Avowed (The Manipulation Trilogy Book 3) (3 page)

“As soon as I got home I knew something was wrong. It was too silent, eerily so. I went to find her, and when I got to her room everything was in place, but she was nowhere to be seen. I remember feeling my hairs standing on end when I called out to her and got no response. The bathroom door was locked but I couldn’t hear anything.” My breathing picks up speed as I relive what happened that day.

“I banged and banged on the door, screaming at her to answer me, but there was no response. Nothing. Just silence.” Clutching my chest, I shake my head as more sobs tear from deep in my throat. “It took me a while to think about the bathroom door in my room. Both our rooms connected with a shared bathroom. I ran as soon as I remembered, racing to see she was okay.” My body starts to shake as my worst nightmare comes crashing to the forefront of my mind. I bury my face in my hands as visions of what I walked in on hit me.

Damon moves to quickly take me in his arms. I let him for a minute, soaking in his strength before pulling back, standing and pacing the room.

“There was so much blood. It was everywhere. I froze at first, breaking down right there on the bathroom floor that was covered in Lydia’s blood. I tried to save her. I called for help but I knew it was too late. She was gone, her body too lifeless and grey. She’d slit her wrists,” I cry, recalling every detail as if it were happening right this second.

“My whole world was gone. I’d lost my only family member. I didn’t know what to do. I crumbled, broke down right there next to my dead sister. I couldn’t cope with the pain. I shut down, suffocating, drowning in pain. That night destroyed me. I don’t know how I survived, but I did. I woke up in the hospital and was released a few days later. Everything was a blur. Doctors, police, questions. I couldn’t keep up, it was too much. I blocked it all out. Three days later I was discharged from the hospital but I had nothing to go back to, no life left in me.” God this fucking hurts. The pain is as raw tonight as it was that day three years ago. I wrap my arms around myself, hugging myself in comfort.

“I broke down when I returned to the flat. It was so quiet. Death trapped within the walls. I couldn’t escape it. I found Lydia’s diary, and a picture of you.” I look up at Damon’s shocked face. His brows are furrowed in confusion. “You were the mystery man, her lover.” He tries to cut me off but I continue, stopping him from speaking. “You broke her and I hated you. I’d never felt hate like that before, and I wanted to destroy you like you did Lydia. And me. I blamed you for everything.”

Damon jumps up and strides over to me, but I hold my hands up, and press them against his chest, stopping him from touching me. Worry is etched in his face, his eyes frantic and filled with tears.

“Baby,” he chokes out.

“Please let me finish,” I plead, begging him with my eyes. He searches my eyes and nods reluctantly. “For weeks I planned it. I was going to get you, get justice for my sister, get revenge for me. I wanted you to pay for what you had done to Lydia. To me.” Shock takes over Damon’s face. He looks stunned. “I researched you. Followed you to see what type of women you went for. I know I’m not ugly, plain I would say, but I made it my mission to be beautiful, to be someone you would find attractive. I was numb, empty, but I needed you to see me. I wanted you to notice me but I knew I wasn’t ready.”

I pull in a deep breath, trying to slow my galloping heart.

“Ella I never–”

“I know. Let me finish. Please.” Damon silences instantly. “I spent years perfecting myself, making myself into someone you would want. I needed you to fall in love with me.” I laugh, humourlessly. “I never planned to love you back. I made friends with your acquaintances, made sure I’d be at events you would, just so you would notice me.”

“That first night we spent together made me feel physically sick. I enjoyed it and I couldn’t understand how I could like your touch, your presence.” Damon’s face twists with pain at my cruel words. “I was sick because you made me feel again and I wasn’t prepared for that. For the first time in years I actually felt something,” I whisper. I remember my confusion and my revulsion at how he made me feel.

“I blocked myself off and continued with my plan to take you down. I faked the burglary, knowing you wouldn’t be able to resist helping me. I never thought you’d let me stay in your home. I thought you’d help me, feel sorry for me. I knew seeing me weak and scared would make you want to help me. And you did. I felt a victory when you did as expected, more so when you let me come here.”

Damon’s tears fall as he listens to me talk about hating him. I step forward and cup his face, wanting him to see I really do love him.

“I never expected to feel what I did for you Damon. I craved your touch.” I say wiping his tears away. “You made me feel better. Made me want you but I fought it. I had a battle raging within me, and I was at war with myself. It was tearing me apart.” I say softly.

He looks broken.

“I hated you because I wanted you. I hated myself for wanting you, but I craved it. I wanted everything you could give me. I wanted to live.”

“Ella,” Damon rasps. I shake my head at him.

“You made me feel alive Damon. You brought me back to life, started my heart again. Claimed it. I wanted to keep feeling the way you made me feel, the way you
make
me feel.”

We cry together, staring into each other’s eyes. My pain reflected in his.

“When I found out I was pregnant, I was so confused. I didn’t know what to do. I knew my feelings for you were no longer a game, but it was new, it was unexpected. I’d fallen in love with you without realising, no matter how much I tried to fight it. I denied it to myself for weeks, but I knew really that I loved you. I wanted my happy ever after, but I felt like a fraud. I felt like I had betrayed Lydia by loving you. It hurt thinking I was letting her down so I continued to fight it.”

“The night I went to that business dinner with Spencer, he convinced me I could have my happily ever after. He made me realise I could be loved.”

“Spencer knew?” Damon asks stunned.

“No. He told me that you had a lot happen in the past, but that I’d brought you back to life. I’d given him his brother back. I came home to tell you about the baby.”

“Leona,” he gasps. I nod my head slowly.

“I only accepted your marriage proposal because you hurt me. My brain shut everything down, blocked my emotions again. I wanted you to hurt as much as I was.”

“I’m so fucking sorry baby.”

“I know. I wanted to make Leona pay too. She’s always told me she owns you, that you’re hers. When we went to Maze and Leona appeared, I set it up. I texted her from your phone, and told her to meet us there. I wanted you to see how she behaves towards me. I’d told you before but you never really took me seriously.” Damon’s jaw clenches. 

I feel like I’m losing him.

“I’m sorry. I know she was your friend but I needed her out our lives. In the next few weeks you broke my walls back down, made me remember your love, feel it. On my birthday when you left it hurt so much. I couldn’t believe Leona was still coming between us. It was then I decided I loved you and couldn’t really hurt you, but I also couldn’t keep putting myself through the pain. I couldn’t be second best to her and I wouldn’t accept my baby being anything but first.” 

“I went straight to Tom’s. He made me see that I was wrong. He told me, Damon. He told me about that night Lydia attacked that woman, made me see that what Lydia wrote wasn’t true. I didn’t see the truth. I didn’t see Lydia was ill. I never knew. I’m so sorry baby,” I sob. “I love you so much. I’m so sorry that I believed that’s who you were. I know you’re not. I know you Damon, and I’m sorry I didn’t believe in us.” I look down, not able to take looking into his pain filled eyes for a moment longer.

“I believe in us Damon. I really do. I didn’t, but I do now. I can feel your love with every touch. I can hear it with every beautiful word you say to me, and I love you back just as much, if not more. Please say you believe in us too. Please say we still have a chance. I can’t lose you, I won’t survive it. You’re my everything, my reason to breathe. Please Damon,” I beg, finally looking back into his eyes. “Please love me back, say you can forgive me. I know it will take time. You’ll need to think about it, but remember my love. I need to keep you.” I finish with more sobs. My body shakes with the force of my cries. Damon picks me up, walking to the chair and sits down, with me cradled in his arms.

“Ella, I love you so much. I’ve told you nothing can make me love you less.” I suck in a shocked breath at his words. Can he really forgive me so easily? Lifting my face, I look into his eyes.  “You’re all that matters to me. You and our daughter,” he says, stroking my bump softly. “You’re the air I breathe, my light in the darkness. You own me heart and soul beauty. There is no other choice, no other option. We need each other to live.
You’re mine
.”

Tears of relief fall now, choking any reply off I might make. I sag against his chest, my energy completely dissipated. I feel a weight lift from my chest, no longer crushed with the guilt I’ve been carrying around for months now.

“Are you okay baby? Have you said everything?” I nod against the hard planes of his chest. “Can you be free now, be happy with me?” Damon sounds so vulnerable that I can’t help but look up at him. “Our love has to be enough. I can’t live not loving you, not feeling your love for me. The thought of not having you in my life, of not feeling your love is like a physical pain.”

“I am free now, you set me free. You always make me happy. It just took me a while to accept it. Our love is enough. I love you so much and I want this. I want you. Our daughter will grow up and feel our love, see our love. She will
know
love.” Damon softly kisses me, and I melt into him, completely drained.

“Let’s go to bed, beauty,” he says against my lips. I smile against his mouth, knowing we’re going to be okay. When I nod Damon stands, carrying me to our room.

CHAPTER THREE

September 28
th
2014

Ella

I wake to Damon stroking my belly, and feeling lighter in my soul. Telling him what I planned to do last night has made all the difference. I finally feel like I can enjoy our life without having that hanging over my head.

I didn’t go into details about how I planned to take him down and what I did to prepare to do just that but I will. He didn’t ask for details but I know telling him will make me freer. It will finally give me my life back, and help me put it behind me once and for all.

Smiling, I turn over to face my husband.
My husband!
I never once thought I would think those words, never expected to find someone who would love me. Especially with the man I planned to destroy. I wanted to ruin him, but instead he saved me.

From pain.

From hurt.

From
myself
.

Damon will never understand what he’s done to my life, or what he means to me. I could never put into words what being in his life means. What having him in my life means.

“Morning wife,” he says with a grin, his eyes sparkling with love.

“Morning husband,” I say, giggling.

“Are you hungry?”

“Not yet but I’m sure it won’t be long before jellybean decides we need to eat a meal the size of a house.”

“Well let me know when you are. I can’t have my woman and baby hungry.” Damon’s voice is filled with merriment. It makes my heart flutter knowing he’s forgiven me so easily.

“Are you hungry?”

“I am.”

“Well let me make you something, it’s time I lived up to the wife role.” I say as I start to sit up. Damon moves fast, pinning me on my back. I gasp in surprise as he settles himself above me, making sure not to put his weight on me. My legs part to accommodate him. 

“I’m not hungry for food,” he growls, huskily. My belly instantly clenches with desire as his eyes darken. Damon begins peppering kisses all over my face before finally settling his firm lips against mine. His tongue flicks out to run along the seam of my mouth, asking for permission to enter. I open, granting him access, and I moan as his tongue slowly explores.

After Damon carried me to bed last night he tenderly made love to me, and woke me again after a few hours of sleep, like he couldn’t get enough of me. I couldn’t get enough of him either.

After the first love making session I passed out, the events of yesterday catching up to me. The worry of Damon standing me up, the wedding, Leona showing up, and my confession, it all had taken it out of me. Add that to the passion he bestowed upon me when we finally made it to bed, and I was out like a light.

The second time Damon took me was a little rougher and I feel it this morning, but not enough to turn him away. I crave him as much as he seems to crave me.

My back arches against his chest, and I press myself to him as much as I can with this large bump in the way. Pulling away from the kiss, Damon continues showering me with his lips down my neck. He licks and nibbles at my pulse point whilst cupping my breasts. I writhe against him, desperate for more.   

“I’ll never get enough of your taste beauty. You taste like mine.”

“I am,” I moan.

“Yes you are,” he growls before moving down to pull my nipple into the warm recesses of his mouth. He pulls and tugs, adding some teeth to the mix as I push up against his mouth. My blood ignites, flowing down to my core.

“Damon,” I whimper. I want more but I know he will go at his own pace, and only when he’s ready will he take me to the heights I need.

“I’ve got you baby,” he says against my tit. He moves to my other breast, showing the same attention to my nipple before finally moving down my body, kissing as he goes. This man truly cherishes me every time he has me naked, showering me in affection until I’m ready to explode.

“Are you sore beauty?” Damon asks against my mound, his breath fanning against me, making me shiver.

“No,” I rasp.

Damon’s hands grasp behind my knees, pulling them open wide, pushing them up and to the side of my body, opening my pussy to him. Groaning, he dives straight in. His tongue laps at my clit, circling softly, teasingly.

“Please,” I plead, needing more.

He licks from my arsehole to my clit in long, strong swipes of his tongue before pulling my clit into his mouth, sucking hard.

“Yes, oh god, yes,” I gasp. My hands come down to hold his head against me as my hips begin bucking against his face. My heart races as my body climbs, small explosions setting off deep in my belly. My chest heaves with each pant, my breathing hard. 

I grind my pussy against his mouth, hands tightening in his hair as I peak, almost flying over the edge. But Damon pulls away, knowing I’m close. I whimper in protest but he soon takes my breath away when he blows against my engorged pearl.

“Hmmm, delicious. I could eat you all day baby,” Damon rasps out.

My hips thrust forward of their own accord, pushing my pussy back towards his lips, needing his mouth on me again. He groans, then sucks my clit back into his mouth, swirling his tongue against the bundle of nerves, taking me straight back to the tip of the cliff, ready to fall and soar.

Just as I start to fall Damon pulls away again, but keeps close, his lips skimming against me but not enough to set me off. I cry out in frustration, thrashing against the bed, but he keeps me steady with his hands pushing my thighs apart. I’m sure I’d be uncomfortable with the position he’s holding my legs in if my body wasn’t so over taken with pleasure.

“Damon please.”

“Not yet,” he growls. The words vibrate against me, pulling a moan from my lips. “You’re not ready.”

“I am.”

“Not yet,” he groans, before going right back to eating me. He releases my legs, draping them over his shoulders.

Moving down, Damon licks around my entrance before plunging his tongue into my core, tongue fucking me. I cry out as my walls ripple around him. I look down but can’t see anything, my large rounded belly restricting my view.

I usually love to watch Damon when he goes down on me but not being able to see him heightens my senses, making every sensation feel overwhelming.   

Lapping back at my clit, Damon thrusts two fingers into me, making me moan. My pussy walls clench around him, trying to pull him in deeper. Damon sets a rhythm of gentle thrusts, slowly fucking me with his digits. I grind against him as my eyes roll back. The sensations are too much and not enough all at the same time. He hooks his fingers, hitting the right spot to make me soar.  

“I’m going to come,” I pant, gripping the bed sheets in my hands, holding myself to the bed.

Damon sucks my clit into his mouth, moving his face rapidly, creating new pleasure, and setting me off. I scream out as my orgasm tears through me, and lights flash behind my clenched eyes. My pussy ripples around his motionless fingers, and then he slowly strokes the bundle of nerves deep inside me, prolonging my pleasure.

When I come down, Damon is perched above me, watching me. He gives me a lazy grin, his mouth covered in my juices, glistening in the morning light filtering through the windows.

“Best breakfast ever.” Damon says, making me laugh. I can’t respond as I try to catch my breath. He moves his mouth down, crashing his lips to mine, pushing his tongue into my mouth. I can taste myself on him as he slowly gives me a deep kiss.

“I want to taste you,” I say against his lips. 

Damon pulls back to look into my eyes before moving to straddle my chest, bringing his thick, hard cock close to my mouth. He takes himself in hand and slowly strokes himself as I bring my hands up to rest on his thighs and flick my tongue out to taste him, the drop of pre come on the tip making me moan.

Thrusting his hips forward and pressing his cock closer, Damon groans when I don’t take him into my mouth. Instead I tease him with gentle licks over the head. He runs his hard length against my lips, begging to get in.

Parting my lips, I suck him into my mouth, suctioning on the head, but not taking him in deep. I look up into Damon’s eyes to find his fixed on my lips stretching around his dick. He slowly thrusts, going deeper, groaning as I swirl my tongue against the underside of his cock with each thrust, and suck hard with each withdrawal. I pull back slightly to tease the head again, nipping him.

“Fuck beauty. Take me deep,” he growls.

His words and husky voice make my core throb. I squeeze my legs together to try and elevate the pressure. I suck him in deep like he demanded, moaning around him as he hits the back of my throat. Damon, noticing my arousal moves a hand behind him, between my legs to softly stroke my clit. I cry out around him before sucking hard.

Damon grits his teeth and begins a steady thrusting into my mouth. His touch sends bolts of pleasure through my body, and my hips begin grinding against his hand. Whimpers spill from my stuffed mouth.

“Enough.” Damon pulls out of my mouth and moves his fingers away.

Moving away from me, he settles on his heels, pulling me down towards him, and draping my thighs over his, leaving me wide open. He thrusts inside in one swift motion, filling me to the hilt. I moan, my back arching up from the bed.

Damon starts a slow rhythm, his hands roam all over my belly, reverently caressing me. Leaning forward he places gentle kisses over our daughter, whispering words of love to us both. My eyes fill with tears at the tender moment. He’s showing me his love. Bringing us to orgasm together.

Cherishing me.

Worshipping me.

Loving me.

****

After Damon made love to me this morning, we shared a breakfast together, and a bath. We’d gotten water everywhere getting dirty again so I made Damon leave me to clean up alone the second time, knowing we wouldn’t be able to resist one another again if we washed together, and took a long shower.

Once cleaned, Damon told me to relax whist he collected a few last minute needs for our week away. He still won’t tell me where we’re going but I’m excited none the less. I told Damon of my plans to visit my dad before we left. He wanted to join me but I declined, wanting to do this alone.

I could tell he was reluctant to let me leave alone but after a few kisses of reassurance and a promise to be gone no longer than thirty minutes, he finally accepted. I know Damon wanted to argue further but he kept his arguments to himself and told me he was sorry he wouldn’t be there with me but definitely wanted to be for the next visit.

I never intended to invite Damon along and I’m sure he knew that when I told him my plans. I just wanted some alone time to share my happiness with my dad, but now I’m here I wish Damon would have come. I’m not sad anymore, and there is no pain weighing me down.

Now I have better news to tell Pops, happy memories to share with him.

Pulling up to the graveyard, I take a deep breath. I can’t remember ever coming here feeling so light. Pops’ grave is my safe place, the place I can moan and rant. I wanted to come here yesterday,  wanted to share my wedding day with him, but I knew my emotions would get the best of me so I decided to wait.

I haul my arse out the driver’s seat and lock up my car before waddling my way to his grave. The first thing I notice as I approach the grave is a fresh bouquet of flowers. Colours bloom, and the fragrance perfumes the air.

A small smile pulls at my lips. Someone was here recently. The flowers can’t be a day old because they’re still fresh, not yet wilting. I’d love to know who cares for Pops as much as I do. I’d like to thank them.

“Hi Daddy,” I whisper, not wanting to disturb the peace that settles all around the sleeping masses of loved ones. I settle myself on the ground next to his headstone. “Yesterday was amazing. It was so much fun, and filled with so much love. I wish you could have been there.” Emotion clogs my throat, making me pause. I swallow before continuing.

“It was magical. Flora made her house and garden look like a wonderland,” I say, smiling. “Everything went perfectly, better in fact. Then we had some party crashers. One I didn’t mind because she seemed genuine, the other, not so much.”

I still don’t know Leona’s game. She acted like she was going to blow my world apart, when really all she did was force my hand to tell Damon earlier then I wanted, and that couldn’t have worked out better for us. Damon forgave me, but knowing who I was, who my sister was, must have made everything easier to accept.

“He knew Daddy. Damon knew who I am, who Lydia was. He’s okay with it. Can you believe that? He’s really okay with it. He knows I love him, and said that’s all that matters.” I smile knowing how lucky I am. Yesterday was magical and it could have all still fallen down around me. I could have lost everything.

“He’s taking me away for a week alone. Just the two of us to enjoy the start of married life. I planned to tell him everything then but I’m glad it’s all out in the open now. We can just enjoy that time in each other’s arms without suffering, without pain.”

I take a deep cleansing breath. Although I missed Pops terribly yesterday, George and Tom eased some of my pain. They helped me forget I was missing the second most important man in my life, made it easy to realise Pops was there with me. He would always be with me in my heart.