Around the World in 80 Girls: The Epic 3 Year Trip of a Backpacking Casanova (65 page)

How to talk in third world countries.

I can’t stress it enough that you need to take your time to talk to a foreign girl. Unless she has very good English, you have to speak slowly and clearly. Use easy words and don’t try to impress her with all kinds of logical facts and your grand intelligence.

They
don’t care for what they don’t understand and it doesn’t make a good impression when you make them feel stupid. Girls in Cambodia or any other South East Asian country cling strongly to their own culture. They watch Thai or Cambodian soap operas which are all drama all the time and are on every hour of the day. They don’t watch American comedy shows, so they don’t understand that kind of humor.

They
can watch an episode of
Friends
,
Seinfeld
or whatever show you find funny and not smile once. They’ll just take the remote control and put on
Tom and Jerry
cartoons and laugh their asses off. I noticed this all over Asia. She will not understand your fast English and witty comments with slang or English sayings.
 

Most
of the time they aren’t stupid at all but just don’t understand you because of their limited English and cultural differences. This is even more important when you have a heavy regional accent. Ever heard a Scotsman talk at full speed? Yeah, that’s why.

Your
country’s humor might not work and sarcasm, cynicism and irony might not be funny to them. The less educated she is, the simpler words you have to use, especially in third world countries. Emails and texts should be handled the same way. Always write your texts in full and stay away from abbreviations like
btw
(by the way) or
c u ltr
(see you later). Even things like
I’m
(I am),
we’re
(we are) and
xxx
at the end of a text or email should be avoided. Your reply will be the question:
What means xxx?
If you do get this question, text this back:
I will show you the next time we meet.
Writing your emails and texts in full is vitally important because some girls will use Internet translation to find out what you are saying.
 

I
use my version of the KISS technique.
K
eep
I
t
S
low and
S
imple.

Escalating for the bang

Now, I assume that most of my readers aren’t virgins anymore and have some techniques of their own for this part. I’m just going to explain a few useable techniques that I’ve found to work in my case.

Escalating consist of these three parts: touching the girl, kissing and, in the end, going for the bang.
 

This
is something guys fear because they can be rejected by the girl for touching or wanting to kiss. That’s why you have to start with the touching first, to literally feel her out. It’s the man’s job to initiate the kiss and unless she is very turned on by you and makes the first move she will wait for you. If you are a nice beta dude, then this will be hard and can give escalation anxiety.

Touching

I aim to touch the girl as soon as possible. It breaks the touching barrier early in the conversation and gets her used to the fact that you are a touchy guy. Start with harmless touches to win her trust, like a shoulder touch or her arm. It’s hugely important to
not
look at where you’re touching and make it look as nonchalant as possible. She has to feel this isn’t anything unusual for you.
 

It’s
best to look away when you touch a girl the first few times, for example if she says something funny or a bit insulting to you.
 

Touch
her shoulder while looking at her friends and ask: “Is she always like this?” If there is no-one around, you can still make the same touch and look away while shaking your head in disbelief. Do not repeat the same thing twice in the same conversation. I’m quite rough with girls and will touch them quickly, sometimes giving them a hip bump or a shoulder push, saying “Sorry, I didn’t see you there”. Do this ONLY when you were already talking to her and she’s flirted with you a bit. I make fun of girls a lot and they will touch, gently push or pull, just like I do with them.
 

The only way to get a natural feel for this is to do it a lot
. Pull her hat or cap over her eyes while you’re verbally teasing each other. Smile when you touch or look serious in a funny way. Do NOT look like you’re really trying. That’s just creepy. Make it seem natural to you. Practice on unattractive girls or girls you’re just friends with if you want to see some of the reactions you get.
 

Do
the spin-move described in the travel part. Girl love it. Just grab her hand and do it. Make sure you’ve already at least exchanged a few words together. Saying “Give me your hand” in a manly way also usually works. If she refuses or is afraid, grab the hand of her (fat) friend and spin her around, saying, “See, it’s not so difficult”.

Although it is possible to do this with a strange girl on the dance floor I advise against it. Girls get scared easily when you just grab them out of nowhere. At least exchange a few words or have extended eye contact first.

Touching techniques

• Feel her muscles if she says she works out or something like that.
 

•
Grab her hand and look at her rings and make some comment about it (short diamond ring routine). you can do the same with a necklace.
 

•
High-five or fist-bump her.
 

•
Take her hand and read her palm. Hold her hand and slowly and gently touch her lines while proclaiming some bullshit like
Your fun line shows you are in for a good night,
etc etc. All girls love this and some even get giddy from the semi-erotic touching.

• Hook your arm in hers while you walk.
 

•
Play fighting, ticking, poking her in her side.
 

•
Hitting her with a pillow (inside the house).
 

•
Gently pulling her hair.
 

•
Slapping her ass (with a newspaper, towel, anything) is only for experienced players
 

•
Say “What’s that? Look there” and poke her boob with your finger when she looks away. This is the experienced level, so be careful.

• Walk behind her, crouch down a bit when she doesn’t see it, grab her calves hard with one hand and make dog biting/barking sounds. She will jump up and scream in panic and will laugh hard afterwards. Only do this if you’ve known the girl for at least a short while.
 

•
Last but not least: dancing!

Kissing

Sometimes I see guys wildly kissing a girl, slobbering all over her face and holding her tight. Such amateurs. That’s no way to turn on a girl. Girls want to be kissed like they see in the movies. Slow and soft.

How to (first) kiss good:

Gently grab her by the back of her head with your right hand (fingers spread and woven into her hair), pull her towards you, and make the C-shaped stroke from her hair, behind the ear towards her chin with your left hand. Look her in the eyes and kiss slowly her on the lips. No pecking kisses and no tongue for at least the first 10 seconds.
 

Kiss
slowly and gently bite and suck on her lips. This is the fastest way to make her panties wet. Always keep one hand free to touch her body while kissing her. Use your left hand to explore her body a bit. Stroking the side of her body and touching and squeezing her buns.

She
might resist a few times or pull your hand away but if you’re doing it right she will give in.

After a good ten seconds start using your tongue and kiss her neck and lick her earlobes a bit. Work your love making magic from here.

Girls will give you the head turn sometimes. This can be embarrassing but you have to persist and just try again a minute (or two) later. Unless she specifically says that she doesn’t want to kiss and just wants to be friends, nothing is lost. If she persists in just being a friend, you have to be careful with using her for pre-selection. She might actually cockblock you if she sees you going for someone else later. If she head-turns on you but stays close, then she’s still interested in you but you are moving a bit too fast. Try again later.

Going for the bang

I
have described countless bangs in the travel part of this book and won’t go into it too much. The best results come from first or second dates. I rarely went over the second date mark. As you can read for yourself, same night lays are quite possible, but it takes a certain kind of girl. Alcohol is almost certain to be involved in either small or very large amounts, so be sure you can stand your ground when you start drinking with a girl. Do not go head on with a Russian girl drinking Vodka, you will lose. I usually stick to beer but that’s also because it’s the cheapest drink. Booze loosens up a girl and takes away her anti-slut defenses.

Some pick-up artists say that they will only leave with the hottest girl in the club and get a same night lay out of it. Don’t believe that crap. Not every girl is up for a same night lay; in my opinion, it’s only girls who have done it before who will, and most of the time it will only happen if you’re sending out strong alpha sexual vibes and the girl is clearly attracted to you. Don’t think you’ll talk a shy church girl into bed or that the girl you’ve fancied for a long time will suddenly end up with you because of your newfound pick-up skills.
 

There
are two ways to escalate to the bang. One is to kiss her and make her horny; she’ll know that you are going to want to have sex with her when you get to your room. You can almost always be certain that the bang is going to happen if she agrees to come back to your room after midnight. This usually works with girls who have done it before. I don’t like the words “slut” or “whore” and almost never use them. These girls just have a strong sexual appetite, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Where would you be if they didn’t? I wouldn’t marry them though.
 

The
second option is to not kiss her beforehand. This requires some subtlety from you: you have to give all the signals that you do want to kiss her but that you’re OK with postponing it for a short while. Some girls are not fond of public displays of affection, and in some cultures it is so looked down on that the girl will not even think about it. Accepting this will make a good impression.
 

In
this situation it’s wise to invite the girl to your room and give her the impression you’re going to kiss her there. Some girls love this scenario because that’s all they want, just kissing. If your escalation game is tight you can have sex anyway, but sometimes you need one more date.

Take
her inside your room and make her feel at ease. Don’t be in a hurry if she isn’t but keep her busy and don’t give her time to change her mind. Play some music. Talk a little bit and make sure you have some mixed drinks in your room. Don’t be ashamed if you have a cheap-ass room. Don’t even mention it and never apologize for it. Most girls don’t really care about that if they’re already into you. In poor countries they are not used to fancy rooms anyway.

Whether you bang her
is up to you. Just make sure you bang her like there’s no tomorrow if you want to see her again.
 

Whatever
you do inside your room, have fun doing it.

Cheap
travelling:

The Backpacking Casanova way

Accommodation

Accommodation
is the number one cost of travelling. The more special or remote the city or village you’re staying is, the more you pay. The language barrier is also a problem when you want to find a cheap place. Conning touts or taxi drivers will always take you to the place from which they receive the highest commission. The Lonely Planet is a reasonable guidebook, but as soon as those recommended guesthouses are in there, they starting charging a lot more. Booking a hostel online is not a bad idea either; most have pictures, prices and route descriptions on there. In the cheaper countries it’s very possible to get a hotel room for 3 to 25 dollars. In more expensive countries, this will be 25 dollars and up.

How to save money on accommodation

• When staying in place of minor importance (transport hub, or place where there will be no girl chasing), swallow your pride and stay in the cheapest place possible. Nothing wrong with cold showers and squatter toilets. Man up!
 

•
Couchsurfing: a free place to stay and most people will show you around and treat you as their guest. Never turn away from free food and drinks.
 

•
Stay in cheap dorms and guesthouses, which are also a place to pick up chicks. Banging in a dorm room is not uncommon; just hang some sheets around your bed and keep it quiet.
 

•
Find a girl who will accommodate you. Spend money on her as long as it cheaper than getting your own place. Of course the girl herself is a bonus too.
 

•
Bargain for a room. It’s very possible with most guesthouses and hotels. No guts, no glory.
 

•
Build up a great network of Facebook friends, when in the neighborhood, they can accommodate you for free (and provide food), or find you a cheap place to stay.
 

•
Book a place for only one night and start walking and asking around for better and cheaper places. Check out the next day and relocate.
 

•
Share a double room with somebody, possibly a girl so you can have some nightly action too. It’s a great way to get in her pants. Ask her if she wants to share a room for the costs, work your magic and end up using the other bed to lay your bag on.

Food and drinks

Food and drinks are the second most expensive part of travelling. Drinking especially can ruin your budget. In a lot of countries, going out means spending more on drinks than on food and accommodation put together. In some places food will also be costly simply because there are just no cheap restaurants around or you’re sick of eating the same cheap food over and over. (For example: rice and noodles. They get boring pretty fast.)

How to save money on food and drinks

Food:

•
Eat lots of street food. Your stomach will get used to it eventually, and going to more expensive places is no guarantee of not spending a day or two on the toilet. Stop washing your hands every 10 minutes and build up some tolerance.
 

•
Eat the breakfast included at your hostel. It will be a shit breakfast, but hey, it’s free. Personally I can’t stand those toast-with-jam breakfasts and will eat out, but if you’re really counting pennies this is one time not to imitate me.
 

•
Cook for yourself if you are in more expensive countries. Again, this isn’t what I do, but if you can it’ll save you money. I almost never cook and will go to a fast food place or street market instead to get my belly filled. I’m lazy and don't know how.
 

•
Never refuse when people you meet offer you food. It’s rude and bad for your wallet.
 

•
When dating girls in poor countries, you will be the one paying for everything (though exceptions apply). Bite the bullet on this one. You can’t expect them to pay for their food and drinks when they make three dollars a day. It shows no respect if you ask them to split the bill and you will make a fool of yourself. Don’t go overboard with this either; when a girl eats rice seven days a week and wants to go to a five-star restaurant with you, dump that gold digger. She has to like you, not your wallet.
 

•
Find places with cheap food. Chinese restaurants are a good option. Buffets and places where you get free food are another.
 

•
Take a girl out to McDonalds; just say you haven’t had a Big Mac in months and you’re craving it. If the girl really likes you, she won’t mind.
 

•
Go eat at a cheap local place and tell the girl you love her country and their tasty food; don’t mention you’ve been eating rice in every possible form for the last year. Look excited when reading the menu.

Drinks:

•
As said before: drinking can kill your budget faster than a speeding bullet. The best solution by far is to stop drinking alcohol. This is also the most boring and unsociable solution.
 

•
Drink water instead of Coca Cola during the day; it’s much cheaper, healthier and better for your teeth. Stay away from juices too; they’re full of sugar and always pricy. And why drink coffee at a Starbucks when McDonalds sells it for a quarter of the price. A bottle of water and three candy bars or a bag of chips will get you through the day if you have a decent breakfast and know you can get a big meal in the evening.
 

•
Find out when the happy hours are or get drinks for free.
 

•
Drink in if you’re the heavy drinking type. If you want to pick up girls, go out and drink moderately. No girl likes a slurring apeman.
 

•
Do not go to expensive clubs with hefty entrance fees and 10-dollar drinks. It’s no guarantee of anything. Clubs like that are frequently used by prostitutes or bitchy gold diggers who are not looking for broke backpackers.
 

•
Don’t drink out of boredom in trains, planes and busses. Find somebody to talk to and you might get some free drinks.
 

•
And last but certainly not the least: Charm girls into buying you drinks.

Transportation:

Transportation is the last major reason why your wallet is always empty. The rule is that the slower you travel, the cheaper it gets. Unfortunately, we cannot teleport from one place to another so we have to take a bus, train or airplane to get there. You can live as cheap as you want, but if a ticket to some destination costs 50 dollars, you just have to bear with it.

How to save money on transportation.

•
Hitchhiking is the cheapest way to get from A to B; I don’t have much experience in it so far, so you’ll want to find out someone else’s advice on this.
 

•
Local transport is always the cheapest paying option and most of the time the most fun as well. Ask locals where to find the bus station and how much they pay for a ticket if it’s not posted. Avoid travel agents. The downside is that it may take a lot of time and sometimes have a lot of inconveniences.
 

•
Bargain hard anywhere and anytime. Taxi and motorbike drivers are especially notorious for ripping you off. Walk off at the first sign of overpricing and most of the time the prices suddenly drop 50% or more.
 

•
Walk around; you can easily do 4 or 5 kilometers an hour, and it’s a great chance to meet people on the streets – and who knows how one thing can lead to another. You will not meet girls sitting in a taxicab.
 

•
A bus is almost always cheaper than a train and a train is almost always cheaper than an airplane. Travel slow and save money. Read the stories and see how I met some girls on buses and trains.
 

•
Plan ahead. Book airplanes online and as far ahead as possible. This is a great money-saver. Use budget airlines and look for the hidden costs. Strange advice from a guy who almost always travels by the day or week, but I spent way too much money on this.
 

Some
people keep a budget diary or have a strict limit on how much they spend each day. I tried both for a short while and must say it’s really hard. The diary is the easier one; you can see how much money you are spending on average and where it’s going and budget your money (or change your habits) accordingly.

Keeping to a strict daily budget is very hard because you will have so many setbacks all the time. Everything will be more expensive than you calculated and you will have costs you never thought about.
 

Does
this all mean you can never stay in a fancy room, eat a descent and tasty meal, smash 50 dollars on drinks? Of course not; you’.re travelling to enjoy yourself and have a good time. And a good time is the reason you went away in the first place.

Just
keep in mind that the more you spend the shorter your trip will be and the sooner you will be back at a boring job.