Another Man's Baby (11 page)

“I don’t think you want to know.”

“Is it that bad?”

She sighed, “Eric, why are you bugging me about this? Like I said, you won’t talk to me, but you can’t stand that I won’t talk to you.”

Okay, so she was being evil, giving tit for tat as she was fond of saying. He ate a few bites of salad in silence, but it was bugging him that his wife was clamming up. “Gabi, tell me what’s wrong.”

She sighed again and he ignored it. She was looking as if this time she might tell him.

“Jamilla and I got into a fight today.” She tilted her head back. “I almost hit her. Tracie stopped me.”

Surprise kept him silent for a second while he stared at his wife. The stress of their marriage was getting to her, Eric knew it. Otherwise Gabi would never have lost her cool like that. He took in a breath. “Tell me what happened.”

“She was flirting with one of our patients. She kissed him and he had his hands all over her.”

“Why does that surprise you, Gabi? Jamilla likes men. She’s never hidden that fact.”

Gabi was glaring at him. Not wanting to be the next person Gabi wanted to hit, Eric smiled at her. “What else?”

“The man’s wife is also our patient.”

“Oh.”

“She was so bold about it, so nasty.”

“It wasn’t really your business. Why did you fight with her over it?”

The tension in Gabi increased. Eric could tell from the way she clenched her jaw and the stiffness of her shoulders that she was getting angry with him. “It’s not as though you didn’t know how she is,” he offered.

“Has she hit on you?”

“Of course she’s hit on me, you know that. That’s what she does. But I’ve never been interested. Now tell me why you chose today to fight with her over her nature. She can’t help it.”

“What makes you think that I started it?”

“You have to admit you were probably not in the best of moods when you went work.  I just thought…”

“Well, you’re wrong. Jamilla approached me. I kept telling her I didn’t want to get into it with her, that it was her business, but she insisted.” Gabi stopped and glared for effect.

“And that made you want to hit her?”

“She insinuated that she’d like to get with you. She made lewd gestures, not once, but twice.

He could feel the smile coming and wanted to stop it. His baby wasn’t in the mood for jokes. “You got jealous?” He laughed. “Thanks, baby, I’m glad.”

“I didn’t do it for you.”

For a moment there was complete silence before Eric said softly, “I know. I also know something more had to have happened. What was it, baby?”

“I had a patient today,” she almost whispered and Eric breathed a sigh of relief. He’d been afraid she was going to question him about his inability to talk to her. “Go on,” he coaxed. “What happened to your patient?”

“She was pregnant.”

Now he knew where this was going. He felt a pain in his abdomen as a knot of anxiety radiated across his midsection, strangling his abdominal muscles.

“And?” he asked.

“I went to congratulate her. When I told her the test was positive, she asked for a referral for an abortion.”

“Oh.”

For a moment Eric’s cheeks burned as Gabi glared at him. He waited.

“She doesn’t want the baby.”

“Gabi, it’s her decision.”

“I know it is.”

He watched while she closed her eyes against the pain. Gabi wanted a baby in the worst way. Damn. He went back to eating his salad. “Anything else happen?”

“No, that was about it.”

He waited for her to say more. When she didn’t, his guilt overwhelmed him. He fished for a mandarin orange. “I think you’d make a very good mother.” His wife lifted her face and she stared at him, waiting.

“I was thinking maybe it’s time for us to start working on that baby.”

“I thought you said it was good I hadn’t gotten pregnant.”

“You agreed with me,” he answered her.

“Yeah, I know, but look what we did. We were lying to each other. I was planting my pill box so you could keep count of the missing pills and you were pulling out. As much as I want a baby, I don’t know if we’re at a place where we should try.”

She gazed at him and Eric saw the tears well up.

“I decided today that if you don’t want a baby, I’ll have to learn to live with that. I’m sorry I lied to you, and tried to trick you into getting me pregnant.”

“And I’m sorry I lied to you and tried not to get you pregnant.”

They both laughed and relief rushed to Eric’s soul. As much as he wanted to protect Gabi from possible pain, he wanted more to make her happy. Giving her a baby would make her happy. He’d have to learn to pray in order to keep that baby safe. “I do want that family we talked about.”

“Are you sure?” Gabi asked, holding her breath. “You were so determined before.”

“I think we’re allowed to change our minds, aren’t we?”

“Baby, are you sure?”

He could see the hope spring to life within her. As badly as she wanted a baby, she’d evidently made up her mind not to pressure him about it.

“I’m not sure,” Gabi whispered softly, holding her head to the side, looking at him with a funny expression on her face.

“You’re not sure?” He saw her disappointed face in his mind every month when she did a pregnancy test and found out that she wasn’t. He knew how much she wanted a baby, how much she’d wanted a baby before he left.

“I’ve been an ass, Gabi. You no longer have to worry about me. I think this morning you brought me back to my senses.” He was teasing her, wanting to see the light that he’d taken out of her return, to see the sparkle in her eyes.

“Eric, I don’t want to force you into anything.” His smile tugged at her heart and she smiled in return. “Okay, I know I’ve been singing a different tune lately. But I’m serious.  I’ll respect your wishes. I know how strongly you felt about our not having a family. I should have given your reasons more consideration. You’ve been through a lot and I shouldn’t have pressured you. I love you and I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize our marriage.”

“You’re not. We’ve talked about this for years. My reasons were things that I will have to learn to let go of.  It never had anything to do with my love for you.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“Do you really want a baby, for real?” Gabi held her breath.

“I do want a baby, I want lots of babies with you.” Eric saw the smile breaking out and the dimples in Gabi’s cheeks. She’d been trying hard to hold back her joy from the moment he’d told her he was ready to start their family but she wasn’t having much luck.

“Eric—”

He laughed and finally got up and went to her. He pulled her up. “You’ve been putting up with a lot from me the past few months. You’ve been so patient. I love you and there is nothing I want more than to have a baby with you. I also agree with you about something else, I know I should get some counseling. I think I’m about ready.”

“You’re not doing this just for me, are you?”

“Not just for you,” he grinned. “I love you and I’m definitely going to enjoy making a baby with you.”

“Eric…”

Before she could say another word he was holding her in his arms, capturing her lips, covering them, tasting the sugar cookie scent of her. He pressed her body close to his. “Baby.” He wanted to say so much more, but now was not the time.

C
hapter
Nine

Three months of trying and his wife wasn’t pregnant yet. Now that he’d had some time to adjust to the idea Eric wanted a child with Gabi.

“Dr. Samson, look, before you start psychoanalyzing me again this is a serious question. It’s physical, not mental. I can’t get my wife pregnant.”

“Are you trying?”

Eric refused to answer that question or to be amused.

“You’ve only been home a short time, Lieutenant. The last time I saw you, you didn’t want a baby. What changed your mind?”

Eric narrowed his gaze and stared at the doctor for several seconds.  “I thought I said I wasn’t here to be psychoanalyzed.”

“I was just curious.”

“I’m trying to get my life and my marriage back on track. I’m trying as hard as I know how to remember that there are good things in life. I’m also trying to shove all bad memories out of my mind.”

“Are you expecting that having a baby will give you all of that?”

“Again, Doc, are you a urologist or a psychologist?”

I always wanted a baby.”

“Not the last time I saw you.”

“Not that you need to know this in order to perform the tests but things have changed in my life. Like I said, I’m attempting to regain control of my life. Now, I need to know what’s wrong. Test me, see why I can’t give my wife the one thing that she’s asked me for.”

“Okay, Lieutenant. I’m sorry if I pried. I’m sure there’s nothing wrong but we’ll do a semen analysis.” He gave Eric the information for the lab and looked at him. “Is everything else going well with you?”

“I thought you just apologized for prying.”

Laughing, Dr. Samson clapped Eric on the back. “Okay, you’ve got me. I guess I do like playing amateur psychologist.  Are things okay with you?”

“There’re not perfect but they’re getting better.”

“Do you need another refill?”

Eric didn’t answer. He wanted to say no but he didn’t want to give the pills up just yet. “Will they harm the baby?”

“No.”

“Will they prevent me from making one?”

“No.”

“Then I guess it wouldn’t hurt to have a refill just in case. Listen, any chance the lab can take me today? It’s hard for me to get here. Sometimes I just need to do as much here as I can while I’m here.”

“I send the specimens to a lab in
Chicago
. It would have probably been easier for you to have gone to a doctor there.”

“I didn’t want to. Besides, you’ve already been in my business. I don’t need any more people prying into my life.”

Dr. Samson smiled at Eric. “Okay,” he said, “understood. Do you mind if I ask one more question? I was wondering if you’ve given any thought to talking with a counselor?”

“I’ve thought about it,” Eric answered, not going farther. He had thought about it. For three months he’d thought about it, and luckily since he was doing everything in his power to make a baby, Gabi had miraculously gotten off his back about talking. She was happy for now and that was pretty much all he wanted, well, what he wanted for things that he had any control over anyway.

With a quick call everything was taken care of. Eric was given an order to take to the lab in
Chicago
. He’d gone and had given his sample and was headed home. He was genuinely smiling, knowing that he truly wanted a baby. He’d not waited around; he’d done something about it. “Boo-yaa,” he said softly.

***

Eric had known Gabi was going to be waiting for him and he was right. The moment he turned off the key she was running down the drive toward him. He opened his arms and lifted her off her feet. “How did your doctor appointment go?” Eric asked Gabi, giving himself time before talking about his own appointment.

“They’re going to run some tests and I’m going to do a basal chart for my temperature. We’ll have to make love more often,” she grinned. “If there’s a spike, you need to get in there and get the job done.”

Gabi was grinning, happy, the way she should have been all this time. He crushed her lips with his and moaned, the sweet taste of her filled him with wonder. Damn, he’d almost messed up their marriage. It was getting better now that they were both on the same page.

***

“We’re really trying now,” Gabi burst out before her in-laws had a chance to do more than give her a quick hug.

“So I take it you and Eric are working things out? I’m so happy to hear that and I’ll be even happier to hear the news that you’re pregnant,” Ongela said, grinning.

“It won’t be long, I’m sure. We both went to the doctor for physicals, just to make sure everything’s in working order. But we’re not worried, we’re young, we’re healthy and we’re in love.” She turned around and found Eric grinning down at her. He kissed her and she tingled. When she tried to turn away, he deepened the kiss, making her knees turn to mush. This was more like it. This was what she’d expected when he returned home, the two of them loving each other, unable to keep their hands off each other.

“Are you two planning on trying for that baby now or are you going to give us the dinner we drove hours to eat?”

“We’ll feed you,” Gabi teased, “then you can just drive the three hours back. You don’t have to worry about spending the weekend with us.”

The four of them laughed, knowing the trip was so long that they always stayed for a couple of days. Now that they’d both taken early retirement it made it more convenient. Having grandparents who could come for a week at a moment’s notice was going to be a huge bonus, one Gabi was looking forward to.

***

For three days life was the way it was supposed to be. it couldn’t get any better. Then the phone rang and the mood changed.

Listening to Eric’s end of the conversation, Gabi heard him ask, “Why can’t you give me the results on the phone. Let me speak to the doctor.”

She sidled next to him, trying not to allow disappointment to seep into her eyes. She was a nurse; she knew the routine. A sinking feeling hit the pit of her stomach. She slid her hand down to her belly, hating the flatness that mocked her. Her gaze connected with her husband’s. She saw a flicker of panic behind his eyes and tried for a smile. She had to put on a brave face. Her in-laws were in the middle of leaving and her husband was about to freak. He was a marine, but above all he was a man. He didn’t want to hear this kind of news.

He glanced down at her and she saw the fear in his eyes. “It’s okay,” she lied, “this is how it’s always done. Don’t worry. It’s no big deal.” Her heart thumped twice, then settled down, the motion signaling the death of her dreams. Gabi pasted on a smile. She had to be brave for Eric. She turned to his parents who’d heard the conversation. “Don’t you two worry. We promised you grandbabies and we’re keeping that promise.”

***

Gabrielle wanted so badly to go with Eric, to be there to hear the news, to buffer her husband’s pain. She wanted to protect him. “Baby, it’s my day off. I want to drive to
Indiana
with you. We can stop in
Calumet City
and see your parents, make a day of it. We could even take the train in.”

“Gabi, I don’t need you to hold my hand.” Eric stared at her with a stern expression on his face.

“That’s not what I’m doing.”

“You said there was nothing to worry about. If that’s true, why are you so anxious to go with me? I’m a big boy, I can go to the doctor alone.”

Gabi moved toward Eric to hold him, but he moved away. “Don’t shut me out again,” she said softly. “We need each other. No matter what happens we have us. Just remember that. I want you more than anything. I want us to stay strong. Promise me that. Promise me that no matter what happens in the doctor’s office we will be okay.”

Eric’s eyes narrowed and he glared at Gabi, knowing this wasn’t what she had in mind. She wanted solidarity but she was castrating him with her words.

“Gabi, I’m not trying to be mean and I know you’re trying to be supportive. But that’s not what I need from you right now. Let’s not play games with each other. We both know what the results are going to be. I need to do this alone. You’re treating me as though I’m an invalid. I’m a man, Gabi, a marine, an officer. You need to remember that and respect it. Whatever happens in my life I can deal with it. The problem is, can you?”

He didn’t stop glaring at her. Ignoring the hurt in her eyes, he saw the tremor around her lips. “If you want to mourn with someone, Gabi, do it alone. That’s not my style. I was doing this for you,” he lied. “I could care less if we have kids. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be just fine.”

He shook away the pain that was stabbing at him. Hadn’t Gabi just asked him not to go there? He had enjoyed the last months as much as she had. It had taken him a long time to get to the point where he was comfortable with the thought of bringing a child into the world. But damn it, some power was playing games with his life and he didn’t like it. First saving his life, then taking it away. What was he, just a chess piece on a board? Was he being used for some powerful entity’s amusement?

He glanced back and saw Gabi watching him from the window. He wasn’t going to tolerate his wife looking at him with pity. He was a man, damn it. He would live through this. But would he and Gabi make it through what he knew would be a hard time? They’d barely begun to repair their marriage. Would Gabi still love him if he couldn’t fulfill his promise? he wondered and felt a chill slip over him. The hand pressed again on his spine and this time he expected the whisper he heard: “
Have faith.”

His throat closed and he could feel a burning in his lungs. “Whoever is out there listening, please,” he prayed. “I don’t know if there is a God. Is that the reason You’re jacking my life around? If You exist, tell me, show me. Whoever is in charge I need You to listen. I know I don’t have any right to ask anything of You. You saved my life and that should be enough, but…please, whoever You are, just allow me to give this one thing to my wife. She wants a baby so badly. You know it and I know it. I want to give this to her. Please, just this once, listen to me.”

“
Have faith,”
The voice said again and Eric was determined to try.

***

“I’m sorry, Lieutenant. But there are lots of babies needing adoptions,” the doctor said, not looking directly at him.

“I know that, Dr. Samson, but that’s not what my wife wants. She wants my baby.” Eric was doing his best to remain calm but he could do nothing about the clenched teeth.

“But there’s--”

“Thanks,” Eric said, not waiting for the doctor to say more. There was nothing more to say. He wasn’t going to have a civilized chat about his not being a man. The one thing his wife wanted was the thing he couldn’t give her. Damn. Their trying to have a baby had taken them back to where they’d been in their relationship before he’d ever set foot in Iraq, before he’d seen so many horrors that he wanted to forget. It had been the way it was before he’d caused Gabi so much pain. Now what would they do?

Eric left the office and Dr. Samson knowing he would not bother coming back again. From now on if he found himself in need of a physician he would find one in
Illinois
. At least Gabi was aware that he’d driven to the doctor for the results. He wasn’t hiding things from her anymore. A lot of good having faith had done. He’d tried to have faith the entire three hour drive into
Indiana
. What good had it done?

Eric turned off the key in the ignition but remained sitting there trying to make his body move, go inside, get it over with, tell Gabi she’d never be a mother. Eric sucked in his hurt and made his way into the house, almost hitting Gabi who’d been behind the door waiting for him.

“Hey, baby what happened?”

He saw her fear. She was afraid and determined to hold it in for him. When she reached her arm out and gently massaged his arm he knew for certain she was already aware of the outcome. He swallowed, not wanting to prolong her disappointment but get it over and done with. “I got the results.” He stared at her, wishing it were different. “I’m sterile.”