An Elderberry Fall (2 page)

“Y
ou ought to leave that precious little boy right here with me,” Mrs. Hall said to me, with a proper Northern accent, early one morning as she sat on her front porch. I was on my way to the corner store. Robert was straddling my hip with his bottle in his hand and his head heavy on my shoulder. He was attached to his bottle. I had tried breastfeeding him, but my nipples became sore and blistered. My Aunt Ginny told me to rub some camphor on them, but I hated it and the bottle was convenient, except for the cost of the cow's milk.

“Mrs. Hall, he is always on the go. I don't want to burden you with a baby.”

She stared at me, puzzled, “What are neighbors for, then?” I liked what she said, so I smiled. She fixated her sky-blue eyes on Robert, and he lifted his head and smiled cheerfully.

Her husband, who was rocking in the chair beside her, egged her on without hesitation. “That's right” he mumbled, “we don't mind; we love children.”

Robert is a thick child, unlike his father, who was puny compared to my Simon, who is athletically built and over six feet tall. Robert's hands are chunky and his arms thick, with folds on them. His teeth are coming in and he is gumming on his fists and everything else
he can put into his mouth. He is a heavy child, and full of energy, bouncing around in my arms without a care. His jovial little smile can charm the best of them. Every time I take him out, women are often complimenting him on his beauty, and in return, a smile spreads across his chunky little face.

Before I could answer, Mrs. Hall reached out for Robert, who, without hesitation, threw up his tiny arms for her to take him. She pulled him out of my arms and Robert stared into her eyes as if he was hypnotized. And afterward, he snuggled his head into her breast. I never thought he would take to someone so easily, but he liked her from the moment we met them. I stood waiting for my child to come back into my arms, but he appeared comfortable in Mrs. Hall's pale, thin arms. I felt relief when she held Robert. Dragging him with me wherever I went was wearing me and him out. Simon rushing off again to play with the Negro League had me perplexed. The assumption that it was okay bothered me. What could I say? I needed him more than ever. As I walked the three blocks down the street, I couldn't help but wonder about my life. Teaching was the only current running through my head, and that was the only thing I intended on doing.

The walk to the corner was what I needed, the air still and sweet with the scent of fading honeysuckle and lilacs. The morning sunlight hovered above my head, filling me with warmth. The street was empty and quiet. As I passed one house, the aroma of fatback seeped into the streets. However, I was the only person walking down the street so early in the morning. I had remained loyal to Mama's efforts to get up early. “Peoples get more done in the mo'ning,” she'd say. The merchant on the corner was also a daybreak riser; he opened his doors every morning at seven on the dot. He was a short, bald, colored man, who always wore a
butcher's apron. He greeted me as soon as I stepped in the door.

“Good morning, young lady. I see you know the early bird catches the worm.” It was a phrase I'd heard him say every time I came before the normal crowd. I wasn't sure if I was getting any special care, but I knew the produce was always fresh.

“Yes, sir, “I answered.

“What can I get for you?” He was always pleasant, and treated everyone well. Already shopping was the couple across the street, Nadine and Jessie, holding a package of wrapped cheese with
5 cents
written on it. Their children probably were still snuggled under their bedcovers, unlike my Robert who woke up with the sun. As I thought about him, I hoped he was not giving Mrs. Hall too much trouble. The store was well stocked. It had everything from eggs to hams, and in the very back of the store were a washing machine, tin tubs, and two potbelly cast-iron stoves. On my shopping list was butter, cheese, souse meat, coffee and saltine crackers. I don't have to worry about milk as the milkman delivers milk twice a week.

I gathered my things and handed the merchant two dollars to pay. He nodded to say it was right, and then I picked up my merchandise and headed through the door. I walked briskly back to the apartment house, right past two ladies chatting in the middle of the cobblestone sidewalk, without speaking to them, concerned my baby was in need of me. When I got to the porch, Robert was lying on Mrs. Hall's petite chest. He saw me and smiled. “He was no trouble at all. We never had children and it was a delight looking after him. I know you are alone most of the time, so if you need some help with him, let us know,” Mrs. Hall said, patting Robert on the back.

“Yes, Ma'am,” I answered and waited for Robert to acknowledge my opened arms and reach for me. I thanked them and took him
up the steps to our apartment. Mr. Hall grabbed my groceries from the steps and followed me up the stairs to my apartment. “Thank you, Mr. Hall,” I said and he put the items on the table and left.

It was Friday. The weekend was about to begin, and I couldn't wait for the man I married to return home. The Colored League was busy these days, and Simon was gone most weekends. Within six months, Simon had bounced from team to team. He spent a month with the Washington Patriots, and now he was playing with an independent team over in the Blue Ridge Mountains. He was yearning for the opportunity to play against Pete Hill, of the Detroit Stars, who hit more runs last year than Babe Ruth, because the colored boys play longer games. He loved living out of a suitcase. He usually came home during the week, but the team gave them a weekend a month to spend with the family.

We got married the first week I arrived in Richmond. On Wednesday while the sun was high we went to the courthouse and got a marriage license and the gospel preacher around the corner scolded us about love and then married us in his parlor—his wife the witness. “Marriage ain't no game. It is real and serious. Y'all need to know this before I marry y'all,” he said.

“We understand, Reverend,” Simon answered and I nodded. I had on the same mundane tan dress I'd worn to church many times before. The only special thing about our wedding was our love. One day we plan on doing it the right way, in front of all the people we admire and respect. I plan on wearing a gown, too—a white one. White is for anybody who wears it, Ginny told me. But, most folks in Jefferson County had memories like elephants. They felt virgins were only entitled to white. I knew better, since they all had skeletons in their closets, and nobody had enough white to cover those skeletons up.

The clock on the kitchen wall read six o'clock. I had glanced at it so many times; the time seemed to stand still. Simon should be walking in the door at any time, I thought, turning over the salt fish frying in the cast-iron frying pan. Simon loves salted fish, and I had soaked it all night, making sure everything was ready for his homecoming. The aroma was irritating. I cracked open the kitchen window, so the fumes and scent would escape before sticking to my clothes. The fried apples and potatoes were already done and warming in the oven. And Robert was scooting around on the floor, his bright eyes wide open, smiling as if he knew Daddy was on his way. The apartment was clean. I had scrubbed the floors that afternoon and finished folding the clothes. Everything was in place. The ice-cold lemonade was in the ice box, and the pudding cake I'd baked early that morning was ready for dessert.

A frown of worry rippled across my face at the mere thought of Simon traveling with the baseball league. I worried about where he would eat and lay down his head at night. Colored boys had to stay in the homes of the volunteers in the community. I worried because the white man was mighty bitter about the Emancipation Proclamation and would forever hold a grudge. We just wanted what they enjoyed, acceptance.

Robert was now sitting on the floor waving his little arms for me to pick him up. He was such a happy little child and I hoped that never changed. I bent down to pick him up just as the front door sprang wide open. “I made it,” Simon said, smiling from ear to ear.

Robert heard his daddy's voice and almost jumped out of my arms toward Simon.

“Hi, Honey. We have been waiting all day for you to get home,” I said, grinning from ear to ear.

“I know you have,” he said, as he put his arms around me and
little Robert, squeezing us so close we could feel each other's heart beat.

Simon is gorgeous and tall, a muscular man with beautiful, almond-shaped eyes that compel you to stare and gaze directly into them as if they are magnets. I can't help staring, not because I want to, but because I'm compelled to each and every time I see him.

“Baby, I am so happy to get a few days rest,” he commented. As he held me and Robert close, I had to fight back the chill that was overtaking my body. Simon took Robert out of my arms and swung him up in the air. I removed the last piece of fish from the grease, and dropped a few hushpuppies in the oil.

Simon took his duffle bag along with Robert in his arms and went into the bedroom. Robert gazed at Simon in total admiration; and from the smile on Simon's face, he enjoyed it. I put two pieces of fish, apples and potatoes on a plate for Simon and made one for me. I poured us a glass of lemonade. We sat down for dinner only after Simon pulled me in close and kissed me deeply, pushing his tongue into my mouth, and my body quivered.

Our kitchen table seats four. However, we never have had visitors, except on the one occasion when Momma took the train here for a visit. It is a cozy little space, just enough for a small family. When we are together at the table, it is a reminder of the times when I lived in Jefferson County and Papa was living. We ate together and Papa made us children feel like our day was special, even when it was spent working out in the sun all day. Now Simon always had a story to tell, and most times they made me laugh so hard I would cry.

“Carrie, I'll be home for exactly five days this time, so don't try to fatten me up, and make me lose my job,” Simon said, right after finishing the last bit of lemonade in his glass. Robert was still
slobbering food down his cheeks. Simon mashed his apples and potatoes with a fork and fed him.

“I'm not fattening you up. I don't want you too thin.”

“Well, I've got to stay fit, so I can play ball. One day we are going to be in the big league, girl,” he said, smiling cunningly at me.

I smiled. The big league sounded promising, and even rewarding, but my husband being away was not the kind of marriage I had prayed for. “Yeah, I know.”

Robert was full and now his eyes were heavy as his little head rested on his daddy's broad chest. I took him out of Simon's arms, undressed him and laid him in his bed. His little body, totally limp, was fast asleep. Tonight he would be going to bed without a bath. The selfish me couldn't wake him up, because I wanted all of Simon's attention tonight. After watching Robert's little chest heave up and down, I went back into the kitchen.

“Simon, I wish you could stay longer. Robert is growing up so fast. Did you see his new tooth coming in?”

I sat down in Simon's lap. “Yes, I did. What I am doing, Carrie, is for our family. I want to be here for every change he experiences.”

His eyes were like magnets, and as I stared into them, I could feel as if I was him, and shared his passion for baseball, and family. “I miss you, and I don't know that many people.”

“You know the Halls, and Nadine and Jessie, and Hester. The people around here are nice and they will look out for you. I don't have to worry when I'm gone.”

Everything he was saying was true, but it did nothing for my yearning inside for him to be home all the time. Having Simon around all the time was something I wanted more than anything. He was everything I could ever hope for in a man.

He had stayed home for the first two months when I arrived in
Richmond. He wouldn't leave my side, especially after our first nights together. It took him weeks of assurance before I could be a real wife to him. He would hold me in his arms, and let me cry out all the bitterness I had held captive in my head. Things like the day Momma made me stay home while she went to work for Mrs. Ferguson, and Herman Camm penned me in my room and took full advantage of my body and my thoughts. Carrying Robert for all those months was the worst feeling I'd ever experienced, so making love to my husband was the last thing on my mind.

We made it through it all one night when the weather was brisk, the moon was bright, and a late summer breeze was whirling against the window pane, yet it was hot inside. I had just put Robert in his crib, and he was sound asleep with his thumb in his mouth. So comfortable, he'd sleep the entire night. Simon started like he always did. He'd kiss me on the forehead, since I was so much shorter than him, and then kiss me all over my face. I could feel him. When my breathing became shallow, he took me by the hand and led me into the bedroom.

My nerves were shaky; I had never been with a real man.