Antebellum (38 page)

“Okay.” She sounded like a child, trusting in me without any rational reason to. She rested her head directly below my chin, and I knew I would figure out a way to survive.

“Love?” she said.

The word sounded like cotton candy tastes. It took a second to realize it was for me.

“Yeah?”

“What's your name?”

I almost laughed out loud.

“Moses. My name's Moses.”

“Like in the Bible?”

“Yeah, like in the Bible.”

When Ella heard my name she hugged me even tighter than she had before. Slowly, the heat in her chest started to come back, and her tight embrace turned into warm, sensual fingers finding their way to my waist once again.

“Moses?”

“Yeah?”

“You say it was a time when you wasn't ready for me, right?”

“Yeah.”

She turned so that her back was facing me, and slowly she grabbed my hands and navigated them under her dress. I realized
that her underwear had disappeared when I saw a white heap on the ground about a foot from us. Later I would wonder how she managed to get them off without me knowing.

Before my hands struck gold, Ella turned and looked at me. Her eyes were narrow and she breathed as if we'd already started. “You ready for me now?”

I stood with my mouth open for what felt like forever, but when Ella called my name, my hands shot to the waist of my pants and began to pull them down. Neither of us heard the footsteps approaching the back door.

“Ella! Ella, you lazy wench, where the hell are you?”

In the four seconds that it took for Mrs. Talbert to get to the back door once she'd announced herself, I managed to frog leap from the back of the house to the side again, and was lying flat with my pants hovering somewhere between my knees and my ankles. Ella had managed to leap over to the tool shed, and put up a feigned struggle with the lock on the door. When Mrs. Talbert burst through the door, Ella was able to sell her performance, mostly because she was out of breath.

“Ella! We have been looking all over for you! I thought I told you to clean out the bathroom and wash the children's sheets?”

“I'm mighty sorry, Mrs. Talbert, ma'am! I come out here to get da tools to fix up your flowers, but this latch on the door be straight from da devil!”

“Mr. Talbert said he sent you out to get those tools quite a while ago. What has taken you so long?”

“Is dis here latch, ma'am! It's locked and I can't get it open!”

Mrs. Talbert looked at Ella suspiciously, then around the rest of the area. She pointed to Ella's underwear when she saw them on the ground. “What in the hell is that, Ella?”

“It's a rag I bring out here wid me, ma'am. I got so mad at da
lock, I threw it on da ground. I'm mighty sorry, Mrs. Talbert, ma'am.”

She'd been hanging around Sarah too long. Pretty soon she'd have Mrs. Talbert leaving her alone for fear of catching the nigger disease. Mrs. Talbert stared at her for a few more seconds, and then shook her head.

“Can't trust a nigger any further than you can throw them, I reckon. I don't know what kind of heathen, sinful actions you had going on out here, Ella, but you better come back in here now and do as I told you, or so help me God, I'll get the lash myself.”

“Yes, ma'am! I'm leavin' my rag and rest of the things out here, then?”

“Heavens no, Ella! Pick up your things out here and report to the bathroom at once.”

Mrs. Talbert, obviously fed up, stormed back inside. I crept up to the side of the house as Ella was running to retrieve her underwear. We met on our knees, and she kissed me and whispered to me in one breath.

“Come tonight, when all lights is out in da house, and I'll be back here waitin' for you.”

“I'll be here.”

She kissed me again, and ran back into the big house.

By the time I'd made my way back to the slave quarters, the overseers who had been assigned to watch me were in a drunken stupor. One of them had gotten his hands on a bottle of moonshine, and since, as far as he and the other overseers knew, I was still knocked out by Reverend Lewis' blow, they saw no reason
to keep their senses. I practically walked through the front door of the cabin when I returned, which was a good thing. It's hard being stealthy with butterflies moving about in your stomach.

The slaves jumped up with excitement as I walked through the door. The fact that I had gone to the big house and come back alive was enough cause for celebration. They struggled to hold their peace and wait for me to speak.

“Did you hear 'em? What dey says?”

“Everybody sit down,” I said calmly. “Y'all need to relax a lil bit. Everybody take a seat.”

There were more people in the cabin than before I'd left. I hadn't noticed until then. The feel of Ella's lips had temporarily removed some of my senses. Now, though, I was fully alert. I stood in the middle of the floor and watched as my audience took their perspective seats around the room.

“You all are gonna be fine,” I said matter-of-factly. “They not worried about y'all; they worried about me.”

“Den, what about you?” Sam said with a surprising amount of worry in his voice. “What they gone do wid you?”

I took a deep breath and looked around the room. “They gonna hang me in the mornin'.”

A collective wail went up among the slaves in the cabin and nearly brought me to tears. It was so loud and lasted for so long that, after a few moments, a series of erratic knocks sounded at the front door, followed by a drunken slur of words.

“...yousssseeee shuter niggggggers nasssssssssssty damn it up!”

“quit...uh...quit 'cha....qu...quip...quite...errr...qui...qui... quiet...QUIET! Damn you!”

Amidst her own pain, Sarah gave a signal that caused all the slaves to lower their voices. When Law went and peeked out the door, the two overseers were on the ground, propped against a tree, snoring loudly once again.

“We...we can't let dat happen...”

Sarah found her voice amongst the mourners, and managed to grab their attention.

“Dis can't happen. Sure's a God restin' up in da heavens, we gonna' git you out from here tonight!”

The faces of the slaves began to shift from sorrowful to determined, and excited whispers of planning began to fill the room. I held up my hand for attention once again.

“Look, I know you wanna help me, but real talk, I don't want you to. Right now all Talbert and Bradley and the Governor can think about is gettin' rid of me. I ain't hear 'em say nothin' 'bout punishing y'all. If they can't find me in the morning, it's 'bout to be hell to pay, and I can't be responsible for none of y'all getting hurt. You been hurt enough already.”

Sam, Buck, and Law all looked sideways at me before Buck stepped forward.

“What you gon' do then?”

“Don't know yet, man. If I'm not here in the mornin,' they gonna think y'all helped me outta here—even if you didn't. Best thing would probably be to wait till they come and get me, and try to find a way to escape before I get to da gallows.”

Sarah stood up, her face indignant.

“And if you cain't?”

“Then I get hung.”

She shook her head, unable to swallow what she'd heard.

“Naw...naw dat ain't it. Ain't your job to protect us, Moses! You done inspired us mo' than we ever been, and I'll choose dat over protection any day!”

The slaves in the cabin sounded out their agreement.

“We's heard yo' words, and we all respect 'em. You tell us not to do nothin and we won't do nothin. But if we get a 'scape route all laid out for you while white folks be sleepin', will you refuse it?”

I looked hard at Sarah, and then around the room. I realized that my freedom wasn't just my freedom anymore. It was the colored flag on the slave side of the field. They'd do anything they could to keep it from capture.

“No. If it's set up, I'm not gonna refuse it.”

Sarah thanked me, and immediately began planning with a few of the other slaves. They were plotting my escape, but because I didn't know the backroads and deep forest, I felt acutely out-of-place during the conversation.

“Sarah?” I interrupted, and all of the slaves stopped talking and looked at me. “Roka still in the hut?”

“Yeah. He done took 'is beatin' hard dis time.”

“I need to see him.”

She nodded at me.

“Watch out. Dem white folk by da door...”

“Yes, ma'am.”

I peeked out the door, saw the sleeping guards, and marched out into the evening. Before I got to Sarah's, I found my way to a clearing in the woods where you could get a clear view of the bighouse. Almost all of the lights were still on. My thoughts returned to Ella while butterflies danced in my gut and I experienced heart palpitations. I closed my eyes and tried to think of what tonight would be like. Just imagining Ella's sounds made my legs turn to clay, and I took a seat on the dirt and leaves for a while, trying to clear my head. I heard love songs that were popular in my previous life, and before I knew it, I was humming Luther Vandross to the sycamore tree in front of me. I caught myself, remembering who I was and all that was at stake, and I picked myself up off of the ground and began walking again.

Entering Sarah's hut was surreal. I could remember what the place had looked like when I was laid in there for so long, the walls and hard mattresses becoming my confidants and friends. Something was different about it now, though. My mind went back to the ones and zeros from
The Matrix
as I traced over a space that I was supposed to be familiar with. And then, as my eyes scanned over the beds, I saw Roka.

Sarah had understated his condition. He looked as though he'd been in a fight with a freight train. He lay on his stomach with cloth and roots on his back, covering his injuries. I could see the sweat soaking the mattress underneath him. For the first time since I'd woken up in the slave cabin, I began to feel fear. I had little to no concern for my own safety, but I felt as if Roka's broken condition somehow erased some of the strength he had given me. I slowly walked to him, contemplating whether or not to run away before he realized I was there.

“I knowed...”

The words seemed to come from the air itself. It didn't seem as if Roka had budged, and I'd had my eyes focused on him since I walked in. But, it was Roka's voice. Unmistakably. I watched him closely as he opened his eyes halfway and began stirring.

“I knowed.”

“Know what, Roka?”

“Knowed it be you.”

He began forcing his body up into a sitting position.

“Yo, Roka, lay back down, man. Ain't no need to be gettin' up.”

He continued pushing himself up anyway, and finally reached the point where he could lift his head and look me in the eye.

“Look changed,” he said with a smile he had to work for. “Fear go. Gone.”

“Yeah.” I knew Roka well enough to know he wasn't going to lay back down. I walked over and sat beside him. “I feel different.”

“Like king?”

Roka's words struck me hard. He was absolutely right. I'd woken up this morning feeling like royalty.

“Yeah,” I said, and nodded my head. “Like a king.”

He nodded his head in response, trying to ignore the pain that came with his actions. Then he turned and looked at me hard, like he was trying to levitate me out the door. I held his look, unwilling to risk disturbing his thoughts with a question. We sat like that while the minutes passed, before Roka opened his mouth again.

“I don't much talk,” he started.

“Yeah, no kidding.”

His facial expression told me to shut up, and I did so.

“Long time, long time, long time...I wished was you. Wish me was you...”

I could tell he didn't want me to interrupt, but I couldn't help it.

“You wished you were me?”

“Yea.”