Bad Bridesmaid (20 page)

‘Are you OK there, Jimmy? You don’t look so good,’ I tease.

‘Shut up and drink,’ he snaps.

‘Gladly,’ I reply between drinks. ‘Mmm, they’re so yummy and sweet. Is this one the toffee apple?’ I ask no one in particular. ‘You can really taste the toffee.’

‘I think so,’ Belle replies. ‘It’s like pure sugar, it’s so yummy.’

Jimmy has just one glass left in front of him, but as he downs his second to last shot he brings his hand up to his mouth and his eyes widen.

‘You feeling OK, Jim?’ I ask insincerely. ‘You’re looking a little green. You know, like when you’re on a boat and you’re bobbing up and down and up and down.’ As I say this I sway from side to side in front of him, and just when I think Jimmy is about to reach for his final glass his mouth erupts with brightly coloured vomit. He raises his hands to his face but all this does is force the sick to splatter his teammates either side of him. It is a truly revolting sight, but battles are never pretty.

Even though Jimmy’s team had far less left to drink, we are the winners because he couldn’t keep his drink down.

I pick up one of the remaining shots and sip at it leisurely.

‘Take your time, ladies, we’ll be here all night.’

You would think that a big man like Jimmy might be ashamed about losing to a bunch of girls, but he roars with laughter as he wipes his mouth.

‘You’re OK by me, ladies, you can stay. Dave,’ he calls to the barman, ‘start a tab for my new friends.’

As my teammates all cheer and hug each other, I can tell that my sister is genuinely delighted, and having the time of her life.

‘So, we’re staying here?’ I ask her.

‘We’re staying here,’ she replies.

Chapter 28

As I watch my sister drunkenly performing ‘Jailhouse Rock’ on the karaoke machine, I sit in one of the cushioned pub chairs with my feet up and sip at my glass of DIY rosé wine, which Jimmy created for me by mixing red and white, because that’s what his daughter drinks. Jimmy and his bastards are actually pretty nice guys, and despite my sister’s terrible singing voice, they’re all cheering her on.

The karaoke machine, it turns out, is only programmed with Elvis Presley songs. Thankfully, even though we’re not hardcore fans of the King, we all seem to know quite a few of his tracks. Singing along with the guy who was occupying the mic when we arrived soon turned into us all agreeing we would do one track each. I don’t think any of us are particularly gifted in the singing department, but we’re all feeling very brave since our drink-off, and we’ve had quite a bit since.

As Belle finishes her song she cheers herself just as loudly as her audience is cheering for her. She grabs herself a glass of wine from the bar and plonks herself down next to me.

‘You didn’t plan this hen party at all, did you?’ she asks.

‘No,’ I admit. ‘I didn’t know I was supposed to. I’m really sorry,’ I slur.

‘That’s OK, I am having
so
much fun!’ Belle cheers and points at Jimmy who is performing an actually beautiful rendition of ‘The Wonder of You’. Heather and Beth are watching him and screaming with delight, like he’s Michael Bublé.

‘Really?’ I ask.

‘Really,’ she replies. ‘None of the other girls would have brought me somewhere like this, and we wouldn’t have had this much fun anywhere else. You’re my favourite sister.’

‘I’m your
only
sister,’ I remind her.

‘You’re my favourite only sister though.’

I laugh and thank her. That might be the nicest thing she has ever said to me.

‘My name is Belle,’ my sister reads her name badge out loud. ‘And I like to be on top.’ She giggles quietly. ‘I do like to be on top.’

I down the last of my drink.

‘I’m pretty sure I imagined that,’ I say to myself.

Over in the corner of the room, two men are having a disagreement and it’s getting pretty heated. One punches the other in the face so the barman grabs him by his shirt and throws him out of the front door.

‘Oh, it’s all kicking off, isn’t it?’ Nancy says excitedly as she sits down with us.

‘I’m having so much fun,’ Belle says again.

I have lost count of the number of times my sister has expressed how much she is enjoying herself tonight, but it is music to my ears. I have finally done something right and I’ll drink to that. I pour the three of us a bright green shot.

‘To my sister’s last night of freedom,’ I toast, and we drink.

‘You can have your room back now that Dan is better,’ my sister says generously. He’s been better for a few days, but this is the first I’ve heard about being allowed my own bed again – she must be really pleased with my efforts tonight. ‘That way you won’t have to sleep with Leo any more.’

‘I thought you wanted separate rooms for the night before the big day?’ I remind her.

‘Yeah, but Dan can sleep on the sofa or kick Mike out of his bed or something,’ she babbles.

I shrug my shoulders casually.

‘Is something going on between you and Leo?’ Nancy asks.

‘Nope,’ I reply firmly.

‘But you seem so close, you’re always together–’

‘And they sleep in the same bed,’ Belle interrupts.

‘And you sleep in the same bed,’ Nancy echoes. ‘And Belle offered you your own bed back and you clearly don’t want it. Do you have feelings for him?’

‘Nope,’ I reply, although I’m slightly less confident with the delivery of that one.

‘You like him,’ Belle assures me. ‘You sleep with the people you don’t like, so by that logic, you don’t sleep with the ones you really do like.’

‘You’re the one stopping me sleeping with him. Anyway, that makes no sense, you drunk bitch,’ I laugh.

‘I think you like him too,’ Nancy insists. ‘I’ve been watching you together and I can just tell.’

I bat away the suggestion with a wave of my hand, just as Jimmy finishes his song.

‘Up next we have Mia, give her a round of applause,’ he shouts down the microphone.

‘But I haven’t even picked my song,’ I insist.

‘I picked it for you,’ Belle informs me. ‘It’s super-appropriate.’

I make my way to the makeshift stage and take the microphone from Jimmy. As I start singing the words as they appear on the screen, it doesn’t take me long to realise what I’m singing – ‘Can’t Help Falling in Love’. Oh, very funny, my sister is suddenly a comedian it seems. As the words leave my lips, I really think about what Belle and Nancy were saying. It’s ridiculous, isn’t it? I mean, Leo and I are just friends. If we were shagging instead of sleeping at opposite ends of a bed, and kissing instead of watching movies and messing around on the beach all day, then maybe I could understand why they’re thinking what they’re thinking. What am I talking about? I’m drunk, I have no idea what
I’m
thinking.

I finish my song to a massive round of applause, but I can’t help but feel annoyed. I’m not sure why, but that conversation about Leo has just rubbed me up the wrong way and suddenly I’m not in the mood for partying any more.

Chapter 29

As I stroll along the quiet street towards the beach house, I swig from the bottle of blueberry Kapop Shotz that I grabbed before leaving the pub. I scrunch up my face and make funny noises after each sip because it really is so sweet, and I’ve had way too much.

I’m struggling to stay on my feet. This either has something to do with my very high heels or the fact that I have had far too much alcohol, even by my standards. My legs are like jelly and it feels like I’m walking on a waterbed, not the pavement.

The other girls are far drunker than I am. So drunk that, when I told them I was going home because I was tired, they didn’t even question it. Weirdly, they seemed gutted that I was leaving – we’ve actually had a really fun night, but with my mood taking a turn for the worse, I thought it best I leave. I’ll slip off my dress, climb into bed and try and get to sleep. The boys will almost certainly still be partying, so I’ll make the most of having the bed to myself and not being squashed on my own side.

The beach house is in sight, but walking just feels so difficult. Deciding that my shoes are just holding me back, I kick them off in the street, picking them up in my free hand. As I walk the final few feet towards the stairs to the front door, I alternate between swigging my drink and quietly singing ‘Can’t Help Falling in Love’ to myself, dancing my way along, pretending my life is a musical.

I let out a little yelp as I make out a figure sitting on the bottom step. I was expecting everyone to either still be out or be fast asleep by now – it must be after midnight.

‘Hello you,’ Leo says cheerily, sounding like he’s had his own fair share of alcohol tonight. He’s looking really good in a pair of black trousers and a white shirt. He’s drinking a bottle of beer and as he lifts it to his lips to take a drink, the sleeve of his shirt looks like it might burst open courtesy of his bulging bicep. I remind myself not to look at him like
that
, we’re just friends, we’re just friends.

‘Leonardo,’ I greet him, clumsily plonking myself down on the step next to him. ‘What are you doing home so early?’

‘I could ask you the same thing,’ he replies, smiling that dreamy smile of his that shows off the cute dimples in his cheeks… stop it, Mia!

‘I don’t know,’ I reply. ‘I’m just drunk.’

‘Me too,’ he laughs. ‘Cheers.’

Leo holds up his bottle and I clink it with my own. We both drink.

‘Beer, though,’ I start. ‘That’s not a man’s drink.
This
is a man’s drink.’

I wiggle my bottle of blueberry, sugary vodka at him.

‘Men don’t drink that,’ he tells me.

‘Real men can’t drink this,’ I tell him. ‘They can’t handle it.’

Leo laughs and takes the bottle from me. He takes a confident swig, but scrunches up his face as soon as he swallows.

‘My God, that’s sweet,’ he gasps. ‘I’ll stick to my beer.’

‘No you won’t,’ I inform him, pouring the remaining contents of his bottle into the nearest plant before pushing the neck of the bottle into the soil. ‘You can’t let me drink this on my own.’

‘If I drink that I’ll end up with a blue tongue like you,’ he insists.

‘My tongue isn’t blue,’ I mumble, opening my mouth as little as possible when I speak.

‘Prove it,’ he demands, but I keep my mouth tightly closed like a little kid refusing to eat her peas.

Leo, who isn’t willing to take my word for it, gently opens my mouth with his hand and pinches my tongue between his fingers.

‘There you go, it’s blue.’

‘Eww,’ I squeak. ‘I know where those hands have been. There’s only one thing for it, I’ll have to drink more blue alcohol to try and clean my mouth.’

I take a big swig from the bottle and jokingly swish the liquid around inside my mouth.

‘You look like you went down on a Smurf,’ he laughs. His joke catches me by surprise, causing me to erupt with laughter, spraying blue drink all over his lovely white shirt.

‘Shit, I am so sorry,’ I cackle. ‘Take it off, I
will
fix it.’

‘You
will
fix it?’

‘I will. I’ll just pour some of the candy floss flavoured one on it, it’ll bring the blue right out.’

Leo laughs and shakes his head.

‘Give me that bottle,’ he demands as he takes off his shirt. I do as he asks, and watch as he takes a drink. It never ceases to amaze me just how perfect his body is, he’s like a statue. He has splashes of blue all over his chest so I brush them off with my hands. Maybe it’s because I’m drunk, maybe it’s because I’m a dirty girl, but I just can’t seem to remove my hands from his rock-hard chest, it’s like a magnet is holding them in place. Leo reaches out and places the bottle on the side before gently grabbing me by the wrists and pulling me close for a kiss. No one has ever kissed me like this before, it’s slow and it feels like it lasts a lifetime. It isn’t like the sexy, passion-fuelled kiss we shared on the day we met but it isn’t a friendly kiss either.

As Leo releases me I lose my balance a little, falling into him.

‘Let’s go upstairs,’ he says as he picks me up, throwing me over his shoulder.

I giggle with delight – well, isn’t this every girl’s fantasy? To be carried to bed by a fireman.

***

My head hurts. Not just my head, but my hair too, every last strand of it is causing me physical pain every time I dare to move my head on the pillow. I feel like I’ve been hit in the face – by a wrecking ball, a really big one with a butt-naked Miley Cyrus warbling away on top of it.

My eyes are closed, but my eyelids are glowing red from the bright sunlight. I would bring my hands to my face to cover them but I just can’t find the strength. As my stomach grumbles and bubbles like a pan of boiling water, it occurs to me that when I do find the energy to move my arms, I should probably cover my mouth. It’s not a case of
if
I’m going to be sick, it’s a case of
when
.

What the hell happened last night? I remember arriving at The Cock, our drinking game with the locals and my sister treating me like a human being (although that last part sounds like something drunk-me might have wishfully made up). I left early, didn’t I? I made my own way home and then…

My body remains perfectly still, but my eyes open suddenly. I allow myself to stare into space for a second so my eyes can adjust before allowing myself to glance down at my body. It turns out that it isn’t a lack of energy or some kind of alcohol-induced paralysis that is stopping me from moving, it’s a man’s arm wrapped around my body.

‘Shit shit shit,’ I shout, jumping out of bed at such a speed I go lightheaded.

‘What’s wrong?’ Leo asks, his voice is croaky and he’s rubbing his eyes.

At least it’s Leo. For a second I thought that I might have got into bed with Dan again.

‘Sorry. Waking up with a naked man kind of freaks a girl out,’ I explain.

‘I’m not naked.’ Leo yawns. ‘Neither are you.’

Leo pulls back the covers, showing me that he’s still wearing his trousers. I turn around to look in the mirror behind me and sure enough, I’m still wearing my outfit from last night.

‘So we didn’t…’

‘We didn’t,’ he laughs. ‘We chatted for ages and then we fell asleep. How drunk were you?’