Barefoot and Lost (9 page)

     ‘Didn’t you think it was strange that you never got letters?’

     ‘No, not really, I just thought they were too busy fighting the Germans that they didn’t have time. You see we always got birthday cards and Christmas presents but, it wasn’t until after the war that we were told they were sent to us by Peggy and Bert, who felt sorry for us but were forbidden by Mrs. Smyth to tell us the truth.’

     ‘Do you think she was being kind so you wouldn’t be upset?’

     ‘Yes, p
robably
’

     ‘What I don’t understand is if she felt like that, why didn’t she want to keep you?’

     ‘I don’t know, maybe it was her husband’.

     ‘I think it was like me,
June
and
Mr.
Milligan
wanted to keep me but the council wouldn’t let them that is why I’m at St S’s, bet that is what happened to you. If you have no other relatives that’s what they do, I think it stinks.’ 

     The column has been re-formed our wagon master is at the head, with a wave of the hand we start our slow amble back to the bakers to return the baskets and bottles, then back onto the High Street to confront the stares of pity once again. The journey back on the coach is boring no one is allowed to talk, but I did get a chance to ask Rachel that, if we met again could we talk some more she said she would like that.

     Jack, Brian and Toby are sitting on their beds looking bored, ‘Hiya what have you three been doing today.’ Toby swings around.

     ‘Where the hell, have you been, we thought you had run away or the Reverend had locked you up, we’ve not seen you since you went to his office this morning?’

     ‘I’ve been on a bus trip to Tonbridge to keep me away from the police.’ Jack looks surprised ‘What the hell are you talking about? In great detail, I tell them everything from the meeting in the office, to me meeting Rachel and, that I had to go again, after supper, to apologize to Flynn.

     ‘What are you going to say?’

     ‘I don’t know Jack, I expect I will think of something, do you think if I tell the Reverend what really happened with Flynn and why Lion hit him, will he believe me?’ Brian turns to Toby ‘Tell him Toby, what happened to you; tell him about Flynn giving you PT.’

     ‘PT do you mean physical training?’

     ‘No
Phil
, penis therapy, that’s what
Flynn
calls it.’

     ‘Well yeah
, he tried it with
me the first night I had a bath.
I shouted so loud and ran out into the corridor
naked;
Mam came to see what was going on. Flynn made out I was acting the goat. Mam told me not to be stupid and get dressed. I neve
r said what Flynn tried to do.
He tried a couple of days later to get me to go to his room and was being very nice, I told him not to be nice to me or I would shout and scream. He only talks to me now if he has to, and I only speak to him if other adults are nearby.’

     ‘So what should I do?’

     ‘I think you should say sorry, you don’t have to mean it and then keep out of his way. I don’t think he will try it again, it is only those that are frightened to speak up that become his favourite boys and once, you’re one of those you’re trapped forever.’

     ‘Do you think Mam and the Reverend know what he is like, if they do why don’t they stop it?’

     ‘Maybe they do, maybe they are doing the same thing, and we don’t know what goes on in the girl’s dormitory, nobody, talks about it. I think; do what I did and make a lot of noise or deal with it in your own way, whatever you think.’

     ‘I’m not
sure what to do, think I’ll
wait and see what happens after supper.’ 

     Supper is no improvement on last night, the same watery soup, one sausage, one potato and a lot of sloppy cabbage I’m still hungry, goodness know how I would be  if I hadn’t had Miriam’s bread. Flynn is standing by the door chatting to one or two boys as they pass. I wonder if they are favourite boys, could be, he has his hand on their shoulders as he speaks with them. I’m getting closer, if he puts his hand on my shoulder I’m going to scream and shout. ‘Ah Phillip we have some unfinished business I believe, wait here until the dining room is cleared then we will go to the Reverend’s office together.’ At the top of my voice I shout, ‘AFTER CAN WE GO TO YOUR ROOM FOR PT?’

     ‘Be quiet, what are you talking about?’ Flynn’s face is going red and he is looking around to see who has heard.

     ‘PLEASE MR. FLYNN I WANT TO GO TO YOUR ROOM FOR PT, I WANT TO BE ONE OF YOUR FAVOURITES, PLEASE TAKE ME.’ Several kids have now stopped and are looking to see what the noise is about. Mam and the Reverend, on the stage at the end of the hall are now looking my way.

      ‘Snell shut up, you are making a scene,
everyone
is looking.’

      ‘I’LL SHUT UP MR. FLYNN IF YOU PROMISE TO TAKE ME TO YOUR ROOM FOR PT.’ The Reverend uses the microphone on the stage.

      ‘Boy s
top that shouting; Mr. Flynn
, bring that boy
to me.’ Flynn grabs my shoulder and squeezes it very hard; I can feel his fingers digging into my skin as he drags me to the stage.

     ‘Don’t you say a word or you may find that you could have a very serious accident?’

     ‘I ONLY WANT TO HAVE PT IN YOUR ROOM, WHY MIGHT I HAVE AN ACCIDENT, WILL I GET HURT HAVING PT IN YOUR ROOM?’

     ‘Snell it is you again, you are a disaster what are you going on about?’ I can feel Flynn’s fingers digging deeper into my shoulder.

     ‘Sorry Reverend, some other boys told me that Mr. Flynn has PT in his room. Before I came here I belonged to a club that did physical training and I also swam in the County championships, I want to continue doing those things when I heard Mr. Flynn does PT in his room I wanted him to include me that’s all.’

     ‘Why were you shouting?’

     ‘Because Reverend, Mr. Flynn wouldn’t listen to me.’

     ‘Snell you are a very strange boy, how could Mr. Flynn perform physical training in his room, it is only a bedroom?’

     ‘I don’t know, Reverend I didn’t know how big it was, I only heard that he did PT in his room that’s all.’

     ‘Flynn, what is all this about?’

     ‘I have no idea Reverend, Snell must be mistaken, he must have misunderstood what was told to him, I will make some enquiries and get to the bottom of it.’

     ‘Yes, please do that; Snell, you apologize to Mr. Flynn.’

     ‘Yes Reverend, do I have to say it twice?’

     ‘What the devil are you on about, get out of my sight I do not want to see you ag
ain unless it is to praise you,
is
that understood?’

     ‘Yes Reverend; sorry Mr. Flynn if you only have a bedroom I don’t want to do PT; is it okay to tell any other boys that might be mistaken if I tell them you don’t do PT; Good night Reverend, goodnight Mam, goodnight Mr. Flynn.’ Mam has not said a word she has an expression on her face that is thoughtful or worried, I’m not sure which,
and I
think she knows what is going on, maybe involved. Flynn’s red face has turned quite pale, he is looking daggers at me I don’t think he will try it on again and, best of all, I have a feeling like I had when I beat Keith Smith, and also when I won the fifty metres; a feeling of winning

    
I think
I’
ve b
een in bed for a long time,
its
dark, but a chink
of light is
shining across
my eyes from a gap in the open dormitory door. Hell, is
Flynn
coming to hurt me, is he going to make out I’ve had an accident? Sitting bolt upright I can hear whispering then Mam’s voice saying, ‘Go back to sleep
Phillip
.’ I can see two people over by Lions bed, their shadows casting ghostly images on the wall, as my eyes get used to the dark I can see one is Mam as she turns to walk out of the room. ‘Go to sleep, Phillip good night.’
The door closes behind her it’
s dark again, I wonder who that is. ‘Phil
,
are you asleep?’

     ‘Lion is that you, what are you doing back here?’

     ‘Yeah
I’m back, it’s a long story.’

     ‘Brian, Jack, Toby, Lion is back.’ Jack switches on the small torch he uses
for reading under the
blankets;
he flashes
it around the room until he finds Lion sitting up in bed. We all scramble
over to him each of
us attempting to shake his hand.

     ‘No don’t do that, I can’t use my hands, that pig the Reverend has just given me six lashes on each hand with his bloody cane, I can’t hold anything they hurt too much.’
Jack
shines his torch on Lion’s hands they are bright red, swollen and bruises are starting to form.

     ‘Hell Lion they look horrible, have they put anything on them?’

     ‘No, after he finished caning me he called Mam and she brought me here, what could I put on them.’
    

     ‘Cold water, my Gran says it is best for bruises, go to the bathroom, fill the basin with cold water and put your hands in, it will hurt at first but will make them feel better after a while.’

     ‘Are you sure? It won’t make them worse, will it?’

     ‘No, I promise. When I had a black eye from boxing, she put cold water on it.’

     ‘What did she do, hold your head under water?’
     ‘Don’t be stupid Toby, she used a wet cloth’

     ‘Come on Lion, I’ll come with you and keep guard while you are in the bathroom.’

     ‘I have a better idea, has anyone used the piss pot? If not we could fill it with cold water, that way we don’t run the risk of being caught’

     ‘That’s a great idea
Jack
, I haven’t used it has anyone else, what about you Toby?’

     ‘No I never do.’

     ‘Neither have I’ replies
Brian
in his very gruff voice. Lifting the pot from beside the door I peep out, the lights are out; the corridor is dark and quiet.

     ‘Who’s going to keep guard?’

     ‘I will.’
Brian
and I sneak out and creep along to the bathroom. I’ve put too much water in the
pot;
unless I walk very slowly I’m running the risk of it slopping onto the floor. Leaving me to struggle
Brian
is running back to the dormitory. I can’t call after him so I whisper, 

     ‘Don’t leave me, where are you going’ but no sooner have I said the words he is back with a towel, which he places over the pot.

     ‘That should do the trick he whispers.’ Having too much water gives us another problem; there is not enough room in the pot
for Lion’s hands
without it over flowing. Toby comes to the rescue with a cup he has taken from his locker he bales out three full cups and throws them out of the window. ‘Glad you thought of that Tobe, my answer was to drink it but didn’t fancy it from a piss pot.’

     ‘My dad used to say the beer at the pub on the corner tasted like piss, perhaps the water in the pot would taste like beer.’ We all start to giggle even Lion is looking a bit brighter.

     ‘What happened, how did you get caught?’

     ‘I started to leave at three but didn’t get away from here until nearly four o clock. I tried to get out of our window but there is nothing outside to grab hold of. I could see that at the bathroom there is a drain pipe going all the way to
the ground, so I sneaked down
there only to find the bottom half of the window wouldn’t push up, so I had to pull the top one down and climb over it. I had to stand on top of the window frame and reach out to the drainpipe. I nearly fell, I think I crac
ked the window when I kicked it;
anyway it was easy to climb down once I got onto the drainpipe. I got a bit of a scare though; the milkman drove in as I went to go out of the gate.’

     ‘Wow did he see you?’

     ‘I don’t think so, anyway I thought I had better stay off the road but had to give that up as it was too hard getting over or through the hedges. So I got back on the road and hid each time a car came by. It was easier once I got into Tonbridge, there were a lot of people about so I just walked with them, no one noticed me, I even went into a baker’s and bought two sausage rolls.

     ‘I was in Tonbridge today and I went to a baker.’

     ‘I know I saw you, couldn’t believe my eyes there you were walking alongside a group of kids from here and St Gab’s, following that bloody fat cow
Marjorie
.’

     ‘Where were you?’

     ‘Sitting on the wall beside the war memorial I watched you wait outside the bakers, then when you all turned down that side street to go to the castle I went to the railway station.’

     ‘Were you able to catch a train?’

     ‘Yeah
but it wasn’t easy, I couldn’t go through the station unless I bought a ticket, I wanted to save my money; sorry Phil, your money for food.

     I walked into the goods yard and sneaked back to the platform. The train came after about fifteen minutes but the waiting seemed like hours I was so scared of being caught. I waited until the guard started to shut the doors then I made a dash and jumped on, I found a vacant compartment and sat down very pleased with myself. Just before we came into Sevenoaks I heard a ticket inspector asking for tickets so I sneaked into the toilet but she saw me and waited outside. I knew when the train moved off from Sevenoaks, she would be looking for me, so I decided to get off but she was waiting for me on the platform with a porter, they t
ook me to the station master, who
called the police,
and
they brought me back here.

     ‘When was that?’

     ‘While you all were in Chapel
, the C
opper waited until the Reverend came to his office, he was so polite ‘Oh hello Lionel been for a little jaunt have y
ou?’ He was all smiles for the C
opper but as soon as the cop went he was like Jekyll and Hyde, he started ranting and raving, thrashing about with his cane. He gave me a long lecture about respect and being ungrateful, and then told me I was a thug and how lucky I was that
Flynn
didn’t press charges for assault. He then told me to hold out both my hands. At first I refused so he lashed me across the back of my legs and, each time I pulled my hands away he would scream, that’s one extra you are going to get.’

     ‘Bloody hell Lion, was anyone else in there with you?’

     ‘No
Jack
; just him and me.’

     ‘Why didn’t you take the cane off of him and give him some of the same?’

     ‘Don’t think I didn’t think of it but then he would have called the police and they would have taken me away. I decided to take the punishment, pick my time and run away later, I know where I made my mistakes I won’t make them again.’

     ‘Are you really going to go?’

     ‘Yeah
, but I don’t know when, probably be awhile yet, depends how bad it is for me here.’

     ‘After supper tonight
Phil
gave
Flynn
some grief, it was funny everyone was looking.’

     ‘I think we ought to go to bed, we can tell Lion about that in the morning; what about your hands?’

     ‘They are not hurting as much; can I use your towel Tobe?’

     ‘Empty the piss pot
Phil
’

     ‘No I’ll let you do i
t Toby you know what to do, it’
s your job.’

     ‘Not any longer, it’s your job now you are the youngest, sorry.’

      Flynn has put his head around the door shouting wakey, wakey as though
we are his best friends; idiot.
I have decided I am going to do all I can to stop that pervert from molesting, other boys
,
I don’t know how yet but I’m going to try.

     The sermon during chapel was about respecting authority obeying rules and regulations, not taking things into our own hands, and letting the system solve any problems. The Reverend finished by saying that
Saint
Stephens
had a sympathetic and dedicated staff that would listen to any of our problems no matter how trivial they may seem to us. All we had to do was talk to any member of the staff and they would deal with it confidentially. I wond
ered if this was directed at me. I
f I hadn’t heard about the thrashing he gave Lion I might have believed him. Turning to Lion as we walk to breakfast, ‘Lion, I don’t think the Reverend knows what goes on with
Flynn
.’

     ‘Perhaps, but I’m not going to tell him, I never want to speak to the sadistic bugger again.’

     ‘No, nor do I; I’m not going to tell him a thing; Lion, do you have any of our money left?’

     ‘Yeah
just under a quid left; why?’

     ‘I want to buy a stamp.’

     ‘You will never get a letter out of here every one is read, those that say anything bad about ST. S’s never get posted’

     ‘I’m not going to post it here, I’m going to write it and see if I can get on one of Fatty’s trips again and post it then.’

     ‘You have no chance but I wish you luck.’

     ‘We’
ll see.’

     ‘Lion, what’
ll we be doing today and the rest of the holiday, I mean, what is there to do here, are we allowed to leave St S’s?’

     ‘No, we can’t leave unless it is with one of the staff. Usually we have three trips out, the one you have already done to Tonbridge, another one to an orchard to pick apples but that
is not until October and is like slave labour. For the last two years we have had one to Maidstone, but that may not happen this year as two boys buggered off and were gone for a week, one was brought back here, don’t know what became of the other one.’

     ‘Doesn’t sound like a lot of fun?’

     ‘Its not; school times are much better, you meet other kids and can get involved in the sports if you’re
any good, I hate holidays they’
re boring.’

     ‘Sorry, but I forgot to ask how are your hands this morning.’

     ‘A lot better, still a bit swollen but I can move my fingers now, I think the water helped.’ 

     ‘Yeah
, they look better than last night, told you my Gran knew everything; so, what about today, what do we do today?’

     ‘First we go back to the dorm’ and give it a tidy up so we don’t give Mam an excuse to make us scrub it from top to bottom. Then we make ourselves scarce and look busy, otherwise we get given a job like cleaning, gardening or painting whatever takes their fancy. The girls usually get cleaning the brass and the floors in the chapel.’

     In the dorm’ Jack and Toby have done most of the tidying, I only have to straighten my locker and fold my underwear so it looks neat in the drawer.

     ‘Right Lion, what is it today then?’
Jack
asks.

     ‘Weeding I think.’

     ‘Weeding, that sounds like hard work.’

     ‘The way we do it
Phil
, it’s not; we’re good at it aren’t we
Jack
?’

     ‘Sure am, the best.’

     ‘I’m not sure I understand, surely gardening is hard work?’

     ‘It is when you’
re told to do
it because you’
re supervised.
We will grab some tools from the garden shed Brian, has already gone to get them, then we get as far away from the house as we can. Weeding along the boundary fence is best we make
out we are busy
. The
staff,
who supervises
,
knows it i
sn’t them who
put us to work, so
they
assume it was someone else, and leave us alone. As long as we appear to be doing something no one bothers us; so come on, there’s work to do’