All Roads Lead Home (24 page)

“One thing you never have to worry about me is lying to you. I don’t lie, and especially not when it comes to my feelings for you. As for my father, he tends to talk too much. Don’t take to heart what he said. It’s
my
heart that matters.”

“Jagger, that’s just it. His opinion does matter, as well as it should. He’s just looking out for his son, the son that I hurt. Of course, he would be cautious when it came to me. They don’t want you to ever go through that pain again.”

“Tenley, I’m a grown ass man, and it’s not like I threw myself over a cliff when you left. No! That was Shane’s job, and he nearly succeeded in killing me.”

“Okay, Jagger, maybe we need some air.”

He held me close to him as I tried to move, but there was no way I was going anywhere.

“Hell no! I don’t need space and neither do you. What you need to do is get out of your fucking head space and listen to me. Yes, I’m angry with Shane for my accident. Yes, I still doubt his sincerity. Can you really blame me Tenley? He’s been harboring feelings for you for years, and it screams borderline obsessiveness to crazed infatuation. I don’t believe he loved you in a way he thought he did. Once we were together, he convinced himself that I took something from him, but he’s wrong. You were always mine, baby, and he has had to live with that truth all of these years. Shane is not between us, not anymore. I swear to you, Tenley, on my life. I am telling you the truth. Shane does not matter to us. If I could go back to that day when you showed me your letter, I swear I would do things differently. I know we can’t go back to change our past, but hell woman! We can change our future. We can only move forward if that’s what you truly want. I’m ready for all of it. Almost dying has a way of putting things in perspective. My eyes are wide open, and all they see is you.”

“Jagger, go back to that day and remember what you said to me. You said your life is here. Here in Wyoming. Here on your ranch. The ranch is your world. I can’t and will not ask you to give that up to live in my world. I may be a self-absorbed bitch, but I’m not that selfish to allow you to give up on what makes you the happiest.”

I took him off guard and tried to move, but he was too quick and grabbed my arms.

“Don’t run, not now. Look at me, dammit, and see what is right in front of you. I love you. You are not a bitch. That was my anger talking for me that day, not my heart.”

I softened a bit with his words and let some of the tension go.

“Ha! You say that now, but you haven’t seen me in action in a courtroom.”

“I have, you know, Tiger Lady.”

No way! How did Jagger know that nickname? Only my New York colleagues reference me by that name, and it was when I was working on Tommy’s case. That’s when I had to prove myself the most to my firm and show them I was worth the salt of being a partner. I looked into Jagger’s eyes with curiosity as his eyes looked back at me with love and adoration.

“When? How did I not know or see you there?”

“After the car explosion. I needed to know that you were safe. You should have seen yourself, Tenley. The way you commanded the room on that day, all eyes were on you, especially mine. I was in awe of your incredible ability to shock the court members, even the judge was wiping his brow when you finished with your cross-examination. I had never been so proud of you. Our Tumbleweed was kicking ass. You wouldn’t believe what was going through my mind watching you. It took all my control not to charge you like a bull and throw you over my shoulder. I fantasized so many times showing up in your fancy office and fucking you ten different ways over your desk.”

“Jagger! Oh my God! Where is the sweet cowboy I used to know?” My skin was flushed listening to his dirty mouth.
Who was I fooling? I loved and missed it.

“He’s still here baby, believe me, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t know a few rope tricks that he could use on you.” He winked at me.

“As much as I wanted to make my presence known to you, I knew I needed more time. Time to say the right things and show you how much I love and wanted you.”

“You took a hell of a gamble. What if after all the time and distance between us, I would have moved forward and built a life with someone else? What then, Jagger? Where would that have left you…discovering the woman you have waited five years for was no longer available?”

“Like you said, gamble. I didn’t know, but you are worth the risk of finding out. So tell me Tenley? Is there someone else? Because maybe you should give me his number so I could call him. He has no fucking chance at ever winning your heart and making you his. That’s my job. A job I take very seriously.”

I paused at his question and thought of Tommy. I could have a future with Tommy if that’s what I really wanted, but he’s not in my heart and not in the same way as Jagger.

“Well? Is there someone?” he asked again. I took in a few calming breaths to slow down my racing pulse before I would answer him. My mind was spinning, and my answer was right there on the tip of my tongue. All I needed to do was say the words.

Then I heard
him
…I heard Jamie inside of my head, encouraging me to take that leap of faith I so wanted to do with Jagger.

Are you happy? If not, then I’m disappointed. Moving forward meant to live your life to the fullest. Do what I can’t anymore. You are receiving this letter today on the anniversary of my death for one reason and one reason only: You chose wrong.

Stop hiding.

Stop running.

Come home.

I love you, Tumbleweed. I’ll be watching from heaven to see if you took my advice.

Okay, Jamie, I hear you.
Once again I’m going to throw caution to the wind and make a choice. A choice that will not be reckless, or leave me regretting the minute the words pass my lips. For the first time in my life, I will be making a choice that is led from the deepest part of my heart. A heart that has been locked up for so long now, I was afraid to let myself feel anything good.

Jagger hasn’t stopped touching me as he waited for my answer. He didn’t look angry, or even nervous. His eyes were a little glassy. He was trying so hard to be strong and preparing himself for what I might say. With all of his changing expressions, I see one thing that is clear to me, I see hope in his eyes.

Five years ago he gave me an ultimatum, and I broke his heart by choosing me over the life he planned out for us. My heart was broken when I left him, his was too, but I never wavered and remained strong in my decision. I was good at putting up those protective walls, never allowing anyone to get past them. Losing Jamie, and then Jagger made it easy for me to keep everyone at a safe distance, little did I know I was never really that far away from them to begin with. Wendy, my parents, even Jagger had shown me that in the short time I’ve been home.

One more breath, as he placed one more kiss onto my skin. I looked directly into his beautiful eyes and gave him my answer. My choice….

“Yes, Jagger, there is someone.”

His softness turned to strength, as his embrace tightened, and I was caged in with no escape in sight.

“There is a man in my heart. A man who I have loved since I was a little girl. A man I gave my heart to when he asked for it. A man who I love very much, and never stopped loving even when there were thousands of miles between us. A man that I’m trusting to give my heart to now, and hope his love shows me the right road to take. That man is YOU. My answer is YES. I love you Jagger. My choice is…you.

FINALLY! SHE GAVE me her answer after slowly torturing me with what felt like a slow and painful death. I was prepared for all of it, the good and the bad. I know Tenley, and I knew she needed a second to breathe and process all we had just talked about. The minute she said her choice was me, I pulled her into me and crashed my mouth down onto hers.

Five years has been too long to be without her. I meant every word I said to her. I will never let her go again, and she will be a Parrish.

“I love you, Tenley, so fucking much.”

“I love you too. I still don’t even know how we got here. My mind has fast forwarded, and I’m having difficulty catching up.”

“Don’t worry about anything. You saying yes made everything fall into place as easily as a round peg into a round hole.”

“I thought we were a square?”

“Not anymore, baby. We are the perfect circle. It feels like that, you know. We’ve been through so much, and so much of it spent apart.”

My leg was working my last nerve. I wanted to rip the cast off myself. I shifted again and pulled her as close as I could where I could feel her heart against my own. “Tenley, I know you probably have a million thoughts running through your head right now, but please trust me? I promise your heart is safe with me, and I will never hurt you.”

“Jagger, that is one thing I know you will never do. It’s me that does the hurting.”

“Stop it. No more talking this way. I think we both played a hand in hurting each other. It’s about time you let that go. We are starting over, sweetheart.”

“Jagger, I want to believe that, I really do, but we have a mountain of issues to work out. And there’s my job, and my apartment, and…”

I cut her off and kissed her. I knew we needed to discuss everything she just said, but not right now. My sole purpose was just to hold her and do everything in my power to keep her from running.

“I love you, Tenley. Please believe me. We will work everything out, I promise.”

She said nothing, which was fine by me. We had plenty of time to talk, and just holding her right here was enough for me.

She fell asleep in my arms. I had almost forgotten how she felt. Those five years were hell on me. My father was right to call me out on my reckless and irresponsible behavior. I drank too much, I got into bar fights, and drove drunk more times than I could count. I never took in account that I could have gotten myself killed or kill some innocent driver because I was drinking away my sadness.

I hadn’t thought about this in a very long time until my father mentioned it to me. He said he was never so thankful than the day his son came back to him, and once again, I had light in my eyes. I never told my father why that was. It was the night I crashed my truck coming home from another night of drinking and making bad choices. I lied to my father when he asked what happened. I told him a deer ran out in front of me and I lost control of my truck, resulting in sideswiping the tree.

I walked away from that crash unharmed, but it was during the night when I had my awakening. When I was in my right frame of mind, Tenley would always be in my dreams. I could be doing anything on the ranch, and she would be there. I would be lost in the moments we spent together, and then at night the nightmares would come. I would see Shane making love to her, and she in return enjoying every bit of him. It made my stomach turn, sometimes it would wake me with such a jolt, I would run to the bathroom and get sick. The sight of my best friend and my girl destroyed me every time I allowed my mind to go back to that day.

The night I crashed my truck and was lucky enough to walk away unharmed was the night I saw Jamie. He was angry and disappointed with me. He told me that I was letting him down and hurting my family. He reminded me of the promise I made to him, but also showed me how unworthy I was for his sister if I continued on this path. He said, “What are you doing?!”

I heard it over and over again until I woke up soaked through to my sheets. I was so hung over from hours I spent drinking that night, and then the accident that followed. It took me a while to remember my dream, and then it hit me like a kick to the gut.

Jamie was right. His spirit broke through mine and made me open my eyes. My reckless behavior was hurting everyone around me, especially my father. I wasn’t the son that he raised. I was someone I didn’t recognize anymore, but that ended last night after I crashed. That was my rock bottom, and moving forward, I promised myself no more drinking. No more random hook-ups to fuck to ease my broken heart. I was done with all of it, and I was ready to fight for my girl. The news of Tenley being in danger nearly gave me a heart attack. I had to see for myself if she was okay. Clearly she was, and when I left New York a few hours later, my plan was set in motion. I would go back to Wyoming, redeem myself back into my father’s good graces and then prepare my future with Tenley in it.

It was a gamble, this I knew, but I had to try. Wendy was completely on board with it. She already had her own tasks to complete where Tenley was concerned, but she didn’t share it with me and just asked me to trust her. It was no different than me asking Tenley to do the same by me.

Now after surviving my accident, she was lying next to me in this bed with my arms tightly wrapped around her.
This is right, I know it is. I’m going to do everything in my power to make her smile and keep her with me.

I was about to fall asleep myself when Nurse Shirley barreled into my room.

“Okay, Mr. Brown Eyes! It’s time to take that cast off,” she said happily, but way too loud, which roused Tenley awake. I tried to quiet my over-friendly nurse, but it was too late. Tenley had awakened and now was sitting up and too far away from me.