Anna's Courage (Rose Island Book 1) (22 page)

“Anna, look at me,” he demanded. “It’s okay. We’re all right. You’re wearing your life vest and so am I.”

I was wet and cold, and my fear of falling in the water had come true, but I was okay.

“Anna? Are you all right? Say something.”

A smile spread across my face, and I broke into laughter. “What happened?”

He grinned. “You squeezed the handle too quickly. You have to ease forward slowly and get used to the speed before you go barreling across the bay like a daredevil.”

I laughed again and shook my head, feeling more alive than I’d felt in years. “Are we going to be able to get back on that thing?”

“Do you want to try again?” he asked, sounding hopeful.

“Definitely. Now that I know falling off is no big deal, I want to figure it out.”

“That’s my girl.”

My spirits lifted at the endearment.
My girl
was probably something that had unconsciously slipped out and didn’t mean anything. In fact, he probably said it to Hailey and Gabby all the time, but the gentle way he said it to me made me forget I was cold.

Together, we swam back to the Jet Ski, and Nick pulled down the ladder so we could board. I climbed up first, shivering as the crisp wind swept across my face. Nick followed and folded up the ladder. Because he wore only swim trunks and a T-shirt underneath his life vest and not a wet suit like me, his body was ice cold.

“You’re shaking,” I said, patting his bare leg.

He scooted closer and pressed his chest to my back. Wrapping his arms around me, he buried his face into my shoulder. His teeth chattered as he spoke. “I’m okay, but how about we drive to Charlie’s on the Water and warm up with a burger and fries?”

I agreed and aimed the Jet Ski across the bay, taking his advice of keeping the speed at a slow and steady pace until I felt comfortable going faster. At Charlie’s, we docked and made our way to the gift shop where Nick bought a dry T-shirt he changed into before entering the restaurant.

The waitress sat us next to the window and brought each of us a hot cup of coffee. We ordered a cheeseburger to split, so we could save room for Charlie’s famous chocolate pecan pie. I had to admit there was something incredibly appealing about a man who based his menu choice on what was for dessert.

Nick looked around the restaurant, taking in the solid wood furniture and large stone fireplace. Finally, he looked back at me. “Well, what do you think about the Jet Ski, so far?”

I smiled and wrapped my hands around the hot mug, absorbing its warmth. “I like it. Seeing the dolphins close-up was amazing. Even falling in the water wasn’t as bad as I feared. A little cold, but not scary. And once I figured out how to drive, I had a blast.”

“Does that mean you’re going to keep it?”

I took a sip of my coffee and exhaled. “I don’t know. I’ve read about so many accidents, I’m still not convinced they’re safe. Three years ago, there was a deadly wreck just south of here.”

“That’s the problem,” he said. “You’ve read about all these accidents, but have you read about all the people who went out and had a good time without any problems?”

I smiled. “That’s the same logic I used on my parents when I wanted to get my pilot’s license. Intellectually, I know you’re right, but emotionally—”

“It’s not so easy,” he finished for me. “I get that. But the news is never going to run a story that says, ‘Nick Peterson and Anna Morgan went out for a lovely and safe afternoon of Jet Skiing on the bay. They saw four dolphins, fell off their watercraft, and had a nice lunch, but nobody was injured.’”

“I suppose that’s true,” I reluctantly agreed.

“How many hours did you log in the helicopter without incident?”

“Over two thousand.”

He whistled. “Over two thousand. That’s the problem with the news. They only report the bad stuff. If you let your life be dictated by all the horrible things that can happen, you’ll miss out on so much.”

I glanced outside at the sunlight shining on the water. How much had I missed out on because of my own fears? Was I done living like that?

We sat in silence for a moment, then Nick reached across the table and took my hand. “I really appreciate how much you’ve helped with the girls.”

I kept my gaze on him and my thoughts away from his touch. “Of course, that’s what friends do,” I said, trying to sound casual.

He winced and let go of my hand. Sitting back in his seat, he studied me carefully. “Is that all we are? Friends? Is that why you went out with that dentist?”

“Nick . . .”

“Why did you leave last night?” Before I could respond, he raised his hand. “Sorry, you don’t have to answer that. I just wish things could be different. I wish I didn’t have to leave, and I wish I could stop thinking about you all the time.”

“You think about me?” I asked, unable to hide the smile tugging at my lips.

He made a low growl of frustration. “I probably shouldn’t tell you things like that.”

I grinned. “If it makes you feel any better, you take up a lot of space in my mind, too.”

*

Before church on
Sunday morning, my mother called to discuss holiday plans. As usual, we would go with the Morgan family to Christmas Eve service, then enjoy dinner and presents at Luella and Walter’s house. Christmas morning would be spent at the beach cottage, but we’d return to the ranch for dinner and our annual cutthroat charades competition.

During a lull in the conversation, I said, “Can I ask you something, Mom?”

“Of course, honey. Anything.”

I looked out my bedroom window and watched a family with three little kids walking along the beach. The mom and dad were holding hands and seemed so happy. “Did you ever regret letting Dad stay in the army?”

My mother’s voice was tender. “Regret? No.”

“Never?”

“Well, of course there were times when it was hard, and I wished he would have stayed with the insurance job, but—”

“Wait, what insurance job?” I was shocked. My father had enlisted in the army immediately after high school, and as far as I knew, he’d never worked anywhere else.

My mom laughed. “After you were born and your father’s time was up, he wanted to re-enlist, but I begged him to get out of the military. I hated having him gone all the time, and I worried about his safety. My Uncle Dale gave him a job at the insurance agency. I thought everything was going to be wonderful. I had a beautiful baby girl, a decent apartment, and a husband who came home every night for dinner.”

I sighed at the image of domestic utopia. That’s exactly what I wanted, too. And that’s exactly what I could never have with Nick. “So, what happened?”

“Your father was miserable. After about two weeks, I couldn’t stand it anymore, and I made him go back to the army. He put on a good show, pretending he just wanted to make me happy, but I could tell he was bursting to lace up his boots.”

I smiled at the thought of my father wearing a suit and tie instead of his uniform. “I can’t imagine Dad being anything but a soldier.”

“No, neither can I, and I worry about him retiring. He loves the army. Loves the adventure, camaraderie, and patriotism. There have been some rough years, but military service is what he was meant to do. That being said, it’s a different army today. Some of these soldiers have deployed several times in the last ten years. That’s not good for them nor their families.”

“Do you ever worry about Dad getting hurt or not coming home?”

“Honey,” my mom said, pausing. “Why are you asking me these questions? What’s going on?”

Even though I was close to my mother, I wasn’t ready to talk about Nick. “No reason. I was just wondering about your life. So, you don’t ever worry about Dad?”

“Of course I do, but I don’t let my mind go there. I have faith he’ll come back to me.”

I swallowed hard. “I had faith Marcus would come back to me.”

“Oh, sweetheart. We did, too. We never dreamed anything bad would happen to him. If we could change things, you know we would.”

“I know.”

Feeling a little down, I finished our conversation and hung up the phone. I wanted to call Nick just to hear his voice. Instead, I spoke to God.

Lord, I don’t know what to do about this man. I don’t know how we can have a future together. How can I leave the island and the Morgan family? How can I put myself at risk like that again? If it’s your will, please find a way to keep Nick here with me. And if I’m not supposed to be with him . . . help me accept that. Amen

I realized all this praying and worrying might be pointless. Nick had never said he
loved
me. He hadn’t even hinted at a future together. He’d only said he wished he didn’t think about me all the time.

Of course, when I’d admitted the same thing, he’d grinned that ridiculously happy grin of his.

But what that grin meant long term, I didn’t know.

Nick

Pulling into the
church parking lot, I glanced at the clock and noted I had one minute to spare. Even though I’d chosen our clothes the night before and had woken early this morning, getting the girls and myself out the door had taken longer than anticipated.

I unbuckled Gabby only to realize she was missing one of her shoes. Frantically, I searched the car but couldn’t find it anywhere, so I cut my losses by slipping off her other shoe, tossing it on the seat, and heading inside.

We entered the foyer to find the pastor standing off to the side with a few parishioners, their heads bowed. I couldn’t hear their prayer, but the sight of this small group preparing for worship hit me hard. I thought about my army chaplain who’d prayed with us on countless occasions, including after the suicide.

“Come on,” Hailey said, leading the way into the sanctuary and down the aisle. I followed, and when we reached the Morgan family, Anna stood. She warmly embraced Hailey and smiled at me.

She looked so pretty today in a blue dress that matched her eyes. Eyes that seemed sad. Was something wrong?

“Hi,” she said, automatically taking Gabby from me.

My arm brushed against hers as I handed over the baby. “Hi, Anna.”

We exchanged a smile, and I found myself wanting to lean over and kiss her good morning. Instead, I quietly greeted the rest of the Morgan family and thanked them for scooting down to make room for us.

Music began, and as we sang the opening hymn, “O Come, O Come, Emmanuel,” I glanced at the intricately carved manger scene on the altar steps.

Hailey didn’t want to decorate for Christmas this year. While I understood her desire to forget about the holidays, I hoped by coming to church today, she could find comfort in the birth of Christ. Maybe I could buy a little manger scene for her bedroom. I’d seen one at the Christmas store on Main Street near the salon and bakery.

The sermon was about fear and how instead of being afraid, the Virgin Mary had chosen to be the handmaid of the Lord. The pastor went on to explain that people of faith often allowed fear to hold them back from following God’s plan for their lives.

“What does God want of you?” he asked, looking directly at me. “And what would you do if you weren’t afraid?”

I swallowed hard.
I’d adopt the girls and ask my dad to keep them when I deployed. I’d find a way to help Anna fly again. And if I really wasn’t afraid, I’d allow myself to fall deeper in love with this faithful woman beside me. This woman who makes me want to be a better man.

After church, Travis asked his grandparents if the girls and I could join them for brunch at the ranch. Luella nodded politely, but Walter shook my hand with gusto. “We’d love to have you join us, son. Please come.”

“Thank you, sir,” I said, warmed by his heartfelt invitation.

Travis and Hailey rode out to the ranch with Vicki while Anna came with Gabby and me. “What’d you think about church?” Anna asked, as we walked across the parking lot to my car.

I bounced Gabby in my arms. “I’m glad I came. I enjoyed singing, listening to the scripture readings, and the message. Of course, sitting next to a pretty girl was nice, too.”

She gave me a friendly shoulder bump. “Just one of the many perks of attending church.”

*

Brunch at Luella
and Walter Morgan’s home was amazing. First of all, the view from their property was incredible! I could see the entire island—from the army post on the west, to the church steeple on the east. The ocean seemed even bluer than usual, and using binoculars, I found both The Blue Crab and Ethan’s house.