Almost Perfect (25 page)

Mac appeared in the doorway of his study as Anna opened the front door of the house. He was frowning.

‘Where have you been?'

‘I've been to Dee Why to visit the queen,' Anna chanted.

‘What?'

‘I've been to see your girlfriend,' she said, sailing past him down the hallway.

‘
What?
'

Anna walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge. Mac stormed in after her, slamming the door so the fridge shuddered. He grabbed her by the shoulders.

‘What did you do?'

‘Settle down, Mac, I just talked to her.'

‘I told you she doesn't know anything!'

‘I believe you may be right, she didn't seem to have a clue. Not real bright, is she?'

Mac looked as though his head was going to explode. He released Anna's shoulders and turned away. ‘Did you tell her?' he said, his voice grim.

‘She's going to find out some time–'

He spun around. ‘Anna! She hasn't done anything.' His voice was breaking now. He was trembling and his eyes were glassy. ‘She's not to blame, there's nothing to be gained hurting her.'

Anna glared at him. ‘I don't believe you, Mac, you're defending her to me?'

He stood there, breathing heavily, apparently unable to speak.

‘I didn't say anything,' Anna said eventually. ‘I'm not crazy.'

Mac looked directly into her eyes. She could never remember seeing such disdain there.

‘I'm not the crazy one, Mac. You are, if you think
she's not going to get hurt. And if you think the blame lies with anyone but yourself.'

He clenched his jaw. ‘I'm going out,' he said, turning on his heel.

Anna leaned against the doorjamb as he strode up the hall into the study. He came out a moment later, clutching his keys.

‘I suppose I don't have to ask where you're going?' she said.

He glared at her, before turning around and walking out the front door, slamming it behind him.

Mac deliberately loosened his grip on the steering wheel. He had to calm down. He'd been speeding, he was going to get picked up at this rate. He took a few deep breaths as he watched the speedometer drop, consciously relaxing his shoulders.

He was just so anxious to get to Georgie. Anna claimed she hadn't said anything, but how the hell could he be sure? He had to talk to Georgie now anyway, he couldn't trust what Anna would do next. And this was going to be hard enough without Georgie finding out from someone else, least of all his wife.

He felt a knot in his gut the size of a football. Today had been unbearable. He'd desperately wanted to go to Georgie, but the situation was so fragile, he had to handle it the right way or the whole thing was likely to blow up in his face and he would lose her for good. He'd planned to have it all out this weekend, tell her everything, that his marriage was falling apart, that he didn't want to hide any more.
He wanted to do the right thing, settle things with his wife fairly and reasonably, and then build a life with her.

That was before the shit hit the fan.

He knew Georgie would be upset, he knew this would be hard for her to hear. But he also knew she loved him. He could feel her love even when he was away from her. It was such a pure, trusting, generous love, rarely asking for anything in return. She didn't deserve to be hurt like this. He had never meant to hurt her. If he told her that, if he told her he'd been miserable in his marriage, that when he met her she was like a brilliant light and he was like a moth . . . Oh fuck! That was pathetic. She'd laugh at him. But he didn't know how else to describe it. Georgie was all sweetness and light and warmth, she never made demands, she didn't expect anything of him. He didn't have to do anything special, or be anything special, she just loved him.

But he knew it was wrong. He knew sleeping with another woman was wrong; no matter how many excuses he came up with, it was wrong. So he didn't sleep with her, though he could barely keep his hands off her, though thoughts of her filled his every waking moment, still he restrained himself. If they didn't actually sleep together, he wasn't actually cheating. That's what he had convinced himself. He'd also convinced himself that he wasn't in love with her. They had a close bond, they were good for each other, he cared deeply for her, which was different to loving her. He could keep it under control. It wouldn't go any further.

But then it did, and all his resolve went out the window. He couldn't recall ever feeling like this. He adored her. No actually, that was not quite true. It was Anna he'd always adored, revered, put on a pedestal. She was the perfect accompaniment to the life he had mapped out for himself. But he hadn't realised till now that he had never been on fire for Anna. He hadn't even realised you could feel this way. He loved Georgie passionately, she pulsed through his veins, she brought him to life, and now he couldn't imagine a life without her.

Mac's heart was pounding hard and his mouth was dry. He was having trouble catching his breath. He pulled over to the side of the road and looked around. He was outside Georgie's block and he didn't even remember driving into her street. He gazed up towards her apartment. She loved him, he could do this. He opened the door and stepped out of the car.

Georgie opened the door wide a few moments after he knocked. It was so typical of her. Not for Georgie the peering through the keyhole, or from a gap in the door across a security chain. She trusted the world and everyone in it. Especially him. And so her face lit up seeing him standing there, her beautiful
eyes wide with surprise as she threw herself at him. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, relieved beyond belief to be holding her. He buried his head into her neck, feeling her skin, the way she smelled like vanilla, or something sweet like that.

‘Liam, where have you been? What's going on? Are you all right?'

She pulled back to look at his face. She was not demanding, not angry, her eyes were only full of love and concern. She touched his cheek and he covered her hand with his, holding it there.

‘Come inside,' she said, drawing him forward. She reached behind him to push the door closed.

‘I'm sorry,' he said, finding his voice.

‘It's okay, I've just been worried.' She was watching him closely, her brow all creased. ‘You look terrible, Liam, please tell me you're okay.'

Her voice was like silk, draping around him. He felt an ache in his stomach, rising up into his chest. His throat was tight, he didn't know if he'd be able to speak. ‘I love you,' he croaked.

She held his face in her hands, her eyes brimming with tenderness. ‘Oh, Liam, I love you too, so much.' And then she brought her mouth to his, and he was lost. Her lips were so warm and soft. He felt her arms curl around him, her body mould into his, so he didn't know where he ended and she began. They could make love now, put this whole ugly mess off for another day. He'd lie against her beautiful velvety skin and she would wrap herself around him. They could stay that way all night. It might be his last chance for a while . . .

‘Liam,' she breathed, pressing her forehead against his. ‘What happened? What's wrong?'

He sensed the faintest quiver in her voice. She was uneasy, he could tell. He had to face it. She loved him. She'd understand.

He took a deep breath, stood up straight and took hold of both her hands. ‘Let's sit down.'

Georgie sat sideways on the sofa with her legs folded underneath her, watching him expectantly. He was about to sit beside her, but his mouth went dry again. ‘Let me just get a glass of water.' He ducked around into the kitchen, poured a large glass of water and drank half of it. He brought it back with him and sat down heavily on the sofa. He looked at Georgie. Her expression was full of fear.

‘Liam, if you're sick, just tell me. Whatever it is we'll get through it,' she blurted, clutching his hand.

‘No, honey,' he reassured her. ‘I'm not sick.'

‘You promise?' she frowned. ‘You can tell me, I can take it.'

‘I know.' His heart was heavy with what he had to tell her, and all she was worried about was if he was all right. He kissed her hand. ‘I'm fine, I'm healthy, it's nothing like that. Okay?'

She nodded uncertainly.

He took a deep breath. ‘Georgie, you know I've said before there are things you don't know about me?'

She nodded again. He could see her chest heaving.

‘The thing is, Georgie, there's no other way to say this. I just have to tell you. But first I want to make sure you know how much I love you. I've
never felt this way before, never loved anyone the way I love you. Do you believe me?'

‘Yes,' she replied, her voice faint, her eyes fixed on him, unblinking.

He had to say it, he had to get it out. ‘Georgie,' he swallowed. ‘The thing is . . . I'm married.'

She just stared at him, frowning, as if she didn't understand.

‘Georgie?'

‘You're not married,' she said, shaking her head.

‘I am, Georgie, but–'

‘Are you separated?'

‘Not yet . . .'

Georgie looked genuinely confused. ‘You're not married,' she insisted.

‘Honey–'

‘That first day we met, I asked you if you were married and you told me you weren't.'

‘No, sweetheart, I never actually said I wasn't married.'

‘You did, I remember.'

‘Georgie, listen to me, you had some theory about white shirts and married men. I told you my shirt was new, which was the truth.'

Georgie started to breathe in short, sharp bursts. She was shaking her head in disbelief. ‘You're not married,' she whimpered.

‘Honey–'

‘Don't call me honey!' she blurted, jumping off the sofa. She held her head with her hands, turning away from him.

He stood up. ‘Georgie, are you okay?'

‘Get out.'

‘I know this is a shock–'

‘Get out!' she cried. ‘Georgie,' he said calmly, coming around in front of her and taking hold of her arms. But she hit him away.

‘Don't touch me!' Her voice was shrill. It wasn't like Georgie's voice at all. ‘I said get out!'

‘Georgie,' he said firmly, ‘we have to talk about this.'

‘No we don't!' she shrieked. ‘I don't have to talk to you. I'll never be able to believe another word you say to me.'

‘Yes you can, I promise I won't lie to you.'

‘Ha! It's all been a lie. You've lied to me about everything–'

‘No I haven't. I've been very careful to avoid lying to you, as much as I could–'

‘What?'

‘I have tried not to lie to you, wherever possible.'

‘What the fuck are you talking about?' she retorted.

He just stared at her.

‘You have lied to me every second of every minute of every hour we have been together. This whole thing has been a lie. Don't you get that?' Georgie paused, breathing heavily. ‘You think because you play around with the words you use, that means you're not lying? Fuck, you're such a lawyer. You wouldn't know the truth if it came up and bit you on the arse.'

‘I know I love you.'

‘Don't!' she snapped, holding her hand up to stop him.

‘Georgie, I wanted to tell you, I did, I went to tell you a few times, I just didn't know how. It all got out of hand. I didn't expect to fall in love with you, I've never felt like this before–'

‘
Stop it!
'

He took a breath. ‘I was going to tell you everything this weekend, no matter what.'

‘Get out!' She pushed past him and charged at the front door, reefing it open. ‘
Get out!
'

He walked over and took hold of the door to close it again. She resisted, but he was stronger. ‘Georgie, calm down.'

‘Don't tell me to calm down!' She dropped her head into her hands and sank down onto the floor, sobbing. He knelt in front of her, placing his hand gently on her shoulder. She pushed it off.

‘Don't touch me, Liam!' she said grimly, not looking at him. ‘How many times do I have to say it?'

‘Okay, I won't touch you. But please listen to me, Georgie. Let me explain–'

‘There is nothing to explain,' she said, hugging herself and shaking her head. ‘You're married. There's nothing more to explain.'

‘Georgie,' he sighed. ‘I never meant for this to happen, I never meant to hurt you, or anyone.'

She just stared down at the carpet, still hugging herself. She was rocking slightly, back and forward.

‘Georgie?' he said gently. ‘You have to understand, things were . . . well, things haven't been right between my wife and me for a long time.'

‘Did she know?' Georgie snapped.

‘Know what? About you and me?'

‘Did she know things weren't “right”?'

He frowned. ‘I'm not sure what you're getting at . . .'

Georgie lifted her head, but she didn't make eye contact. He could see the pain in her eyes; her lashes were all wet, stuck together, her cheeks tear-stained. He wanted to hold her so badly.

‘Did she know your marriage was in trouble? Was she unhappy too? Was she looking for a way out?'

He didn't know what to say. ‘I don't know . . .'

Georgie groaned. ‘Let me put it another way. When did you decide your marriage was in so much trouble? Before or after you met me?'

This was some kind of a test and he didn't know the right answer. He could only tell the truth. It was all that was left now.

‘I'd been unhappy for a while, we had some . . . issues. I hadn't thought about leaving her, not really. Not until I met you.'

‘Oh shit!' Georgie cried. She covered her face with one hand, while clutching her stomach with the other as she doubled over.

‘Georgie, what's the matter? What's wrong, are you okay?'

‘No!' she sobbed. ‘How could you do this? How could you make me this person?'

‘What, honey . . . Georgie, what person? What do you mean?'

‘The other woman.'

‘What?'

She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and took a deep breath, but she kept her head bowed. ‘You made me into the other woman. And I'll never forgive you for that, Liam. Never.'

He felt sick. He could hear the resolve in her voice, as though she was making a vow.

‘Georgie, I know I've done the wrong thing. But I'm trying to fix that now. I want to fix it, I want to do what's right.'

‘Then leave.'

‘I am going to leave her.'

‘No!' Georgie exclaimed. ‘You can't leave her, you mustn't leave her. If you want to do the right thing then you have to go back to your wife and never see me again.'

‘No . . . I can't do that.'

‘Well you're not going to have a choice.'

‘What do you mean?'

‘I never want to see you again.'

‘Georgie, don't do this.'

She lifted her head and looked directly into his eyes. She was disgusted with him, he could see it plainly.

‘Get out of my home, get out of my life. Don't come near me ever again.'

‘Georgie . . .' His chest was aching. He wanted to touch her, to hold her, comfort her. To tell her they would get through this, he'd make it right, she had to trust him. But she was looking at him as though she hated him, and he couldn't stand it. He hadn't realised how incensed she would be. He thought that
once he explained he intended to leave Anna, that he was choosing her, she would be okay. Yes, it would be a shock, and he expected some anger. But Georgie loved him, she would forgive him, ultimately she'd want to be with him.

Again she dropped her head, hugging herself, rocking. He didn't want to leave her but they were getting nowhere. Perhaps if he gave her some time to process it, get over the shock. It was probably best if he got out of her way now, stopped fuelling the hatred she seemed to have developed out of nowhere. It would be impossible for her to hate him forever. He knew Georgie, she didn't have the capacity to hate.

‘I'll go now,' he said gently. ‘I don't want to upset you any more tonight. If you want to call me, it doesn't matter what time it is, even if you just want to yell at me . . .' He waited for some kind of response but she didn't move, her head was bowed, her hair shielded her face.

‘So, if I don't hear from you, I'll phone you tomorrow, and we'll work out where we go from here.' End on a positive. That was a strategy he'd learned in business. Talk as though the deal was done and only a few minor details had to be ironed out. Failure was not an option.

But he badly wanted to hold her. He loved her, he hated seeing her so distraught. And knowing he'd been the cause of it . . . He reached his hand out cautiously to brush her hair from her face. But she flinched, jerking away from him. He sighed. ‘Okay, I'll go. I'll talk to you tomorrow.'

He stood up wearily and stepped back to the door, looking down at her. She still hadn't moved. He watched her for a while, but it was no use. He opened the door and slipped out, closing it quietly behind him.