All My Love, Detrick (30 page)

As the group separated to make way, Detrick saw a small, almost shy-looking man walk through the crowd. There were photos throughout Germany depicting the man with the small mustache, long
nose, and straight brown hair. Now here he stood, Adolf Hitler, in the flesh, behind a podium and smiling. He raised his arms in welcome. Then with his fierce and direct tone, he honored them for their Aryan blood. The Reich would last for a thousand years, he guaranteed them, and they had begun it together. Their children’s children would thank them for putting them back in their rightful place in the world. They were the Aryans, the ruling class, above all others.

A roar of approval came from the crowd.

Hitler’s face had turned red with anger as he explained, “Germany has invaded Russia.” The Third Reich must defeat the communists. The Bolsheviks and the Jews throughout the world posed threats to the Fatherland, Hitler told them. His face contorted and his hands flew about wildly as his voice thundered through the park. “These vermin will be destroyed!”

Detrick watched the crowd. They gave themselves heart and soul to the will of their Fuehrer. The descent of individual human thought to a violent mob mentality left Detrick truly frightened for the future.

After he spoke, Hitler walked through the crowds shaking hands and kissing women’s cheeks. When he strolled by a small child with blonde hair grasping a doll, he lifted her into his arms and gave her a kiss. Her parents looked on, enthralled, as if God had chosen her.

Then once Hitler reached his vehicle, he turned back one final time; he raised both of his hands. A thunder of adoration followed. Then Hitler got into the back of his automobile, and he and his motorcade slowly drove down the street. The crowd continued to clap. The energy that had spread through the group took a long time to settle. For a long time the picnickers talked of hatred of Jews and loyalty to the Fuehrer who had done so much to restore Germany.

While the horror of Hitler’s presence filled the air, Detrick had temporarily forgotten about the girl who wrapped herself around him. Her arm circled his neck, and now she laid her head against his arm. Somehow, he must make it clear to the young woman that he had no intention of anything more than spending an afternoon lunching together.

Across the street from the park at the candy store, Adelheid Mueller stared open mouthed in disbelief. Until he turned around she could not be certain, but the silhouette of the uniformed man certainly resembled Detrick. She bit into her chocolate bar and watched. Adelheid perceived that the
blonde seemed very at ease in her affections with the SS officer, as if they knew each other well. It was crucial that Adelheid be certain of his identity. She crossed the street to have a better vantage point. There was no mistaking; it was Detrick. What would Leah think? So shocked she accidently dropped her candy, Adelhied turned and ran home.

103

When Adelhied arrived at home, she rushed to her room and shut the door. It was bad enough that Detrick had rejected her for Leah, but now he had another girlfriend. If he was willing to date that blonde, then why not Adelheid? Was something wrong with her? Perhaps he found her unattractive. She’d always been impulsive, and now anger drove her to act. She raced up the stairs, risking exposure of the attic. With a heavy hand, she pushed the door open.

Jacob sat across from the Rabbi, playing chess. Leah read a book. All three looked up as Adelheid entered.

“Leah,” She was out of breath. “I must speak with you right away.”

Leah put the book down and the two entered her bedroom.

“I went to the candy store this afternoon and I saw Detrick. He was across the street at a picnic for the Nazi Party. Adolf Hitler was speaking”

“I’m sure he was forced to go.”

“That’s not the worst of it. He was with a girl. A pretty blonde girl. She was kissing him and he was holding her. I am only telling you this because we are friends.”

Leah’s face turned to a colorless mask, her features hardened. “Are you sure, Adelheid?”

“Yes, absolutely.”

“I’m sorry,
please; I would like to be alone.”

Adelheid nodded understanding. Perhaps, Adelheid thought, Detrick had not shown her any interest because of Leah’s being in such close proximity. However, if Detrick and Leah ended their
love affair, he might look at her differently. Then maybe, she hoped, he might see that they were both of the same blood, that they had a great deal in common, and in short were well suited for each other.

104

T
hat night, after the sun had set, Detrick arrived to find Leah in her room. After greeting Jacob and the rabbi, he knocked. When she did not answer, he became concerned and entered. Leah lay across her bed facing the wall. She did not turn to acknowledge him.

“Sweetheart?” he whispered. “Are you feeling well?”

“I’m fine.”

“What is it? What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

A heavy silence filled the room. When she finally answered, Leah’s voice cracked like ice.

“I know where you were today, and I know what happened. What is it Detrick? Have you become bored with me? I don’t need your sympathy. Are you keeping up this façade because you feel sorry for us poor Jews? I’d rather go to a camp than suffer your pity. I know there is someone else.”

“There is no one else Leah. There has never been anyone but you for me. Never. For God's sake, Leah, I risk my life for you every day. If I wanted someone else, would I do that?”

“I don’t know… I don’t know what you’re doing. You go out into the world, and I stay in here like an animal in the zoo and wait for you to visit me.”

“It’s not like that Leah, not at all. I am doing all I can…believe me, please.”

But
she could not believe him. Her heart ached; what had he been doing kissing another girl?

“Go Detrick, don’t come back to see me. If you want, just go ahead and report us; the
n you won’t have to do this anymore.”

“Have you gone mad? I would never report you. I love you.”

“If you love me, respect my feelings and leave. And please, don’t come back.”

Detrick was stunned. He felt lost and helpless; she would not listen.

“Leah? Please….”

“Go, Detrick; I beg you, go.”

Detrick turned and walked out of Leah’s room, closing the door.

“Detrick, what is it? What’s the matter?” Jacob asked.

Detrick was unable to speak; he could not look at Jacob or the rabbi. He left the house, fighting back tears.

105

Detrick continued to work and pay the Muehlers to assure the security of the attic for Jacob and Leah. He decided that he would continue to do all that he could, regardless of what had transpired between him and Leah. But, he adhered to Leah’s wishes, and when night arrived, he did not force his presence upon her. Instead, he mourned the loss. Sleep eluded him. When he did finally fall asleep, in sheer exhaustion, he awoke in a short time covered in sweat and overflowing with anxiety. Food took on an odd, metallic flavor, and he could not eat. When he groomed his lush blonde hair, he found the comb full of fallen strands. Detrick missed Jacob; he wished he could talk to the man who he loved as a father. Jacob, wise, Jacob - he would know what to do. If only Detrick could ask him. His love for Leah obsessed him. With every cell in Detrick’s body, every drop of blood, and every beat of his heart, he longed for Leah. Alone in his bed at night, he could no longer suppress the tears. Had he lost her forever? If only she would allow him to explain. If only he could make her believe him.

106

Jacob could not understand what had happened; he knew only that something serious had taken place. The rabbi offered no speculation; only watched and wondered if Detrick would turn on them now that the love affair had gone sour. When Rabbi Stern discussed his concerns with Jacob, Jacob only shrugged. He never doubted Detrick’s loyalty, and assured the rabbi that Detrick would continue to do everything in his power to keep them safe.

Leah refused to eat. She stayed in her room with the door shut most of the time. When Adelheid brought the kitten up to the attic one evening, Leah accepted the gift with a sad smile. Adelheid tried to press Leah for news of Detrick.

“I cannot believe Detrick has not tried to come by.”

“No, Adelhied, I sent him away, and Detrick won’t come back. Thanks so much; he’s a beautiful kitty.” Leah cradled the orange ball of fur.

“You’ve lost a lot of weight.” Adelheid observed Leah, feeling less jealous, and almost sorry for the beautiful girl.

“I suppose I have.”

“Detrick must be seeing that girl that I saw him with.”

“Yes, probably.”

107

K
onrad’s ambitions blinded him to Detrick’s depression. Instead, he felt elated that he and Detrick spent each day together. His interest in sexual discipline with women ceased; in fact, he lost interest in females entirely. Although Konrad enjoyed the power his position gave him over Detrick, he enjoyed his old friend's company even more. It felt good to him to know that, even though Detrick was undeniably more handsome then he, Konrad’s rank in the party gave him an edge. The dreams Konrad had had as a boy, of having sexual encounters with Detrick, returned. They came slowly at first, but then became nightly events. Following the sentiment of the party, he hated homosexuals, and fiercely denied his own desires. The dreams, he told himself, were merely childhood fascinations that had not been erased. If he’d ever had a physical encounter with Detrick, Konrad was sure he would no longer experience the dreams. Then he would know for sure that he could only be heterosexual. However, his pride would never allow him to even broach the subject. Besides he feared Detrick would be appalled.

Since Konrad’s promotion, Detrick’s job had also changed. Now, instead of doing office work, he acted mainly as Konrad’s driver. Konrad traveled, offering instruction in the use of the punch card machine. Detrick didn’t mind the open road. He loved rolling the windows of the automobile down and feeling the wind in his hair. But most of all, Detrick found relief in no longer being forced to witness the suffering of the Jews who were to be transported. Guilt that he could be more useful in helping to free victims at the transport station sometimes bothered Detrick.
But he knew that, in his new job, there would be far less opportunity for his true motives to be discovered. Therefore, he would be less likely to risk those he cared for most.

If his days were long, Detrick’s nights were longer. At the end of the month, he dutifully delivered the payment to Ebner Mueller. It had been six weeks since he’d been in the same house and so physically close to Leah. Although he could not see her, just knowing she
was only a few feet away made his heart cry out. He yearned to race up the stairs and take her hands, look into her eyes, and hold her, even for just a moment. He could not go to her; she’d told him to never return. Perhaps she no longer loved him. And so, Detrick reached into his pocket and handed a roll of
reichsmarks
to Ebner. Then, with an ache in his chest, he left and returned home.

From the picture window in the living room, Adelheid watched him go. She decided that next month when he came to pay her father she would go him and offer her sympathy. Perhaps if he felt he could lean on her, it would help to engage his affections.

108

“Rabbi, I must risk leaving the safety of this house and go to the Nazi Headquarters to talk to Detrick. Leah is getting sick. She is so thin. I am worried.”

“Jacob, I understand how you feel, but you must not go there. Remember, you are a Jew; you will end up on your way to a camp. All we can do
is pray that he will return and that somehow the two of them will work this thing out.”