Another Man's Baby (9 page)

When she found none, fear gripped her tighter as she dumped the contents of the wastebasket on the floor. Nothing, not one. Oh, God, no, Gabi prayed, slapping Eric’s face, calling his name, attempting to make him sit up.

“What’s wrong?” His voice was groggy, his eyes blurred. “What’s going on?”

“The pills how many did you take?”

“Two.” He blinked as though having a hard time remembering. “No, I took three.”

“You’re lying, the bottle is empty.”

“I only took three, Gabi. I put the others away.”

“Where?” she asked, not believing him but wanting to.

“Look in my dress blues, the jacket pocket. They’re there wrapped in tissue-”

Before he could get the rest of the words out she was racing for the closet, pulling the wadded tissue out, spilling the pills on the bed. She glanced at the broken bottle, then at her husband who’d fallen back asleep. He wasn’t going to die, he hadn’t overdosed. She picked the pills up carefully, rewrapped them and put them back into the pocket and rehung the jacket.

Gabi sat against the head of the bed. Eric was now compounding his lies to her with even bigger ones. She wondered if he’d deliberately broken the bottle so she’d think he’d dumped the pills. She shook her head and rubbed his sleeping face.

“I’m going to try and save us, baby, I swear I am.” Right now all she wanted to do was sit there beside her husband and make sure he was safe.

“
Have faith
,” the voice whispered.

“I’m trying,” Gabrielle answered.

***

Gabrielle’s head dropped and she snapped awake. She glanced over at the clock, surprised she’d even nodded off. Ten minutes made her know she needed more. Her eyes were gritty and her body ached from sitting in that position the entire night. But she’d been too afraid for Eric to dare even lie beside him. She’d been too afraid of falling asleep. She shrugged, not beating herself up over the lost ten minutes. Nothing had happened.

She sighed. It was now or never. She almost wished she could have the talk with her husband in his drugged state. At least he wasn’t yelling; he was more reasonable, more loving, more like himself.

Gabi smiled at such foolishness. This talk would be done now in the light of day with her husband completely conscious. She would just have to deal with whatever mood she found him in. She wasn’t giving up on Eric or them. She was determined to make it work.

But first she was going to get answers to some much needed questions, things that had bothered her. Gabi had to know exactly what she was dealing with. She’d already decided she wasn’t going to work today. She wished Eric could call in sick, take the day off but he couldn’t. She knew what he would tell her if she asked: He was a soldier, an officer, he’d never take the day off. It was time, she thought, and prayed for strength. They’d have an hour. She woke her husband.

He looked at her, then the clock. “The alarm didn’t go off,” Eric said, looking toward the clock then at her. “I had another hour.”

“I know. We need to talk. Take your shower and come down, I’ll have coffee waiting.”

“Why are you dressed in the clothes you had on last night?” he asked.

“I haven’t been to bed.”

He squinted, “You okay?”

“No, I’m not okay,” she answered and got up, going downstairs to clean up the uneaten dinner. Within seconds she heard Eric trailing behind her.

“What’s going on? Are you angry because I didn’t eat dinner? I fell asleep.”

Gabi glanced around, her gaze following Eric’s to the kitchen. It was morning and the dinner was still on the stove. She’d not wanted to move from her husband’s side to put it away. Gabi turned. “You had a little chemical help in falling to sleep. Don’t you remember anything that happened last night?”

“You mean the pills you found?”

“I mean after you took the pills, after I came down to make dinner.” She looked closely at him, not knowing if he were once again lying, and that bothered her more than anything. He was taking away the trust she’d always had in him. That she wouldn’t allow, not even from him.

“Look, I’m sorry about last night, dinner. I’ll help you clean up.”

“Don’t.” Gabi stopped him, putting out her arm to block him from going around her. “Just shower.” Her voice came out in a horrible screech. She sounded like…damn, she sounded like a drill sergeant.

“Eric, I need a few minutes alone. You know all about that. But I’m not going into a bar to pick up a man. I’m going to clean my kitchen, so please, just go and shower so I can think.” She turned and walked away.

Eric glanced after his wife, bits and pieces coming back to him. He’d thought he’d been dreaming. He did remember crying in her arms. Damn. He shuddered hard. What kind of a man was he to be falling apart? What kind of a marine?

He breathed in and blew it out, then marched back up the stairs. He blinked, remembering something else: Gabi slapping him in near hysterics, her running to the closet and dumping his pills on the bed.

Oh God,
she thinks I tried to kill myself
. He groaned and stripped, dropping his rumpled uniform into the hamper. It didn’t take a genius to know that more than likely Gabi was angry about his hiding the pills and probably worried that he’d thought about taking them. Well, he’d put her mind at ease about that. He had no plans on taking his life.

Chapter Seven

Eric took his time in the shower. He knew what was coming and he couldn’t say he blamed his wife. The little he remembered from the night before told him that. Still, he didn’t want to have it out with Gabi. With a shot of pain he wondered if he should continue pushing her away when she started the conversation.

That always worked, he thought with regret. The constant hurt in her eyes flashed before him. She was right; he was being mean, but it was working. There was a method to his madness. Whenever he pushed her away, she dropped the conversation about his dreams or what he’d done in
Iraq
. She didn’t even pressure him to give her a baby. It was working but in making it work, he was losing her.

A tremor trailed down his spine as he thought of the cost of protecting Gabi from all the horrors. But he’d do what was necessary. She was his wife and he would make sure she didn’t know the things he’d done. Unable to postpone it any longer, Eric made his way down the stairs, trying to avoid Gabi’s eyes. “I don’t have time for breakfast,” he said, sitting and picking up the cup of coffee Gabi had poured. Despite his words, she placed toast and scrambled eggs in front of him.

“I’m sorry if I upset you last night,” he said softly.

“Oh, and exactly what are you sorry about?”

Gabi put down her cup and stared at Eric. She wondered if he even remembered the things that had occurred, his anguished sobs. She held his gaze, the look in his eyes telling her he didn’t remember. Fear clutched her at the thought of what she was going to do. She’d worried that Eric had cheated on her while in
Iraq
. Maybe that was the reason he’d been treating her so awful. If that was it, if he hadn’t fallen out of love with her, perhaps she could forgive him. Perhaps they could get around that and get on with their lives. First she had to see just how much he did remember. God forgive her, but she was going to test her husband. She had to know what was going on. “Eric, what are you sorry for?”

“Everything.” He shrugged his shoulder carelessly, thinking that the best answer, since he still wasn’t clear on all that happened.

“I want more specific details. Are you sorry that you tried to choke me?” she lied. Tears filled her eyes and ran down her cheeks. “Are you sorry that you said you didn’t love me?” She nearly choked on her sobs. Yes, she was testing Eric but the pain was real. For a moment she almost didn’t ask him the last lie, but she had to know. Tears streaming down her face, she stared at him. “Are you sorry that you wanted me to forgive you for cheating on me in
Iraq
?”

Gabi’s voice had dropped. She said her last accusation  softly, as though she couldn’t get the words out, but still he’d heard her. It was as though time had stopped. Eric dropped the cup, “Tried to choke you, baby?” he said, reaching for her and pulling her into his arms. “I’m so sorry, I don’t even remember.”

“What about the other things?”

“I couldn’t have said those. I never cheated on you. How could I have said I didn’t love you. I do love you, you can’t doubt me on that.” He was examining her neck. “I would never knowingly hurt you,” he said, his voice hoarse. “Baby, I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t choke me.” Gabi backed away.

“What!”

“You didn’t touch me. Not to harm me anyway.”

“Then why did you say that?” He moved backwards away from her and glared. “Did I tell you that I had an affair?”

“No.”

“What the hell are you doing? Stop playing games with me.”

“You said you were sorry for everything and I wanted to see if you even remembered what to be sorry for? You don’t.”

“You were testing me?”

“Yes.”

“Why, Gabi?”

“Because something is very wrong with you.  You’re not yourself. You’re lying to me, keeping things from me and I needed to know what else you’re keeping from me.”

“You think I cheated on you? Is that what this was about? Did anything even happen last night?”

Gabi looked at him, then sipped her coffee. “You were having a nightmare. You said you were covered in blood, that they’d died and you were responsible. And you said you were looking for answers.”

He moved toward the door. “I have to go. I can’t be bothered with this nonsense.” He couldn’t believe he’d confided all of that to Gabi. What must she be thinking of him? He didn’t dare look at her. He had to get out of there, but she was blocking his exit. To get out he’d have to bodily lift her up and move her. He groaned. He wasn’t going to go that far.

“Gabi, I don’t have time for this right now.”

“If you want our marriage to succeed you’d better make time to be bothered with this ‘nonsense.’”

“Damn, Gabi, why don’t you let it go, drop it.”

“I can’t, because last night you were sobbing. Last night I thought you’d taken an overdose of pills to end your life. I thought I was about to lose you.” She glared at him. “As hard as it would be to lose you to death, it’s  even harder to lose you while you’re still alive. Think about that.”

Gabi closed her eyes. “You’re hurting and I’m not going to just pretend that you’re not. Since you don’t want to get help, I want you to know I’m going to do everything in my power to make things right. I’m not going behind your back anymore. I’m going to talk to your parents, let them know what’s going on. I’m going to find a counselor and if that doesn’t work, I’m going to the chaplin at
Great Lakes
. I’m not letting us end without a fight. I love you too much for that. You’re my world. If you’re not willing to fight for your sanity, I’ll do it. I’m fighting for us.”

Eric couldn’t believe Gabi and yet he could. She wanted to save him, the same as he wanted to save her. Only she was forgetting it was his job to do the saving. He was the man in the family and he was not surrendering his position to her. He’d had enough things go wrong since returning home. Allowing Gabi to wear the pants in the family was not going to happen. He glared at her and she glared right back. Okay, he wasn’t intimidating her at the moment.

“Gabi, you’re making too much out of those damn pills. It’s no big deal.” He tried to make his voice soothing and  smiled. When she didn’t smile back, he groaned again. He saw her hands clenched at her side. His baby was in her ass-kicking mood.

“You’re intentionally deceiving me.” Gabrielle waved her index finger in his face. “First, you don’t tell me about the pills. Then when I accidentally, and I mean accidentally, find them, you go and hide them and break the bottle so I’d think you tossed them.”

“I didn’t, that wasn’t intentional,” Eric protested, but he couldn’t look at her. Maybe he hadn’t broken the bottle to deceive her, but he’d known from its placement in the trash that she’d think he’d thrown them out. He hadn’t imagined she’d think he’d taken all of them.

Eric rubbed his hands over his face, no longer knowing what to do. “Gabi,” he started. He stopped at the look of menace in her eyes. She was on a roll and he knew from experience that he could do nothing but listen to her until she was done.

“I’m going crazy around here. You have me on a

merry-go-round and I can’t take much more. This has to stop today, now, Eric. We can go to counseling to try and fix things before it’s too late. I’m not going to wait around for you to become psychotic, to maybe attack me in my sleep. I do understand that you’ve been in a war, that you’ve seen terrible things. I understand that, but you’re going to have to meet me halfway, help me help you.”

Eric stared at his wife in disbelief. This was the craziest thing she’d said since he’d returned home. “You think you know what I’ve been through? You think because you’ve watched news reports you know what happened?” He shook his head. “You have no idea.”

“Then why don’t you try telling me?”

“Gabi, I’ll deal with my problems my way. Leave me alone about it. You’re not to go putting my business out in the streets.”

“It’s my business, too, and I’m doing whatever I think is necessary, so I’m letting you know up front.”

Damn, how Eric wished he could just have it over and done with. If only he could tell her the real horrors he’d committed or that he’d practically seen the fear in the eyes of the men that he’d killed. He’d been that close to them. Would she want to know that he’d seen the fear in the faces of his friends, or that they’d seen it in his? And the babies. How could he tell her about the babies?

Eric shivered as he glanced at his wife, knowing that she wouldn’t want to know that on occasion the so-called enemy had appeared to begging for their help. Eric wasn’t all together sure if many that were killed had not intended to surrender. It wasn’t his job to go over each and every kill or they would all be dead. That much he knew, but still those times stayed with him.He wondered how much any American would really want to know. Gabi was patting her foot impatiently, waiting for an answer.

“Why aren’t you answering me?” she asked.

“I’m wondering how much you really want to know.”

“I want to know everything that happened to you from the day you left home until the day you came home. I want to know the moment you stopped loving me and when exactly you decided it was okay to treat me like crap.”

Eric twisted his mouth to the side. “I never stopped loving you and I never decided to treat you like crap.”

“That just happened?”

“It happened because you won’t get off my back, like now.” His voice remained soft and he lifted his eyes to hold her gaze. “I have seen and done things that are going to take me more than a few months to let go of. Since I’ve been home you’ve been bugging me to have a baby. I know I promised you that when I came home we would start our family.

“It was wrong of me to not just tell you that I didn’t know if I wanted a baby. I tried to tell you in other ways, but you wouldn’t stop. And as for thinking you were stupid…” He shrugged. “Of course I knew me being fully aroused and hard inside you and then my slipping out leaving you empty would not go unnoticed by you. If you couldn’t tell the difference then I’m in bigger trouble than I thought. No, baby, I didn’t think you didn’t know. I didn’t think you were stupid. Is that what you want to hear?”

“It’s better than not knowing anything.”

“Are we done?”

“One more question.”

He couldn’t help the sigh that slipped out of him. “Please,” he pleaded, knowing it would do no good. She would ask her question anyway.

“Sometimes I get the feeling that you’re blaming me for something, but I don’t know what. Do you think I cheated on you while you were gone?”

“Of course not.” Eric frowned, wondering what had made her think such a thing. He tried to draw her into his arms. She shoved him away.

Gabi was determined not to allow Eric to sweet-talk her out of getting answers. She’d meant it. She was tired of this. “Then tell me, why are you trying so hard to shove me away, to make me know my place? I know you’re an officer, but you’re always throwing that around as though it’s supposed to mean something to me. The only thing that means anything to me is that you’re my husband. If I’ve done something wrong, then just tell me. How can I apologize for my actions if you don’t tell me what I’ve done?

A thick sadness flowed through Eric like honey that had been left out too long and was now pouring slowly. He couldn’t move if he wanted to. Gabi was taking him back to a place he didn’t want to be. He closed his eyes and it was as if it were just happening.

They’d all seen the truck coming and had known before impact it was the real deal. Eric could see it all clearly. The part that bothered him the most was the split second his mind had been on Gabi and not on the truck or his men. He’d been daydreaming about making love to her when the truck had started toward them. And then there was the thing he could never forget, the hand that had shoved him away and not the others. Was it any wonder he was having a hell of a time living with that? He didn’t deserve to live any more than they had deserved to die.

Eric shivered when Gabi touched him and his arms went around her and pulled her close. He heard the sob catch in her throat. She’d never understand how important it was to him to be a man she could depend on. If his men couldn’t depend on him, how could his wife?

As much as Eric loved Gabi, if he could go back and change things he would. He didn’t like thinking that his reflexes had been impaired because of his love for her. Like now. She was rubbing his head and he was breathing in her essence. She was going to make him lose it completely and give in to her wish that he unburden himself, and when he did, the telling would hurt her.