Bachelor Mother (22 page)

“Oh, it’s a boy. They’re always active.”

“You’re carrying it all out in front – a boy.”

“My mother looked just like that when she had my sister.”

“Eight months? Aren’t you big!”

“Well you certainly ate for two!”

Nothing she tried made her happy. The helpful hints in women’s magazines were laughable. She felt like a whale and even whales probably had more fun than she did. At least they could swim around and play in the ocean. And the ones she’d seen with Bubba off Catalina were gray – a slimming color.

Thank God for Bubba. She wasn’t sure if she would've continued her Lamaze classes without his calming presence. The first night they had class, one of the pregnant women kept staring at her. Mel tried not to stare back but she was conscious of the woman’s eyes on her the entire time. Before the class was over, she sidled up to Mel and said, “Are you having twins or what?”

She’d cried all the way out to the car, all the way home. Nothing Bubba could say could shake the feeling she had that she was the fattest pregnant woman on earth.

What had she done wrong? She’d followed the diet, jogged until she was uncomfortable, then walked with Bubba every night. But she refused to waddle.

Yet she did. She waddled through her days and slept restlessly through her nights. She didn’t even feel right about curling up next to Bubba for comfort, since the baby kicked so hard she kept him awake.

See, even now the baby is coming between us.

He never complained, never hesitated to comfort her in any way he could. The more he did for her, the worse she felt because she knew she was being a terrible crab and, worse, a complete baby herself.

Why was something that should have been so wonderful so horrible?

Joanie and Alicia continued to stop by, but toward the end of her pregnancy, Mel started to pretend she was asleep when anyone visited. She was tired of pretending she was happy being pregnant. Nothing had prepared her for the reality of what was happening to her body.

Even her surprise baby shower couldn’t cheer her up. Alicia planned the entire party, along with Joanie, her mother and her sisters. Bubba was in on the surprise and finally had to tell her what was really going on in order to get her out of the house.

Mel had to pretend she felt good, smile when she wanted to cry, open presents and be sociable when all she wanted was to hide in her bedroom and sleep. She felt selfish and spoiled, like she was rejecting all the love and happiness around her. All she could think about was how tired she was and how much she wanted this pregnancy to be over.

It was as if she’d undergone a complete personality transplant. And the only person she could confide in was Bubba. Yet she couldn’t tell him everything.

Her worst, most private fears she kept to herself. She couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong with the baby because she’d blown up so quickly. And her due date had already passed. But as her monthly checks with the doctor became weekly, nothing abnormal turned up. She was just enormous.

And Bubba. Why should any man on earth find the world’s largest pregnant woman attractive? She worried about losing her sex appeal. It wasn’t hard when all you wanted to do was plant yourself in a chair in front of a fan, put your feet up and forget.

She could feel the slight contractions ripple through her body, knew it was her body’s way of preparing for delivery. If she thought the sight of her waddling through the house must be off-putting, she couldn’t wait for the birth. Bubba would probably set up a small, isolated tent for her and the baby in the backyard.

Toward the middle of May there was a hot spell and Mel was miserable. She began sleeping on the pull-out couch in the living room in front of the fan because it was cooler. Though Bubba had air-conditioning, she didn’t want him to run up a huge bill because of her. And she knew her fretful sleeping kept him up.

So she was surprised when he joined her one night.

“Can’t sleep?” he asked as he sat down on the pull-out mattress.

“No. She just moves and moves. I know I should be grateful she’s moving at all, but – ”

“I’ll rub your legs.”

She wanted to cry. Here it had been
her
  idea to get pregnant,
her
  idea to enlist Bubba,
her
  stupid brother who had kicked her out of the house next door and
her
  laziness that had prevented her from finding an apartment instead of moving in with Bubba.

“It won’t be much longer, Mel.”

“I hope so. Bubba, don’t you ever get fed up with this?”

He finished massaging one leg and started on the other. “The only thing that frustrates me is what you have to go through. It makes me feel so helpless because I don’t know what to do for you.”

Tears of shame stung her eyes. He was always thinking of her. She was a constant crab – a bitch, really. He deserved someone calm and bovine, with a long, flowing white caftan and a wreath of flowers in her hair, one of those women in the soap operas who made it all look so easy. For one insane moment she considered renting out one of their actresses for the last week, having Bubba tell everyone it was her, and hiding in the garage until everything was over.

“I miss just sleeping with you,” she said softly.

“Me, too. That’s why I came downstairs.” He finished massaging her leg and crawled into bed with her, his front to her back, his arms around her enormous belly – barely.

“You’ll be up all night.”

“Tomorrow’s Saturday. We can sleep in together.”

“Do you ever miss making love?” What a stupid question.
Of course
  he missed it. She’d lived with him long enough to know Bubba considered lovemaking one of the greatest pleasures life offered.

“I think about it. But we’ll get that back, too.”

“What was it like. Do you remember?” If she didn’t joke she’d start to cry again.

“I remember everything about you.”

“How about that stupid book the doctor recommended. Were there any helpful hints?”

She could hear the smile in his voice. “Go to sleep, Mel.”

“You could just take my hand and kind of put it where you want it. It’s the only part of me that isn’t fat.”

“Oh, Mel.” He hugged her against him and she felt the baby move. “There’s so much more to it than that.”

“Well, maybe if you thought of something else – “

“That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it.”

She wanted to turn around and fall asleep with her head on his shoulders like in the old days but the thought of moving exhausted her.

“Do you ever regret this?” she whispered suddenly. It was the one question she’d wanted to ask him for so long but she’d never had the courage.

“This?” He stroked her belly gently. “No. Just think, Mel, if this hadn’t happened, we’d still be best friends.”

“And what are we now?” She needed reassurance and asked for it shamelessly.

“You’re a part of my heart,” he said simply.

She felt the single, solitary tear start to roll down her cheek. She didn’t deserve this man. Beauty and the beast. His words had a softening effect on her. She felt her entire body relax. Even the baby quieted.

Mel took his hands in hers and pressed it against her belly.

“How come you always know exactly the right thing to say?”

She could feel his smile against her shoulder. “That didn’t come from the book, either.”

* * *

The baby dropped, so Mel knew labor would be imminent. She spent the last days quietly, thinking more than anything else. She was fearful but prepared. Though she knew from talking to Sandy that no one practiced breathing exercises every night, with Bubba as her coach, she did. He timed her breathing, encouraged her, stayed very close. Neither of them left the house. He took his vacation so he could be with her.

Bubba planned little things that wouldn’t tax her strength. One evening he invited Terry and Laurie over for a barbecue. A beginning-of-the-summer celebration, he called it. Though it was still only the middle of May and summer technically didn’t begin until later in June, Mel liked the idea. Terry and Laurie were two people who hadn’t pried and seemed genuinely glad to see her and Bubba together.

They’d fixed barbecued chicken and potato salad. Mel had baked brownies. Bubba threw together a vegetable dish and a fruit salad. But now she didn’t feel like eating. She just wanted to lie in the hammock. The heat wave was over for now and Mel was thankful as the cotton hammock swayed back and forth. A cool breeze washed over her as the sun slowly set.

Where her sudden burst of energy during the last few days had come from she couldn’t imagine. Now all she really wanted was to get labor over with. Her back had been hurting since early that afternoon. All she wanted to do was to get herself comfortably settled in the hammock, take the pressure off her legs and lower back. She thought of the end in sight as a relief. Nothing could possibly be as bad as waddling around with the belly she had.

She was standing next to Bubba, his arm around her, when her water suddenly broke. She had the queerest sensation just a split second before it happened. Almost as if she knew.

It poured out onto the patio, soaking the cotton skirt of her loose dress, wrapping the light material around her legs. She knew without a doubt she was going into labor.

No. Wait a minute. Stop. I changed my mind.

But there was no turning back now. She began to walk – waddle – around the patio. Her doctor had told her not to come to the hospital until the contractions were close together, until she couldn’t walk or talk while having one. Mel knew from the books she’d read that that stage of labor would be a while in coming. Bubba went inside and called the doctor to double-check and alert her that labor had begun. She knew he was going to run up to their bedroom and take the suitcase she’d packed two weeks ago and put it by the front door.

Terry and Laurie were excited for them and left shortly. It seemed they didn’t want to intrude on such a private moment.

This isn’t so bad,
Mel thought as she felt another small contraction ripple through her.
I can handle this
. The early contractions had been so slight she hadn’t realized she was going into labor. She smiled. For once in her pregnancy, something was turning out right.

Though Bubba protested, she did the dishes and put everything away. He set the patio to rights and covered the grill, then came back into the house and helped her finish up the cleaning.

“Don’t wear yourself out. You’ll need your strength for later.”

She flashed a smile at him. “But I feel wonderful.”
At last. Something I can do right.

It was almost over. Was it a year ago she’d come to his door and asked for his help? It seemed longer. But now, probably within the next day, she’d see her baby. Know whether it was a boy or a girl. Hold it in her arms. Feel she’d accomplished something, know that all the discomfort and pain had been worth it.

Labor was going to be all right – she could feel it.

* * *

By the time they reached the hospital at almost one in the morning, the only thing Mel was sure of was that she was going to die.

When her doctor had said “Wait until you can’t talk or stand,” she hadn’t been kidding. It was horrible. She knew from her reading and the Lamaze class that a normal contraction didn’t last longer than thirty or forty-five seconds but it seemed an eternity when she was in such pain. On the way to the car a powerful contraction had hit her and she’d held onto Bubba’s arm, practically crushing it, panting like a dog – a very large Irish wolfhound.

They went straight to the emergency room and bypassed signing in. Thank God Bubba had had the foresight to drive her down two weeks before so she could fill out the lengthy forms. She knew she couldn’t have done it in the condition she was in.

And if this is what it’s like now, what will happen in transition? 
Transition sounded like a horrible roller coaster ride she’d been on the summer she was twelve. Donnie had dared her to go, so she’d stuck out her jaw stubbornly and bought a ticket. It had been too fast, racing up and down and around curves before she was ready for them. She held onto the rail until her knuckles were white, and practically had to have her fingers pried off at the end of the ride. Then she staggered down from the loading platform and threw up. Donnie, bless his heart, laughed. Why did older brothers think stuff like that was funny?

What she’d learned in Lamaze was filtering in and out of her head but she couldn’t seem to get a handle on it. Thank God for Bubba. He stroked her forehead, talked to her, let her grip his hand during contractions, encouraged her to breathe throughout the haze of pain. His eyes were the only focal point she had.

When active labor began she was glad they’d opted for a birthing room. She couldn’t imagine her body being wheeled around, transferred from labor room to delivery room. She would have wanted to kill anyone who touched her. She felt as if her body didn’t belong to her anymore, as if some alien spirit had invaded her and was pushing, pushing, making the contractions come stronger and stronger.

But they were strange, not one hard one after the other. First a hard one, then a soft one. Hard, then soft.

“Ask the nurse,” she pleaded with Bubba after one of the hard ones.
Something’s wrong. I know it.
As usual, nothing was going by the book. Who wrote those damn books, anyway? Probably the same sadists who produced those baby commercials with the smiling madonnas.

Their nurse was a tall woman with brown hair. Desperately needing reassurance, Mel strained to hear what she had to say to Bubba. She felt so vulnerable, as if she were completely open, too weak to offer any resistance.

“I don’t know. I’ve never seen anything like this.”

Mel arched her head back and started to sob.
Never seen anything like this! Why, oh why, couldn't something in her pregnancy have been normal?

* * *

Bubba was worried but he had to stay calm. For Mel. He knew if he seemed anything but confident it would be all over.