelope
Peabody
, this is the Reverend
McGuire
,
and this is
Constable
Brown
.’

    ‘I am p
leased to meet you
,
Mrs.
Peabody
,
and you
Reverend
.
We have already met, haven’t we
C
onstable
?’

   
‘
Yes we have
,
the other night,
when Mrs. House passed away,
a dreadful business
I’m so sorry
.’

   
‘Thank you Constable’

   
‘
Miss
,
its Miss Peabody
.’

   
‘
Oh I’m sorry
.’

    ‘
That is quite alright
,
when your husband joins us we can get down to business
.’

    
Mr. M,
arrives
,
goes to the dumb waiter and pulls up the lift from the kitchen below, placing the tray on the table he says
, ‘
He
lp yourselves to milk and sugar’
Everyone is now sitt
ing relaxed waiting for Red Indian warrior to speak.
S
he adds four spoons of sugar to her tea
.
I can see
Mr.
Milligan
counting; s
he pauses stirr
ing her tea as though she is trying to calm
herself.

     ‘
Mr. and
Mrs.
Milligan
my name is
Penelope
Peabody
,
I am the welfare officer for the Hastings Borough Council. I am here to take Phi
llip Snell into care for his
protection. It has been brought to our attention that Phillip has no living relatives that are able to care for him in a suitable manner
;
therefore it is my duty to ensure that he is properly looked after
.
I have a court order here
,’
as she speaks she slides a sheet of paper from her briefcase.

‘
This states that
,
from nine
-
o-clock this morning
,
Phillip
Snell
has
been made a ward of the court. Constable Brown
is here to ensure tha
t the terms of the order are up
held
.’
I don’t understand what she is talking about but I can sense June is
annoyed;
she is squeezing my hand
, so hard it is hurting
.