Anna's Courage (Rose Island Book 1) (20 page)

Bianca ran her hand over the surface of my table. “Instead of scrapbooking, we should sand down your table and stain it tonight.”

Vicki and Jillian groaned, but I gave a pleasant smile. “Not tonight, okay?”

Bianca shrugged. “Sure, but it’s a nice table and deserves some love.”

I refrained from rolling my eyes. For the next several hours, we worked on preserving our family memories while we talked, laughed, and listened to a radio show where love-sick couples called in to dedicate songs to each other.

Bianca, mischievous as usual, asked me what I’d do if Nick came on the radio to dedicate a song to me.

I gave a nervous laugh. “How old are you, Bianca?”

She giggled. “I’m just having a little fun. Maybe you should be the one to call and dedicate a song to him.”

I tossed a package of stickers at her and told her to mind her own business.

Around midnight, Vicki left because she had to be up in a few hours to open the bakery. Jillian soon followed, but she let Matt and Drew spend the night since they were having so much fun with Travis. Bianca and I continued working until my phone rang around one.

Nothing good ever came from a call at that hour, and my first thoughts went to my parents. I usually heard from them several times a week, but lately, we’d all been busy and hadn’t talked for awhile.

Fumbling for my phone, I was surprised, relieved, and confused to see Nick’s name on the caller ID. “I wonder why he’s calling so late?”

Bianca made immature kissing sounds and spoke in a poor imitation of a male voice. “Oh, baby, I miss you so much. Meet me on the beach for a romantic stroll in the moonlight.”

“Be quiet,” I scolded. I answered the phone with a cheerful hello, but Nick cut me off.

“Something’s wrong with the baby,” he said, fear slicing through the line. “She can’t breathe!”

Panic raced through me. “I’m on my way.”

Nick

I
paced the
driveway, bouncing Gabby in my arms, cringing every time she gasped for breath. I’d never been more terrified, nor prayed harder in my life.
Please, Lord. Heal her. Don’t let anything bad happen to her. Please.

Anna arrived and I opened the car door to load Gabby into her car seat to take her to the hospital. The baby coughed again, sounding like a seal and sparking a desperation inside me I’d experienced only in battle.

“Will you stay with Hailey while I go to the ER?” I asked.

Anna shook her head and actually gave a little smile of relief. “It’s just croup. You don’t need to take her in.”

I’d never heard of croup. All I knew was the baby couldn’t breathe, and she needed medical help.

“I know she sounds horrible, but she’s going to be okay,” Anna insisted. “Bring her inside, and I’ll show you what to do.”

I pulled Gabby closer. “You don’t think she needs to go to the hospital?”

Anna’s voice was surprisingly calm. “No. If we sit with her in the bathroom and turn on the shower, the hot steam will make her better. Jillian’s a nurse, and I can call her if you want, but I’m certain she’ll tell you the same thing.”

I had a hard time believing steam could heal Gabby’s horrible cough, yet, I trusted Anna, especially when it came to parenting issues. Reluctantly, I followed her into the house and down the hall to the bathroom. She turned on the shower and told me to sit on the edge of the tub where Gabby could inhale the steam without getting wet.

I did as instructed, holding Gabby tightly as she coughed and cried. “It’s okay, sweetheart,” I whispered, hoping my words were true. Again, I silently begged God for help.

A memory from my own childhood came to me. I’d been sick with the stomach flu and had thrown up in the bathroom. Usually, our live-in nanny helped us when we were sick, but that time, my father held my head and rubbed my back. He’d cleaned my face with a wet washcloth and brought me a glass of cold water. Then, he’d helped me back into bed and had stayed with me until I fell asleep.

When I awoke in the morning, Jack had already left for work, but he’d instructed the nanny to let me have anything I wanted to eat. “Your father was worried about you,” she’d said.

“He was?”

She’d nodded, giving me a sense of love and security I seldom felt.

Perhaps I’d allowed all the bad memories of my father to crowd out the good ones. After all, my father had provided Ethan and me with a top-rate education, decent nannies, summer camp, and a safe home. Maybe he’d done his best and was simply incapable of doing more.

“She’s getting better,” Anna said, bringing me back to the present.

I looked down at Gabby and smiled. “Thank goodness.”

“I know it was terrifying to hear her struggle for breath, but the steam does wonders. If her cough gets worse, you can take her in for a steroid shot. Although, I worry about giving a baby steroids.”

Filled with relief, I closed my eyes and rocked Gabby side to side. The baby’s little hand reached up and touched my whiskers. Smiling, I kissed her fingers, and she pulled them away, clenching her hand into a tight fist. She slowly released each finger one by one, daring me to kiss them again. She liked little games like this, and when I tried to kiss her fingers again, she gave a muffled giggle followed by a weak cough.

I patted her back until she stopped coughing. Then I sang her an old Toby Keith song I’d sung to her before. Even though I didn’t have the best voice, singing to Gabby always calmed her. As she’d done before, she nestled deeper into my chest.

At one point, I looked up to find Anna gazing down at me, her face tender. A flood of emotions gripped me. Not only did I love this baby in my arms, but I loved this woman before me. Loved this little makeshift family we’d created under such difficult circumstances.

But where did that leave us? What did it mean for the future?

When I finished singing, Anna’s eyes were moist. “That’s quite the lullaby.”

Taken aback by her emotion, I looked down at Gabby, who’d fallen asleep. Her chest rose and fell in a peaceful, steady rhythm. “My singing seems to have this kind of effect on her.”

Anna smiled. “You’re a good uncle. A good father to these girls.”

I sighed, afraid of how that statement made me feel.

“What?” she asked.

I shook my head, not wanting to tell her what I was thinking, but unable to remain silent. “This is going to sound heartless, but . . . I never wanted kids.”

“Never?”

“No. Because of how I grew up, I never thought I could be a good parent. I figured the Peterson clan was missing the parent gene.”

“
Nick,”
she said, sympathy and kindness in her voice.

“I just never imagined I was capable of loving a child so much. Now, without a second thought, I’d take a bullet for either one of these girls.”

“Of course you would.”

“If I wasn’t in the army, I think I could do it. I think I could adopt Hailey and Gabby and raise them myself. I still think it would be best if they had two parents, but—”

Her eyes lit up. “What are you saying? Are you thinking about leaving the army to find a different job?”

“No.” She recoiled at my direct response, and I stumbled through my reasons. “Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t get out of my three-year obligation. But I
want
to stay in the army. It’s not a perfect life, but I love it. Even now, I miss it. How many people can say that about their job? I don’t want to resign my commission and find myself stuck with a civilian job I hate.”

Anna’s face fell, but she spoke with a resigned tone. “You sound like my father.”

“How so?”

“He’s supposed to retire soon, and it’s killing him. If he could, he’d stay in the army until the day he died.”

I nodded. “It’s a calling, you know? Some people have it, and some people don’t. I just wish I knew how the girls fit into it.”

She pushed off the counter and sat on the edge of the tub next to me. Our thighs touched and water from the shower splashed just enough that it dampened the back of our shirts.

“Not many men could have done what you’ve done,” she said. “The girls are lucky to have you. Regardless of your decision, they’re better for having had this time with you.”

I reached over and took her hand. “Thanks.”

She stared down at our entwined hands and took a deep breath. “When Marcus died, I didn’t know how I was going to make it all by myself. I didn’t realize I wasn’t all by myself. I had my parents, Bianca, Vicki, Jillian, my in-laws, my church family, lots of friends. And I had my faith.

“I also had Travis who gave me a reason to get out of bed every day. What I’m trying to say is, don’t underestimate yourself, and don’t underestimate what a huge motivator kids are. I wouldn’t be the same woman without my son.”

I exhaled slowly. “Despite all your fears and unusual quirks, you’re a very strong and capable woman, Anna.”

“You think so?” She stared right at me. Did she know how deeply I’d come to care for her? How I thought about her all the time?

I let go of her hand and brushed back her hair. My thumb traced a line down her smooth cheek to her chin. And then, I pressed my lips to hers. Everything inside me exploded as we kissed.

“Nick,” she whispered.

Hearing her say my name only drew me in more. I shifted the baby in my arms and kept my own eyes closed, afraid if I opened them, Anna would disappear. Running my hand through her silky hair, I deepened the kiss, pressing on the back of her neck to pull her closer.

Gabby stirred, and I pulled away from Anna to check on the baby.

“You can probably put her back in her crib now,” Anna said, avoiding my gaze. “You might have to run the shower again, but she should be okay for a few hours. Just leave the humidifier running. It’s that funky-looking blue thing on her dresser.”

“I know. I looked it up a while ago and watched an online video about it, so I even know how to use it.” I stood and turned off the shower, carefully shifting Gabby away from the water. “Don’t leave, okay? Let me put the baby down, then we’ll talk.”

Anna nodded, but the fear in her eyes told me she’d be gone by the time I returned.

Anna

As soon as
Nick walked out of the bathroom, I wiped off the mirror with a towel and stared at my reflection. What was I doing? Hadn’t Nick just told me he would never leave the army?

“Don’t be a fool,” I warned the woman in the mirror. Waiting for him now would only complicate the issue, making all rational thought impossible. And I needed to think rationally. I needed to make good decisions in order to protect myself and Travis.

Tapping into every last bit of willpower, I walked down the hallway and out the front door. As soon as my feet hit the seashell path, I sprinted as hard as I could toward the safety of my home.

Running away from Nick was for the best. It was hard now, but eventually, I’d be grateful I’d stopped our relationship before we became too involved.

A little voice inside my head insisted I was already too involved, but I pushed it away and scaled the wooden steps two at a time.

Bianca met me at the front door. “How’s Gabby?”

It took me a moment to remember Gabby was the reason I’d gone over to Nick’s in the first place. “She’s better. It was croup, so we took her into the bathroom, started the shower, and the steam cleared her right up.”

Bianca nodded. “I remember you and Jillian doing that when your boys were little.”

I blew out a breath and scanned the messy but empty living room. “Did you send the boys to bed?”

Nodding, she let out a huge yawn. “Can I spend the night on your couch? I’m too tired to go home.”

I gave a yawn of my own. “Of course. I’ll find you a pillow and blanket.”

I ran upstairs to the linen closet and returned to help Bianca make up the couch. When we finished, she sat down and patted the empty space beside her. “So, I know tonight was scary with Gabby, but let’s talk about the other scary part. Let’s talk about Nick.”

My gut knotted. I thought about Nick rocking Gabby back and forth as he sang her to sleep tonight. I thought about all the emotions his kiss had ignited. How much longer could I continue pushing him away?

When I didn’t speak, Bianca said, “It’s scary for me, too. I don’t want you and Travis to leave the island.”

I crossed my arms over my chest and stared at my sister-in-law. “I have no intention of leaving Rose Island. Ever.”

“You and Nick were meant for each other. I can see the two of you getting married, and you, Travis, and the girls going with Nick to become a family.”

Panic seized me. “No. I love it here. Travis and I have built a life here, and your parents would be devastated if we left.”

“They would,” she conceded. “But a guy like Nick doesn’t come along very often.”

“He’s a soldier,” I insisted, despising the hysteria in my voice. “I loved your brother more than anything, but I don’t want to fall in love with another soldier.
Ever
. I can’t do that to Travis, and I definitely can’t do that to myself.”

“I know, but you haven’t been interested in anybody since Marcus. And don’t tell me Thursday night’s date with
Boring Bryan’s
friend
meant anything.”

I balled my hands into tight fists, willing them to stop shaking. “Your brother was one of a kind.”

“He was,” Bianca agreed. “And I know he was the love of your life, but I want to make myself clear. Letting Nick go would be a huge mistake. The way he looks at you and smiles when you enter the room . . . he’s in love with you, Anna. He’s in love with you, and I know you feel the same way about him.”

And that’s the problem. That’s the huge, no-obvious-solution of a problem.

My stomach wrenched. Despite my best efforts, I’d fallen in love with Nick, and I had absolutely no idea what to do about it.

I
n the morning,
Bianca and I sat at the kitchen table, sipping coffee and discussing our plans for the day. Bianca usually opened the salon on Saturdays, but knowing she’d be up late scrapbooking, she’d taken the day off.

When the doorbell rang, I answered it, surprised to find Nick, showered and shaven. Gabby was in his arms while Hailey stood next to him, holding a plate of freshly baked cinnamon rolls.