Allison's Journey (32 page)

“I–I’m so sorry.” Allison’s throat clogged with tears. Through all the years Aunt Catherine had lived with them, she’d never thought about how things must have been for her aunt when she was a child. Allison knew Aunt Catherine had grown up with seven brothers and no sisters, but she didn’t have any idea the poor woman had been denied the pleasure of owning a doll. All this time, Allison had focused only on how mean Aunt Catherine was and how she’d never felt that the woman cared for her. Maybe if she’d shown love first, it would have been given in return.

“Wh–what’s this?” Aunt Catherine asked, touching the slip of paper pinned to the back of the doll’s skirt.

“A verse of scripture,” Allison replied. “It’s one Aunt Mary
quoted to me one day, and then I asked Jesus to forgive my sins. Would you like me to read it to you?”

Aunt Catherine’s expression turned stony, and Allison feared she might throw the doll aside or yell at Allison to get out of the room. Instead, her aunt began to cry. First it came out in a soft whine, but then it turned to convulsing sobs. “I’ve sinned many times over the years.” She drew in a raspy breath. “When I learned I had cancer, I wanted to die quickly, but now that my time’s getting close, I’m afraid because I. . .I don’t know where my soul will go. Oh, Allison, I’m so scared. I don’t think I’ll make it to heaven.”

Aunt Catherine’s confession was almost Allison’s undoing. She took a seat on the edge of the bed and reached for her aunt’s hand. “You can go to heaven, Aunt Catherine. The Bible says we have all sinned and come short of the glory of God. But He provided a way for us to get to heaven, through the blood of His Son, Jesus.” She paused to gauge her aunt’s reaction. Aunt Catherine lay staring vacantly like she had when Allison first came into the room.

“I used to feel faceless before God,” Allison went on to say. “I know now that I’m not faceless. The Bible tells us in Jeremiah 29:13: ‘And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.’ ” She smiled. “I had been searching for Jesus for some time, but it wasn’t until I accepted Him as my personal Savior that I felt a sense of peace and purpose for my life. I have every confidence that if I were to die today, my soul would enter into the place where my heavenly Father lives.”

“Heaven,” Aunt Catherine murmured, as if she were being drawn back into the conversation.

Allison nodded. “Romans 10:9 says, ‘That if thou shalt
confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.’ Aunt Catherine, would you like me to pray with you, so you can confess your sins and tell the Lord you believe in Him as your Savior?”

“Jah, I would.”

Aunt Catherine closed her eyes, and Allison did the same. Allison prayed the same prayer Aunt Mary had prayed with her and that Allison had prayed with James. Aunt Catherine repeated each word. When the prayer ended, a look of peace flooded the woman’s face. Allison knew that no matter when the Lord chose to take Aunt Catherine home, she would go to heaven and spend eternity with Him.

A
s Allison headed down the driveway toward their mailbox in early December, she let her tears flow unchecked. Yesterday had been Aunt Catherine’s funeral. Despite any negative feelings Allison had harbored toward her aunt in the past, she would miss her. Aunt Catherine had been given the chance to make peace with God, and for that Allison felt grateful.

Allison thought about Aunt Catherine’s final days on earth and the request she’d made one week before her death.
“Peanut brittle. Let me taste some peanut brittle,”
she’d said.

Even though her aunt had been too weak to chew the hard candy, Allison had honored the appeal. Using the recipe she’d found tucked inside Aunt Catherine’s cookbook, Allison had made a batch of peanut brittle.

She could still see the contented expression on her aunt’s
face when she’d placed a small piece of it between her lips.
“Umm. . .good.”

Allison knew from that day on, whenever she ate peanut brittle, she would think of Aunt Catherine and the precious moments they had spent together over the last few months.

Allison glanced at the letter in her hand. She had planned to wait until after Christmas to write Aaron and tell him she would be staying in Pennsylvania. But why prolong things? Wouldn’t it be better if she made a clean break so Aaron could move on with his life? Now that Aunt Catherine was gone, Papa needed Allison more than ever. As much as it hurt to tell Aaron goodbye, she knew it would be best if he found someone else.

Allison opened the mailbox flap, placed the letter inside, and lifted the red flag. With tears blurring her vision, she turned toward the house.
This is for the best—jah, it truly is
.

Aaron’s hands trembled as he read the letter he had just received from Allison. She wasn’t coming back to Webster County. Her aunt had died, and her father needed someone to cook and clean for him.

“Doesn’t Allison know I need her, too?” he mumbled. “I don’t want to court anyone else. It’s her I love.”

Aaron thought about the doll Allison’s mother had made and how he’d discovered his sister had taken it. He had planned to send the doll to Allison for Christmas, but he wondered if it would be best to put it in the mail now and be done with it.

As the reality of never seeing Allison set in, he sank to the stool behind his workbench and groaned. “It isn’t fair.”

“What’s wrong, son? You look like you’ve lost your best friend,” Paul said, moving across the room to stand beside Aaron.

“I have lost a friend.” Aaron handed the letter to his stepfather. “Allison’s not coming back to Missouri. Her aunt passed away, and she says her daed needs her there.”

“I’m sorry about her aunt—and sorry Allison won’t be returning to Webster County.” Paul placed his hand on Aaron’s shoulder. “You care for her a lot, don’t you, son?”

Aaron nodded. There was no use denying it, but there wasn’t much point in talking about it, either.

“From what I could tell when Allison was visiting for the summer, she seems a lot like your mamm,” Paul said.

“She’s the kind of woman I’ve always wanted but never thought I would find.” Aaron grunted. “I wish now that I’d never met her.”

Paul pulled another stool over beside Aaron and took a seat. “This isn’t an impossible situation, you know.”

“As far as I can tell, it is.”

Paul shook his head. “Have you forgotten that I used to live in Lancaster County?”

“No, I haven’t forgotten. I remember when you first came here for your brother’s funeral and decided to stay so you could help Mom in the harness shop.”

“That’s right. I thought I would only be here a few months—just until your mamm got her strength back after Davey was born. Then I figured I’d be on my way back to Pennsylvania, where I worked at my cousin’s harness shop.”

“But you ended up staying and marrying Mom.”

Paul nodded. “That’s right. I loved your mamm so much—and would have done just about anything to marry her.” He
squeezed Aaron’s shoulder. “There is a way for you and Allison to be together.”

“What way’s that?”

“I could see if my cousin would be willing to hire you at his harness shop, and then you could move to Pennsylvania to be near Allison.”

Aaron’s mouth dropped open. He’d thought about moving to Pennsylvania once—when he believed Joseph might want to take over the harness shop. “I couldn’t leave you in the lurch,” he mumbled. “Mom’s not able to help out here anymore, and there’s too much work for one man. Besides, this shop is supposed to be mine someday. That’s the way my real daed wanted it, you know.”

“I realize that, Aaron, but what about what you want?”

“What do you mean?”

“Is owning this harness shop more important to you than being with Allison?”

Aaron didn’t have to think about that very long. He loved Allison so much it hurt. “Well, no, but I still wouldn’t feel right about leaving you to run the place all alone.”

Paul pursed his lips, as though deep in thought. “Guess I could see if Zachary might want to work here—although he’s never really shown much interest in the harness shop, and I’d have to train him.”

Aaron thought about Joseph and how he had asked about working in the harness shop but suddenly changed his mind. Just last week Joseph had found a new job working at the local buggy shop. He liked it there and really seemed to have found his niche. Aaron figured it was just a matter of time before Katie received her parents’ blessing to marry Joseph.

“What about asking Davey to work here?” Aaron suggested. “Do you think he might want to be your apprentice?”

Paul pulled his fingers through the ends of his beard and pressed his lips together. “Between Zachary and Davey, I’m sure one of them would be willing to take your place so you can be with the woman you love.”

Aaron blew out his breath. “You really think it could work?”

“Don’t see why not.” Paul patted Aaron on the back. “When love’s involved, there’s got to be a way.”

Aaron rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Guess I’ll have to give this matter some serious consideration.”

“It wouldn’t hurt to pray about it, too.”

Aaron nodded. “I’ll definitely be praying.”

Paul started to walk away, but Aaron called out to him, “Can I ask you a question?”

Paul turned around. “Sure, Aaron.”

Aaron rubbed the bridge of his nose as he contemplated the best way to say what was on his mind. “I’ve. . .uh. . .been thinking about the way I’ve been calling you
Paul
for a while, and I’d like to go back to calling you
Papa
again, if you don’t mind.”

Paul’s face broke into a wide smile. “I don’t mind at all.”

“I’m glad to hear it, because I’ve come to realize that even though you’re not my real daed, you love me and my
brieder
just like our real daed would.”

Paul clasped Aaron’s shoulder and gave him a hug. “You and your brothers are like real sons to me.”

F
or the next several weeks, Allison forced herself to act cheerful in front of Papa and Peter. Last week Sally had come for a visit and told her that she and Peter planned to be married soon. Allison was happy about that. Even so, whenever she was alone in the house, she allowed her grief to surface. With Peter soon to be married, Papa would be lonely and would need Allison more than ever. There was no way she would be able to return to Missouri; she needed to accept that fact.

But oh, how she missed Aaron and her family in Webster County. She missed making faceless dolls and spending time with Melinda and Katie. She even missed her cooking lessons and housekeeping chores. Of course, she had cooking and cleaning to do here, but it wasn’t nearly as much fun as it had been under Aunt Mary’s tutelage.

Allison stirred the pot of stew sitting on the back burner of
the stove and sighed. If only she could forget about Aaron. Truth was she wished they’d never met, because it was too painful to find love and then lose it.

The back door slammed shut and she jumped.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to frighten you,” Papa said, brushing the snow off his woolen jacket.

“I didn’t think you’d be in so soon. Supper won’t be ready for another half hour or so.”

“That’s okay. I’m not all that hungry yet.” He ambled over to the sink and turned on the faucet.

“Where’s Peter?” Allison asked.

“He went over to Sally’s house for supper.”

“So it’s just the two of us?”

“Jah.”

When Papa finished washing up, he pulled out a chair at the kitchen table. “Why don’t you turn down the burner and come have a seat? I have a couple of things I’ve been meaning to give you.” He motioned to the chair across from him.

Allison seated herself, curious as to what he had for her.

Papa reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out two envelopes. “This one is from your aunt Catherine.”

Allison squinted at the envelope. “But how—”

“She gave it to me before she died—while she was still able to stay focused enough to talk, she told our bishop’s wife what she wanted her to write.” He handed Allison the envelope. “She said she wanted you to know a few things, but not until after she was gone.”

“What things?”

“Why don’t you open the letter and find out?”

Allison opened the envelope and read the letter out loud:

“Dear Allison
,

      
It’s never been easy for me to admit when I’m wrong, but there’s something I need to confess. Remember when John Miller used to come around, wanting to spend time with you? Then just when you showed an interest in him, he quit coming around. That was my fault, Allison. I sent John away.”

Allison looked over at Papa. “Why would Aunt Catherine have sent John away?”

“Because she was jealous.”

“Jealous? Of me having a boyfriend?”

He nodded. “I think you’d better read on.”

Allison focused her gaze on her aunt’s letter again:

      “I was jealous because someone was interested in you, which meant you had the possibility of marriage. I, on the other hand, was destined to be an old maid the minute my parents were killed in a horrible fire that destroyed our home and left me and my four younger brothers as orphans. I was the oldest and felt it was my duty to care for them
.