Angel (NSC Industries) (21 page)

Returning
into the house I sat on the couch, contemplating the day’s events, recalling
the look on Nate’s face that had shattered me. I had stupidly fantasized that
when he met Jay, he would have embraced him and loved him straight away,
ecstatic to the fact he had a son.

How
wrong was I?

I
slowly climbed the stairs and went into my bedroom, opened my wardrobe and
retrieved the large box secured at the back.

Sitting
on the bed I removed the lid, the smell that always made me sad and happy all
at the same time; so many emotions coursed through me with the contents of this
box. I ran a finger over the items; slowly taking each one out and reflecting
over everything the objects meant to me.

With
lots of tears I gently placed the items back inside, closed the lid and ran my
fingers over it. They had been with me for over 19 years and now finally; it
was time to be handed to their rightful owner.

It
was 8:15pm when I pulled up to the large gates. Winding my window down, I
punched in the code and drove up the driveway, pulling to a stop in front of
the great house.

Climbing
from Betty, I picked up the box and walked up the steps to the front doors. The
door was ajar and I presumed he must have seen me coming and opened it for me,
was that a good sign?

 Walking
through the door I couldn’t see or hear him and I placed the box on the table
in the entrance hallway and walked into the kitchen in search of him.

“Well,
well, well! I wondered how long it would take you” he slurred from behind me
and I spun round to face him.

He
was stood, leaning against the kitchen door frame, his eyes hooded and blurred
with a nearly empty bottle of whisky in one hand and a glass tumbler in the
other. “Nate?” I frowned, “Are you drunk?”

“Well
aren’t you a clever girl” he grinned sickly then scoffed, “But then again I
would say you are incredibly fucking stupid! Wouldn’t you, Liv?” 

He
snorted “Actually I think I’m the fucking stupid one. I was actually worried
about you Liv, when I saw the text from Jay. Ha! I thought Jay was short for
James and that he was meeting you and blackmailing you to go back to him or
sleep with him… fucking stupid.”

His
voice raised a level and I glared at him, “You read and deleted Jay’s text? And
how the fuck can it have been James when he’s in prison, Nate?”

He
pushed his body off the frame and wobbled towards me and I backed into the
worktop, my heart pounding. He puffed and regarded me “Even after everything
you’ve done, I’m not gonna fucking touch you, Liv. Do you think that little of
me?” His brow creased and he drew his head back. “Oh Yeah I forgot, you
DO
think that little of me” he spat, laughing harshly as he wobbled to one of the
stools and after trying to sit on it and missing twice he gave up and leant on
the island instead.

 “Nate,
I love you, you know I do” I tried, my courage in what I came here for
diminishing by the second. He snorted and took a large pull on the bottle,
completely disregarding the glass and draining it; he looked at me and then threw
it across the room where it shattered into pieces.

His
body spun as he hurled it and he had to grab onto the counter to steady himself.
“How could you, Liv? Why? Why?” he garbled, his blurred eyes on me, “how could
you do that to me? You’ve denied me the most precious thing in the world! Why,
Liv?”

He
shook his head, stood upright as best he could and walked towards a cupboard,
opening it and claiming another bottle of whisky.

I
walked towards him. “Nate, please don’t drink anymore. You’ve had enough” I
pleaded reaching for the liquor and he snatched it away.

“Don’t
you fucking dare, Liv. I need it to forget! Forget how much of a fucking bitch
you really are!” he hissed and I gasped at his harsh words.

He
laughed at my intake of breath “What, Liv? Don’t you think you’re a bitch?
Because I am pleased to tell you that you excel at being a bitch.”

He
walked towards me again “19 fucking years you took from me Liv, 19
bastard
years
I missed out on being something I’ve wanted to be for so long.”

He
carried on towards me and I stepped back. “I’ve wanted to tell you for so long
Nate, but I couldn’t find the right time or the right bloody words.” I told him
quietly.

He
raised his eyebrows “When did you find out you were pregnant, Liv?”

I
looked away, worried about his reaction. “The day before you left for
Edinburgh” I murmured.

He
stalked towards me again and I was backed up against the wall as he came in
close, his strong intoxicating breath in my face. “The day before I left? The
day we had the picnic at the lake?” he quizzed, his voice higher.

He
narrowed his eyes as I nodded slightly and his fist skimmed my cheek as it
smashed into the wall alongside my head, punching a hole in the plaster.

Recoiling,
I sucked in a breath as my legs began to tremble and a tear slipped from my eye.
“
NATE!!
” he was frightening me now, in the back of my mind I knew he
would never hurt me but he was so drunk I wasn’t sure if he knew what he was
doing.

He
whirled round and walked away “Do you know how much you have fucking hurt me? Knowing
that you knew you were pregnant with my fucking son…
my fucking son
” he
added quietly. He opened the new bottle and took a long swig, turned back to look
at me and leant back against the island.

“Why
didn’t you tell me that day?”

I
stepped forward then thought better and moved back to the wall. “I didn’t tell
you because you were so excited Nate, about your new job, your new life. It was
everything to you, all you’d worked for and if I told you the truth you
wouldn’t have gone. I loved you too much to let you ruin your life. I loved you
enough to live without you” I declared.

He
laughed hard “
YOU LOVED ME TOO MUCH?
That’s a fucking laugh.”

He
was pissing me off now; he wasn’t listening to me, to what I was trying to tell
him. “I couldn’t do it, Nate! I’m sorry, okay! We were kids; you were too young
to be a father, Hell! I was too fucking young to be a single mother but I did
it for you! I made the biggest mistake I’ve ever made, and for 19 years I’ve
had to live with the fact that I kept a son away from his father so that
YOU
COULD LIVE YOUR DREAMS, NATE!
”I shouted, my temper rising.

His
glass then followed the bottle and smashed against the fridge door. He stood
up, shaking fiercely “But you didn’t give me the fucking choice to choose, did
you? Because I know what I would’ve chosen Liv, but you took that choice from
me.”

He
was repeating the same thing and we were getting nowhere so I decided to leave,
I needed to let him calm down so he would listen to me and as I walked towards
the door he darted across the kitchen and grabbed my arm and spun me round to
face him.

“I
have missed out on my only son’s life Liv, the only child I’m ever going to
have and you took that away. I should have been his father; I should have been
there when he said his first word, his first step, his first birthday and his
first day at school, and even his first fucking shave and sex talk should have
been my responsibility, Liv. Do you understand? I’ve missed everything and I’m
never going to get that back!” he yelled, spit flying from his lips.

My
heart clenched for him but he still wasn’t realising why I had done it.

“Do
you think it’s been a fucking breeze for me Nate? I was 21, pregnant and
frightened to fucking death when you left.
WHEN YOU FUCKING LEFT ME!
I
had to bring him into this world alone and fucking needing you to hold my hand
when the pain became too much! I needed you so many times to help me raise him.
The endless nights without sleep because he was teething or ill, the times when
he was naughty and I was the horrible mummy, the times when he fucking cried
for you when James had beaten his mummy to within an inch of my life and he
told me to fetch his Daddy to save us,
for you, his Daddy, Nate!
The
time when he’d had a bad accident and I thought he was gonna die. I needed you
then to drag me through those desperate and fucking petrifying dark days when I
thought he’d never pull through.”

He
was staring at me, his eyes fixed in my face, “Yes it was my choice to put
myself through that but I always made sure that Jay knew everything about you
and why I had let you go and fulfil your ambition in life, even
he
understood why I did it. A fucking child understood Nate!” I slammed.

 “But
you know what; he’s so much stronger than either of us. He said when you’re
ready to talk he’ll come down to meet you. What you did to him today will haunt
me for the rest of my life, Nate. The way you looked at him when you realised
who he was. The first time he met his father and you were a fucking arsehole,
you couldn’t even talk to him.” I turned away from him and went upstairs to
collect my things.

 He
was still stood silent, still leaning on the bloody island, bottle in hand as I
walked back down. I stood in the kitchen doorway, looking at him. “We nearly
had it, Nate! We nearly had it all” I said sadly to him and then walked through
the front door, taking one last glance at the box of memories.

 He
was still motionless and mute, as I climbed into Betty and drove out of his
life.

I
arrived home, somehow driving on autopilot through my tear streaked vision and
when I pulled onto my drive I saw Beth sat on my doorstep, wine and Haribos in
hand. As I got out of the car she held them up to me and stood up. “Jay rang
me” she said, full of compassion.

It
was all she needed to say and I stood on the driveway and cried; wept like
there was no tomorrow and shook so hard that she had to come and help me into
the house.

Sitting
me down on the sofa, she then went and fetched two glasses and the scissors’
for the Haribos and then after pouring us each a glass she handed it to me,
tapped it against mine and said “To Jay” and I smiled, grateful to Jay for
ignoring me and ringing my best friend when I needed her the most.

“So”
she said, lifting her eyebrows at me when I had finished sobbing “I gather from
Jay that the reunion didn’t go well” she pursed her lips. “And of all the
things I thought Nate was capable of, it definitely wasn’t of hurting his son
like he did” she said, her repulsion at the forefront.

“He’s
just hurting, Beth” I defended him, I don’t know why but he wasn’t all at fault
for what he had done to Jay, “He was angry at me not Jay and it shocked him, it
wasn’t anger against Jay. Jay understands that.”

I
cringed when she scoffed “I know Liv, that’s what galls me the most, how Jay’s
shrugged it off and is still willing to try again with Nate. That fucking man
doesn’t deserve a son like Jay.”

She
was angry and I could understand her but it was still all my fault. If I had
told Nate before or even when I found out I was pregnant then none of this
would have happened.

“I
know and I hope Nate can move past this and build a relationship with Jay, for
Jay
and
Nate’s sake, not mine. I can be in the background if he doesn’t
want me, but I don’t want him to push Jay away for a stupid mistake I made 20
years ago. Jay has waited 19 years to meet his father and he deserves that!” I
told her, praying that Nate would make things right with Jay and they could
still have a great father/son relationship.

“Have
you been to see him?” she asked and I nodded “I just came from his. He was
drunk and angry, so we both said a few harsh things and I came home. I left him
the ‘Daddy box’ but I don’t know if he’s seen it, I’d be surprised if he could
see anything in front of him the state he was in” I sighed and she nodded
faintly.

“I’m
sure he’ll work it out, babe” she said, putting her arm around me and passing
me the Haribos as she topped up my glass “Let’s get drunk on wine and Haribos,
Liv” she grinned.

God!
I loved this girl.

Friday
morning rolled around with the sun streaking through the curtains. It shouldn’t
be sunny today; it should be pouring down, thunderbolts flashing and the skies
dark and grey to match the way I felt.

I
decided to go into work, it was better than lazing around the house with too
many thoughts and I pulled into the car park just after 9:00am.

Strolling
up the steps in a daze to the entrance I felt someone’s hand on my arm.
“Olivia?” Bert asked “You okay, Sugar?” his head was tilted to the side as he
regarded me “You look like shit.” he added and I let out a laugh.

“Gee
thanks, Beef” I smiled when he grinned at me and then frowned looking in my
hands “Uhh, Friday!” he stated to me, confused.

I
wrinkled my brow at him, “Yes it is, well done.” Maybe he was just telling me
the weekend was nearly upon us and no work to go to tomorrow.

“You
seem to have forgotten something, Sugar.”

I
frowned at him “What are you on about, Beef?” I asked.

“Breakfast
run” he enlightened me. I sighed and shut my eyes “Oh Beef, I’m sorry. I
completely forgot. My heads all over this morning” I looked at him
apologetically.

“Hey
Sugar, it’s not a problem” he smiled softly and pinched my chin “I could do
with losing a few pounds anyway” he winked and smiled again as I continued into
the NSC reception.

Miss
Wet Kipper was situated behind the desk. “Miss Adams” she shouted to me as I
passed her “there’s an envelope here for you.”

I
nodded and walked over to her to retrieve it. She tipped her head to the side
and studied me “Are you alright, Miss Adams?” she asked and I was actually
shocked at the empathy in her voice.