All My Love, Detrick (27 page)

“Will there be another meeting?”

“Yes. This one will be private. I will give you directions.”

92

O
n the following Thursday after the sun had set, Karl made his way through the narrow streets and up four flights of stairs, where he entered a room filled with friendly conversation. As he looked around, he spotted Finkelstein talking to a group. Then he recognized the other man who had spoken the previous night, engaged in a heated conversation with a short young woman wearing a beret. He scanned the room but he did not see Ada. Disappointed, Karl considered leaving. He was in no mood to listen to discussions; he was far too tired. In just a few hours, it would be necessary for him to climb the wall and bring back what supplies he could get his hands on. He longed to steal a few hours’ sleep while the sun still shone, as tonight would surely be another exhausting ordeal. But, before he had the chance to slip quietly out the door, Yankle Finkelstein walked over to him.

“Hello, my friend, and welcome.
You know I never caught your name.”

“Karl Abdenstern.”

“Come on over here. I want you to meet someone very special.” Yankle put his arm around Karl’s shoulder and led him over to the other side of the room where a young, attractive man stood drinking a glass of water. “Mordechai, this is Karl.” Then Yankle turned to Karl explaining, “Mordechai is our leader.”

Mordechai reached out to shake Karl’s hand.

“Welcome, I’m glad you came.”

The door opened, and Karl felt his heart race as his eye caught a glimpse of the fiery hair. Ada had walked in.

“Ada, I have someone I would like for you to meet… This is Karl Abdenstern.”

“Hello, Karl. Welcome to our group.” Ada smiled.

“Thank you.”

“Mordichai, we should discuss securing weapons tonight. The Polish resistance has offered us some help.” Ada turned her attention to Mordichai.

“Do you trust them?” Yankle asked.

“I don’t know. But do we have a choice?” Ada waved a greeting to a woman on the other side of the room.

“That’s true. We don’t really have a choice. We need them,” Mordichai said.

Ada caught the look of raw desire in Karl’s eyes. His admiration
could not be concealed. Flattered at his open attention, Ada met his eyes with a deep stare. Then, smiling, she licked her lips and she winked. Ada’s brazen behavior embarrassed Karl, and he turned away. Never had he met a woman so bold. Even the married woman at the cobbler shop whom he’d had a crush on had not been so open. Now, turning back, he tried to catch Ada’s attention again, but she had changed directions. Somehow, she seemed to have completely forgotten him. Lost in a fevered conversation with Mordechai, she never so much as looked Karl’s way the rest of the evening.

That night Karl learned of plans to create a resistance army. A secret underground society of which he was now a part of had formed a group of fighters who, win or lose, would not go willingly to the death camps. The idea of fighting Nazis appealed to Karl. For as long as he could remember, he had tried with little success to influence his fellow Jews to be strong. Here, amongst this small band of rebels, he’d found a home. At first he’d come to meet Ada, and his fee
lings for her had not changed, but once he’d heard the powerful speeches, he knew he belonged with this clan of Jews longing to build their own Jewish state in Palestine.

After a
date had been set for a follow-up meeting, Mordechi dismissed the group. Karl descended the stairs and walked out into the street. Jews were forbidden to be out after curfew, so the crowd dispersed quietly, slithering through alleyways. Karl ducked into an opening between buildings and lit a cigarette. Taking a deep breath, he looked out - watching, waiting, always careful.

Then he saw her.

“Ada.”

“Karl.” She walked over to him. “You should get home.”

“Yes, I should…and you too. It’s not safe to be out in the street.”

“Would you like to come to my flat? I live just a few steps from here. I have a little coffee, and perhaps we can talk a bit more.”

“I would like that.”

When they arrived, he saw that each of the three women Ada shared her two small rooms with had curtain dividers, affording them a small bit of privacy.

“I wish I could offer you something to eat. I am afraid we are very low on food, and my roommates and I are very frugal with what little we have. I just looked; I thought I had some coffee, but I’m afraid it’s all gone.”

He laughed. “I have plenty of food. I will bring you some.”

“Plenty…how did you manage that? Don’t tell me you’re a
Judenrat
.”

“Me? No! I’ve been dabbling in the black market. I guess you could say I refuse to starve.”

She nodded in understanding. Then, walking over to him, she put her arms around his neck and kissed him full upon the lips.

Karl, shocked, did not respond immediately.

“Is something wrong?”

“No…no…you just surprised me is all.” How could he tell her that he had never been with a woman before? He’d been so busy fighting the world that he’d never taken the time to become involved with anyone.
And, just as he had thought he might have his first encounter with a woman, he’d been arrested.

“Don’t you like me?”

“Of course. You’re beautiful. I’d be a fool not to like you.”

“Then…would you like to make love to me?” She whispered so as not to disturb the women who slept just feet away.

He nodded unable to speak.

Slowly she unbuttoned her blouse. Karl felt dizzy, as if he might faint, when she removed her shirt. In his entire life, he’d never seen such beauty or been so moved by anything. When she stood naked before him, he stared, unable to avert his eyes. Her small but rounded breasts stood high on her chest, and the curve of her hips rolled softly from her tiny waist.

“You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. You’re like a statue of a goddess.”

She laughed. “I’m very real Karl. Come over here…touch me.”

He tried to control the trembling of his hand as he tenderly caressed her face.

“Are you a virgin?” she asked him
.

“No.” he lied. Then, looking deep into her onyx eyes, he whispered, “Yes.”

“It’s all right. I’ll teach you.”

In her
arms, the strong man became weak and vulnerable. Through the night, he held her close, kissing and caressing the soft white skin that covered her like silk. The sweet smell of flowers drifted from her hair. Instead of eating one week, she’d traded some of her food rations for wonderful rose oil soap. Intoxicated by the fragrance, and the moment, Karl lost himself in Ada.

Once she slept, he lay beside her, wondering if this had been what he’d searched for his entire life.

In the morning, when Ada awakened to find Karl watching her, she turned to him.

“Karl, listen to me. I have no time for love. We have only today…only this moment. In this moment, we must grab all that we can; for us, tomorrow may never come. Do you understand me?”

“No.”

“Karl, no one is promised tomorrow.
We Jews here in this ghetto…least of all. That is why I did not wait to take you to my bed. Before all of this began, I taught young children. My husband worked as a professor at the university. We lived quiet lives. Then one morning the Gestapo came and took him away. I have not seen him for years. I don’t know if he is dead or alive. Funny thing is, I am not sure we could ever live as man and wife again. I have changed so much. In my other life, the life before the war, I could never have been so bold. Now, Karl, now, I live for the moment.
For the moment
is all I have.”

“And your dreams…you have dreams…dreams of Palestine, of the future. I know you do. I've heard you speak.”

“Yes, Karl. When dreams are all we have, they become even more precious, but they also can weaken us and make us helpless. I have lost so much…so much…my husband, my parents, everyone, and everything.”

“But what is the meaning of living if we never allow ourselves to dream, or to feel? Ada, I know it is soon, but as you said, we are not promised tomorrow, and so we must live at a faster pace than we once did. I am trying to say that I have more feelings for you than I’ve had for anyone ever before.” He grew silent for a few moments. Then although he felt foolish, he knew he must continue. “I think I’m falling in love with you.”

She did not answer. For a long time an awkward silence hovered over them.

“You should leave.” Ada averted her eyes.

Karl didn’t answer. He left the bed slowly and began to dress. A cold chill ran over Ada as she watched him. When he’d finished he walked to the door. “This is what you want, so, goodbye.”

“Goodbye, Karl.”

As his hand curled around the
doorknob, Karl felt his heart sink.

“Karl, please. I’m confused. I don’t know what I want. Will you please stay the night?”

He turned to see her holding the blanket around her body. The beauty of her curving white shoulders made him ache. He would not judge her, nor would he hold her fears against her. He felt them too, but he’d been alone too long. Without a word, he returned to the small cot, removed his clothes, and took her into his arms. He could not help but notice her face was wet with tears.

93

The following morning Ada awoke and dressed.

“I have to leave. So you must go, too.”

“Can I come by and see you again? Later tonight, perhaps?”

“If you’d like.”

He longed to ask her where she planned to go, but he dared not. If he possessed her too tightly, he feared she would turn away. So he smiled, got dressed, kissed her cavalierly and left.

That night Karl brought food, as he’d promised. When he arrived, he handed a basket filled to the brim to Ada.

“A small token of my affection.”

Although Ada stood five feet, eight inches tall, she still had to reach up to kiss Karl.

“Thank you.” She smiled.

“You are very welcome.”

“Karl?”

“Yes?” He stroked her hair once again, touched by her loveliness.

“Please, don’t think me ungrateful. I appreciate the extra food, and God knows we can use it. You see, one of the women I live with is pregnant, God help her. She hid it for a very long time; however, she is very hungry and eats almost all of our food.” She laughed. “It annoys me sometimes, but I pity her; she is so alone and frightened. Karl, I don’t know how to say this without sounding like an ingrate, but there is something I need even more than food.”

“Tell me?”

“Well, I will pay you what I can.”

“What is it Ada? I didn’t ask you to pay me…just tell me.”

“Do you think you might be able to get pencils, paper, even books, perhaps?”

“For you, of course I will find them. But do you mind me asking what you need them for?”

“Have you ever met Janusz Korczak? Or, maybe you know him as Henryk Goldsemit? Perhaps you have seen or heard of him around the Ghetto.”

“The name doesn’t sound familiar. Who is he?”

“He’s a children’s doctor who became a teacher and writer of children’s books. Two blocks down from here, he has established an orphanage. After he taught me his teaching method, I began to work with him and the children.”

“You see, you do have dreams.” He touched her chin and bent to kiss her lips.

“Yes, I suppose I do, Karl. If we give up on everything, then what will be left? I just try to protect my heart. When I work with these little ones, I try so hard not to love them because they die, Karl. They are not strong, and the lack of food and disease here takes so many.” She turned away from him. “If the Jews are to have a future as a people it will be the children who will bring it about. I must believe, Karl… I must. Somehow, I must hold fast to the dream that these young people will someday live and work in a true Jewish state, where they will have no fear of being who they are. And when they get there, I want to be sure they know how to read, write and do arithmetic.”

Warmth and affection for her washed over him. For all of her attempts at remaining distant, Karl saw that Ada had a heart as big
as all of Germany.

“I’ll get the supplies for you. I’ll go tonight.”