Assumed Engagement (13 page)

They walked to a bench underneath some trees and sat down upon it. Jane was grateful for the solitude, feeling somewhat anxious from all that just went on inside the house and the heightened nerves of her mother, who was trying to pinpoint every detail of the wedding down in just one day.

"Oh,
Lizzy
, I did not know a wedding would become so burdensome. I do not know how I shall get along with Mama if she continues like this for the next two months. She makes every decision so difficult and wants every detail planned her way!"

"I am so sorry, Jane. Maybe after a few days, she will settle down."
Elizabeth
sighed, knowing how quiet and unassuming Jane was. She was sure if Jane ever expressed an opinion, her mother would either not hear it or heed it. "Allow me to talk to Mother if you feel she is doing something you do not want. Let me know and I will see what I can do."

"Thank you."

A twinkle in her eye and a smirk on her face suddenly appeared. "But do not forget that we owe this all to her. If it had not been for her and her scheme,
you,
" pointing to Jane’s nose repeatedly, "would not be engaged."

Jane smiled.

"But swear to me, Jane; promise me, you will never, ever give her credit to her face. We would never hear the end of it."

"As much as I hate to admit it, we do owe this all to her. But we will not encourage her thoughtless actions by thanking her. We must thank
Providence
for this."

Elizabeth
laughed. "Yes, let us be sure to give credit where it is due, to the Lord Himself, and maybe a little credit goes to Mr. Bingley. Do you know when he is going to call on you again?"

"I believe he is to come tomorrow. He will then return to
London
to meet with his sisters and Mr. Hurst. He has not seen them since we became engaged. I hope they approve."

"Jane, you do not need to get their consent to marry."
Fortunately!
She added to herself.
Miss Bingley would never give it!

Changing the subject,
Elizabeth
asked her sister about the walk she and Charles had after they left the house the day prior.
Elizabeth
was curious as to what they talked about.

"Oh,
Lizzy
. We had such a wonderful walk. We talked of many things, our dreams, our hopes, and even how many children we would like to have!"

Elizabeth
laughed, "I hope you both came up with the same number!"

"He does like children,
Lizzy
." Jane blushed. "We talked of the wedding." She turned to
Elizabeth
and took her hands in hers. "I, of course, want you to stand up with me at the wedding."

"Jane, you know I would be honoured."

"Charles is going to ask Mr. Darcy."

Elizabeth
felt a catch in her throat as she heard his name mentioned, but was able to smile. "I assumed so, Jane. Now do not worry, I promise that I shall be on my best behaviour with him on the day of your wedding!"

"I was not worried about the wedding day,
Lizzy
." Jane looked down. "He is such a good friend of Charles, I do hope that you and he can get on well even beyond that, as I expect him to be a frequent guest once we are married."

Elizabeth
looked down. She had not really thought about that. All she had allowed herself to think of since she left
Pemberley
was that she would see him again at the wedding and that somehow she would get through. To be reminded that she would likely be thrown into his presence often after the wedding was a bit more disconcerting.

"Charles has much praise for Mr. Darcy. I cannot help but to think well of him myself."

"He obviously has some very good traits. I have been witness to them myself. But I have also seen a part of him that disturbs me immensely. I cannot forget how he basically shunned our friends and acquaintances here in Hertfordshire. He clearly admitted to me in no uncertain terms that he struggles with those he considers inferior to him.

"But tell me, do you think, that having been to
Pemberley
and seen its grandeur; you would refuse him still if he asked today for your hand?"

Elizabeth
gazed at her, a surprised look upon her face, as she reflected on her sister’s question. "I must admit that while I was at
Pemberley
I felt quite flattered that such a man, the master of such a grand estate, would have asked for my hand. I think any woman would have been flattered. I had no idea the splendour of his home. But Jane, if I were to agree to marry a man solely on what he owned and not on whom he was, I would be a fool. Do you not agree?"

"Yes, if that was solely the reason."

"I admit I have pondered what may have happened if I had agreed to marry him. Would he have whisked me away to
Pemberley
, dressed me all up in fancy clothes, and made me forget my friends and family, never to see them again?"

"Surely he would not do that."

"How do we know? He certainly never made any effort to acquaint himself with us. As far as I know, he would not wish to associate with them again, or let me, either. Why should I not think that he would want nothing to do with all those I have grown up with and come to love?"

"Certainly you are being too harsh on him. But
Lizzy
, you have not answered my question. Would you still refuse him today?"

Elizabeth
turned to her sister with a sly smile. "I think if he were to come alone and ask for my hand today, I would turn him down."

"If he came alone?"

"Yes. But if he brought his sister along and she entreated me to marry him so I would be her sister, I might find it difficult to remain steadfast in my refusal."

Jane laughed. "You and Miss Darcy certainly seemed to get along well."

"Yes, and I miss her. Please do not get the wrong impression of what I just said. I do not want to try to replace you as my favourite sister. I just sensed that she did not have anyone like I have in you; someone to be her confidant, to share her thoughts and feelings with, and help her through the difficult things in life."

"She would most certainly have that in you,
Lizzy
."

"And I so enjoyed her! We never met Miss Annesley and I often wonder what she is like. Is she, as her companion, someone in whom Miss Darcy can truly confide? I am confident that she is very capable in what she does, but I fear there might be something that is missing in their relationship, something that is missing in Georgiana’s life – something like an older sister or kindred friend. As much as she reveres her brother, even he cannot replace that need for a woman in her life with whom to share things."

"She does admire him a great deal."

Elizabeth
recalled the things his sister said about him; her great praise for him. "Yes, I am certain that she believes him to be the best brother in the world. And the high opinion of him goes beyond his just being a good brother. Praise for him came from others in the household. I would surmise that their good opinion of him most likely comes from seeing him only in certain situations.

"What do you mean,
Lizzy
?"

"They only see him in the environs of their own social status. They have their town home in
London
and their great estate at
Pemberley
. I would think that all of their acquaintances are reasonably equal to them in respect to wealth and class, both in the city and in the country. I do not imagine Georgiana has seen him as he deals – or struggles – with those he considers beneath him. How would she know how he acts? No, Jane, I believe she only knows her brother as she sees him in the comforts of their own wealthy, superior world."

*~*~*

That night,
Elizabeth
crawled into bed. Her day with Jane had been so favourable. She was especially happy for her, but her mind went back to her question, "Would you agree to marry him if he asked you again, today?" She had told Jane no, if he came alone. But she wondered if that was really true.

She had told Jane that she had been flattered by his proposal after seeing
Pemberley
. But it was more than feeling flattered. It had prompted a warm appreciation for him that reached to the depths of her. It was a most gratifying feeling knowing that the master of that great estate had singled her out. She knew it was not a prudent basis for regard, but she could not help it.

Rolling on to her stomach,
Elizabeth
propped her chin upon her crossed arms. She began to dwell on this man; his stately, handsome appearance; how she often caught him glancing at her; and how his wayward curls fell down across his forehead. Her mind suddenly recalled him, as he lay in bed, unresponsive. She remembered being drawn to those curls, lifting them away from his face, opening his nightshirt to his well-sculptured chest and wiping it down with the wet cloths, suddenly aware that she had felt strangely attracted to him then.

She shook her head and rolled back over; wondering what ever prompted her to think such thoughts! She had allowed herself to think of him based strictly on what was on the outside, not on what was on the inside. This kind of irrational thinking would not do!

She had to be honest and admit to herself, however, that if he asked her again, as unlikely as that was, she was not sure she would have the resolve to refuse. She felt she would accept. However, she knew that she could not share that with Jane. Jane would be inclined to tell Mr. Bingley, who would then tell Mr. Darcy. This would cause even more awkwardness at the wedding and she did not want that. No, she would have to keep those feelings to herself.

Chapter 10

D
arcy and Georgiana attended church the following Sunday. As they walked to the small white building, they were greeted warmly by the reverend and other parishioners. Many expressed praise to God and great delight in hearing about the recovery of this man of infinite patronage in the church and seeing him much improved. Many commented that it had been far too long since they had seen him.

The reverend, a young man in his early twenties, gave Darcy a firm shake of his hand. "Mr. Darcy, we are delighted that you are able to join us on this Lord's Day. We have all have been praying for your recovery."

"Thank you, Reverend Kenton."

The reverend greeted Georgiana, and then she and her brother walked down the centre aisle of the church, with her arm in his. It gave her great pleasure to be here with him. The church she attended in
London
with Miss Annesley was very large, and she often felt lost in it. But here she felt connected -- to the people, to the reverend, to the very words of his messages. They walked over to their pew, which now bore a plaque in memory of their mother and father.

Darcy sat down, looking straight ahead. He knew that the eyes of the congregation were upon him. He felt prominently conspicuous, for he knew that everyone was aware of his accident and subsequent unconsciousness. He also knew that it had been quite some time since he had graced a church with his presence.

The service began and Reverend Kenton had the congregation rise and open their hymnbooks to a hymn. Georgiana joined in the singing as if she had sung the song often. Darcy felt uncomfortable, not being familiar with it, so he did not even make an attempt. He was certain that everyone noticed he was not singing.

When the reverend greeted the congregation, he mentioned the recovery of Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy, and how honoured they were to have him in their midst this very day. There was a general rise of voices and those people who had not seen him come in craned their necks to get a glimpse of him. This added to his already burgeoning discomfort.

All heads bowed as the reverend led in prayer. Darcy looked down, but did not close his eyes. There were few people here that Darcy would consider a close acquaintance. There were some who were employed at
Pemberley
in some sort of servitude, whether it be in the kitchen, the stables or on the grounds. The Reynolds and
Winstons
were here, but most of the others he knew only slightly. The remaining people were common townsfolk from Lambton or other nearby villages.

The congregation recited the Lord's Prayer, and then the reverend began his sermon. Darcy found it difficult to keep his thoughts engaged on his message. He often looked down at this sister who was completely riveted to the reverend’s words. He smiled at her as he pondered how grown-up she suddenly appeared
.

Suddenly the words of the reverend hit a resounding chord within him. "Listen to what the gospel of Matthew says about giving ourselves to others: "When he was come down from the mountain, great multitudes followed him. And behold, a leper came and worshipped him saying, 'Lord, if Thou wilt, Thou canst make me clean.' And Jesus put forth His hand, and touched him, saying 'I will. Be thou clean.' And immediately his leprosy was cleansed."

Darcy knew not why he was now giving the reverend his attention, but he was. "Our Lord Jesus reached out to this man who was a leper. In these times, if you were a leper, you were considered an outcast of the society; you even had to live outside the city and shout, 'Unclean!' if someone approached. There were strict guidelines as to how close someone could come to you. No one could touch you. You were, in a sense, isolated, alone, condemned.

"But here was the Lord, having compassion on him, wanting to heal him. All he had to do was say the word and he would be healed. But he did not. He reached out and touched him. He touched a man who had not been touched by another person in probably some time. Rather than just take the easy way out to help him and just say the words, he gave of Himself. He reached out and personally touched him."

With that, he closed his Bible and looked up. "How many times do we take the easy way out when we try to help someone? Do we just send some money, send some food, or worse, send someone else to take care of it? Do we think that by giving
things
we are doing all we can? We have our Lord as our example. He gave Himself, wholly and unreservedly to people. We need to do the same.

"I am not saying that to give charitably is wrong. Sometimes a need is met best by a monetary gift or a meal or clothing. But what I am saying is that
things
should never become a substitute for
you.
"

Darcy felt the words pierce him. He gave a slight glance at his sister and wondered whether she had hinted to the reverend to speak on this subject. No, she was too shy to do something like that. But he felt like he was speaking directly to him! In his mind he began arguing with God as to why he was a most giving and charitable man, even though it was mainly in the form of monetary gifts. He often gave bonuses at the holidays and extra assistance when needed by his staff. He sent very nice gifts for weddings, new babies. He contributed substantially when he became aware of a need. He gave to most any worthy cause!
He
was guilty of taking the easy way out!

"As we close in prayer today, ask God to help you look for ways to give of yourself in ways you never have before. Let us pray."

Darcy's heart was pounding. What was this he was feeling? Providential conviction? Or was it just coincidence? He found it increasingly difficult to breathe. Was God trying to get through to him, or was he just acute to this subject because of Elizabeth's and Georgiana's recent sketch of his character?

At the amen, the organist began playing and the congregation stood to leave. Darcy wished to depart directly, but he had a suspicion that Georgiana made other plans. He found himself hoping that no one would approach him and mention his accident. It was an unsettling feeling knowing everyone here knew of it. It made him feel very weak and vulnerable.

As they walked out, he was amazed at the people Georgiana knew and addressed. Most people politely acknowledged Darcy but did not approach him. As they came to the parish doors, the reverend reached out his hand to Darcy. "Again, I am very glad you were able to join us today. May God give you continued grace and strength." He squeezed Darcy’s hand and smiled.

"Thank you, Reverend."

When Darcy turned, he noticed Georgiana speaking with several of the parishioners. He stood off to one side, waiting for her to finish. Before she returned, however, he saw the Reynolds family. He walked over to Mr. and Mrs. Reynolds and was grateful for their company whilst waiting for his sister.

When Georgiana finished her conversation and returned to him, they both bid farewell to the Reynolds and walked to their carriage. As they stepped in, Darcy inquired, "So, going to church was how you planned to change me?"

She looked at him and smiled. "Oh, no, that was just the beginning. We are going back to
Pemberley
, have something to eat, let you rest a bit, and then we will be going to visit the Franks and the Wilcox family."

Darcy looked at her in disbelief. "What?"

"You heard what I said. I talked with each of them after church and inquired whether we could stop by. I made sure they knew we were going home first to eat so they would not feel obligated to serve us a meal."

"Georgiana, is that the Franks as in Robert Frank, our stable hand?"

"Yes, the very one."

"And who are the
Wilcoxes
?"

Jon Wilcox is one of our under gardeners. He is recently married and lives in his parents’ home, although it is fairly small. He is hoping some day to have a home of his own.

As she told him this, she pulled out her journal and began writing. "What are you writing?" Darcy asked his sister.

She looked up at him and smiled, "Just some thoughts that I do not want to forget from today's sermon."

"What are they?"

"William, this is my journal, and my thoughts. Presently I do not wish to share them with you."

He folded his arms in frustration and dropped his head back against the seat. He turned his eyes, however, and looked in admiration at this young girl who was turning into a charming lady. Yet growing within him was an anxiety about this afternoon and what it would require of him.

When they arrived at
Pemberley
, they ate a simple meal that had been prepared by the nominal staff that worked on Sundays. When the meal was completed, Georgiana encouraged her brother to get a little rest before they set out again. Darcy was eager for some solitude and retreated to his study. As he stretched out into his overstuffed chair and put his feet on the ottoman, he wondered what he was getting into with these visits Georgiana had arranged.

His mind went back to a week ago, when he was sitting in this very chair -- as he was right now -- and Miss Elizabeth
Bennet
walked in. His heart pounded as he recalled that morning. He put his hands in his pockets, searching for the handkerchief. It was not there. He must have left it back in his room. But he did not need it to smell the gardenia fragrance. He looked at the end table and saw the fresh cut flowers that had been put there - gardenias. How fragrant they were!

Suddenly a memory from the past flashed before him. It was of his mother taking a young Fitzwilliam Darcy to visit some of their less fortunate neighbours and she often brought them fresh cut flowers. He looked at the gardenias. His eyes widened as he remembered a scent from the past. Could gardenia have been the fragrance she wore? He shook his head as if trying to recall. Was it the same fragrance, or had he been so captivated this past week by the scent that he now only thought it was one and the same?

He thought back to after his mother died and how he often went into his parent's room when his father was away and smelled her clothes. He felt very safe and secure when he could smell his mother, almost as though she was right there with him. But then one day all her clothes were gone. He went into their room, opened the closet, and it was empty! He remembered the pain that gripped him, almost more than when she actually died.

After that, he would try to recall that scent, looking for anything with it on it. He could never admit this to his father, who tried to be so strong. Darcy felt his father would believe it to be a failing on his part. After a while, as memories of his mother sadly began to fade, so did the memory of that scent.

He brought his hand to his forehead, pushing back the unruly locks that had cascaded down. Is that what brought him back from his state of unconsciousness, the scent that reminded him of his mother? When he had begun awaken, he was not aware that
Elizabeth
was there. Even when he saw her, he did not really recognize her. That was the last thought on his mind when he fell asleep.

It was but a short time later that he awoke and found Georgiana at his side.

"I did not wish to awaken you. It is time for us to leave. Do you think you can manage the outing?" She noticed the faraway look in his eyes, and thought he may have done too much already this morning and needed more rest. "If you not, I can certainly go with Miss Annesley."

"No, I am quite rested now. But I need first to go to my room."

He slowly took the stairs to his room and went to the nightstand next to his bed, opening the drawer. He lifted a book that was neatly placed in the drawer, and lifted
Elizabeth
's handkerchief from underneath it. He brought it to his face and inhaled. The scent was fading again, so he opened his armoire and reached to the back behind a stack of folded shirts, pulling out the bottle of toilet water. He shook a few drops onto the handkerchief and slipped it into his pocket.

As they pulled away from
Pemberley
in the carriage, Darcy looked at Georgiana. "Did you know that your mother and I used to go on visits such as this?"

"No," replied a surprised Georgiana.

"She called them our
caring calls.
I was fairly young at the time; I would often find an excuse to go outside and play while she stayed in and visited. She stopped doing it just before you were born, and I do not think she ever was able to continue doing it, having a young child to take care of, and then her illness…" Darcy took a deep breath and sighed. He looked over at Georgiana and she had a dazed look on her face. He noticed tears welled in her eyes, and he pulled her close and gave her a hug.