Allegiant (21 page)

My eyes open wide.
“
She
sent
it?”

“
When she asked me about
the bill, I explained that you were Matt’s friend and we had worked
together. I told her we had grown close. When Matt told me how you
found out about Teagan, I confronted her.”

“
Maybe you should get your
locks changed,” I joke.

“
I need to,” he sighs.
“Just last week I found her there in my bed.”

I swallow. I don’t know why I even want to
ask this question, but I ask it anyway. “Have you two…?”

He looks me straight in the eye. “Do you
want the truth?”

No, not really. “Yes.”

He leans forward and searches my face. “When
she first came back, we…I…tried. You had said you didn’t want me,
but…” he hesitates. “But I couldn’t go through with it.”

“
Why?” I
whisper.

“
Because all I could think
about was you.”

My heart stops. I shake my head to clear it
and give him a stern look. “Stop that.”

“
Stop what?”

I put my feet down and lean forward. “Saying
things like that! Looking at me like that!”

He tilts his head and smiles. “It’s hard not
to. You are an odd shade of green.”

“
That’s not what I meant!”
I push against his shoulder in frustration. My action backfires
because he grabs my wrist and pulls me forward, so I’m half leaning
over the console.

“
I know what you meant,” he
says, his face inches from mine. “I’m not going to lie to you ever
again. You asked for the truth, and I gave it to you.”

I try to pull my arm away, but it doesn’t
work. “Will you stop manhandling me?”

He raises his eyebrows. “I think you want me
to manhandle you.”

My mouth falls open. “Arrogant much?”

Dane stares into my eyes. “When will you
admit that you have feelings for me? I know that you do.”

I try to remain impassive. “Even if I did I
couldn’t act on them.”

“
So you admit it
then?”

Shoot! I blush and try to back track.
“Nothing has changed. I still love James.”

“
That doesn’t mean you
can’t love me, too.”

Has he been talking to Garrett? “Dane…”

His face softens. “Em, you’ve told me
before.”

I stare at him, confused. “What are you
talking about? I never said…”

“
After you were attacked.”
He moves his free hand to cradle my face. “When I was calling for
help you said I love you.”

I stare at him wide-eyed as my heart begins
to pound. I did say that. But I was talking to James! Dane and I
remain face to face, and I’m frozen. I can’t tell him I was talking
to my dead boyfriend!

He leans closer, his voice dropping an
octave. “I’m dying here. Would you please just kiss me?”

My pulse is racing; his lips are centimeters
from mine. Am I actually considering this? “I…”

“
Don’t tell me you
can’t.”

I turn my head to buy some time – and see
James sitting in the back seat of the car.

“
Holy shit!” I yell and
scramble backwards, yanking my hand from Dane’s grasp.

“
What? What is it?” Dane
looks panicked.

I shift my eyes to the back seat and James
gives me a condescending stare. “Go ahead,” he challenges me. “You
know you want to.”

What? He’s going to choose
to appear
now
?
He’s never done this before!

“
Is everything okay?” Dane
asks, worried.

I close my eyes as my mind scrambles. “I
thought…maybe we should…” I open my eyes and let out a muted
squeak. Meg has taken a seat next to James, her hand on top of
his.

James focuses on me, clearly agitated. “So?”
he asks. “Are you going to kiss him or not?”

Does he expect me to answer that?

Meg gives me a sympathetic smile and then
she pats James’ hand, pulling his attention away from me. James
meets Meg’s eyes and nods. He gives me one last look as they fade
away together.

Anger builds inside my chest. How dare
he!

“
Emma? Seriously, you’re
freaking me out,” Dane says.

His voice snaps me back to attention, and I
focus on his face. “I’m sorry.” I move my body away from the door.
“I don’t know what happened.”

“
Are you sure? You look
angry.”

I am angry. James knows how hard it is for
me to maintain my composure when I hear him, let alone see him. He
just made me look like a complete ass in front of Dane! My mind
turns to Meg, and my jaw tenses. He thinks my being here with Dane
is bad? Obviously he gets to hang out with whomever he wants,
involve them in my personal business. Where are my choices? I look
at Dane and reach for his jacket with my right hand. “Come
here.”

He looks confused but leans forward just the
same. I grab a hold of him near his collar and pull him to me as
best I can. My face hovers inches from his. “If I kiss you now it’s
only to prove a point.”

“
Prove what
point?”

“
That I have choices. That
I am in control.”

“
Okay.” He smiles like he
knows I’m lying. “Whatever you say.”

“
You’re that desperate to
kiss me?” I ask.

“
I’m always desperate to
kiss you.”

That does it. I catch his mouth with mine as
I clutch his jacket, with both hands now, pulling him to me. His
hands travel up my arms and one settles against my neck, cradling
my face. His touch is hot against my skin, just like in my dream,
and I allow myself to let go for once. I let him pull me closer;
allow him to consume my mouth. Shivers travel up my spine as
everything inside me starts to warm and soften, sending warning
bells ringing in my head. It’s time to stop this before it gets out
of hand.

I pull away and he tries to follow me by
resting his forehead against mine. “Okay,” I say, trying to catch
my breath. “My point’s been made.”

“
To who?” he asks. “I
didn’t get it.” He tries to catch my mouth with his
again.

“
No.” I release his clothes
and straighten myself in my seat. “Don’t get the wrong idea. My
choice. I’m in control. We can start to be friends again. That’s
it.”

“
Confused much?” he asks,
mimicking my earlier comment.

I shoot him a sarcastic look. “Yes,
actually.” First I’m mad and now I’m kissing him? I pause. “I’m not
kissing you anymore.”

“
Maybe not tonight.” His
expression is smug as he leans back. “But there’s plenty more where
that came from.”

“
Says who?”

“
Says you.”

I slump down in my seat. What have I
started?

My inner voice, the MC, speaks up again,
letting me know Anxiety won round two of my mental boxing match and
is gearing up for round three. Who is the next opponent? Looks like
my good friend, Doubt.

The next day, I end up staying at my parents
longer than I had originally planned. My brother and his girlfriend
came over for dinner, which convinced me to spend a few more hours
at home. It feels good to spend time with my family and away from
Guardian issues. Not that James couldn’t visit me anywhere at any
time, but I have the feeling he’s saving our next conversation for
a more private location. And that’s fine with me. I plan to use the
long drive back to school to formulate my thoughts into coherent
sentences. Every time I think about what I want to say to him, I
talk myself in circles.

After hugging my mom and dad goodbye, I head
out to my car balancing my keys, my backpack, and a leftover dish
full of pot roast and vegetables. I sigh. I won’t make it back to
my apartment until after ten now. If I weren’t so close to
graduation, I would seriously consider transferring to a school
closer to home. I toss my backpack into the passenger seat and then
crawl in myself, arranging the leftover dish so it will stay in
place. I pull my phone out of my pocket to connect it to the radio
for the drive and start the car. I grip the steering wheel and
pause, staring out the windshield at my childhood home. I really
wish I could stay here.

My cell chimes and I glance
down.
I didn’t lose your
number.

I roll my eyes. Here we
go.
Obviously.

Where are you?
Dane asks.

On my way back.
I don’t think it’s a good idea to let him know I’m
still in town.

Stop texting. Let me know when you get
there.

Ok.

I said stop texting!

I laugh. Little does he know I’m parked in
my parent’s driveway. I remember our sarcastic banter from the
summer, and I try to think of something witty to send back. I come
up with nothing. I put the phone down, put the car in drive, and
make it to the road. My cell sounds again.

Think about when I can visit.

I swallow. Yeah, I’m not sure if that’s a
good idea.

After apologizing to Garrett for waking him
to get my key, I let myself into my apartment. I’m grateful to be
that much closer to bed and snuggling with LB. I flip the light
switch by the door and sweep the room, expecting to find her
waiting for me. Instead, what I see almost causes me to drop my
leftovers.

James is leaning against the arm of the
couch and Meg is standing directly in front of him, too close for
my liking, but apparently not for his. James meets my eyes and
quickly stands as Meg takes an automatic step back. I narrow my
eyes at them as anger surges through my veins. “What do you think
this is? A motel?”

James gives me a condescending look as Meg
takes the hint and evaporates immediately. I march into the room
and throw my backpack on the floor, then turn and head to the
kitchen with the leftovers. I’m afraid if I hold on to them I might
throw them. I yank open the refrigerator, toss the container in,
and slam the door. Since I can’t physically hurt James I might as
well take it out on the appliances.

When I return to face him, I stop just a few
feet over the threshold from the kitchen and cross my arms. He
plants his feet and does the same. We stare at each other.

Three thumps on my wall interrupt the
silence. I take a few steps back, never losing eye contact with
James, and hit the wall to answer Garrett’s good night. When I
return to my previous spot, he finally speaks.

“
You two have some secret
code now?” James asks bitterly.

“
Yes,” my voice drips with
sarcasm. “That was the ‘Hey-Garrett-James-is-with-Meg-again’
signal.”

He tilts his head. “Funny. What’s the code
for
‘I’m-going-home-to-make-out-with-Dane-can-you-watch-my-cat’?”

I step forward. “That’s not what
happened.”

“
Isn’t it?” He pauses. “It
sure looked like a rendezvous to me.” Using his fingers, he ticks
off the details. “Parked car. Middle of the night. Secluded spot.
Am I forgetting anything? Oh, yes,” he looks at me accusingly,
“your lips on his.”

Blood starts to pound in my ears. “Are you
going to let me explain? Or would you rather assume you know
everything?”

His raises his eyebrows and gestures for me
to go ahead.

“
I didn’t plan on running
into Dane yesterday; I didn’t know he would be at the
party.”

James feigns confusion. “So you ended up
connected at the mouth how?”

I inhale, trying to maintain my composure.
“He wanted to talk, to apologize. To explain the whole engagement
fiasco.”

“
That still doesn’t answer
my question.”

“
Did you miss the part
where I told him I was still in love with you? I wasn’t going to
kiss him! If you had waited to appear for, like, two seconds, you
would have seen that!”

James shakes his head. “I don’t believe
you.”

“
It’s the truth,” I say
adamantly.

“
Really?” He looks me dead
in the eye. “I saw what happened after Meg and I left. I heard you
choose – and I saw what you did.”

The mention of Meg’s name irritates me to no
end. “Good! That’s what I wanted!”

He looks confused for a
moment and then rearranges his face. I walk up to him and stop
inches from his chest. “The only reason I kissed Dane was to prove
to you that
I’m
in
control – not him, not you, and certainly not your little
girlfriend!”

His face twists. “She’s not my
girlfriend!”

“
Is that so?” I press.
“She’s everywhere you are! Including in my personal
space!”

He looks at me skeptically. “So I’m not
allowed to have friends, is that it?”

“
Am I?”

“
It’s not the same!” James
says in frustration. He starts to pace and when he turns back to
me, his eyes are hard. “I’ve never kissed Meg.”

I look down to avoid his stare. I know how
much Dane gets under James’ skin. Kissing him was a childish
move.

“
Meg and I are working
together,” James says. “She understands me.”

My head snaps up. “And I don’t?”

“
You know that’s not what I
meant.” He walks toward me. “Meg and I, we want the same thing.” He
pauses and searches my face. “It’s what I thought you wanted,
too.”

How can he doubt that I would want him to be
human? “Of course I want that.”

“
Do you?” he asks. “Or have
you changed your mind?”