Almost Perfect (30 page)

‘And you let him in? When you're on your own?'

‘Adam, it's not as if he's going to harm me! And you lot are always going on about closure–'

‘Not me, I didn't agree, remember? I said you should tell him to piss off and stay away from you.'

‘Well, I don't think he was going to do that.'

‘You can't trust him, Georgie. What's he been saying to you?'

‘He's just trying to explain himself.'

Adam nodded. ‘Telling you his marriage is on the rocks, his wife doesn't understand him, it's “complicated” . . .'

Georgie stared at him.

‘I'm right, aren't I?'

‘He's . . . said a lot of things,' she faltered.

Adam regarded her doubtfully. ‘I'm taking you home.'

‘No, Adam,' she protested. ‘I can look after myself.'

‘You let him take you home and next thing he'll be in your bed.'

Georgie felt as though she'd been punched in the chest. Adam was right. Liam had just charmed her, seduced her, and screwed her up against the stationery cabinet. She was so easy, too easy.

‘Okay,' she said, a little dazed.

‘Okay what?'

‘Um, okay,' she swallowed, ‘that'd be great, if you could take me home, Ad. I'd appreciate it. I just have to get rid of him first.'

‘Do you want me to handle it?'

‘Don't go getting all alpha male on me,' Georgie frowned. ‘Can you give me five minutes, or is that going to make you late?'

‘Doesn't matter, it's only drinking with the boys.'

Georgie nodded. ‘Okay, thanks.' She turned and walked back to the office, taking a deep breath as she grasped the handle and opened the door. Liam got up from where he'd been sitting at the desk. She stood in the doorway, not moving, still holding the handle.

‘I have to lock up, Adam's waiting to take me home.'

‘Georgie,' he frowned, walking around the desk. ‘What are you doing?'

‘I told you, closing up and–'

‘Georgie!' She could hear the desperation in his voice. ‘Don't do this.'

‘It's for the best,' she said quietly. ‘I can't see you any more, Liam.'

‘How can you say that after what just happened?'

‘Exactly because of what just happened. You still have a wife. And I've just had sex with a married man, knowingly, for the first time in my life. I'm not proud of myself, and I have no intention of letting it happen again.'

‘My marriage is over. I was only staying because you–'

‘I don't want to hear it, Liam!' Georgie interrupted, raising her voice. ‘Listen to me. You can't come here any more, you can't keep phoning, you have to stop harassing me. Tonight was a mistake–'

‘No . . .'

‘It was a mistake,' she repeated firmly. ‘I'm not going to pretend I don't have feelings for you, Liam. That's why it happened. But we're never going to be together. Whether you and your wife solve your problems or not, I can't ever be with you.'

‘But why not, Georgie? If we separate–'

‘I will not be the reason a marriage broke up!' she said loudly, her tone final.

‘You're not the reason, I promise you. Let me explain–'

‘No, Liam. I can't believe your explanations, or your promises or any of the crap that comes out of your mouth. Don't you get that? Our whole relationship was built on a lie. I don't even know who you are.'

‘Yes you do. You know me better than anyone.'

‘Listen to what you're saying?' she exclaimed
wide-eyed. ‘If I know you better than anyone, then you're in trouble. Because I was in love with an illusion named Liam MacMullen, a single man whose greatest flaw was that he was a workaholic. That person doesn't exist.'

‘It's still me, Georgie.'

‘I don't know you,' she said plainly. ‘You're not the man I fell in love with.'

She didn't know from where she was getting the strength to stand here and stare him down like this. His eyes gazed back at her in disbelief, round and glassy. He was visibly distraught. It would be so easy to reach out and put her arms around him. But so stupid.

‘I'm glad this happened, you know, Liam. I've been avoiding you, even hiding, because I couldn't face you. But now that I have, well, I know it's over, and you need to know it too. It's called closure, I believe.' She paused, looking at him steadily. ‘Now, if you don't mind, I have to close the shop as well.'

He looked shattered, but Georgie didn't flinch. His shoulders dropped in defeat and he walked slowly past her, as though he was waiting for her to stop him. But she didn't. She watched him as he made his way over to the door, where he turned around to look back at her. She met his gaze, unblinking. Finally he opened the door and walked out and she lost sight of him.

She was still standing there when Adam sidled over, appearing in her field of vision.

‘Are you all right?' he asked.

She nodded. ‘I will be.'

‘Come on then, let me get you home.'

But later, when she walked inside the flat, she was not so sure she was going to be all right. It was over, really over. That's what she had told Liam, now she had to convince herself. She had to put him out of her mind. She wasn't going to listen to his phone messages any more. In fact she would erase them, the same way she had to erase him from her mind altogether. She had to remember her own words to him, that she had been in love with someone who didn't exist. He was no more real than all her other fantasies.

Georgie sighed. So this was what closure felt like. Empty.

‘Mac?' Anna walked into the hall when she heard the front door. He turned around to look at her. ‘I, er . . .' She couldn't help noticing he looked appalling, like he'd just seen an accident, or been in one. ‘Are you all right?'

His eyes flickered past hers. ‘I'm fine, Anna. Just dandy.'

He wasn't fine at all. Maybe this wasn't the right time, but she couldn't put it off any longer.

‘I was actually hoping we could talk,' she said tentatively. She'd been working up to this all week, ever since she'd spoken to Doug. She had thought long and hard about what she wanted, or rather didn't want. And she knew now that she didn't want Mac here. Whatever valiant notion he had about saving the marriage, well, he could do it from somewhere else. She couldn't stand his mournful presence any longer, rubbing her face in it.

Mac sighed wearily. ‘Do we really have to do this now?'

His voice was so strained. He didn't even have the energy to sound annoyed, it was more of a plea.

‘It won't take long,' she persisted.

‘Okay.' He tossed the keys onto the hall table and rubbed his forehead. ‘Just don't expect much from me. I'm not really up to it tonight.'

Anna felt a twisting sensation in her chest. She didn't want to kick him when he was down, but then lately he was always down.

‘Anna?' he prompted her.

‘It's not working out,' she blurted.

‘What in particular?'

‘This arrangement.' She paused. ‘I think it would be better if you moved out.'

She watched him breathe out heavily. He didn't look at her.

‘Fine,' he muttered. He turned and headed down the hall towards the guestroom.

‘Mac?'

He stopped. ‘Is it a problem if I stay tonight?'

‘No, of course not. I just thought we should talk about this–'

‘Why?' he said, turning around to face her. ‘So you can tell me all the reasons you don't want me here? Give me a list of your grievances?'

Anna just stared at him. He really looked wretched.

‘If it's all the same to you I'd rather skip all that. Let's just agree I'm a fucking worthless bastard and leave it at that. I'm going to bed. I'll find somewhere tomorrow and get out of your way as soon as possible.'

‘Stella, could you come into my office, please? I need you to take a letter.'

Her voice came back over the intercom. ‘What do you mean, Mac?'

‘What do you mean, what do I mean?'

‘What does “take a letter” mean?'

‘It's an expression, Stella.'

‘You've been watching too many Rosalind Russell movies.'

‘I really haven't,' he muttered. ‘Stella,' he began again, ‘I need to write a letter and I'd like you to type it. Is that clear enough for you?'

‘Sure, but you know, usually you either give me
a draft or you tell me to write such and such to so and so, and you check it when you sign it.'

‘Thanks for the rundown on office procedure, Stella, but this time I'd like to dictate a letter.'

‘You do realise I don't do the whole shorthand thing?'

‘You've been my assistant for seven years. I think I would have noticed if you did shorthand by now.'

‘Okay, so how are we going to do this?'

Mac sighed. ‘You could start by coming into my office.'

‘Okay!'

A moment later Stella appeared at the door. ‘I've got an idea.'

He looked at her expectantly.

She closed the door and turned around. ‘You dictate the letter while I sit at your computer and type it.'

‘Sounds like a plan,' he said, standing up to give Stella his chair as she came round and sat down. Mac propped himself against the desk behind her.

‘Who are we writing to?' she said, opening a new document on the screen.

‘Address it to Bob Jaeger, CEO, etcetera, etcetera.'

Stella turned around to look up at him. ‘You're writing to Bob? Why don't you just go and see him? He's only down the corridor.'

‘Because it needs to be in writing.'

She frowned, turning back to the keyboard.

‘Dear Bob,' he began, ‘I regret to advise I am tendering my resignation as of–'

‘Mac!' Stella stopped typing and glared up at him. ‘What are you doing?'

‘Resigning.'

‘Why didn't you tell me?'

‘I am telling you. I only just decided myself.'

‘And this is how you break it to me?'

‘I guess it is,' he said lamely.

Stella pushed the chair away from the computer and turned right around to look at him. ‘What's going on, Mac?'

‘How long have you got?'

‘You're the boss. As long as you want.'

He smiled faintly. ‘Want to go to lunch?'

She groaned. ‘The last time you took me to lunch I had a hangover for days,' she reminded him. ‘Just sit, talk.'

He dragged another chair closer and sat down. ‘I moved into a serviced apartment over the weekend.'

‘Oh,' Stella murmured. ‘Whose idea was that?'

‘Anna's, pretty much. I mean, I would have moved out weeks ago, but Georgie insisted I stay and try to patch things up with Anna, but Anna decided she didn't want me there, and Georgie decided it made no difference whether Anna and I stayed together, she didn't want me either.'

Stella stared glumly at him. ‘So now you're between a rock . . .'

‘. . . and a cliché,' he nodded. ‘I guess there's a certain kind of poetic justice to it all; the feminists would be gratified.'

‘The
feminists
?' Stella repeated. ‘You mean women such as myself?'

‘Just call me bitter.'

‘Okay, you're bitter.' She sighed, frowning at him. ‘I don't understand why you're resigning, Mac. Don't you think you've been through enough changes already? Shouldn't you try to keep one part of your life stable?'

He sat back, clasping his hands behind his head. ‘I don't even know what I'm doing here any more, Stella, but worse, I don't care. You know that better than anyone. I told you how I was feeling before Christmas. I've completely lost interest.'

‘But you could get it back. Perhaps a focus is exactly what you need.'

Mac shook his head. ‘What I need is a break. I'm going to take some time off.'

‘Then why resign? Take some time off and see how you feel later.'

‘Stella, you were the one who told me to make some changes,' he reminded her. ‘It's time to move on. Being here will only remind me of everything else I've lost.'

Her face fell. ‘Oh, Mac, that's so sad.'

‘Isn't it though?' he said drolly. ‘But I brought it upon myself, didn't I? I made my bed and now I have to lie in it, alone, as it turns out. I have to face the music, be a man–'

‘Okay, Mac!' Stella interrupted. ‘You're weirding me out a little. You don't have to be so stoic about it, like it doesn't bother you.'

He folded his arms across his chest. ‘But I don't expect sympathy. I cheated on my wife. I cheated on the woman I was cheating on my wife with. I lied to
them. I dug a hole so deep for myself I had no way of getting out unless I pulled them down with me. In certain countries I'd be flogged.'

‘You know, amazingly enough, you wouldn't be,' Stella contemplated. ‘But Georgie would probably be stoned to death.'

Mac's expression became serious. ‘I hurt her, you know. I hurt her badly. That's the hardest part, knowing she'd have been better off if she'd never met me.'

Stella watched him. ‘You really loved her, didn't you?'

‘Still do.' He took a deep breath, composing himself. ‘I just can't get used to the idea that I'm not going to see her again.'

‘You never know . . .' Stella shrugged.

‘Oh I know,' he assured her. ‘You should have seen her face. The determination in her eyes. I got the feeling she wouldn't want me if I was the last man on earth.'

‘She's angry . . .'

‘She's over me,' he said flatly. ‘I took advantage of her good nature. She has a sweet, generous, trusting soul, and I abused it. I suspect she'll never be so trusting again, which is a great legacy I left her.' Mac sat forward, leaning his elbows on his knees as he stared down at the carpet. ‘The most decent thing I can do for Georgie is what she asked me to do, and that's leave her alone.'

He sat there, rubbing his hands slowly as though he was warming them over a fire.

‘What about Anna?' Stella asked after a while.

He looked up then. ‘I hurt her too, there's no
excusing that. But I honestly don't believe it's what broke us up. We were already on the downward spiral.'

‘You don't think you would have come through it?'

‘I suppose we'll never know that. But I do know that after I met Georgie, I realised how unhappy I'd been. I loved Anna, I probably always will. But now I feel like a burden's been lifted off me.' He gazed out the window for a moment before looking back at Stella. ‘I spent my whole life striving to be someone better than I was, but Georgie didn't care about all that, she just loved me, and I was never better than when I was with her.' He paused. ‘I wish I could be with her more than anything, but even without her, I'm happier now.'

Stella was thoughtful. ‘You know there's a saying that perhaps we only get the strength to fly on the wings of somebody else.'

‘Yeah?' Mac lifted an eyebrow. ‘Pretty corny, isn't it?'

She smiled. ‘I'm just saying that maybe you fell in love with Georgie to escape.'

‘I fell in love with her because I couldn't do anything else.'

Stella sighed deeply, propping her chin on one hand. ‘So you meet the love of your life but you're not free to be with her, and I'm free but I can't even meet someone I'd like to have dinner with. Life's a bitch, isn't it?'

Mac nodded. ‘And then you die.'