Always Yours (36 page)

My hands balled into fists and it took every ounce of strength I had to hold myself back. All I could see was red. I couldn't believe this shit. I threw everything away for this bitch. I wasn't even that mad at her for fucking with my head, it was how badly she fucked with Cara's that enraged me. I had to get the fuck out of this room before I made it Amber's permanent resting place.

Cocking my head at her I opened my mouth to fire back but I stopped short and just shook my head at her. Turning on my heel I headed for the door. She wasn't worth wasting another breath on.

I hadn't seen Cam in over six months. I hadn't heard his voice, felt his touch, or stared into his bright blue eyes but I was still breathing.....barely. I was alive but I wasn't living.

The only time I could find any comfort from my broken heart was when I got lost. I set out every Sunday night after work, with no destination in mind, and didn't come back until Monday evening. It was the only thing that kept a part of him alive inside of me.

Tonight was different though. Tonight was a night where my mind floated back to a different time. It had officially been fifteen years since my father walked out on me and my mom. This was usually just another day but for some reason it was hitting me hard this year.

It was my night off and I had just gotten back from getting lost. I took a hot shower, poured myself a glass of wine, pulled out an old shoe box from my closet and sat down to rummage through some old pictures. I had just taken the lid off the box when I heard a soft knock on my door.

When I pulled the door open my heart jumped in my chest like a fucking kangaroo on steroids. Cam was standing before me with a bag of cinnamon bears wrapped in a giant bow. His eyes were lifeless and full of pain, but as soon as they connected with mine a tiny flicker of blue hope returned. I wanted to hold him, leap into his arms and never let go but I refrained.

"What are you doing here?" I asked so quietly I wasn't sure I actually said anything.

He smiled at me and just like that, it washed away every ounce of heartache I had ever endured with him.

"I didn't know where else to go," he said sadly as he downcast his eyes. That's when I realized just how upset he actually was. His body was hunched over, he hadn't shaved in a while, his eyes were puffy and red, and the bags underneath were dark and purple.

"Cam, what's the matter?" I asked alarmed. I opened the door and motioned for him to come in. He walked past me, handed me the cinnamon bears and headed straight to the living room. Everything about him screamed he was living in a nightmare—even his walk.

He stood with his hands on the back of the couch, leaning over like he was going to be sick. "We lost the baby," he mumbled.

My hand covered my mouth as I watched him with wide eyes. Memories of my own loss came blistering to the surface and my stomach churned.

I walked up behind him and placed my hand on his shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Cam," I said, my voice soft and full of remorse.

He turned and looked at me, his eyes full of unshed tears, and it made my heart ache for him. "When will the pain go away?"

My brow furrowed as I tilted my head at him. The sting behind my eyes growing as his eyes pleaded with me to make everything better. But I couldn't. "It never really does," I admitted. "I still struggle with the pain."

His head fell again. I knew it wasn't the answer he wanted to hear but it was the truth.

"When did it happen?" I asked concerned.

"We found out three days ago," he said and my eyebrows rose in shock. "Amber hasn't felt him move in almost twenty-four hours so we went to the hospital. They couldn't find a heartbeat." My vision fogged over as the tingling in my eyes grew. "She was thirty weeks so this morning they induced her. She delivered him at 1:23pm." He pushed away from the couch, walked around it, and took a seat, burying his face in his hands.

I didn't know what to do. His pain was so fresh, so new, and I knew he wasn't thinking straight. I couldn't believe he was here and not at the hospital with Amber. She must be devastated.

I sat down next to him and put my hand on his back and he tensed up. "You need to go back to the hospital, Cam. Amber needs you right now." The words tasted like poison as they came out of my mouth. I didn't want him to leave but I knew that's where he belonged—at least right now.

He started to laugh as he ran his hands through his tousled hair and I retracted.

Why is he laughing?

"I'm not going back there," he said through clenched teeth.

"What? Why not?" I screeched. I couldn't fathom what he was saying. Amber was sitting alone in a hospital, having just lost her baby and he wasn't going to stick by her side. I was going to be sick.

"I don't care about her, Cara. I did what you said—I tried to make it work for the baby but now he's fucking gone."

I wanted to fucking punch him.
How could he be so inconsiderate?
I was seeing a different side to Cam and honestly, I didn't really care for this one.

"I understand that, Cam, but Amber needs—"

"Amber doesn't fucking care!" he screamed and his tears began falling. I flinched and stared at him in shock. He stood up and started pacing in front of the fireplace. "She never wanted him. She said so herself! He was a mistake she was going to 'take care' of. But when I found out, she knew I wouldn't let her. She's fucking happy this shit happened!" My mouth fell open as I watched him come unglued. "Everything she did since Matt's party was just a fucking game to her. She didn't want me back, but once she saw me with you, she decided you couldn't have me either. She fucking ruined my life!"

He spun around and stared at me. I saw the anger for Amber and the loss of his son consume his thoughts. His stance went wide, his shoulders tensed, and he ground his fist into his open hand like he was about to hit something.

Fuck! I wanted to punch something! I wanted to punch her! What a bitch.

"She fucking used me to hurt you and I just sat back and let it happen. I'm so sorry, Cara. I'm sorry for everything." His head fell as his rage morphed into guilt.

As mad as I was, I wasn't mad at Cam. She was the one who did this, not him. Standing up I slowly started walking towards him. "This isn't your fault, Cam."

His stance softened a little as my words hit him. "Then why do I feel like it is? Why do I feel like I'm hanging on by a fucking thread?"

I was only a few feet away when his eyes shot up and found mine. I took one more step towards him—I was close enough to reach out and touch him but I didn't. "Because you are—in the blink of an eye you lost your son, your whole future. I've been there. I know how you're feeling. But the thread isn't going to break—you just have to keep holding on." I finished closing the gap between us and wrapped my arms around his waist. "Everything happens for a reason, Cam. What Amber did only made each of us stronger and you can't be upset about that."

He grinned at me and the lifeless look in his eyes melted away. Grasping my neck, he pulled me closer to him, resting his forehead on mine."When did you become so optimistic?"

I smiled back at him and shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know. I guess Shay finally rubbed off on me."

His eyes shifted to my lips and he slowly leaned in as he titled his head. His mouth parted slightly and I closed my eyes. When his lips connected with mine, it was like the past six months had never happened. He slid his tongue into my mouth as he backed me up to the couch. He lowered me onto it and I ran into my old shoe box full of pictures, spilling the contents onto the floor.

He broke the kiss and looked down at the littered floor, laughing. "Oops, hope those weren't too important." He grimaced.

I took a fist full of his shirt and pulled him to me. "Not as important as you," I said, but he wasn't looking at me.

His stare was fixated on the floor. He pushed off me and reached for a picture. "What are these?" he asked as he studied the photograph in his hand.

I rolled to my side and propped my head up with my hand while I looked at him. "Those are pictures, Cam," I mocked him and he shot me a dirty look.

"Smartass," he mumbled under his breath. "Let me rephrase. Who is this?" He turned the picture around and I instantly recognized it.

"Oh, that's just my biological father and me when I was little. That was taken about a year before he walked out on us. Why?" I said, my eyes pulled together. The way he was staring at the picture had me concerned.

"Cara, what was your father's name?" he asked seriously. The tone in his voice made a shiver run down my spine.

Something's wrong.

"Troy Pratt," I answered and his face turned pale white.

Troy Pratt.

The named echoed through my head like an air horn in the Grand Canyon. I couldn't believe I had never put it together before now. Amber's last name was Murphy but that was her mother's last name—not her father's.

"That's Mr. Pratt to you."

He had said aggressively the first day I met him.

"Cam, you're freaking me out. What's going on?" Cara said.

I looked at her and cringed, when I saw the worrisome expression painted all over her face. I didn't know how she was going to react to what I was about to tell her but she had to know.

"This man," I said, pointing to the picture. "Is Troy Pratt, correct?"

"Yes," she replied cautiously.

I raised my eyebrows at her. "And he's your father?"

"Yes, Cam! Come on, I already told you that! What's going on?"

"Well, he's also Amber's father," I divulged, scrunching my face as I spoke.

She tipped her head to the side and stared at me. I could see the wheels turning in her head as she took in what I had just said.

Pursing her lips, her forehead creased. "You're fucking with me, aren't you?"

I pressed my lips together and shook my head. "I'm sorry, firecracker." She sat up and folded her arms over her chest. I could tell this was hurting her. I sat down and put my arm around her. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Her eyes darted between me and the glass of wine on the coffee table. Reaching forward, she grabbed it and brought it to her lips. "No, I don't," she said before she tipped it back and gulped down the whole glass.

I could hear people talking but I couldn't see anything. It was so dark.

My mom was yelling at someone. "No, you can't see her! You need to leave, now!"

"I'm not going anywhere. I have a right to see her," I heard a deep familiar voice say.

I tried like hell to open my eyes but I couldn't.

Who was my mother talking to?

"Daddy, I want to see her. I want to know what she looks like," a voice I had never heard before said. It irritated me.

"Troy, I'm warning you, if you don't get out of here right now—"

Troy? Wait, my dad's name is Troy. Why is my dad here?

"Fine, I'll leave, but I'm coming back." My father succumbed.

"No, you aren't"

My heart started beating faster and I could hear it echoing through my ears. I had to open my eyes. He was here. He finally came back.