Bachelor Mother (23 page)

Damn the nurse for saying that in front of her! He knew she’d heard, knew by the way she started to cry as the nurse left the room. It seemed cruel, what Mel was going through, the reality so different from what she’d been led to expect. He knew she wanted to have this baby naturally, and he wanted to go the distance with her, help her in any way he could.

Transition was what he dreaded most. What could be worse than what she’d already been through? He’d run marathons, swum long distances, exerted himself in every sport imaginable, yet he’d never seen anything like this. The physical endurance needed was incredible. As he wiped Mel’s face and whispered words of encouragement, he wished desperately that he could share part of it with her, somehow ease her pain.

She was no coward. He knew she was scared, had known the entire last month she was convinced something was wrong because she was so big. He’d caught her crying a few times but she’d never told him why. Now these strange contractions weren’t helping.

But transition. Their Lamaze instructor had told them that it was the bridge between soft labor and active labor. The reason it was so painful was that dilation was rapid at that point, preparing for the crowning of the baby’s head. The pain was so intense that sometimes a woman went a little out of her head.

“Don’t be afraid if she does anything strange at this point,” their instructor had said, talking softly to the couples all around her. “Transition is a major stress to the body and women cope with it in different ways. I knew one woman who pummeled her husband with her fists and screamed at him.”

And they’d all laughed nervously, convinced that nothing strange like that would happen to them.

But at this point, the way things are going, I’m not sure of anything anymore.
He was brought out of his thoughts by the pressure of Mel’s fingers against his. Another contraction was beginning. He put his face close to hers and began to breathe with her.

* * *

Mel was in a haze of pain. Nothing mattered anymore. Just as she’d failed every private test of pregnancy, so she was failing labor. She hated every television movie that had shown pregnant women, out on the ranch, twisting the bedclothes and heroically giving birth to a darling, squalling infant. She remembered the evening she and Bubba had watched a “Dynasty” rerun and saw Krystal Carrington give birth to Kristina. It all looked so simple on the screen. If they’d done it realistically, it would have had to be put on
The Twilight Zone
.

The nurse bustled in. “Call for you, Mr. Williams. Anne Randell.”

“I can’t leave now,” Bubba said softly.

“I’ll stay with her,” the nurse offered.

Mel managed a weak smile. “Go talk to my mom, Bubba. She’s probably worried.” Her mother had called her at home often during the past month. She'd always had hunches, feelings, about her daughters. When she couldn’t reach them by phone, she’d probably assumed they were at the hospital and had turned their phones off.

Mel watched him go, feeling some of her strength leave with him. She tried not to look at the nurse. She didn’t want to give her any more chances to make remarks about what was normal and not normal.

She was lying on the bed, her shoulders propped up with pillows, her eyes closed when she heard the sound of rubber-soled feet on linoleum.

“Mrs. Murphy is in transition. She wants you to come see her for a second,” the new arrival said to the brown-haired nurse.

Mel was almost glad to be left alone. Nothing made any sense anymore. Were children really worth all this? She felt tired and her thoughts were disjointed but suddenly something flashed to the forefront of her mind.

I don’t want to have this baby.

Another contraction hit her and she panted, her breathing completely erratic, and just let the pain take her.

Maybe I could ask Bubba to knock me out.

She stared at the far wall. There was a watercolor of an ocean scene and she concentrated on the swirls of blue color. Another thought intruded, stronger than the first.

If I get out of the hospital now, I won’t have to have this baby.

Why hadn’t she thought of this before? Why hadn’t Bubba? Of course! It all made perfect sense.

She sat up, reaching behind her to hold the hospital gown closed over her bare bottom and contemplated the floor.

It’s too far down.
But Bubba had been sitting on a chair. If she could pull it over…

It was still too far down. Her unbalanced body made her clumsy. Mel glanced around, her energy born of a sudden desperation. Anything to escape the pain.

The bed table. Get the bed table.
The stainless-steel bed table. She looped her foot around it and pulled it over to the bed. Clumsily she crawled on top of it. Then she felt around with her foot until her sole touched the chair.

This is going to work.
Slowly she climbed down into the chair and then shakily stood on the floor.

Now to the door. And freedom.

But as she started to walk, a contraction harder than any of the others hit her and she stopped, her legs trembling violently.

Leave the hospital – who are you kidding?
  Her plan, which had seemed so brilliant and logical seconds before, was torn to shambles. When the contraction lessened, she walked slowly back over to the chair and climbed into it. She rested for a second, then, panting from the exertion, heaved herself up on the bed tray. She’d be back in her bed before anyone was the wiser.

“
Mel!”

She looked over her shoulder and almost fell when she saw Bubba, a look of stark terror on his face, come rushing into the room. He helped her get back into bed, fluffed the pillows underneath her shoulders and smoothed her hair out of her face.

“What were you trying to do?” He wasn’t yelling, just asking.

“I thought if I got out of the hosp – ” Another contraction hit her and she reached for his hand. It peaked and she crushed his fingers. This one was stronger than any of the others. Her fear must have showed on her face.

“Hold on to me, Mel. Breathe with me. Come on, breathe.”

Something inside her shattered and in its place came the complete conviction that she was never going to be able to have this baby, that she wouldn’t make it through the rest of her labor.

“I can’t make it, Bubba,” she panted. “I can’t do this.” Her body was shaking violently as if it had a life of its own. “I can’t, I can’t – ”

“Mel, breathe – ”

“
Screw the breathing!”

“Mel, look at my face! I want you to breathe!”

“
I can’t, I can’t!”

He pressed his face against hers, blew a breath out on her cheeks. “Come on, baby, you’re almost there! Come on, Mel, don’t give up now! Just a little longer –
breathe!
”

He became an extension of her, his breathing, his eyes, his love. There were people in the room now. She opened her eyes and saw her doctor. The pressure was incredible but she looked back at Bubba and kept breathing with him.

“You can push now, Melanie,” her doctor said. “I want you to push right now.”

She felt as if a ring of fire opened up. All sensation focused where she knew the baby had to be.

“I see the head,” the doctor said calmly. “That’s good, Melanie, you’re doing great. Push again.”

And through it all she held onto Bubba’s arm, his other hand supporting her shoulders as she curled slightly up.

Then she felt everything sliding, sliding out. Her legs started to shake again with the effort.

“You have a little girl.”

A girl!
  Mel started to cry and, looking up, was surprised to see tears running down Bubba’s face. Even the doctor was crying.

“Is she all right? I want to hold her, I – ” Another contraction silenced her. Something wasn’t right. She still felt so full.

“Is that the afterbirth? There’s something inside – ” Looking at her doctor for confirmation she was shocked to see surprise on the woman’s face. Clutching Bubba, she closed her eyes.

Something’s wrong. Oh, no. Oh, no!

She felt Bubba leave her and she opened her eyes. He’d walked down to the end of the bed and was talking with the doctor. His eyes were intense, anxious. Then she felt the same fire again. She clutched her fingers into fists, reaching for Bubba’s hand, certain what was happening after giving birth would surely kill her. There was more of that peculiar sliding sensation, then a baby’s cry.

She couldn’t open her eyes, afraid of what she might see. But she couldn’t keep them closed. She looked up into Bubba’s face, knowing he would tell her the truth.

“It’s twins, Mel.” He was holding a tiny baby and had the silliest, stunned grin stretched across his face. She felt herself begin to smile back.

“Two. Two babies?” She couldn’t believe it even though she saw them, a nurse holding one, Bubba the other.

“One was up behind the other. That’s why we only heard one heartbeat,” the doctor said.

She closed her eyes as she felt another nurse’s hands press down on her abdomen. It hurt and her eyes flew open.

“Just a little more,” the nurse said. “We’re helping your uterus contract.”

It seemed so unfair, after the rest of the pain. She forgot the babies, even Bubba, for a second as the nurse pushed again.

Bubba came around the side of the bed, holding one of the babies. “Two girls, Mel.”

“Skip and Moondoggie,” she said softly.

“Danielle and Alexandra,” he replied.

She reached out for his hand as her eyes fluttered shut. She wanted to hold her children, count their fingers and toes, but she just didn’t have the strength.

“Ten toes?” she mumbled.

“Twenty – ten on each.”

“And their fingers?” She was drifting away from him and she squeezed his hand tighter.

“Perfect, Mel. They’re absolutely perfect.”

“I’m so glad.”

And then, totally exhausted, she slept.

Bubba stumbled out into the waiting room, his body feeling strangely disconnected from his head. He’d followed the two nurses to the nursery and watched as they’d weighed and measured his daughters – four pounds, ten ounces and four pounds, eleven ounces. He couldn’t remember how many inches long they were, he was that delirious with happiness.

And Mel was safe. He didn’t blame her for falling asleep. He would've done the same thing. She’d had two! So even if she couldn’t have any more children, they’d done the best they could.

He rubbed his hand wearily over the back of his neck. When he’d talked to Mel’s mother, she'd asked him quietly if he was the father. He’d admitted to it but had asked her not to tell Mel she knew. He’d assured her they were going to get married as soon as Mel decided on a date.

It was the beginning of a whole new life for them.

He glanced up as someone opened the door. Mr. and Mrs. Randell rushed into the waiting room, anxious looks on their faces. He took Mel’s mother’s hand and said, “Twins. Two little girls. And Mel's doing fine.”

Tears misted Anne Randell’s eyes. “Bless you for being with her, Bubba. It’s the only reason Donnie didn’t have an accident on the freeway coming up.”

“Donnie?” His voice was slightly strangled. This wasn’t good.

“He’s parking the car.” She shook her head. “I didn’t tell him. But you know, he’s been moping around and I really believe he’s sorry for what he said to Mel. I couldn’t bear to tell him he couldn’t come but I won’t have him upsetting Melanie now.” She looked like a fierce mother hen and Bubba tried to smile. He felt so tired.

Donnie burst into the waiting room and Bubba looked up again. His old friend
did
  look slightly remorseful. Restrained. Maybe this could all work out for the best.

“
Twins!”
  he shouted. The four of them were alone in the waiting room. Donnie looked incredulous for a moment.

“What were they?” he asked.

“Both girls.”

“Did Melanie decide on any names?” her father asked.

Bubba was tempted to tell them about Skip and Moondoggie but didn’t have the energy to laugh. What he wanted, more than anything, was to curl up next to Mel and go to sleep. But they hadn’t thought of rooming in, so he’d have to settle for the next best thing and go home.

A nurse walked into the room and Mel’s mother rushed over to her.

“Can you tell me how my daughter’s doing? Is she awake? Can we see her?”

The nurse smiled. “She’s asleep. Twins are hard work. But I’ll come out here and let you know the minute she wakes up.” She turned to Bubba. "This guy worked really hard,” she said, smiling.

“We can’t thank you enough, Bubba,” Mel’s father said.

“She wouldn’t have made it without you,” Donnie said with conviction.

Bubba didn’t want to stand around and talk. He wanted to go home.

“You’re exhausted,” Mrs. Randell said. “Bubba, let Donald drive you home. We can pick up your car later.”

The nurse touched his sleeve. “I just wanted you to know your babies are doing just fine. They’re very healthy little girls and you should be proud of yourself.”

He could feel the dull flush creeping up his neck but he nodded his head and looked back at Mel’s family.

“You!” Donnie said, advancing on him slowly. “You son of a bitch, it was
you!
”

“Donald, stop!” Mrs. Randell said, a worried frown puckering her brow. “Bubba’s worn out. He has to get home and sleep. You can discuss this later.”

It was as if Donnie didn’t even hear her. “I put her in that house next to you so you could
protect
  her, not knock her up!”

“Donald!” This from Mr. Randell.

“I
trusted
  you, you bastard!”

“Donnie, listen – ” Bubba didn’t even see the fist that connected with his jaw. He just slumped to the floor.

* * *

You’re a failure.

Mel slept through her twins’ first feeding. The nurse told her she didn’t have the heart to wake her up, so when she finally brought in the twins, Mel was sitting up in bed, eagerly waiting for her daughters.

Her breasts hurt. She was so sore she had to sit on a cushion. But more than anything she wanted to see the twins, hold them close.