B00BR2BOUU EBOK (38 page)

Claire hesitantly looked at me while holding her son in
front of her. Bryce had stood up next to me, waiting for my reaction, which
apparently hadn’t really come yet. I sat back down on the couch and put my head
in my hands.

“Alexis.” Bryce knelt back down in front of me. “Alexis, I’m
sorry, Hunny...” I lifted my head and looked into his eyes, then put my head
back down and held up one finger to indicate I needed a moment.
You can do
this, Alexis.
I stood up and placed my hand on Bryce’s shoulder for support
while rising, and to reassure him that I was good. I walked over to my handbag
and pulled out my iPod, then flicked through the screen until I came across the
app I was looking for. As I walked towards Claire I noticed her grip her son’s
shoulders tighter. I bent down so that I was eye level with him.
Shit. Crap.
Balls. He has Rick’s eyes.

“Hi, what’s your name?” I tried to sound as pleasant as I
possibly could given the situation. He looked up to his mother as if to ask
permission to answer. Claire nodded and smiled gingerly.

“R...RJ.” He said nervously with a stutter.
RJ? Rick Jr.
Fuck.
I looked up and glared at Claire. The hatred that was festering
within me was bordering on the brink of explosion.
Anger, stay in that
corner man. Do you hear me? I said do you hear me?
I closed my eyes for the
smallest of seconds then looked into RJ’s, feeling just a tiny bit of
familiarity, as if I had looked into those eyes before. “RJ, do you like Angry
Birds?” He nodded. “Good, how about you come sit over here on this sofa, and
you can play it on my iPod.” He looked up at Claire, and she nodded again. I
handed him the iPod, “If you can get past level 7, I’ll be your biggest fan.”
He smiled and relaxed a little as Claire led him to the lounge.

I stood up and walked straight out to the balcony, desperate
for the view of the city that had once before helped calm my nerves and find
clarity. I sure as hell hoped it would do the same today, but I couldn’t be
sure as to how I was going to react when Claire and I were alone. Moments later
and from the corner of my eye I noticed Claire standing at the balustrade only
meter away from me.

“I’m sorry, Alexis, but it is what it is.” Her voice was
shaky as she said the words. I scoffed at her and gripped the railing. I wanted
to pick her up and flip her over the fucking side, then dangle her there.

“It is what it is because you have made it that way,
Claire.” I hissed from between my teeth.

“I know and I’m sorry. But I’m not sorry for RJ, I love that
little boy and don’t regret what I did for a second, because if I did I
wouldn’t have him.” Tears began to well in her eyes.

“I know the love a mother has for her child, Claire, I’m
more than fucking aware of it.” I understood what she was saying though, no
matter how your children come to be, there is no possible way you could regret
them. I turned to look at her “Why have you kept RJ a secret for five years?”
She didn’t answer straight away, instead a lone tear streaked down her cheek
and dropped, falling forty-three stories. I wondered if it ever made it to the
ground.

“Because I didn’t want to ruin your perfect family.”

“You did ruin our perfect family, Claire. You ruined it the
moment you decided to sleep with my husband.”  I relaxed my grip on the railing.
“But none of that really matters anymore, does it? What matters now is Rick has
a son that he knows nothing about.”

“He doesn’t have to find out.” She fidgeted. “He’ll hate me
and RJ, and RJ deserves better than that.” She looked down at her fingers and
picked at her nail.

“You don’t know that, Claire. Rick is many things, but an
arse of a father is not one of them. You never even gave him a chance. You’ve
robbed him of five years of RJ’s life, five years he can never get back.”

She turned and looked at me for the first time since meeting
me out on the balcony. “I panicked Alexis. I was young. I had slept with a
married man, a man whose wife I had known since I was a kid, a man whose wife I
respected, and a man whose wife I envied and wanted to be more than anything in
this world.” She turned back to look across the city and sighed. “I was so
disgusted with myself, but I loved him. I couldn’t help it, I knew it was wrong,
but I wanted him more than anything and because of that I didn’t care what I was
doing.”

My stomach wrenched as I realised I could relate to what she
was saying. I also knew how wrong it was to have feelings for someone I shouldn’t,
I also knew how wrong it was to cross the line and not care as I did it,
because when you love somebody like that you can’t help yourself.

“Claire, I can understand that...But, why blackmail him?”

“Because I needed the money, and I couldn’t exactly ask him
for child support, could I?” She pulled away from the railing and tilted her
head to see if RJ was still captivated in Angry Bird land. He was smiling as he
ran his finger along the screen, and a happy little ‘Yes’ escaped his mouth
suggesting he was successful in his actions. “He is my ‘everything’ Alexis. I
fucked up and brought him into this world, a world where his father didn’t know
he existed, and a world where his mother was an immature slut who had no money
to her name. That little boy deserved more than what he got. I’m already a
worthless excuse for a human being, so why not accept that and resort to
blackmailing. That’s why I did it.” She started to cry and something inside of
me broke. Then, I did something I thought was never possible for me to do. I
grabbed her and hugged her as an act of comfort.

“Claire, you are not a worthless excuse for a human being.
You made a terrible, terrible mistake, one that you could not take back...But,
your mistake resulted in that adorable little boy in there, and there is
nothing worthless about that, you said so yourself.” She pulled back from me,
her mouth wide open in disbelief.

She wiped her eyes and laughed mockingly.

“I deliberately slept with your husband, Alexis, had his
child, kept it a secret, and bribed him. And here you’re hugging me and telling
me I’m not worthless? I think you are slightly crazy.” She laughed again.

“Yeah, you could be right, Claire.” I mimicked her laugh.
“Look, like you said when you first came out here, and back when I wanted to
push you over the edge...” She stepped away slightly, and I smiled to myself.
“Like you said, ‘It is what it is’. You fucked up, but now you need to make it
right, and I can’t believe I am going to say this, but I am.” I sighed. “I will
help you.”

“Why, Alexis? Why would you help me?”

“It’s really quite simple, Claire, because you need it,
because Rick needs it, because RJ needs it, and because Nate and Charli deserve
to know their half-brother.” I walked back into the lounge, with her following
behind me. “I will ring you in a few days, Claire.”

I knelt down by RJ. “How did you do, RJ?”

He turned the iPod around. “I’m up to level 10.”

“Wow! Good job, I’m now your biggest fan.” I put my hand up
for a high-five, he slapped it hard and smiled. “It was really nice to meet you,
RJ. I’ll see you next time okay, and maybe you can get up to level 15?”

“Yep, I will.”

“I reckon you just might.” I gently placed my hand on his
head. Then I smiled and walked upstairs.

***

As soon as I closed the door to the spare room behind me, I
let go. I knew I could no longer hold in the anger and hurt I had kept at bay
while downstairs. It took everything in me not to expel the inner ball of fury
I was harbouring in front of RJ. I was a mother too, and there was no way I
would allow that poor little innocent boy to see me berate his mother. I picked
up the pillow and screamed into it, then threw it across the room. I pulled my
blouse over my head scrunched it into a ball and slammed it on the ground, then
wrenched off my shoes and launched them at the door. I needed my shower, I
needed the clarity it had brought me once before, I needed to see the anger
wash down the drain so that I could be content with the fact I had let it go. I
wrestled with the zip on my skirt, yanking and screaming at it to come down.
Suddenly, Bryce had his arms around me tightly. I fought them, trying to push
him away, but he was too strong.

“Shhh, Hunny, it’s okay.” He pressed his lips to the back of
my head. I surrendered the fight and fell limp.

“I can’t do it, I can’t get my skirt off. I can’t do it
anymore. I just want to get in that shower, Bryce.”

“Okay, my love. Let me help you.” He gently released his
grip, and eased down my zip, allowing my skirt to fall to the floor. I felt his
hands undo the clasp of my bra, then it was on the floor too. He pulled down my
underwear, lifted me into his arms, and carried me into the bathroom. He placed
me gently onto the bathmat then removed his own clothes as I stepped into the
shower. I put my hands against the wall with my arms locked, just staring down
at the drain. I was exhausted, emotionally depleted, and completely fucking
drained. Bryce put his hands on my shoulders and gently massaged them. He
didn’t say a word to me, he knew I would talk when I was ready. He knew that by
just being there with me was all I needed. When I was sure I had finished
watching all the anger from my body wash away, I turned around and hugged him
tightly.

“Thank you.”

“It’s what I do, Ms. Summers.”

I laughed, but thankfully not the ‘witch on crack cackle’
laugh. That laugh had started to worry me. “It is, Mr. Clark.”

“Hunny, you are beyond incredible. Have I told you that?”

“Yeah, I think you might have mentioned that a couple of
times.”

“Oh, in that case you are fucking incredible.”

I laughed again. “So are you.”

***

We spent a little while longer holding each other in the
shower. I came to the conclusion that not only was that shower my miracle mood
clarifier and enhancer, but also that when Bryce was in there with me it helped
with the healing even more so. Bryce had offered to take me out for the day to
take my mind off things, but I knew his work was piling up. Apparently Lucy had
been doing most of my work since the Tel V Awards. I told him ‘no’ and that
working was probably the best thing for us both at that moment. However, my
ability to focus was quite minimal, therefore I was far from productive. When 5
p.m. rolled around, Bryce emerged from his office.

“That’s it, enough. I can’t fucking wait any longer.” He
walked over to my chair. “Get up.”
What? What have I done?
I stood up.
He wrapped his arms around my waist and hauled me over his shoulder.

“Bryce, what are you doing?” I laughed.

“What I should’ve done hours ago.” He carried me into the
apartment and upstairs to his room then laid me down on his bed.  I started to
remove my shoes when he stopped me. “No Hunny, you just lay back and relax,
I’ve got this.” He slowly removed my shoes and clothes, then he did the same
with his own. He kissed up one of my legs, and across my clitoris, back down
the other, then back up again. He was so gentle and soothing in his actions, it
was perfect.

“You know, if I continue to work for you. We will never get
anything done.”

“I know.” He agreed, smiling.

“Well that’s not good.”

“No it’s not.” He quickly answered, still smiling.

I giggled. He continued trailing kisses up my stomach until
he reached my breasts. I shivered when the tip of his tongue touched my nipple,
then almost instantly he engulfed it in his mouth, while massaging the other nipple
between his thumb and finger. I pulled his head up to mine and kissed him
tenderly, looking into his eyes and letting him know I appreciated everything
about him. He entered me gently, rocking his body into mine, in slow deep
thrusts. I gripped his back as hard as I could, pulling him into me as far as
he would go.

“Bryce.” I exhaled, breathing heavily as he continued to
delve deep inside me. “Promise me you’ll never hurt me.” He slowed his momentum
only slightly as he raised his head from kissing my neck to look directly into
my eyes.

“Alexis, I would never hurt you.”

“No, I mean it. Promise me you’ll never go behind my back
and do things like Rick has done, no matter how bad it is. Promise me you’ll
always tell me first. I...I don’t think I could handle it. I...just don’t.”

“Hunny.” He paused long enough to tell me what he needed to.
“I promise you I will never hurt you, never keep anything from you. I promise
you I will do everything in my power to make you the happiest woman alive,
because you make me the happiest man alive.”

“Okay, I’m yours then, Mr. Clark. Forever.”

He smiled. “I know, my love.” I pulled him down to meet my
mouth, as he increased his rocking until we were both giving each other over to
ourselves entirely.

CHAPTER
TWENTY-SEVEN

Leaving Bryce at the apartment after our wonderful love
making session was terribly difficult. I felt at home falling asleep and waking
up with him, and knowing that was not going to happen this particular night had
dulled our moods. I made it home before dinner time with the intention to cook
us one of the gourmet meals I had planned when I had done the food shopping.
However, when I opened the front door, the smell of barbeque fumes wafted in
from the backyard and squashed that idea very quickly.

I dropped my bag on the buffet and headed out to the pergola
where Rick was standing over the hot plate turning sausages and hamburgers.
Charli was on the trampoline, and Nate was shooting hoops. I decided I wouldn’t
mention anything to Rick about Claire and RJ, not now anyway, as my first
priority was to tell the kids that their father and I were separating. I was
dreading the fact I had to speak such words to my children. My heart felt like
it was clawing at my chest, but I had to do it, at the end of the day it was
for the best and it could not be avoided.