An Ex to Grind in Deadwood (Deadwood Humorous Mystery Book 5) Paperback – September 4, 2014 (17 page)

My cell phone rang from its perch on the nightstand. I peeked out from under the covers and saw Natalie’s name on the screen.

She was exactly who I needed right now. I grabbed the phone. “I’m so glad you called back.”

I’d phoned her late last night, wanting her shoulder to whine on but had gotten her voice mail instead. I’d kept my message short and didn’t mention Rex’s name in case anyone else happened to replay my message at a later date—something my daughter had done in the past with my phone.

“Sorry I didn’t get back with you last night.” Natalie sounded a bit froggy. Neither of us was good at early mornings. “I was at the bar late. You wouldn’t believe the crazy shit going on down here.”

She wasn’t going to believe the crazy shit going on up here either. I crawled out of bed and closed my bedroom door, wedging my sweat pants into the crack at the bottom to be safe. “As fond as I always am to hear about your family and their adventures, I need to hog the spotlight for a moment.”

“Shoot, babe.”

“I had a new client come into the office yesterday.”

I tiptoed to my closet and slipped inside, closing the door behind me. Darkness shrouded me. My clothes deadened all sound except my breathing. It was no wonder Addy’s chicken, Elvis, loved roosting in here whenever she could.

“Oh, yeah? Was this one as cracked as Cornelius and his tall hat?”

I wished. I’d take ten bizarre oddballs like Cornelius over Rex any day.

“No.” I leaned my head against the wall. “It was Rex Conner.”

“Who!”

“You heard me. Don’t make me say his name again. I’m afraid it will conjure the devil himself to appear in the flesh right here in my bedroom.” It was bad enough I was going to have to face him in broad daylight and pretend everything was hunky dory.

“He walked right into your office?” she asked.

“Yep.”

“Holy fucknuts, Vi.” Natalie let out a hard, cold sounding laugh. “That piece of shit really has a huge set of testicles on him, doesn’t he?”

“They aren’t that huge.”

“Gross! Do you have to remind me that you allowed the asshole to copulate with you?”

“Hey, let’s not waste time tallying up who’s been with the most losers again. We already know you win, hands down.”

“We need an arbitrator to determine the final count, and you know it.” Natalie sighed. “Damn. When I saw Rex at the Piggly Wiggly last month, I’d hoped it was a one-time happenstance.”

“Me, too. I was on pins and needles for a week, but then nothing ever came of it and neither of us saw him again. I wished him long gone for another decade. Turns out I should have sacrificed a certain chicken to the gods to make it so.”

“What are you going to do?” Natalie asked.

“Drive him around town today.”

“What?”

“He wants to look at places to rent.” Or buy, but I crossed my fingers that by not saying those words aloud, it would keep it from happening.

“No way.”

“Yes.”

“Don’t you have a restraining order out against him?”

“No. He relinquished all rights to the kids, but that’s it. He didn’t want anything to do with us, so my lawyer said there was no need for the restraining order. Plus he was never violent, so I wasn’t too worried about his coming around.”

“Maybe you could tie him up, drive him over to that big coal mine in Wyoming, and dump him out in an ore car headed to China.”

“That’s an idea.” More of a pipedream, really.

“Fuck,” she said, repeating my word
de jour
for yesterday.

“Yeah. That about sums it up.”

“Did he ask about the kids?”

“No, thank God. We both acted like strangers. Nobody at work knows who he really is.” Not yet anyway. But after the odd looks Mona was shooting me while I tried to get him to leave without another appointment, I was pretty sure I’d be getting some questions from her sooner rather than later.

“Will you be alone with him today?”

“Yes.”

“Are you carrying anything?”

“Just the extra pounds between my shoulders and knees that I always keep handy.”

“That was only funny the first time you said it years ago. How many times do I have to tell you that?”

“Many more to come. I’m a slow learner.”

“You need to get Harvey’s shotgun,” she said, sounding serious.

“What? Why? You think I should drag him out into the hills and shoot him or something?”

“For protection, you dodo. What if he’s come back to hurt you?”

“Why would he do that?”

“Maybe he joined some weird cult and one of their directives for him is to remove all ties to his past life via bludgeoning or skinning you or something even worse.”

What could be worse than being skinned? I stood there listening to my breath for a moment. “Have you been wearing a hat while you’re working in the sun down there, Nat?”

“Shut up. I’m serious, Vi. It’s weird that he came back. He didn’t ask a single thing about the kids when I looked him up that one time while tracking down the bitch from hell.”

Natalie’s favorite nickname for my vile little sister reminded me of another thing to worry about. “Oh, God, I forgot that my sister is in town, too.”

“I thought she was staying down in Rapid at your parents.”

“That’s what I mean. It’s too close. Her internal Rex radar is going to pick up on him being in the state, I’ll bet. When she finds out he came to see me first, she’ll go for my throat.”

“Maybe that’s a good thing.”

“I disagree. I like my throat.”

“I mean maybe she’ll lure him away from you again like she did before and they’ll run off into the sunset to commit their foul deeds together for eternity.”

“Well, one can certainly hope.” I shoved some of my shoes out of the way and lowered to the floor, leaning my back against the wall.

“Have you told Doc that Rex is in town?” Natalie asked.

“Huh-uh.”

“Why not? You think he’ll get all weird and jealous about him?”

“No.” I hoped not anyway. That didn’t seem like it was Doc’s style, although I wouldn’t mind a little jealousy coming from him every now and then. I certainly had plenty for both of us. “I haven’t told him because I’m not sure how to do it.”

“The truth would probably be the best thing to start with,” she said. I wondered if there was a hidden barb in there for me after I had lied to her about my feelings for Doc from the get-go. “You have told Doc about Rex, right?”

I grimaced in the darkness. “Sort of.”

“What does ‘sort of’ mean?”

“He knows the kids’ father is alive and that Rex wrote them off when they were born. He also knows about Susan seducing Rex and their sordid relationship. But I’m afraid if I tell him that Rex is not only here in Deadwood, but that the jerkoff has also finagled me into showing him around town, things might kind of blow up.”

“Like Doc will be pissed at you?” Natalie’s tone spelled out her doubt on that.

“Like he’ll bail on me.”

“Why would he do that?”

“Nat, my kids haven’t exactly been angels to him since finding out we’re dating.”

“So they’re being brats. I’m sure he understands this is temporary.”

“Does he? He’s been a bachelor for a long, long time. Maybe his tolerance for kid crap is low or almost dried up already. What will happen when I say, ‘Oh, and by the way, their father is now in town and inquiring about me’? I’m sure that’s a sticky ball of drama he’d rather not touch.” Hell, I sure didn’t want to touch it, and here I was with my hands stuck to the damned thing.

I had to deal with it. Doc didn’t. He could walk away and not look back without any entanglements to slow him down.

“Hmmmm.” Natalie’s voice grew louder in my ear, like she’d shifted her phone closer. “My gut says that you need to talk to Doc pronto about this.”

“What about what
my
gut thinks?”

“Your gut’s wrong. It usually is, especially when it comes to this emotional type of crap. We should go with my gut. It’s a much smarter gut.”

“Says the woman who is on sabbatical from men currently.”

“My sabbatical has nothing to do with my gut. That’s all my screwed up heart’s fault. It gets confused too easily, mistaking lust for love, and winds up face down in a gutter.”

Mine did, too, which is why I was trying to keep my heart gagged and locked in the basement whenever Doc came near.

“My gut on the other hand,” she continued, “knows what it’s talking about, and it’s one hundred percent sure you need to tell Doc that the father of your children is not only back in town but looking to snag some action from you as well.”

I sighed. It was all I could do at the moment with how tight my throat felt thanks to this new noose closing around it.

Natalie snickered. “Jeez, this really feels like soap opera material here. I’m looking around for Luke and Laura or Nikki and Victor. Who was it Susan Lucci played?” She started humming the theme to
As the World Turns
.

“You have your soaps all screwed up, Nat.” I pinched the bridge of my nose. “What makes you think Rex wants ‘action’ from me?” I hadn’t even told her about his ambiguous question regarding my availability.

“Because through it all—the lies, the affair, the rejection of your kids, your sister’s psychosis—Rex always wanted you. Even after I threatened to remove his dick with a pair of pliers if he didn’t cough up information on Susan, he asked if you’d lost the baby weight yet and wondered if you were seeing anyone.”

“No, he didn’t.”

“Yes, he did.”

I let that sink in. “Why didn’t you tell me that back then?”

“Because he was a disgusting warthog who treated you like dog shit. Besides, would it have mattered?”

“No.” Except I might have enjoyed that tidbit as a token I could hold in my mind over Susan after she’d seduced him away from me.

I had been done with Rex as soon as I had caught him in bed with my sister. Unfortunately, I wasn’t done with Susan. She could still get under my skin, dang it. Maybe hypnosis would fix that weakness in my force field.

“Exactly,” Natalie said. “But now this has relevance. He’s obviously trying to get back into your life for whatever reason—sex or the kids or both.”

“Too bad. The door is firmly shut, deadbolted, barred, and barricaded.” I was thinking about building a brick wall for extra precaution while I was at it.

“Good. That’s why you should come clean with Doc. He needs to know where you stand
before
he finds out that your ex is in town from someone else and he comes to the conclusion that you’re hiding it from him for some reason.”

I was, but the reason had everything to do with my future with Doc and nothing to do with any old feelings for Rex. Natalie was right, though. If Doc found out from anyone else about Rex, he’d at least want his house key back. At least. And I liked having that key. Some days I stared at it for several minutes and smiled—how pathetic was that?

“Fine, fine. I’ll tell him.” While I was at it, I might as well fill him in about how months ago Rex had been trying to find out information on me from the dead guy Harvey had found on his ranch.

“Today, Vi. You need to tell him today before you spend time alone with Rex.”

“Fine, I’ll stop by his office and break the news.”

“Good. Wear something sexy that he likes when you tell him; it may help soften the blow.”

“If only it were that simple.” I’d go in my birthday suit if it meant him staying by my side come what may on the Rex front. I thought about my stretch marks and changed my mind. Maybe a negligée would be better.

“Doc may surprise you. He isn’t like those other boring cretins from your past.”

I knew that. He was the first one who saw ghosts. Not to mention his many talents with his hands.

The sound of Layne yelling Addy’s name and pounding on a door disrupted my visit to the closet of solace. I opened the door, blinking in the morning brightness. “You need to hurry up and come home, Nat.”

“I know, I’m missing Oktoberfest this weekend up there, which really sucks. It’s one of my favorite festivals in the hills.”

“I was referring more to helping me out with Rex and the other stuff going on.”

The pounding and screaming coming from the outer hall stopped. Either the kids had worked out their differences, or an alien ship had beamed one or both of them up. Either solution worked for me.

“How’s the dead woman mystery coming along? Has Detective Cooper figured it all out yet?”

“No and now he has help.”

“What do you mean?”

“They gave him a partner. Some detective named Stone Hawke who Cooper used to work with down in Rapid.”

“You’re making that name up. It sounds like some testosterone-filled hero from an action movie.”

I chuckled at her echo of my first impression. “I know, right?”

“What’s the story on the dead woman?”

Unfortunately, Cooper had sworn me to silence after we’d left the apartment yesterday. I was too paranoid that the detective had bugged my cell phone somehow when he had it earlier this week to blab anything case-related to Natalie. If she were hiding in the closet with me this morning instead of hanging out in Arizona, I would have spilled it all and made her promise to tell no one.

“No answers yet,” I said, which was the truth.

“What’s this Stone Hawke guy like?”

“He annoys me.”

“More than Cooper does?”

“Cooper is frustrating, Hawke is just plain irritating.”

I heard someone holler in the background on her end of the call. There was a rustling noise and then a “be right there” in Nat’s slightly muffled voice.

“Vi, I gotta go. Gramps needs me to run to Yuccaville for some supplies.”

“Okay. Thanks for talking me down off the ledge.”

“Anytime, babe. Walk softly around Rex and carry a sharp stick at all times until I get home.”

“And then what?”

“And then we’ll tag team on his sorry ass and send him away limping … if he’s lucky.”

“Good. Be careful down there. Watch out for snakes and scorpions.”

“I’m more concerned about Aunt Deborah—her bite is more poisonous than a black widow’s.”

“She was always nice to me.”

“That’s because you’re not related to her.” She made a loud kissing noise in the earpiece. “Stay out of jail, Vi,” she hung up.