Around the World in 80 Girls: The Epic 3 Year Trip of a Backpacking Casanova (62 page)

Inner game

Are
you an introvert or an extrovert? If you are a natural introvert like me then you probably hate the idea of walking up to strangers, even if they are guys. You don’t like to ask directions because it makes you feel dumb. You don’t like calling strangers on the phone. You have a bad time getting into the “party” mode at places where you don’t know anyone. You feel self-conscious in large crowds. You don’t like to get public attention and you cringe at the mere thought of walking up to two girls in a club, tapping them on the shoulder and starting to talk to them. And oh my god, you don’t even speak the local language. I used to be that guy.
 

Inner
game is the most important part of gaming. This is how you feel inside and you react to others, in particularly girls. If your inner game is weak, then you will have trouble approaching girls and staying strong during conversation and escalating.

The first thing you must accomplish to have strong inner game is to be totally unreactive. Whatever shit is happening during your travels, no matter how the girl reacts to you: it doesn’t hurt you. It’s like having a force field around you. Nothing can penetrate your protective force field. Every time a girl gives you a funny look, every time a girl puts you down or turns her back on you, even if she laughs in your face, you must stay unreactive, like the insults bounce right off you. This is very, very hard to learn and it will not take a few days or a few weeks. It will take relentless struggling and persistent going out to bars on your own. Yes, you read it right, on your own!!
 

There
are two unconventional ways of getting rid of the thoughts that are holding you back from the goodies.

1
Turning to the Dark Side

Be
very arrogant and think (don’t say it) like
this
every time a girl rejects you: Who the fuck are you to judge me? What do you have to offer besides a pretty face and a surprisingly average fuck most of the time? Most of the girls that rejected you have never left their own country or even own a passport. I’m Neil Skywalker, who already fucked more girls of different nationalities than most guys in the whole world. And this girl tries to disrespect me? Fuck you, Bitch.
 

You’ll want to be careful about turning to the Dark Side. Using t
his mindset too often will eventually turn you into a woman-hater.  Don’t do that.  It’s whiny.

2
The right way

W
hen a girl gives you a funny reaction and walk away, just give them a playful smirk and shrug your shoulders. After a while I noticed that when I stayed a bit longer in the conversation girls would open up to me more. I started playing dumb.
 

The
girls will shit-test you hard to see what kind of a man you are. They might give you a bitchy comment or straight up say that they have a boyfriend. I used to just say, “Oh, OK, bye then”, but later on I just stood my ground and kept talking. The more I talked the more they opened up and found out that I’m not like the rest of the guys around. Girls will test you for anything: how much money you are willing to spend on them? Are you a needy guy? Do you stand up to her? What do you have to offer her in terms of fun and excitement? Of course you don’t have to take this playing dumb to an extreme. If it’s very clear that the girl can’t stand you then you have to eject out of this situation, because it will make you look bad to other girls in your proximity.

I rarely leave within 30 seconds, and just fire some questions at her.

Focus on the strong points in your character and people will barely notice the flaws. Don’t talk about your weak points or things you fear. Build up suspense by keeping your mouth shut from time to time. Having strong inner game and confidence is also about not fearing and even not caring about failure with women or any other things in life you are experiencing.

Think of all the things you see a “nice guy“ do in the movies and do the exact opposite, and you will see that you have improved tenfold with all the girls you will ever meet in your life. Romantic movies are the biggest pile of brainwashing crap you can find, so stop watching them as of now. This is the way feministic cat ladies want to see a man. A nice, submissive guy who treats women like a lady.
 

All
the advice and techniques are mostly interchangeable between different situations. It is not restricted to one part of the seduction game. Some things work better in a certain situation than others. Some tips or tricks are more appropriate for clubs and some are better used on a date. I’m not going sum up whole scientific theories on what works or not. Just follow my lead and you will get laid using this. Anyone who claims this stuff doesn’t work for him can email me for advice.

Approach Anxiety

An Alpha has great inner game and has no fear of rejection. But even if you still have most Alpha treats under control, in my experience approach anxiety can still scare the shit out of you. It is one of the worst things that can happen to you. You completely freeze up and can’t think straight anymore. Thoughts rage through your head and suddenly you can’t find words anymore. All of your toughness and self-esteem seem to disappear faster than a chocolate bar in a depressed fat girl. You start to make every possible excuse not to approach. The longer you delay an approach, the harder it will be.
 

Trust
me, I’ve been there, over and over again.
 

I've
learned that none of my worst fears would come true when meeting a new girl. I've met hundreds of women, maybe even a thousand girls over the last few years – and none (NONE!) have reacted or caused anything to happen that I couldn't handle in the moment.

What if she says something that makes me feel bad about myself?

• This is impossible since you are protected by your force field. No insult can penetrate that and lower your self-esteem. If this is really bothering you, turn to the dark side for a while.

What if she has a boyfriend who wants to beat me up?

• This never happened to me and it’s very unlikely. If so, the guy will not start punching you straight away. Finish up talking, say goodbye and walk away with your head up high.

What if I don’t have anything to talk about?

• Learn how to tease and how to small talk. Read books or something about the local culture you can ask her about.

What if she thinks I’m a total loser and ignores me?

• Tap her on the shoulder again and keep talking, play dumb, engage her friends. If after half a minute the vibe is still against you, shrug your shoulders and leave.

What if she makes fun of me in front of everyone?

• This almost never happens and is just meaningless fear. Make fun of her when it does happen and most of the times she takes a liking to you for standing up to her. If you can’t turn the situation around leave, but not before you make fun of her.

What if she pretends not to hear me?

• Speak loud and this will not happen.

What if she doesn’t speak English?

• Most girls feel more insecure about this than you and might brush you off to avoid their own embarrassment. If you know some of the local language, be a man and try anyway. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
 

Rejection
is better than regret. Do you remember all the times you came back from a club and regretted that you didn’t approach that one girl that even smiled at you a bit? I do!

All
those times you’re back in your bed and swear at yourself for being a pussy and for being scared of a short girl in a club. You say to yourself: what the hell is wrong with me? Why do I not just walk up to a girl and start talking? I’m a great guy with lots of things going for myself. This is why it is way better to be rejected (which really doesn’t happen that much) than to live with your own anger and shame.
 

Keep
in mind that not every girl is interested in meeting someone. Some have boyfriends, some are cold, some are shy, some have problems and are not interested in any guy, not even a handsome rich stud. Some are afraid of being with a foreigner because of all the cultural differences. Some are afraid of being seen as a club slut. Sometimes girls just wanna have fun. Just like the Cyndi Lauper song. Yes, you might even run into some lesbian girls.
 

And
all the time you thought that every girl rejects YOU and you take this personally while she is just rejecting the thought of being with someone at that moment. Every time you go out, you have some approach anxiety to conquer, and how long this will take depends on how your overall vibe is. If you didn’t talk to anyone the whole day then it is harder to get your social motor running.

So, you had a shit night out?

You couldn't get any approaches to stick. The girls looked at you funny after you delivered your opener. You were blown off time after time. You're thinking
What the fuck? I'm a fucking player. I read Skywalker’s book! Why is nothing happening tonight?
 

Don’t
worry; this will happen from time to time. If you think you can get laid EVERY time you go out just by reading a book then you are dead wrong. You have to put in hours of struggling outside your comfort zone. This is not easy and you will have setbacks and even approach anxiety will show its ugly face every once in a while.
 

Do
not let this destroy your willpower. Get back into the trenches and keep approaching. Those who keep coming back in the face of failure will ultimately succeed. Draw power from your former successes and keep making mental notes of your accomplishments.

I was so persistent in going out even when I totally didn’t feel like it that it felt I was doing a job instead of having a fun night out. People laughed at me when they heard me say: “OK, time to go to work”. But I was the one who laughed when I happily put my hands on yet another big round booty and had a passionate make-out with a girl ten years younger than me.

Approach anxiety is greatly reduced with lots of practice and the knowledge that you have a solid strategy. Realize that in most cases you will
never ever
see the people again when you are travelling.

Go out on the last night of your stay and be prepared to make a fool of yourself sometimes. As soon as you walk out the club you might feel down if everything fails, but this feeling will disappear when you realize that you just walked up to ten or twelve girls and started talking to them.

At least you did something to improve yourself instead of sitting at a hostel drinking with some dudes who are too scared to do what you did and drink their excuses away. Don’t leave the club or bar before you’ve done 10 approaches. Trust me, you will return home a changed man.
 

Do or do not, there is no try
 

Master Yoda

Approaching in clubs

I will write about going out alone. It is the hardest form of picking up and it’s where the men are separated from the boys. You need strong inner game to pull this off. One of the biggest advantages of going out alone is that you always have someone to go out with. Just look in the mirror and there he is! Your best friend and sometimes your worst enemy.

Going out with hostel crowds or with one or two guys can be fun and I won’t really advise against it, but you have to realize that your group sometimes wants to go to several places and wants to leave just when you are talking to a hottie. The group can have people who will cock-block you or stupid people who will embarrass you.
 

If
you go with a group then make sure you know how to find your way home in case you need to ditch them. (Taking a picture of the street name or landmark where you are staying is a good thing to do, especially in places where it’s hard to find your way back)

Have
money in your pocket for the way back.
 

Going
with just one or two guys can also be fun but you run the same risk as with a group. The guy(s) you are going out with can actively or passively cock-block you.

You
will not know how they respond to girls if you don’t know them really well, which in the case of a travelling life is almost always the case. Guys can act stupid by bragging, shouting, excessive drinking, telling stupid jokes, breaking into your conversation, acting creepy, needy, aggressive or being overly shy around girls – and that’s just the passive cock-blocking!
 

Guys
can actively cock-block you by talking you down behind your back or in front of you, trying to pull you out of a conversation, refusing to move around in the club, forcing drinks on you that you don’t want, physically obstructing your view and options to touch or openly trying to hit on the girls you opened.

Maybe he speaks the same language as the girl and makes a fool of you. Maybe the guy who was a funny guy back in the hostel turns into a violent guy once he’d too much to drink and starts picking fights. Maybe you have the option to go to a girl’s house and your “friend” is acting up and ruining your chances. It’s amazing how some guys can travel around but suddenly can’t find the way home without your help. I have witnessed all of these behaviors first-hand. You should only go out with guys you trust and know won’t cock-block you. Tell the one you are going out with that there is a chance that he has to go home by himself. The ideal guy to go out with is a wingman with some knowledge of picking up girls.

A wingman knows what to do and is willing to keep the other girlfriends company/busy while you talk to your main target. I can’t remember anyone who fit that description on my trip.

Another
downside is that your inner game is less strong when going out with others. It’s so easy to say “Fuck it, I’ll just have some beer with my buddies” after being blown off by girls a few times.

Those were the downsides of going out with others. Now let’s have a look at the downsides of going to a club alone.
 

•
You will need
super strong
inner game to be willing to stand around in a club alone and approach girls left and right in an unknown city in an unknown country where you don’t speak the language. The less exotic value you have the harder it will be.
 

•
You will have no one to talk to inside or any social proof.
 

•
It’s less safe and you have to pay full fare for a taxi back and forth.
 

•
It’s hard to get into the right state to be open and talkative and the first approach will build up pressure. You have to be quick on the first approach to counter this feeling. It’s good to do some warm up approaches to less attractive girls so you get out of that blocking headspace.
 

•
It’s hard to keep two or more girls occupied at once without a wing, and you might just end up with a phone number if she is not willing to part with her friends. Flirting and teasing with one girl and just talking with the other is a difficult thing to do but there’s also no guarantee that your buddy will do this for you, so you might as well do it yourself. There’s a big chance the girl will flake on you when you call or text her, which makes all your hard work useless.
 

A
final tip is to make just minimal contact with local guys. It’s OK to exchange a few words and a few laughs in and outside the club so that you can approach them later that night and make some small talk again but avoid becoming buddies with them. They will cock-block you later. If you are in third world countries where there aren’t many foreigners around then young guys might idolize you and never leave you alone. Yes, this happens. They also might try to get free drinks from you since you are the “rich” foreigner. This happens a lot in the Philippines where its culture to share a big bottle with a whole group. Guess whose job it is to buy the bottle all the time?
 

The
other end of the spectrum is that people may want to buy you drinks. Not a big problem, but you have to return the favor and this takes away some valuable time. The good thing is that you build up social value when you have people around you who seem to like you.

Goddammit, Skywalker! You make it sound super-hard! Why would I go through all this trouble?
 

This
is why:
 

You
will feel like a fucking superhero if you pull it off. People see you come in alone and approach girls. They will see you talk and have fun with a cute girl and leave with her. You just did something that even most popular local guys can’t do. Picking up a hot girl or catching a new flag will give you a powerful and almost godlike feeling that can last for days. You have proved to yourself that you are able to pick up a girl in a strange country and sometimes even in a strange language without any ones help. This will give you all kinds of respect points with both men and women. Remember that all girls love a man who’s successful with other women.
 

Ok,
so you finally amped yourself up to do the first approach. If you are still scared then walk towards her and touch her arm or tap on her shoulder. There’s no way back and you’ll have to talk. Even just a “Hey, how are you?” is acceptable. Girls get approached all the time and are comfortable with the situation.

If you smile at them they will often help you out and ask you something. Stand up straight and don’t lean into her, that makes you look needy and too eager to talk to her. You don’t want to know how many guys already shouted in her ear with beer on their breath. If you worry that she won’t hear you over the loud music, just SPEAK FUCKING LOUD! She will hear you and so do her friends who are dying to know what you are saying to their friend.
 

It’s
OK to lean in every once and a while or when things get flirty. If you can’t hear what she is saying just nod your head a bit and try to get a bit closer. If you keep straight the girl will often come close to you and talk in your ear.
 

Standing
up straight, shoulders back and at a 45-degree angle from your target girl gives you a confident posture. It’s best to talk over your shoulder a bit. If you stand right in front of her in the first minutes she might feel limited in her personal space and even scared if you are a big guy. It’s a built-in biological fear to have no escape route from a possible attacker.
 

The
best possible place to stand is wherever it looks like the girl is talking to you rather than the other way around. This will give you social value and pre-selection with other girls watching you. Position yourself so she has to walk away from you to get out of the conversation. She will lose social points, not you. Lean against the bar, a pillar or a wall so it looks like she is coming on to you. Spin her around and steal her seat at the bar.
 

Don't
circle around the venue looking like you’re some kind of sexual predator or socially awkward guy. Girls will notice this and you lose value. You can either take a spot at the bar and stay put for a while and try to approach girls in your direct area or you can move around from one spot to another, but not too fast. Take at least 15 to 20 minutes at every spot. If you’re with a friend it’s ok to move around a bit. A lot also depends on the size of the venue and the number of bars and dance floors.

The opening line

Let me tell you the secret to getting laid. It’s the king of opening lines. One opening line to rule them all. It will work wonders for you. I won’t keep you waiting any longer. Are you ready? Here it is:
 

“Hey, how are you?” or
“Hey, how you doing?”
 

C
ontrary to popular belief you don’t have to come up with a perfect opening line or be a routine stacking freak. Just saying “Hey, how are you?” is enough. The girl will give you some answer and it’s your job to give a (funny) reaction to it.

Remember that girls think emotionally, not logically. Say something along the lines of “Are you sure? You look a bit down/sad”. You can say this even if she’s already smiling. Girls don’t want to be perceived as sad or bored, so they will start to qualify themselves to you. Take it from here.
 

“You
look like you’re the one having the most fun in here.” (credit Roosh V) Ask her why she is so happy, take it from there.
 

Girls
who don’t have much experience in either the English language or talking to foreigners might react in an insecure way and ask you simple questions like “where are you from?” or “what’s your job?” and “how long are you staying here?” Now, these questions are sometimes but not always used for different purposes. Let me explain:
 

“Where
are you from?” = Are you from a rich country? How much money do you have? Can I get free drinks from him? In what currency is this fool going to send me money if I play him right?
 

“What’s
your job?” = How smart are you? How much money do you have? Can I get free drinks from him?
 

The
last one is more interesting. She asks how long you are staying. She is probably considering whether she will have a date with you and if she is willing to invest time in you. She might not be comfortable with a one-night stand and is thinking about a date with you first to get to know you better.
 

If
she asks “Where are you staying?” she might be thinking of having sex with you and wants to know if you have a private place to do it.
 

Look
closely for her reactions when you answer these questions. Don’t feel dumb if you stay in a hostel. Say this: “I stay in a hostel but sometimes I have a private room in a hotel if I want some privacy”. She now knows that she has the possibility of having privacy with you. It also means that you are willing to pay for the hotel. This is important since most girls are tight with money, even if they have it.
 

I
can’t stress this enough: Just relax and go with the flow. There is no hurry, and if one girl rejects you or the conversation dies off, it’s not the end of the world. Look for another girl to talk with and approach her, and the next one, and the next one. Getting numbers or same-night-lays is still a numbers game. How many numbers or approaches you need depends on how good your game is and the overall impression you make on the girl(s). Girls are not going to appear from thin air. You have to work for it – but the reward is worth the trouble.

A few Don’ts for club approaches

• Don’t ever excuse yourself when opening a girl. It’s a sign of weakness to be begging for her attention by saying Excuse me, blah blah blah.
 

•
Don’t get drunk. It’s OK to drink and even OK to drink quite a lot but be sure to stay in the fun zone. The zone where you’re funny and witty. Not the zone where you’re loose on your feet and slur your words. Stick to beer.
 

•
Don’t open big groups of girls if you’re alone. This is against most pick-up advice in other books, but those are mostly wishful thinking. Opening and keeping the attention of a large group in a high-energy environment is very difficult and often fails. Stick to two or three girls maximum. Always open a girl who is alone.
 

• Don’t hold your glass up to your chest; leave it hanging to your side. Relax!
 

• Don’t neglect her friends, they will cock
-block severely if you ignore them.
 

• Don’t continuously smile at your target. This looks very fake.
 

• Don’t act nervous. Relax! Own the situation.
 

• Don’t be afraid to touch her.
 

• The moment you suspect the hot girl wants to hook you up with her fugly girlfriend, that’s the moment you politely say goodbye and leave. Don’t think the hot girl will suddenly be attracted to you if you stay and be
a nice guy to her fat friend. It’s not going to happen! And you should send a signal to the hot one that standing you up for an ugly friend is not OK with a high-value guy like you.