aterovis_bm_reapthewhirlwind.p65 (7 page)

Once again, I blushed as Asher punched Killian in the arm. Then he punched me in mine.

“Hey! What did I do?” I yelled.

“I dunno, but I’m sure you deserved it for some reason.”

“The 64’s hooked up,” Aidan called and Asher darted to his side; he was quite the video game addict. I turned to Killian.

“You just called Asher Ashke. Is that just a nickname?

Or are you a Mercedes Lackey fan, too?”

“You know Mercedes Lackey?”

“Oh yeah, we had coffee just last week.”

“You know what I meant; you’ve read her books?”

“Yeah, she’s one of my favorite authors.”

“Me too! I just discovered her a few months ago but I think I’ve read everything she’s written. I started calling Asher Ashke after reading the Last Herald Mage Trilogy—the ones with Vanyel?”

“I’ve read them. In fact, I haven’t unpacked them yet, but I own a bunch of the Valdemar series.”

“Wow that’s so cool.”

“What’s cool?” Aidan yelled from his spot in front of the TV.

“None of your business, Mr. Nosy!” I called back.

“How about me? Will you tell me?” Asher piped up.

“Yeah, I’ll tell you. Killian and I are both Mercedes 55

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Lackey fans.”

“You’ll tell him but not me?” Aidan pretended to pout.

“He’s family,” I shot back.

“Aidan’s my family,” Killian said protectively.

“Not another Lackey fan,” Asher moaned over the friendly banter.

“What’s wrong with Mercedes Lackey?” Aidan said defensively.

“Not you too?”

“You really don’t like her?” I asked.

“She’s okay; I just didn’t get as excited about her as Killian. I like mysteries better than fantasy.”

“Did you read many of them?” I persisted.

“No, he only read one! And it was the middle of one of the trilogies, so he didn’t even know what was going on,” Killian inserted indignantly.

“You didn’t give them a chance,” Aidan said. “There’s mystery, action, romance—everything you want in a good book.”

“Jeez, what is this; a meeting of the official Mercedes Lackey Fan Club?”

“She has one you know,” I pointed out and we all laughed.

The playful bickering went on all night. It was as if we’d all been friends forever. We played Clue and a marathon game of Monopoly that Killian eventually won in the wee hours of the morning. Asher was looking very droopy by then and I knew I was just as tired, so I suggested we all hit the sack. Aidan and I helped Asher and Killian make up the sofa bed then we retired to our respective rooms.

Maybe change doesn’t have to be so bad after all, I 56

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thought as I undressed. Who needs Joey and Laura when you have friends like Aidan, Asher, and Killian?

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I brushed my teeth and went through all my evening rituals, then just before I got into bed, I decided I was thirsty. I didn’t want to disturb anyone else if they were trying to fall asleep so I eased open my door and padded softly down the hall to the kitchen. As I passed through the living room, I overheard Asher and Killian talking quietly. Even though I knew I shouldn’t, I stopped and listened.

“Will seems really nice,” Killian was saying.

I felt horrible for eavesdropping, but I didn’t move.

“Yeah, he is. He’s always been one of my favorite relatives, maybe because we look so much alike. One of our great aunts always got us backwards. One time he even got blamed for something I did at a family reunion. I never did tell them I did it.” They giggled and Asher was quiet for a moment. Then he said, “Do you really think he’s cuter than me?”

I saw movement under the blankets as Killian turned to face Asher.

“What do you think, silly?”

“I think he has prettier eyes. His are blue and mine are this stupid blah gray.”

“They’re silver and they are beautiful. You are beau-58

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tiful. You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

Asher, you have to know by now that I love you more than life itself. I love being with you. When we’re apart, I feel like part of me is missing. I think about you all the time. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. After all we’ve been through together, how can you doubt my love for even a single second?”

“It’s not that I doubt it. I mean I love you too and I know you love me. It’s just…you’re so incredible; I keep wondering why you are with me. Never mind, I’m just being silly.”

“Yes. You. Are.” Each word was separated by a kiss and was punctuated emphatically at the end with a passionate embrace.

I backed slowly out of the room and returned to my own. I hadn’t gotten my drink, but suddenly I wasn’t thirsty anymore. My thirst had been swallowed by a sharp pang of—was it jealousy? Maybe, but it was definitely longing. I wanted what they had so badly that I could hardly breathe. I’d never even come close to having that depth of relationship with Beth. Would I ever have that?

Unbidden, an image of Joey suddenly leapt into my mind. I mentally swatted it away in annoyance.

“Stop it!” I hissed out loud at myself. “I am not in love with Joey. It’s just because Laura put the idea in my head. I can’t be gay.”

But this time it wouldn’t go away. It was suddenly like there were two people arguing inside my head.

“Why can’t I be gay?”

“Because…”

“Because why?”

“Because…”

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Okay. So it wasn’t as simple as that. With a growl of frustration I threw myself backwards onto my bed. Well, maybe it was time to settle this once and for all. Then at least I could stop avoiding Laura. She was getting harder and harder to dodge.

I decided to do this logically. I started making a mental list of all the things that I never felt for Beth that I saw in Killian and Asher. One, Beth was never my top priority. I never loved her more than life itself as Killian had said. Two, I didn’t want to be with her all the time, in fact, I hardly ever thought about her when we were apart. Three, I definitely didn’t want to spend the rest of my life with her.

Okay, so it was obvious that I did not love Beth, but that doesn’t mean that I’m in love with Joey. I took the same list and measured my feelings for Joey against them. One, everyone said Joey was my top priority so maybe he was. I had to admit his decisions were usually set in concrete where my life was concerned. Strike one. Two, Joey and I were almost always together. Well, at least we had been before he’d started college. And when we weren’t I missed him terribly. Hmm—strike two. Three, did I want to spend the rest of my life with Joey?

I sat up. I didn’t like what I was thinking. It went against everything I’d ever been taught. Could I be in love with Joey? It was getting harder and harder to come up with reasonable excuses as to why I wasn’t. The idea really shook me.

I felt a sudden need for the comfort of light so I crawled across the bed and reached for the lamp on my bedside table. My hand was shaking so hard however that I couldn’t twist the little knob that turned it on. In 60

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frustration, I threw my hands up knocking the clip-on shade off in the process and toppling the lamp onto the floor where I heard the light bulb smash. I cursed and fumbled in the darkness. I found the shade and was feeling for the lamp when a soft knock came at my door.

I heaved a sigh, crawled back to the foot of the bed, and went to open it. It was Aidan. He eyed the shade still in my hand and gave me a curious look.

“The party’s over, dude,” he said in a hushed voice.

To my utter embarrassment I burst into tears. I threw the shade across the floor and threw myself face down on the bed.

“Will! What’s wrong?” he asked, his voice filled with concern. I heard the door close and a few seconds later felt his hand on my back. “Look, Will, I know we really don’t know each other that well yet, but I already feel close to you and I consider you my friend. So I’m going to make the same offer to you that applies to all my friends. If you want to talk about anything, I mean anything at all, I’ll always be here to listen. I’m a good listener and I won’t judge or repeat anything you tell me.

You have my word.”

I cried all the harder. I felt the hand leave my back quickly followed by the sound of the window opening.

Cool air washed over me.

“Let’s step out for some fresh air, shall we?” he said formally.

I looked up to find Aidan straddling the window sash with one leg flung out on the fire escape. He held out a hand and smiled. I was so surprised I simply got up and let him help me through the window, sniffling like a little kid the whole time.

We sat down Indian style next to each other, our knees 61

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almost but not quite touching. We sat in silence broken only by my continued sniveling. Finally, he said, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I think I’m in love with Joey!” I blurted out and started crying again.

“Wow—um—that’s not what I expected,” he said in a stunned voice.

“Does that mean I’m gay? I don’t wanna be gay. I can’t be gay!” I wailed.

“Shh, shh, shh,” Aidan hissed. He sounded so much like a snake with a lisp that I started giggling through my tears, then I hiccupped. “People are trying to sleep,”

he said seriously. He was eying me as if he was afraid I was losing it. Maybe I was. He went on, “I don’t know if it means you’re gay or not. Maybe you’re bi. Or maybe you just love Joey, you know like a fluke. But if you are gay then you need to face it and accept it. It’s not that bad you know.”

“Yes it is! You don’t understand; I’m a Christian.”

“So? I didn’t realize the two were mutually exclusive.”

“They are according to my dad.”

“Well, no offense, I mean I’ve never even met your dad, but I’m pretty sure he’s not God.”

“But the Bible—”

“Christianity is based on the teachings of Jesus, right?”

“Yeah, but—”

“Show me where Jesus ever once even mentions homosexuality.”

“It—” I thought for a minute. “He doesn’t.”

“Exactly. And it doesn’t really say anything about homosexuality as we know it anywhere else either.”

“But it does, I’ve read it!”

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“No, you’ve read a modern interpretation of an ancient language; an interpretation that’s been made to say what the religious leaders of the time wanted it to say. The original languages of the Bible didn’t even have a word for homosexual, not as we think of it today. In most cases, wherever you see anything that’s been translated as gay or homosexual, the original texts are talking about male prostitutes or pedophiles.”

“How do you know so much about the Bible?”

“Well, when someone takes such pains to condemn you based on the teachings of a book, I thought it would be best if I knew that book as well as they did. So I did some studying on my own. It just seemed that from what I know about myself and everyone else I’ve ever met that was gay, no one chooses to be gay. Either you are or you aren’t. There’s nothing you can do about it except accept it and try to live your life the best way you know how. It didn’t make sense to me that God would create something that he hated. So I studied a lot of books on the subject and even talked to some people who had translated the original Aramaic; you’d be amazed at how different it is from the scriptures we have today. Those are the conclusions that I came to.

I’m not saying that they are the absolute truth. God knows I’m no expert, but I came to a peace of mind with this…and a peace with God.”

“How…how will I know if I’m gay?”

“I think you’ll know, Will. But like I said before, if you are, you need to face it and deal with it.”

“Now you sound like Laura. Why does everyone keep trying to be my shrink?”

“Maybe because we care about you and we want to help you,” Aidan said softly.

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I looked over at him and saw nothing but sincerity.

A sudden shiver went through me.

“Jeez, you’re going to get sick! Here we are sitting out here on this cold metal half-naked.”

I realized that we were both sitting on the metal grill of the fire escape in nothing but our thin cotton boxers.

We were experiencing unseasonably cool weather for September and I noticed the goose bumps on my arms.

“Let’s get back inside,” Aidan said as he stood up and pulled me to my feet. We climbed back into my bedroom and Aidan shut the window while I crawled into bed.

“Think you can sleep now?” he asked me. I nodded.

“You’ve got a lot to think about.” I nodded again. “If you need me, I’m right across the hall.” He let himself out, closing the door behind him. For a moment, I felt a sense of panic, afraid to be alone with my thoughts, afraid I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep. I shouldn’t have worried though, I was exhausted, and my last thought before falling asleep was that I was very lucky to have moved in with a guy like Aidan.

***

pounds of Asher landed in the middle of my bed. I came up kicking and flailing, much to his amusement.

“Time to wake up, Lil’ Cuz!” he screamed at the top of his lungs.

I flopped back down. “Who you callin’ little?” I grumbled sleepily.

“You, silly-head!”

“Humph, well haven’t you ever heard that big things come in small packages?”

Asher peeked under my sheets. “So much for that 64

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myth,” he teased.

I laughed and shoved him off the bed. He climbed back on amidst giggles and I finally got up. I started pulling open drawers in my dresser trying to remember where I had put what.

“So—?” he said from behind me.

“So what?”

“So, are you and Aidan an item or what?”

“I told you last night that we weren’t.”

“Yeah, but there was that very interesting scene when we got here yesterday and then last night I got up to pee and ran into Aidan in the hallway. He was sneaking out of your room. He just looked embarrassed and hurried into his room.”