An Ex to Grind in Deadwood (Deadwood Humorous Mystery Book 5) Paperback – September 4, 2014 (20 page)

“I’m not sure my insurance will cover me.” After my Bronco had gotten torched, my insurance agent had stopped smiling at me in the Piggly Wiggly when our carts passed. In fact, he now avoided me to the point of detouring down the tampon aisle to escape me.

“You can use my Subaru, Violet,” Ben spoke up. “It’s narrow with four-wheel drive and completely paid for. Don’t worry about your insurance. I’ve seen you drive. You’re safe.”

Doh! Ben wasn’t helping. “Are you sure you don’t mind?” I asked, trying to hit him with ESP waves telling him to mind, dang it.

“Not at all.”

“That’s good teamwork, Ben,” Coach Jerry said. “So there we are. You two can come tomorrow and Violet will take you out on the road, show you how we treat our clients, and give you a taste of Deadwood.”

I sat there in the middle of Shit Creek, sputtering, not a paddle to be found.

“Sounds like a plan,” Dickie said.

“I hope you don’t mind us infringing,” Honey blinked at me, her smile super sweet, like hon … that’s it, I needed a timeout. My brain seemed to be short-circuiting.

“It’s not a problem,” I said.

Only it was. A very large problem. And on top of it all, I now had to change my plans.

The scheme Elvis the Chicken and I had come up with at lunch involved driving Rex to a location where we could sit inside the Picklemobile with the windows rolled up. I’d find out exactly what the hell he was doing back in town, and what his intentions toward my children were. Then I’d tell him to stay away from me and mine, threaten to file for a restraining order—employing the lawn clippers I’d shoved under the seat, if necessary—and strongly suggest he use another real estate company. I’d brought one of Tiffany’s cards along just in case.

Now I would have to actually dig up a few places to show Rex and do some prep work, damn it. This all cut into the time I’d wanted to spend scouring the internet for more information on German Black Forest cuckoo clocks and makers of fine hats.

“Violet,” Jerry said, “give us a few minutes to get set up in my office. I’ll holler when we’re ready.” He offered Dickie and Honey some coffee before leading them down the back hall.

I groaned and covered my eyes with my palms, resting my elbows on the desktop. I should have stayed under the covers.

“Vi,” Mona said, “are you feeling okay?”

Not at all. I peeked out at her. “The verdict is still out.”

Ben placed today’s rental properties report on my desk. “This TV show is going to be a positive thing, Violet. You’ll shine on camera.”

That was a good reminder to add extra makeup on the days I had the cameras following me so it wasn’t my nose, chin, and forehead that were shining instead of my skills.

Ray snorted. “I don’t know why you’re getting your panties in a twist, Blondie. It’s not like you have to actually make sales happen. If that were the case you’d have been out of a job long ago.” He kicked his boots up on his desk, lacing his fingers behind his head. “Hell, this show is right up your alley. It’s all about kooks and spooks. With your frizzy hair and criminal record, you’re exactly what they need to make their show go viral.”

I flipped him off with both birds.

“Stay tuned for more Violet ‘Spooky’ Parker after these messages,” he poked some more.

“Ray,” Mona said, “insulting Violet won’t make up for your inadequacies.”

“What are you talking about, Red?” He crossed his arms over his chest. “And don’t play your shrink games on me.”

She looked over at him with one arched brow. “I ran into one of your ex-girlfriends the other night at Charles’ Club. She shared a few details about what’s been going on with you lately while we waited for our drinks.” Her gaze dipped downward. “It makes sense now why you keep harassing Violet.”

What did? What had his ex said? I leaned forward, my focus bouncing between Mona and Ray. Was she messing with him for my sake, or was she serious?

Ray’s whole body went rigid, his boots hitting the floor. Whether or not Mona was toying with him, she’d apparently pierced his hull. “She’s lying.”

“You don’t even know what she said.”

“I don’t need to. I dumped her, and now she’s pissed. I can only imagine the line of crap she fed you.”

Mona shrugged, sliding her rhinestone reading glasses onto her nose. “If you say so, Ray.”

“Keep out of my private affairs, Red.” Ray grabbed his keys and slammed his drawer shut. “Or I’ll start raking through yours.”

“Where you going, Ray?” Ben asked. “Jerry told us to stick around.”

“Out. If Jerry asks, tell him I’ll be back in time for my interview.” With a parting scowl at Mona, Ray slammed out the front door.

Mona watched him leave, and then gave me a quick wink. “You’ll do great, Vi. I have faith in you. You’re a natural.”

“Violet,” Jerry poked his head out his doorway. “We’re ready for you in here.

I stood and smoothed my tunic and dress pants. Ray was probably right. I was overreacting, and I blamed Rex. If he weren’t in the picture, tomorrow would be no big deal. The key was to keep things bland and boring with Rex. I could do that.

“Thanks.” I patted Mona’s shoulder on the way to Jerry’s office. “Coffee’s on me tomorrow for that one.”

Inside Jerry’s office, the three of them sat behind his desk, reminding me of a panel of beauty pageant judges. Too bad I’d walked into the swimsuit competition part of the show.

“Close the door behind you, please,” Jerry said. He slid on a pair of black rimmed reading glasses, picked up a notepad, and clicked his pen a few times.

My eye started to tic.

I shut the door.

* * *

Several hours later, I sat in Aunt Zoe’s kitchen with pizza remains scattered on plates around the table, my mouth still tasting like pepperoni. Addy and Layne were in the backyard sitting on the swing set. They kept shooting dirty looks my way like I’d eaten all of their cotton candy.

“I’ve ruined their lives again,” I told Aunt Zoe as she collected the kids’ plates.

I’d ordered them into the backyard moments ago, forgetting to tell them to take their plates to the sink in the midst of the whining and bitching as they stomped outside.

“It’s not your fault you can’t take them to Oktoberfest. You have to work.” She dropped a kiss on the top of my head. “Don’t beat yourself up too much. You’re just getting started on messing up their worlds. Wait until they hit the teen years.”

Doc squeezed my leg under the table. The warmth of his palm through my yoga pants eased some of the stress left over from the day’s messes. “I can take them tomorrow afternoon.”

I sat back, stunned. After the cacophony he’d just witnessed when I told my kids they couldn’t go to the festival tomorrow without me, I was surprised he wanted to be in the same town right now. “Don’t you have any appointments?”

“Just one.” He pointed across the table at Harvey. “He’s sitting right there. I bet he’d be willing to reschedule.”

“Hell, I might as well go with you,” Harvey wiped his mouth and hands with his napkin. “We can jaw about my uncle’s estate while we’re strollin’ around, checkin’ out the kids’ projects they were bawlin’ about.” Harvey shot me a questioning look. “Unless you want me to ride along with you and those TV people?”

I hadn’t told Harvey or Aunt Zoe about the Rex factor yet. Only Doc knew the whole truth as to why I was hyperventilating on the inside about tomorrow afternoon’s appointment. The fewer who knew about Rex being in town, the less chance there was of someone slipping about his paternal role in front of my kids.

Aunt Zoe hadn’t actually met Rex way back when. She knew all about him but wouldn’t be able to pick him out in a crowd. Harvey didn’t need to know about the kids’ dad at this point. Part of me was worried he’d come up with some crazy reason to shoot Rex’s ass full of buckshot, and the other part hoped he did.

“Thanks, Harvey, but I don’t think my boss would appreciate me bringing my bodyguard along. He’s pretty stressed about this whole TV thing going well.”

In spite of Jerry’s cheerleader attitude this afternoon in his office, I’d caught glimmers of his anxiety in the way he’d kept fidgeting and frowning at his desktop during the meeting. His normal air of confidence had been absent. When Ben had told me Jerry was off his shooting game earlier that morning, I started to do some mental math.

In spite of Ben being hired, Calamity Jane Realty hadn’t had a big upswing of sales since Jane had died. When I started adding things up, a suspicion crept up. Could Jerry be taking such outlandish marketing gambles because the company was having money troubles? Maybe Jerry had been trying so hard to build Ben’s and my careers with these stupid billboard ads and the television show so we could keep our jobs.

Aunt Zoe returned to the table. “Violet, what are you going to do about this television crew invading your privacy?”

“As far as I can see, I have no choice but to go along with it. I like my job. I don’t want to lose it.”

“At what cost to your reputation?” she pressed.

I guffawed. “My reputation is in shambles already. You know that.”

“Jane would never have put you in this position.”

“True.” I polished off the last bite of my crust. “But maybe it’s a matter of Jane not having been willing to take risks.”

“What do you mean?” Aunt Zoe crossed her arms over her chest, looking miffed. “Jane took plenty of risks. She hired you based on a recommendation alone.”

“Yes, and I’m thankful to both of you for taking a chance on me. But Jane made it no secret that she couldn’t afford to hire two employees when she took me on. That’s the whole reason Ray was so bent on getting me fired—it was always Ben or me when Jane was alive. Now with Jerry at the helm, it’s Ben
and
me. That addition to the headcount had to come at a cost to the company’s bottom line.”

I glanced at Harvey then Doc. Both were eyeing me—Harvey stroking his beard, Doc fiddling with his fork.

“I don’t begrudge Ben his job,” I continued, wanting to persuade them to see this from my newfound perspective so they wouldn’t think I was a nincompoop for going along with Jerry’s ideas. “He’s a much better co-worker than Ray.”

“That’s cuz he’s sweet on you,” Harvey said.

Doc slanted Harvey a nod of agreement.

“He might have been at one time, but now he’s always professional.”

“Sure he is. The boy still thinks he has a chance of gettin’ in your bloomers.” Harvey’s two gold teeth showed through his whiskers. “That dog’s still on the hunt; he’s just bein’ sly about gettin’ you up in the tree. Am I right, Doc?”

Doc grunted, letting his fork rest on the table.

I wasn’t going to argue with either of them about Ben’s intentions. They weren’t important considering I was howling at the moon each night about the man whose hand was now draped over the back of my chair, playing with my hair.

I waved Harvey’s smirk away and focused back on Aunt Zoe. “For now the cost to keep both Ben and me rather than make us fight for one position might mean I have to shed a few pounds of pride and dignity.”

“That billboard is more than just a few,” she muttered.

“The way I see it at this junction in my career, if Jerry asks me to wear a velvet sweat suit and dance to the oldies in public because he believes it will help my sales, I’ll have to start practicing the Twist and maybe the Charleston, too.”

“Velvet, huh?” Doc said, his eyes twinkling.

He had a fantasy involving me wearing one of those velvet belly dancer tops. It included him taking it off of me with his teeth. He never clarified what was going to happen after that, but based on previous experiences when his teeth were involved, I had a good idea and it made me tingle all over imagining the scene.

“Fine,” Aunt Zoe said, sounding like it was anything but. “I understand you need to do what’s necessary in order to provide for the kids, but I reserve the right to pop your boss in the nose for plastering my niece on a billboard like that. You’re not a piece of meat, Violet Lynn. You deserve to be treated with respect, not dressed up in leather and displayed on high like a trollop.”

“I wasn’t wearing leather.”

Her lips thinned. “I was making a point.”

Harvey snickered. “Doc doesn’t mind the leather, do ya?”

“Leather chafes me in places. I prefer velvet.”

That got a bigger chuckle out of Harvey. He pushed to his feet. “Be right back. I need to hit the head.”

After he left, I took Aunt Zoe’s hand and held it to my cheek for a moment. “I appreciate you wanting to protect me, but don’t hurt this hand punching Jerry.” I had a theory that he was made of a block of granite covered in skin. “You need it to create more gorgeous glass pieces.”

She opened her palm and cupped my jaw. “I’m worried about you.” Her tone was warm but serious.

“I’m okay,” I sort of lied. Although sitting here in her kitchen surrounded by some of the people closest to me, I felt better than I had all day. Except when it came to those two kids who were still shooting me with laser glares. Letting them down always made me feel low, like toenail fungus level.

Her blue eyes bored into mine. I tried to hide my worries behind a big goofy grin that I hoped reached all the way up to my eyes.

“What aren’t you telling me, Violet Lynn?”

That the bogeyman was in town, making me want to lock my kids in their bedrooms until I could make him go away again. “Nothing.”

She scanned my face, up and down, left to right. “Is it something to do with Ms. Wolff and Layne?”

“No. Last night I told you everything I saw in her apartment with Detective Cooper and Hawke.” That was the truth. Even though Cooper had made me promise not to say a thing, I’d shared it all with Aunt Zoe and then made her pinky swear to secrecy. I’d hoped that her eyes would light up with answers to some of my many questions about Ms. Wolff, but she’d frowned and shook her head through it all.

She released my chin and sat back, her gaze still boring into me. “You and I need to have a long talk one of these days about what it is you are trying to protect me from.”

“What do you mean?”

Aunt Zoe tapped her index finger on the table. “I think you underestimate what I can do to help you better understand some of your problems.”