Angel Fire (46 page)

We went to a park across the street and sat drinking Cokes on the steps of a monument. Someone was playing guitar, and the sell of cornmeal and spices from the food carts wafted past. The afternoon had grown warmer, so that Seb had pulled off his sweater and tied it around his waist; I’d done the same with my sweatshirt. We hadn’t seen many angels feeding, which was a relief. The city seemed to have a calmer feel to it than usual, or something. I wished I could say the same for my thoughts.

“I think you’ve saved my life today, you know,” I said.

“I’ve saved mine too, then,” he said easily. “So I’m being very selfish, really.”

He sat leaning back against the white stone steps with his legs stretched out. I saw a girl about our own age eye him appreciatively, and suddenly realized again how attractive he was – his lean, firm body; his high-cheekboned face and curly hair.

If you weren’t with me, would you still just want to be his friend?

I flushed and looked away, trailing a finger over a crack in the worn steps. Because just like when Alex had asked me that before, I didn’t really know what the answer was. All I knew was that from the moment I’d first touched Seb’s hand and sensed him so strongly, I’d felt so incredibly drawn to him – and each day that passed had brought us even closer. He was such a basic part of my life now; I could hardly imagine being without him. I went cold as I thought of my dream, and the flutter that had gone through me the night before.

My god, I wasn’t falling in love with Seb, was I?

I shook the idea away in a daze. No. I wasn’t. Because I
was
with Alex, and that’s all there was to it. I loved Seb as a friend – that was all.

My stomach had gone guiltily tense anyway. “What time is it?” I asked, praying that Seb hadn’t been picking up on any of that.

He pulled out my phone again. “A little after two.”

Still no text. My gaze met his. Seb’s eyes were concerned; beyond that, I couldn’t really tell what he was thinking. I was glad, given the direction my own thoughts had been taking.

And I’d see Alex in less than an hour now. Anticipation mixed with dread. The textless screen on my cellphone seemed louder than any shouting from the night before.

Soon after that, Seb and I walked through the park and headed home, taking the Metro. I sat on the hard plastic seat in the crowded subway car, staring at the signs in Spanish.
Home.
It was the only word that fitted for where we were going...yet right then, it didn’t feel like a home at all.

“Okay, here’s the layout,” said Alex.

We were all in the firing range, gathered around Kara’s map of the cathedral. Alex had one hand resting on the table, his dark hair hanging over his forehead. He tapped the cathedral’s altar on the map. “About halfway through the service, the preacher will ask if anyone wants to be blessed by the angels; probably only about a dozen people will go up. Willow, I don’t want you and Seb to be the first ones, or the last either. Let a few other people go up first.”

He glanced at me as he spoke; his voice was neutral, professional. Deep down, his blue-grey eyes held a flicker of something else – mostly they just looked as if I was a member of his team and he was giving me instructions. I nodded, trying to focus on what was being said instead of my rigid muscles. Every word, every action of Alex’s confirmed it: his cellphone had not been turned off, and my text had not just vanished into the ether somehow.

“I’ll be sitting with you and Seb; when you go up, I’ll go too,” went on Alex. “Willow, I’ll be on the other side of you as you’re being blessed, ready to cover both of you if you need it. Seb, I’m going to give you a gun, but I want you to spend the rest of today and tomorrow practising with it.”

“Yes, all right,” said Seb, his voice just as detached. Though we weren’t standing right next to each other, the edges of our auras were touching; I could feel his anger at Alex, like a low, simmering fire.

“That doesn’t affect you, does it, Willow?” continued Alex. “You can do the aura work on your own now, right?”

The sentence seemed laden with meaning, but again, his tone was bland. I cleared my throat. “Yeah, I think I’ve got it now. In fact, maybe I should get in some target practice, too.” I was heat-pricklingly aware of the rest of the team standing right there watching all of this – and what the topic of the day must have been once Seb and I left that morning. Kara’s brown eyes were aloof as they flicked over me, her face giving away nothing.

“Fine, if you think you need it,” said Alex. “But don’t stop practising the aura work; maybe do half and half.” He turned back to the map, pointing. “Sam, I want you and Trish stationed here, about five rows back – in aisle seats, if you can get them. Kara, I want you in the front row like we discussed, or at least as close to it as possible. Wesley, Brendan and Liz—”

I tuned out as I stared down at the map. Alex had already returned by the time Seb and I got back to the house. He’d been in the TV room watching the news with the others – there was a special on about the Crusaders for People’s Rights, who were planning a rally the next day, to coincide with the cathedral’s special service. No one seemed to have been paying much attention, though. There’d been this awful sense of everyone
waiting
for us...and an even more awful sense of Alex being unsurprised that I’d been out with Seb all day. He’d said hello to me coolly, not moving from the sofa where he sat with Kara and Sam; it had felt impossible to ask for a few minutes alone with everyone staring at us.

Taking in the smooth line of Alex’s neck where it disappeared into the collar of his T-shirt, a spike of anger pierced me. Was he really willing to throw away what we had this easily? How could two people who loved each other so much be communicating so badly? When one of them was
psychic
, even?

“Okay, I think that’s it for the plans,” said Alex, tossing down the pencil he’d been holding. “But there’s something else I have to say.” He let out a breath, and glanced around the table. “A lot of you overheard Willow and me fighting about Seb last night.”

It was the last thing I’d expected. I stiffened, my throat going dry. Around me, the team went utterly still. I could sense Seb’s aura stretching out towards mine, wanting to comfort me.

“It was personal; something just between the two of us,” went on Alex. “What we fought about has nothing to do with the workings of this team. Willow and Seb are getting the security information for us – that means our lives are in their hands. I wouldn’t do that if I didn’t trust them completely. So forget whatever you heard; it’s irrelevant.”

Silence from around the table. Kara had a look on her face that said it was kind of hard to forget it, but she nodded. “We understand.” Looking at her starkly beautiful features, for a second all I could think of was Alex’s first kiss. It
hadn’t
really been her – had it? He’d never even told me that he’d had a crush on her. Meanwhile, I could feel from the slight shifting of mood in the room that Alex had defused the situation a little. But only a little. It was going to be a very long time before anyone actually forgot our argument.

“That’s all,” said Alex. “Target practice now, if that’s what you’re doing. Otherwise, just take the rest of the day off and relax. Anyone who wants to go out for a while, go for it – but go in pairs, and watch each other’s backs.”

As everyone began dispersing, I started around the table to him, but he was already striding away across the range. “Alex!” I called, putting on a burst of speed to catch up with him. “Alex, wait.”

He stopped and looked at me. I touched his arm. “Listen, we really need to talk.”

“Not now,” he said.

“No, we
do
have to talk now. Look, can we go to your room, and have this out? We can’t just—”

“
Not. Now
,” he gritted out, kneading his temple with his eyes closed. I stared at him, taken aback by the low vehemence in his voice. He left the range without waiting for a reply. I heard him go upstairs.

No.
This wasn’t going to happen, not when we hadn’t spoken in almost twenty-four hours. He wasn’t going brush me off. Seb was standing at the table, loading a magazine; as I glanced at him, I saw that he was looking after Alex with an odd expression on his face. He shook his head slightly, as if to clear it. Our eyes met – and though I knew Seb’s mixed feelings must be gouging at him, he motioned almost imperceptibly with his head:
Go after him
.

Upstairs it was quiet, bathed in shadow; everyone was either downstairs or had gone out. As I came up onto the landing I thought at first that Alex must have gone into the storeroom, and I started towards it – but then my neck went cold as I heard him. No, he wasn’t in the storeroom; he was in the bathroom.

He was throwing up.

I stood outside the bathroom door, my heart tight with sudden worry. I started to knock and found myself resting my hand on the old wooden door instead, swallowing hard.

“Alex?” I called.

No answer. The noises went on; I had to force myself not to go in. Finally there was silence; the sound of the toilet flushing. Water running in the sink.

The door opened and Alex stood there. His hair looked black against the unnatural pallor of his skin; his face was damp, as if he’d splashed water on it. “What do you want?” he asked, massaging his head.

“You’ve got another migraine,” I said softly. He’d told me how they made him throw up sometimes, the way the pain slammed into him so unexpectedly. I could feel it now, stabbing at his skull like a dagger. “Are you okay?”

He snorted as he dropped his hand. “Yeah, I’m so okay. Willow, seriously, what do you want?”

Did I really have to have a reason to want to talk to him now? I hesitated, taking in his face. “You, um...didn’t answer my text.”

Around us, the house suddenly felt hollow with silence. “I didn’t know what to say,” he said finally.

What about that you love me, and you’re sorry, too?
The words wouldn’t come. “Look, can’t we just – the girls’ dorm is empty; can we go in there and talk?”

A muscle in his cheek moved. “I thought that space was reserved for Seb,” he said.

I stiffened; it was as if he had slapped me. I
knew
Kara would tell him about that. “Well, you thought wrong,” I said steadily. “He was in there last night because I was upset, okay? You can’t actually think anything happened.”

“Upset,” Alex repeated. “So it’s, like,
my
fault he was in there. Got it.”

“There was no
fault
– nothing happened!” I stopped and let out a breath. “Alex, please. Don’t do this.” I couldn’t help myself – I slipped my arms around his waist, pressing close against him. “Please. I love you; I know you love me.”

I longed for him to lift his arms and wrap them around me. They stayed at his sides as he stood without moving, his heart beating against mine. “Of course I love you,” he said. His voice was so emotionless that it sounded like he was saying the opposite. “But I meant what I said last night, Willow. I can’t do this. And you’ve just spent, like, every waking hour alone with Seb since I told you that. So obviously you’ve decided.”

I drew away from him, staring. He was serious. He was actually serious about me never talking to Seb again. I gave a short, disbelieving laugh. “So I was supposed to just do what you told me, even though I think you’re completely wrong? Alex, I get how you feel, I really do! But Seb is just—”

“Yeah, just your
friend
, I know,” he interrupted. “You keep telling me.”

He rubbed his temples again, his eyes closed. I could feel how much physical pain he was in – and despite everything, all I wanted was to cradle his head on my lap and stroke the hurt away. Yearning went through me for that time in his room only a few weeks ago, when I’d done exactly that. It was funny. Things had seemed complicated then – and everything had really been so simple.

“Look, I can’t do this now, and neither can you,” said Alex at last. “We’ve got to focus on the job tomorrow. If there’s still anything left to say, we’ll say it after that.”

The lines of his face were so beautiful, so familiar. I remembered being with him in the tent in New Mexico – the things we’d said to each other, the way we’d touched – and something inside of me was dying. But when I spoke, my voice was steady. “There won’t be any point. Seb is my friend; he always will be. And with the Council attack coming up...” I stopped, remembering Seb’s quiet insistence that he’d be there. “We could all die during it,” I said finally. “And I’m not going to live what might be the last few days of my life ignoring someone I care about.”

Alex’s eyes were cold, stormy seas. “No, just ignoring someone you’re supposed to be in love with.”

“That’s not my choice. It’s yours.”

He snorted. “Yeah, if you say so.” His gaze scanned over me, his jaw tight. Then he shrugged. “I guess that’s it, then,” he said.

“I guess it is.”

And this time, I had no doubt: Alex and I had just broken up.

“S
HE
’
S HERE – WE
’
VE MADE CONTACT
several times now,” said Charmeine’s voice.