Assertiveness for Earth Angels: How to Be Loving Instead of Too Nice (23 page)

I am so proud of Earth Angels who take the time to read alternative and mainstream news, including watching videos and documentaries on YouTube, Hulu, and other Internet video sites. I am proud of Earth Angels who are aware of the issues facing our planet right now! And I am especially proud of those of you who take action steps to help, such as signing and sharing petitions, contacting your local representatives, boycotting un-healthful products, attending peaceful rallies, and so on.

Positive Thinking Alone Doesn't Cut It

In the past, Earth Angels avoided looking at these issues. They would try to use “positive thinking” as a way of dealing with the world. Well, positive thinking is important, as long as it includes taking positive
action steps
, too.

You can't clean your home with just positive thinking. You have to get out the broom and mop.

You can't feed your family with just positive thinking. You have to physically be involved in creating meals.

You can't keep your hair clean with just positive thinking. You have to take the action step of washing it with shampoo.

And it's the same with cleaning up and maintaining our world. You and I each have responsibilities to do our part. So to those of you who are taking action steps to help the planet, thank you a million times!

Standing up for what's right and being involved in issues that speak to your soul are part of the Earth Angel hero's journey. Sometimes, we are reluctant heroes who have a “calling” into service. Think of Joan of Arc . . . or in the realm of fiction, Frodo from
The Lord of the Rings
, Jake Sully in
Avatar
, and Dorothy in
The Wizard of Oz
.

Earth Angels and Narcissists

Earth Angels know what people want to hear and are intuitive. So we appeal to people's egos in an effort to please them, and their sense of entitlement grows. That makes us ripe targets for “narcissists,” who are addicted to having their egos stroked by others.

“Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!”

Those famous words from
The Wizard of Oz
perfectly apply to the eye-opening realizations we're having about how our world is really run. As the veil thins and the energy vibrations increase, we're clearly seeing the shockingly coldhearted truth behind some of our personal relationships and also the political machine, the oil and money barons, pharmaceuticals, pesticide companies that produce seeds for food, taxes, and the way in which people and animals are used as commodities without regard for truth or feelings.

Narcissists are those whose whole focus is their own needs and comfort. They don't have the ability to imagine how someone else feels, and they actually don't even care how others feel. The
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders
(DSM-IV), used by therapists to diagnose mental illness and personality disorders, defines the Narcissistic Personality Disorder as someone having at least five of the following characteristics:

1. A grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., the individual exaggerates achievements and talents and expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
   
2. A preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
   
3. A belief that he or she is special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
   
4. A need for excessive admiration
   
5. A sense of entitlement (i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations); interpersonally exploitative (i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends)
   
6. A lack of empathy (is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others)
   
7. Envy of others or a belief that others are envious of him or her
   
8. A demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudes
   

A narcissist surrounds him- or herself with people who agree with him or her, and anyone who dares to raise questions will be removed. A narcissist is terribly insecure and jealous, and views people and animals as objects to stroke his or her ego.

A sociopath (or psychopath) also views people and animals as objects. Like a narcissist, a sociopath has no empathy. Both narcissists and sociopaths know that they're unlike other people because they lack remorse or a conscience. But they hide this fact from others and pretend to feel guilty or sad as a manipulative tool. Their biggest manipulation, though, is that they twist other people—who
do
have a conscience—into feeling afraid or guilty so that they'll do what they want.

Sociopaths are often thought of as violent people, and that can be true. But there are nonviolent sociopaths who use other people to carry out their violent deeds. Unlike narcissists, who need other people to assure them of their superiority, sociopaths believe they
are
superior. They believe that people who have a conscience are weak and inferior. People and animals are pawns to entertain them and help them gain more money and power.

Both the narcissist and the sociopath need to dominate and control others. They'll both exploit you without any sense of guilt.

As we learn the truth about how the world operates, we see how sociopaths and narcissists have climbed to the top of the political scene. Since 96 percent of the population is estimated to have a normal conscience, we have been gullible in assuming that our leaders also had one. We've also submitted to their will, just like the behavioral studies predict.

Now that the veneer has been stripped away, what do we do?

1. We have spiritual power. Others can't contain, control, or tax your ability to use your mind to manifest, pray, and think. This is why your angels are urging you to detox, as a sober mind is much more focused and powerful than an intoxicated or hungover mind. And this is why you're being urged to make the commitment to detoxify yourself.

You're much more powerful than you know, and you're in the good company of other lightworkers who care deeply about this planet. It will take some dedication, hard work, and self-analyzing to detox, but together we can do it!

2. Walk your talk. The fastest route to self-confidence is to act in accordance with your highest ideals. This doesn't mean you have to be perfect. In fact, perfectionism can make you feel bad about yourself. Instead, this means that you stop doing things you feel guilty about. It means regularly having honest conversations with yourself and adjusting your behavior accordingly. Ask your higher self:
What changes would you like to see me make, to be fully upon my highest path?

3. Be familiar with the traits and tactics of narcissists and sociopaths. Knowledge and foresight are our best insurance when it comes to predicting their future behaviors and being prepared. Don't succumb to their fear-and guilt-inducing tactics. It's all smoke-and-mirrors games to them, and they're laughing at you the whole time that you're playing into their hands by reacting to fear and guilt.

4. Surround yourself with openhearted people. Now that you know how to spot a narcissist or sociopath, avoid them at all costs. They play cold and calculating games, and the only way to win is to drop out of the game.

Here's a wonderful prayer for dealing with narcissists, and for being an assertive Earth Angel activist:

A
FTERWORD

The day that you no longer need others' approval is the day you have true freedom. Be real with people, and they'll respect you more . . . and most important, you'll respect
yourself
more.

You can find blessings and healing within every situation, including very sad and upsetting ones. And by doing so, you bring more healed and positive energy into this world.

You can shine your light more brightly by facing the feelings you're experiencing. Don't stuff them back down. Feelings are energy, and they need to flow and move.

You can only heal your old grief and anger by allowing these energies an opportunity for expression.

So express your feelings, please. Some examples of modes of expression are:

• Praying
  
• Creative and artistic projects
  
• Gardening or nature walks
  
• Journaling or blogging
  
• Talking to a trusted friend (living or deceased)
  
• Connecting with nature
  
• Engaging in your favorite activities
  
• Playing music
  
• Spending time with loved ones
  

One of my birthday traditions is to go to the gym and enjoy a nice leisurely workout. I began this tradition when I was 25 years old. Since then, I've worked out nearly every day as a gift that I give to myself.

On that day when I turned 25, I bought a membership at a local fitness center. I did this because I had meditated upon my life and asked for guidance on how to feel happier about myself. The inner answers I received were to exercise daily and also to “go for” my big desire to be a published author.

I realized that the only way to manifest my desires for greater fitness and to be published was for me to take action steps. My body would only get fit if I exercised it, ate healthfully, and stayed away from processed foods and harmful chemicals. And similarly, I'd only get published if I took the time to write daily and then submit my writing to a publisher.

Well, I did both! And because I put in the daily work of exercising and writing, my two visions of fitness and publication came true.

It wasn't because I was “lucky.” Luck had nothing to do with it.

My dreams came true because I was willing to put in the time and the effort. I was a busy mom of two little boys, and I was going to college part-time
and
working full-time. So I had the perfect excuse to say that I didn't have the time, energy, or money to join a gym or write my book.

But excuses don't get you anywhere in life. Excuses are saying that you're a victim to outside circumstances, and that's never true.

Your ego's voice isn't your own. It's the voice of fear, and you don't have to listen to it or follow its dictates. Your ego always speaks about what you can't do. It starts sentences with
But
. . . such as “But I don't have enough time,” or “But I need more money first,” or “But what would people think?” The ego is a big “but”!

Don't allow your ego to talk you out of the joy that awaits you. The journey of pursuing your dreams is joyful. It's also ambiguous, uncertain, and unscripted. That's the artistic path of the soul.

So instead of listening to my ego's arguments, I chose a gym that had a fun day-care center for my sons, Charles and Grant, to stay in while I worked out. I knew it was good role-modeling for them to see their mother exercising regularly, just as I'd watched
my
mother do. I wanted my sons to learn healthful ways to deal with stress, through exercise, prayer, and meditation. And they did!

I also wanted to show my children that the universe would give us any gifts that we were willing to work toward.

And I wrote my books after my sons went to sleep at night. I created a calendar with self-imposed deadlines, which kept me motivated to finish each chapter.

And then I prayed and summoned the courage to submit those chapters to publishers.

Every
dream you have works the same way. It's not enough to wish for something. It's not enough to pray for or visualize something.

God truly does help those who help themselves.

Instead of arguing why you
can't
do something, please try this lesson that I've learned and shared with you in this book:

Every day, take one action step related to your dreams. It doesn't matter what the action step is. What matters is that you expend daily effort in your desired direction.

Be your own authority figure and give yourself permission to make the changes you desire. You can make it happen with your clear decision, positive intentions, and willingness to do the necessary work and action steps.

This is a time of huge positive change and energy re-assignments in the areas of home, relationships, and career. It's a perfect time to go for your dreams, even if you don't feel ready or clear about your entire action plan.

One step at a time, all dreams come true in ways that exceed your expectations . . . but you've got to make the first step!

No more self-doubts!

Whatever you set your mind to and are willing to work toward will happen . . . often in ways that are beyond your imagination.

Take risks and enjoy the journey. Stop playing life safe! And never underestimate the power of a determined Earth Angel (that means you).