Always Been Mine (21 page)

“You seriously flew to Florida and spent the weekend with my kids and didn’t bother giving me a heads up?” Will was leaning against his car, one ankle propped over the other in a causal manner that contradicted the anger I could see bubbling below the surface. To a passerby, we were two professionals having a conversation in a hotel parking lot. To me, we were a couple on the verge of a major blowout.

I’d gotten out of work a little early to move my stuff out of the hotel and into Matty’s house, and thankfully, had just brought another load to my car when Will pulled in. I leaned against my own car that was parked next to his, trying to ignore my sweaty palms, happy that he hadn’t found me in the room. The idea of being alone with him in a small space was terrifying. I met his eye, ignoring the vein in his forehead, and nodded. “Just for a few days.”

His nostrils flared. “You really don't see a problem with that?”

I knew that I couldn’t move any further away from him, but the urge to back up was strong.
Don’t show him any fear, don’t show him you’re afraid!
I repeated to myself over and over. Lifting my head, hoping he couldn’t see how scared I was, I replied as evenly as I could. Being terrified was such a new reaction to having him near that it made it worse.  “No. Sooner or later we have to tell the kids. I think they’ll realize something’s off when they come home and we’re living with Matty.”

“The fuck you are.” He was seething. “My kids are not living with him.”

I glared. “We are. I’m taking them at least half the time.” I shook my head angrily. “I told you, I’m not discussing this. Your lawyer can call mine.” We’d talked about this on the phone this morning, when I’d told him I was moving into Matty’s. I wanted to be courteous, to give him a heads up. It had turned into a screaming match, though, and I’d hung up. Apparently, nothing I said sunk in.

Will stepped towards me. “And I told you,” he hissed, “that you can get this shit out of your system until the kids come back and then you are moving home. Don’t defy me, Jo, or I swear to god I’ll...”

My mouth fell open, fear forgotten as I interrupted. “Or, you’ll what, William? Is that a threat?” I shook my head, amazed. “Defy you? Do you think its 1952?” I laughed once, appalled. “Are you high? Is that what’s going on? Obviously something has scrambled your fucking brain if you think you can tell me what to do!”

He inhaled sharply. “You’re my wife!” He was growling. “And since you’ve been acting like an immature little twit and making decisions that will put both you and my children in danger, I’ve come to the conclusion that you aren’t fit to make any on your own.” His eyes flared at me, daring me to argue. “When you come back to your senses, and start acting like the responsible adult you’re supposed to be, then you can lecture me on how I talk to you!” 

“Fuck. You.” I stepped closer to him, the resentment for this man that I once loved building with every breath. “I’ll use small words to make sure you understand them.” I gave him a bitchy smile. “You cannot tell me what to do. I am leaving you and taking my children with me. You are not going to use them to control me, and you are not going to ruin their childhood by being a vicious and spiteful asshole. Keep up your crazy talk and anger issues and you will be lucky to see them on Christmas and birthdays.” I turned to walk away, stopping to add, “We’re done. If you want to talk to me, call my lawyer.”

I’d been so proud of myself for standing up to him, for pushing back, that I didn’t see his expression change until it was too late. It was like watching a switch flip inside him, and I instantly knew what people meant when they said they saw someone lose their mind. I didn’t have time to react as his hands wrapped around my shoulders and he shoved me backwards against his car. 

My teeth slammed down and iron filled my mouth as I bit my tongue. I didn’t even have time to react before Will’s face was in front of mine, eyes on fire. “You fucking ungrateful bitch! You will never take my kids away from me!” He was screaming and I could barely hear him over the pounding of my heart and the harshness of my breath.

He continued to scream, but all I saw was Cris shaking in rage and attacking Carlos at the club, screaming about her friend that he’d hurt. I was not the girl who let anyone treat her like this. I was not the victim. This was not my life. Fuck him!

The blood was pooling with saliva around my tongue and the taste a bitter reminder that this was all too real. I didn’t think, just lifted my foot and kicked him in the shin, and bringing the high heel down on his foot. The action got his attention and he took one step back, then my palm connected with his face. He inhaled, eyes wide, backing away from me. “What the fuck is wrong with you? You don’t put your hands on me!” I yelled, not caring who was watching. 

He stood, a look of shock on his face as he met my eyes. He shook his head looking away. “Jo… I… what the hell
is
wrong with me?” I raised an eyebrow back. I didn’t know. “Those are my kids, Joey.” His voice held a note of devastation. “I can’t lose them, too!”

I was pissed. How dare he treat me like that? But the horrified look on his face had my heart sinking. I’d never seen Will look so scared. I wanted to reach out, pull him into my arms and comfort him.

I heard the car pull in on the other side of mine, the driver’s door slam, and I knew Matty was there before I saw him. But I couldn’t stop staring at Will. For the first time all summer, he looked like he was processing what had happened. Emotions ran over his face, from humiliation, to amusement, to loss. When his eyes finally moved back to mine, I knew that he understood.

“Joes? What’s going on?” Matty had moved to my side, hand touching my arm lightly. I knew his question was rhetorical. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him turn to me and felt his eyes surveying. Will turned from me, looking at Matt, shame flowing from him in waves. 

I had never considered Matty to be aggressive; there were times I would have called him intimidating, yes, but I would have sworn he’d never actually hurt someone. He took a step towards Will. “Did you hurt her?” His voice was a coarse whisper.

Will didn’t have a chance to answer. As soon as he asked the question, Matty’s fist flew through the air. It wasn’t like a punch you see in the movies; he didn’t raise his arm in threat, or pull his shoulder back. Nope. He just punched him in the middle of his face. Will’s head reeled back, and before he could right himself, Matty hit him again, this time in his stomach. Will doubled up, and Matty lifted a knee, connecting it with Will’s head. 

“Matty!” I screamed. “Stop!” I flew between them as Will dropped to the ground and Matty was pulling his leg back. “Jesus, Matty! Stop it right now!” I yelled, holding up a hand to him as if it would stop the assault.

I was shocked at the ease in which Matty moved. It seemed natural for him, like he didn’t have to think about what to do next. He just reacted. The worst part was how calm he was. His hands clenched at his sides, and I could see his pulse pounding in his neck, but nothing else about him said that he’d just pummeled a man.

“I told you that if he ever touched you again, I’d kill him.” Even his voice was void of emotion. “I fucking meant it.”

My anger flared again. “I had it under control!” Behind me, Will was pulling himself up, and I fought the urge to turn to help him. Matty’s eyes moved to mine and I saw a small spark of emotion, but I couldn’t tell if it was anger or worry. I only glared back into the blue depths, trying to convey that I was fine. 

Matty looked at Will, his face showing pure hatred. “I’ll leave the happy couple to it, then.”

I stood there, staring after him long after he had disappeared into the hotel. Will had gone to his car, but hadn’t left yet, and I was sure he was waiting for me. I didn’t know what to say, but knew we needed closure. I took a deep breath, still staring at the hotel, wondering how my life had gotten so screwed up.

“Joey?” His voice was full of questions. What did we do to us? Where do we go from here? Can we ever move passed this? I had all of those and more. But, I didn’t have any answers. I chewed on my bottom lip, contemplating before I faced him.

I held the surprise in as I looked him over, but knew it must show on my face because Will only chuckled. He was sitting on the hood of his car, one hand holding a blood soaked cloth to his nose, the other braced on his knee. “He packs one helluva punch.”

I reached out, lifting his chin so I could see his nose. “Is it broken?”

Will grinned. “Nope. And, I still have all my teeth. See?” He smiled wider, showing me his pearly whites. “Kinda disappointed. How am I supposed to look like I’ve been in a brawl if I don’t have battle wounds?”

I smiled even though I didn’t mean to. “That wasn’t a brawl. He went easy on you – barely hit you twice.”

“That’s because of my cat-like reflexes. I was just too quick.” I laughed with him, shaking my head. He reached out, grabbing my hand, and laced his fingers between mine. He searched my face and his eyes rested on my mouth. Without thinking, I stepped forward, settling between his legs, and put my arms around his belly, cheek to his heart.

He sighed, moving his hand to the back of my head, holding me close. He slid a hand up under my hair, cupping the back of my head in the familiar and comforting way he’d held me to him for years. “Do you know where I’d go if I had a time machine and could go back and change everything?”

“The end of June?” I deadpanned.

I felt him shake his head. “Nope. March of my sophomore year.” His thumb stroked at my ear. “We were bickering over something stupid and should have had our first big blow-out, but you shut down.” He smiled. “And I didn’t want you to dump me, so I took you home early instead. All I could think about was how stubborn you were and how I wanted you to yell at me so I could yell back. And then I wanted to carry you to bed, show you how much I loved you, and propose.”

“What?” I was shocked. “You hated when our friends fought over stupid shit!”

His thumb continued to move against my hair in a relaxing rhythm. “Couples fight, Joey. They disagree, they yell, they say hateful things. It’s a great way to release frustration. You always shut down, backed away if an argument ever came up with me. But with everyone else, you were so passionate.”

He sighed. “I was terrified you’d leave me, and I was a kid that loved his girlfriend more than anything else. So I’d go back to that night, have that argument, and then make love to you the rest of the night. I think it would have changed our course.”

“Why, so you could beat me into submission back then?”

Sadness crossed his face. “No! Fuck, no.” He looked down. “I am so sorry, Joey! The idea of losing you, of waking up to an empty house for the rest of my life…it kills me. I can’t imagine it.”

I pulled back, standing up. “Treating me like you have been lately is one hell of a way to make me want to stay!” I glared at him. “How many times did you cheat in college?” It was abrupt, but I needed to know.

His head snapped up, confusion replacing the shame. “Once. I’m not proud of it Joey, but I’ve made mistakes. There was that one time in school and then....” He sighed, and I knew he was talking about his adorable co-worker. “Rach was…” he stopped. “Rachel wasn’t about sex. I got confused.” He shook his head again. “I thought…” he trailed off, looking away. “I love her.” He shrugged. “I love you more. You're my whole world. I never thought you and
Matt… not really. I never imagined you would…”

He didn’t finish. He didn’t need to. He’d said it before. He didn’t think I’d leave him. The tears burning my eyes made me realize how sad I was, for both of us. “I’m in love with him, Will.”

“I know. But that doesn’t make me love you any less.” He peered at me. “And, that doesn’t make him any less dangerous.”

“Jesus, really?”
I instantly took another step back, defensive again. “Never once has Matty made me scared of him! Never once has he hurt me. Matty isn’t the dangerous one!”

Will sighed. “I know that’s what you think, and I respect your opinion…”

“Oh, shut up!” I interrupted. I couldn’t begin to count how many times I’d heard those words, his way of avoiding an argument. “If you have something to say, just say it!”

His eyes flashed and a ghost of a smile crossed his lips before his face got serious. “I think there are a lot of things Matty hasn’t told you about his life. He isn’t who you think he is.” He stood before I could say a word. “Here.” He walked to the passenger side and pulled out a thick manila envelope.

My mouth dropped open as I realized what it was. It couldn’t be. “What is that?” I asked, struggling to find my voice.

“This,” he held it out to me, “is
Matt.”

I shook my head. “No. It’s a bunch of shit that you paid someone to dredge up about him.
Matt’s the man upstairs waiting for me.” I turned, suddenly wondering if he’d been watching us. “He’s the one that kicked your ass in my defense.”

Will nodded. “Exactly. Take it.” He shook the envelope at me. “I know you Joey.” He held up a hand at my protest. “You may think that I don’t know who you are, but I do. You need to read this so you can decide for yourself if this is the kind of man you want in your life, the kind of man you trust around our kids.”

“What?” I sneered. I was seething. Matty had been always been part of our children’s lives, and other than Will, there wasn’t a single person I trusted more around them.