Angel Fire (44 page)

“Not
all the time!
Just – I might get a flash, sometimes.”

“Like when you’re thinking about him,” he said acidly, and saw her cheeks turn redder. “So what about him? Does he have this link too? Can he watch everything you do?”

“Alex, you’re getting totally the wrong idea about this, I promise you—”

“Answer the question!”

“I don’t know!” she burst out. “I haven’t asked him.”

“So give me your best guess,” he gritted out. “Yes or no – can he do this too, with you?”

There was only one screw left on the cover; Willow shoved it on. Her hand on the screwdriver was unsteady, her jaw tense. “I don’t want to talk to you about this now. You’re too upset.”

“Oh, man, you haven’t even seen
upset
. This is a ‘yes’, isn’t it? You’re telling me that all he has to do is think about you, and he can see you, no matter what you’re doing.”

She looked close to tears, but also angrier than he’d ever seen her. “It’s not like that! You’re making it sound really sleazy or something.”

“Yeah, sorry – this is just a pure friendship thing, isn’t it? So if you thought about Seb right now, in the shower—”

She jammed the tools away in the toolbox and jumped to her feet. “Stop it,” she snapped. “You’re acting like a lunatic. Which part of
we are just friends
do you not understand?”

He rose too; he could feel the blood beating at his brain. “Oh yeah, because it’s really my comprehension skills that are the problem here – I just don’t get it, do I? You know what? Maybe I get way more than I want to.”

Her face went white. “What’s
that
supposed to mean?”

Alex gripped her arms. “It means
he is in love with you
,” he hissed into her face. “And now you’re telling me you think about him even when you’re alone with me, and the two of you share this amazing psychic bond that means he can picture whatever you’re doing, whenever he wants – and I’m supposed to be
happy
with that? I’m supposed to go, ‘Oh yeah, I guess all that’s just
normal
when you’ve got a half-angel girlfriend’.”

Willow was struggling against tears. “Alex—” She took a breath. “Look – please,
please
, can we talk about this later, when we’ve both calmed down? I promise you, it isn’t like what you’re thinking.”

Alex stared at her for a moment, and then swore and started out of the range. She caught up with him, grabbed his arm. “Wait – where are you going?”

He pulled away from her. “Where the hell do you think? To throw him out of the house.”

“No! Alex,
stop
.”

“What? Are you saying you don’t want me to?”

“Of course I don’t want you to!”

He could not remember ever having been this angry; it was like a fire raging through him, sizzling his thoughts. The rarely-used front door was nearby, he grabbed her hand and pulled her along to it with him; got it open and them both outside, slamming it shut behind him.

“Let me get this straight,” he said in a low voice, with the night air suddenly cool around them. “You don’t want Seb to leave. You’ve just told me that he can
conjure you up in his thoughts
– but that’s okay with you, and you want him to stick around.”

She had her arms crossed tightly over her chest. Her voice was thin, but steady. “You’re making way too much of this,” she said. “It’s just
flashes
sometimes. And I think our angels would stop it from ever being too...intimate, if neither of us wanted that.”

Alex was too angry to even be relieved. “He
does
want that, though. Did you hear me, about him being in love with you?”

Her cheeks went pink. “Yes, I did. Look, I know he wants to be more than my friend. But he’s okay with just friendship – I told him it could never be more than that the very first day.”

Alex stared at her. How could she actually believe that? She and Seb were each the only half-angel the other knew – there was no way the guy was going to be happy with just being friends for ever. And the two of them were so close already, after less than three weeks. What would happen when Seb finally made his move? They’d be so entwined in each other’s minds and hearts by then – how was she supposed to resist feeling the same?

He stood against the door, rubbing his forehead against a vicious headache that was starting to pound. “I’m not happy with this,” he said finally. “I don’t care if you have friends who are guys, okay? I really don’t. But this, this is something else. You’re in each other’s heads. You have this intense...
need
for each other, or something.”

She seemed to have turned into a statue. “What exactly are you saying?”

He dropped his hand. “I’m saying I want it to stop,” he said. “You know how to change your aura now, so you don’t need to be alone with him all the time any more. And once this is over with, I want him gone.”

Willow started to say something and stopped. She gazed out at the shadowy street, her face tense. “Alex, this isn’t fair. He’s my friend.”

“And I’m your boyfriend. Which is more important to you?”

She gave a short laugh, looking at him in disbelief. “You’re not seriously saying
it’s him or me
, are you? This is ridiculous!” She took his hand, held it tightly. “Please, please listen to me – I am in love with you. I love you more than anything in the world. I want to grow old with you. Seb is just my
friend
.”

Her fingers felt warm in his. For a moment, all Alex wanted to do was hold her; then he pulled away. “Yeah, and you want him around when you’re old too.”

“Not in the same way!”

“Yes, but you
do
, don’t you? You want him around too.”

He watched her let out a long breath. “If he wants to be, yes,” she said finally. “I don’t want him to...to hang around when nothing else is going to happen between us, if that doesn’t make him happy. But if he wants to be with me—” She swiped the heel of her hand harshly across her eyes. “Look, you’re right; I
do
need him – he’s the only other half-angel I’ve ever met. I need to have someone in my life who understands what this is like. I felt so alone here, before. I—” She stopped, hugging herself.

Alex didn’t let himself feel the tenderness that washed over him; the urge to take her in his arms. “Yeah, except it’s not even just that he’s half-angel, is it?” he demanded. “It’s that he’s
him
. Look, I’m sorry you’ve felt alone; I do get that. But I can’t handle this. It used to be enough that it was just us, but if that’s not good enough for you any more—” He broke off.

“What?” she whispered.

Part of him couldn’t believe he was saying the words, but he was helpless to stop them. “Just choose. You can have your wonderful friendship, or you can have me. You can’t have both.”

She didn’t move as she studied his face. “Is this really how much you trust me?” she said, her voice dull.

He felt like punching the door. “Oh, don’t even play that card! After everything you’ve just told me? You can’t stop thinking about him! You’re attracted to him – do you think I haven’t noticed?”

The anger was back in her eyes. “Maybe I am,” she said. “In the same way you’re attracted to Kara.”

“
What?
” He stood staring at her. Where had
that
come from?

She gave him a level look. “Seb’s attractive. So’s Kara. You’d be blind not to notice Kara, and I’d be blind not to notice Seb. That doesn’t mean I don’t trust you around Kara – even if she wants more than friendship too. Or did you think
I
hadn’t noticed?”

His head felt like it might split in two at any moment. “Jesus, what is this – the best defence is a good offence? I have done nothing wrong here—”

“Neither. Have. I,” she gritted out. “I’m sorry you don’t trust me. I will do everything possible to make you see that you can trust me. But you are not going to tell me who my friends can be.”

“Yeah, and what if you weren’t with me, what then?” he said, his voice low and fierce. “Would you still just want to be friends with him?”

She started to answer; stopped abruptly. “That’s...not a fair question.”

Deep down he knew she was right, and that if the same question were posed to him about Kara, his reaction would have to be the same. It didn’t matter. “No, but you just answered it anyway,” he ground out. “Like I said: choose. I don’t want that guy in my life.”

Willow’s chin snapped up; he saw again how furious she was. “No, I won’t choose – you’re being completely unfair. Seb’s the only other half-angel I know in the world; I’m not going to cut him out of my life just because you’re acting like a jealous jerk.” As he stared at her, she let out a breath, pushing her hands through her hair. “God, look, I’m sorry –
please
can we forget all of this, and talk about it tomorrow? We’re both upset; we’re saying things we don’t mean.”

There was a pause, with the sounds of the city thrumming around them like a living heartbeat. “No, I’m not,” said Alex finally. “I’m saying exactly what I mean.” He opened the door to go back inside and glanced at her as she stood there, with the backdrop of the street behind her. She was so beautiful that it wrung his heart, even now.

“Enjoy your friendship with Seb, Willow,” he said quietly.

I
DON
’
T REALLY KNOW HOW
you can come back from an argument like that one.

I didn’t eat any dinner that night; there was no way I could have choked food down. Instead I went into the girls’ dorm and stayed there, lying on my bed and thinking,
Have Alex and I just broken up?
The words brought back with a chill my premonition from the first time I’d ever seen this house; the unhappiness I knew I’d find here.

God, I hated being psychic sometimes. I lay curled on the faded blue bedspread, listening to the traffic; the distant sound of rock music playing somewhere. And I wished that I’d never even
met
Seb. Then I sighed. No, I didn’t. I couldn’t wish that; I could never wish that.

Had Alex and I really broken up?

I kept coming back to that, like a scratched record. We couldn’t have, could we? Because he still loved me, I knew he did – and I loved him so completely that the thought of not being with him was like not having air to breathe. Surely he’d calm down by tomorrow and see how unfair he was being. Wouldn’t he? I’d go downstairs and his eyes would meet mine – I’d see the apology in them, and we’d slip off somewhere alone together and he’d hold me and say,
I’m so sorry, of course I trust you, forget every word I said
.

I stared at the ceiling with its uneven plaster, taking in the shadows cast by every lump and bump. It was a nice fantasy, but I had a feeling that’s all it was. I’d never seen Alex so angry. It wasn’t like I didn’t understand
why
. I knew I wouldn’t be thrilled if he’d told me that he and Kara shared a psychic bond. Understatement. The thought would probably gnaw at me day and night, and that’s with me being psychic and able to tell whether anything else was going on. Alex couldn’t do that – I could hardly blame him for being upset.

No...but I could blame him for not trusting me. For so obviously thinking I had a thing for Seb, and that it was only the fact he and I were together that was keeping me from disappearing off into the sunset with him.

Seb. I swallowed as I lay there. Somewhere in the back of my mind I was aware of how badly I wanted to psychically seek him out. He had to be aware that Alex and I had fought, and I knew how concerned he’d be; he’d want to know I was okay. Almost without realizing it, I started to reach out to him – and then stopped, my cheeks catching fire as I heard Alex say,
So if you thought about Seb right now, in the shower
... Oh, god. There was no way now I could ever feel comfortable again about what had seemed such a natural thing – something that, for all I knew,
was
a natural thing between half-angels; just an extension of our friendship. Feeling completely and miserably alone, I pressed my face against the pillow.

There was a soft knock at the door.

I sat up, my heart pounding. I knew instantly that it was Seb, and I hated the relief that rushed through me; it seemed to validate every accusation Alex had flung at me. But I couldn’t help it – I really needed someone right then, and I should have known Seb would sense it, and that he’d be here. That nothing would keep him away.

I’d hardly even known I was crying, but there seemed to be streaks of dampness on my cheeks. I wiped my face and swung my feet off the bed; as I started across the dorm, I scraped my hair back with both hands. It was probably standing up in wild, burning spikes, like a bunch of lit matches.

When I opened the door, Seb stood in the hallway with his hands tight in his jeans pockets, his brown curls tousled. His gaze scanned me worriedly. “Can I come in?”

Oh god, I am so glad to see you. Please, can you just hold me for a while, and let me turn into a blubbering mess on your shoulder?
With an effort, I didn’t say it. I nodded and opened the door wider. As he stepped inside I hesitated, then closed it behind him. Regardless of what anyone might think, I needed privacy right now; what was going on between me and Alex was nobody else’s business.