Anti-Stepbrother (36 page)

Caden loved me, and I had to go check on my stupid stepbrother. Those two thoughts repeated through my mind. I could only sit there, my mouth on the floor.

Oh my God. Caden actually loved me. I never thought… How could…

“There’s nothing plain about you. Don’t let some dickhead like your stepbrother make you think that.”

The idea that Caden could love me had never entered my realm of possibilities. I wasn’t just floored, I was actually still on the floor. But I had to find him. Kevin could wait.

I went outside, but I couldn’t find him. Anywhere. He wasn’t in the backyard, in the house. He wasn’t on the lawn, and I couldn’t see his Land Rover either. He left.

I couldn’t believe it. I stood there in the doorway of his shed, deciding what to do, then my phone buzzed a text.

Let me know after you talk to him. Thank you again, Summer! XOXO

I sighed. It was from Sheila.

I needed to deal with this. The irony wasn’t lost on me as I went down the steps to the basement. Unlike the first time I went to this basement, I wanted to find a girl with him.

“Come in,” he called.

Kevin was alone and at his desk when I entered. No such luck.

“Oh, hey. What are you doing here?” He got up and cleared a spot on his bed for me. It was covered with his clothes. “It’s my night to do laundry. Don’t worry. Those are all clean.”

I perched on the end and folded my hands on my lap. Caden’s words were still in my head. I felt them inside of me, and I couldn’t focus for a moment.

“So, huh.” Kevin cleared his throat, sitting back down at his desk. He faced me, an arm resting on the desk and his legs out. “What’s up?”

“Your mom called me.”

“Oh.” His eyebrows furrowed, and he turned slightly away, tucking one leg under the desk. “You’re supposed to check on me?”

“Pretty much.”

He laughed, quietly. “Sorry. This is probably the last place you want to be.”

I glanced down at the floor, but lifted my head again. “What do you mean?”

“I know about you and Caden.”

My heart stopped. He did? He couldn’t know what Caden just said to me…could he? There had to be more to that. My head inclined forward. “Yeah?”

“So…” His head moved forward, matching my movement. “I get it. I’ll tell my mom you checked on me, and everything is great. Don’t worry about it. I doubt Caden would want you in here.”

“He doesn’t.”

His eyes widened again. “You told him?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“You guys are more serious than I thought.”

Now my eyebrows pinched together. “How is that your business?”

“It’s a big step when you have to run everything by the other person.” He grunted. “I usually get out then, but it takes me six months to get there. It’s been two weeks for you guys.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Being accountable to another person. That’s a big step, Summer.”

“I was with him when your mom called.” I cursed. That was none of his business either. Why was I explaining any of this to him?

“Oh.” The ends of his mouth dipped down in thought. “It’s still a big deal. So there is a you-and-Caden thing.” His head perked up like he’d caught me in a lie.

My blood was starting to boil. “That’s none of your business.”

“Fine.” He pulled his other leg under the desk too. “Then my fight with my mom is none of your business either.”

“She’s the one who asked me to check on you.”

“Oh yeah.” His voice softened, and he cursed. “Sorry. I’m being an asshole.”

I had a retort on the tip of my tongue, but no. I was being a good stepsister here. I swallowed it down and tried to smile. That was the whole point of this. Brother and sister. Family.

“So, are you okay?”

He let out a small breath, his hands moving to slide into his pockets. He leaned back in his chair and stretched his legs out so he looked nice and comfortable. “Who knows? I want a relationship with my dad, and my mom’s claiming he doesn’t want to see me.”

“You don’t believe her?” My hand itched to text Caden.
“That was before I fell in love with you.”
My heart picked up its pace.

“I don’t know. Maybe. He’s a selfish prick too.” He flashed me a grin. “I get that from him, but what father wouldn’t want to see his kid?”

“What started the fight?” Why was I standing here? Caden was more pressing.

“I emailed him and then told her what I did. She flipped out.”

I forced something out that sounded interested. “Really?”

Caden had blown up my world. I had to concentrate on what Kevin was saying.

“I don’t know what all happened with them.” He sighed. “I think she’s afraid he’ll tell me, and I’ll get mad at her. Families hide the biggest shit. I think my family is somewhat normal. You’re the one not normal.”

“Huh?”

He snorted, his grin upping a notch. “You had a family that loved each other. Your parents were happy, weren’t they?”

My parents? My mom… I felt a knife of pain burrowing inside of me, making its place again. I thought it was gone. I hadn’t felt it in weeks. It
had
been gone. Why was it back? I glanced down to my chest, as if I could see it.

“Yeah.” There’d been fights, just not that many.

“If your mom was still alive, your parents would still be together, probably.”

“Yeah.” I echoed. “Probably.”

My mom…

The hole suddenly doubled in size.

“If your mom was still alive.”

“Sorry.” He grimaced, shaking his head. “You get sad whenever your mom is mentioned.”

I gripped the ends of my shirt. “I see.” My voice was hoarse. A boulder sat on the top of my throat, blocking my airway.

That fucking hole. I began itching there, right next to my heart.

“Aw, shit.” He moved around in his seat again to face me. Leaning forward, his elbows rested on his knees. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Then why did you?”

He clapped his hands together, and the side of his mouth crinkled in. His eyes found me—those chocolate brown ones I always used to wish would look at me the way they were right now.

“My mom and dad hated each other most my life. I knew they were going to get a divorce, and I wanted it. The fighting would stop then, you know? But if I had my ultimate dream, they would’ve been like your parents. Love, happiness, normal amount of fights. That type of bullshit. I wish I had it.”

“I’m sorry?”

Kevin laughed, straightening in his chair. “Don’t worry about it. This is a Matthews thing. It’s not your problem. My mom shouldn’t have involved you.” He grew thoughtful, and the side of his mouth lifted. His right dimple showed, blinking at me. “Plus, you were probably busy with Caden, right?”

Was he kidding, or was that genuine? I wasn’t following at all. He ripped that hole back open. I frowned, remembering when the gnawing pain had first appeared. It had been before him. Before I met Sheila. Even before my mom died.

My mom.
That hole
was
my mom.

Kevin stared, not saying a word. I felt like he was deciding what to say, and right then, the air shifted. An intimate vibe filled the room. It made my insides clench, and my stomach started to churn.

I was in pain.

I felt like my organs were being crumpled into tiny pieces. Someone’s hand was in there yanking them out and crushing them before dropping them on the floor.

He murmured, almost too softly for me to hear, “What if I told you I was jealous of Caden? Would that be a problem?”

I didn’t respond, but his words were
in
me, and they were bouncing around. They mingled with Caden’s parting words.
“That was before I fell in love with you.”

I wasn’t hearing Kevin anymore. I could only hear Caden’s voice, and feel that hole. I felt my mom. She was everywhere. She was nowhere. She was inside me, beside me. She was being buried. The alarm that sounded when her heart flatlined was deafening.

My mom was gone, and I’d never dealt with it.

I’d pushed it off for so long. I’d pushed her off, and now she was back. That hole was gaping wide, oozing, and she was overwhelming me. I couldn’t see. Tears began to fall, and I stepped backward. “I’m going to leave.”

“No.” Kevin got to his feet. His arm shot out, like he was going to grab me, but his hand just hung there. “Don’t go. I’m sorry if I pushed. I shouldn’t have.”

I edged backward. “I don’t like this.”

“Don’t go. Please, Summer.”

I shook my head, pulling my shirtsleeves over my hands. I clenched them tightly, straining my shirt over my shoulders and chest. “Stop it,” I shook my head, seeing her next to me. In front of me. Her eyes were too knowing, but too damning at the same time. “Don’t look at
me
like that.”

“Summer.”

I kept edging away until I was at the door. Kevin reached for me. His mouth moved, but it wasn’t him I heard. It was my mom.

I shook my head even harder, like I could banish her away with the motion. I couldn’t… I couldn’t deal with this. I choked on a sob, feeling my knees bend. I was going to fall, and then it would be over. She’d be in me again. I’d never be able to not feel her again.

“No,” I whispered.

“Summer.” I turned to see it there again—that same look in her eyes. They were Kevin’s, but it was her. She was looking at me through him.

I shook my head. “Stop it.”

“Summer.”

He was touching me. No. She was touching me.

I was having a breakdown. A small part of my mind was telling me this. I had put off grieving her, and now she wouldn’t have it. She wouldn’t let me go, not anymore. Then I was falling.

Arms caught me. Tears wet my cheeks, and suddenly I felt a soft touch on my cheek. Someone brushed my hair back from my face. I looked up. It was my mother. She’d caught me, and she was crooning to me. Everything was going to be all right.

Everything was going to be all right.

CADEN

I tried to tell myself I needed something from Phillip, and that was why I was in the basement. It wasn’t because his room was next to Matthews’, or because Summer was in there at the moment. None of those things. I really did just need the stapler.

I hated this.

This girl, she got inside of me. She wound me up, and I hated it.

I hated how I felt for her, and missed her, and wanted her with me no matter where we were. I hated everything about it because of how fucking exposed she made me feel.

As I came downstairs, I heard the crying first. He’d hurt her. I was going to rip him apart, but I stopped in the doorway. I couldn’t unsee what lay before me. Kevin cradled her, and she grasped onto him like he was her lifejacket.

He kept brushing her hair back, rocking her, and saying it was going to be all right. Over and over. All I could do was stand there. Pure horror and hatred filled me at the same time—horror that she was hurting, and hatred that he got to be the one to comfort her.

I started forward. “Let me take her.”

He tightened his arms around her. “I told her how I felt about her. Why do you think she’s crying?” He looked at me like he pitied me. “I missed my chance before. I won’t let her go now.”

“She’s not crying because you professed your love, dumbass. Why is she crying?” I touched her arm. “Summer.”

But she clasped him harder, burrowing her head against his chest.

Kevin gave me that smug smile, brushing a hand over her hair once again. “See? I told you. I’m the one she wants.”

“You’re lying.” I reached for her again, but it was the same result. Her cries grew louder, and she pressed into Kevin, almost shuddering.

“If I am, you’ll find out later.” He jerked his head toward the door. “Go. She’s going to stay with me tonight.”

My hands itched to hit him. I couldn’t. It’d hurt Summer, and that was the last thing I wanted, but I couldn’t keep them from flexing into fists beside me.

His eyes fell to them, and a dry laugh slipped out. “You know what’s funny? I didn’t even want this, not until later. I had it locked down in high school. No guy asked her out because why would they? I was living with her. I could take her away from them any time I wanted.” He shrugged. “It wasn’t a problem, and I thought it’d be the same here. I could fool around. She could have her fun. But she’s always my end game. At least, I had her in the back of my mind.”

Something was way, way off here. Why was he talking like she couldn’t hear him? What had he done to her? “You were stringing her along this entire time.”

“Until you.” His words chilled. “Until she fucking fell in love with you, But not anymore.” He lifted her, cradling her in his lap. Her hands reached for his shirt and twisted there, holding on. “I got her now. I’m not letting her go.”

“There’s a special place in Hell for you.”

Summer continued crying, and I was afraid to upset her more. “Once she stops crying, I’m going to find out the real reason for this.”

None of this made sense to me. Choosing to be with Kevin and dissolving into tears wasn’t something Summer would do. I sat back and pulled my phone out.