Arrest-Proof Yourself (4 page)

drive with suspended licenses

do malicious mischief

create disturbances at clubs and parties

ride bikes at night without a light (I
^’
m not kidding!)

get arrested as accessories during police raids

carry medications without the proper labels or prescriptions

“loiter,” i.e., hang out

take pocketknives and nail scissors to school

drink alcohol in public

The criminal justice system often acts like a mindless bureaucracy and prosecutes cases that are absurd. For example, as this book is being written, I’m representing a 12-year-old boy who was arrested, and jailed, for
throwing a pecan at a bus
. A pecan! I took the case in part because, 45 years ago, my coauthor and I, then 10 years old, stood beneath a bridge and threw mud balls into a bus. We beat feet before the cops arrived. We were lucky.

My client, however, is being charged with throwing a deadly missile, which is a third-degree felony. Years ago this was not a serious crime. It became so in the 1960s, when anti-Vietnam War demonstrations and race riots exploded around the country. Legislatures made throwing a deadly missile a felony so police could bring serious charges against the students and black Americans who were tossing rocks and bottles. But a pecan? A freaking pecan!

Today this nut-throwing kid is being shoved through the legal sausage grinder. Even when I get him off, he will have an arrest record and will get extra scrutiny from police forever. Had my client known how to behave around police officers, he probably would have received a warning and a trip home to his mother in the back of the cruiser. Instead, he got hammered. Little boys throw things. They poke things, stick things, and kick things. It’s what they do. To arrest and prosecute them for doing dopey kid stuff is outrageous.

Others clueless types commit offenses that are more serious but are still misdemeanors or low-level felonies. They are people who

drive under the influence of drugs or alcohol

do not pay child support or fail to keep up licenses, tags, and insurance; show up for trial; pay restitution; or perform every jot and tittle of their terms of probation

are rowdy, drunk, obnoxious, and get in fights