All My Love, Detrick (23 page)

“The doctor had no idea that we are Jewish…at least he never mentioned it.”

“And if they should find out, then what?” Jacob raised his hands in the air in question.

“I don’t know…I suppose they would send Michael home. But we can hope that they don’t find out, at least until he has been cured. Jacob, it’s our only chance. You said yourself that we can’t afford to take Michael to specialists with the way business has been lately."

“I don’t
know, it’s so far away. Miriam… Are you sure this is a good idea?”

“I am sure of nothing, Jacob, but if we don’t try, then we know for sure Michael will be condemned to an unproductive life in that bed….Is that what you want?”

He shook his head and pressed his hands to his temples. Suddenly he felt as if a weight had fallen upon his brain. “Do what you think is right.” Jacob stared down at the tablecloth.  He could not look up at her because he had begun to cry.

70

The Hadamar Institute

Between Cologne and Frankfurt, Germany

M
ichael slept. The motion of the ride had a tranquilizing effect on him. When he awoke, he found himself already on the grounds of the Hadamar Institute. He looked around as two orderlies wheeled his bed into the large steel doors. Due to his mental condition, it is hard to know if he would have of taken note of the shards of broken glass covering the top of the wall that fenced the building in like a fortress. It had been put there to discourage curious onlookers from climbing up to look over and witness what took place inside.

A strong odor of alcohol permeated the air as he entered the building through a tall set of steel doors. Inside, a smiling group of nurses dressed in pressed white uniforms, with their hair tied back neatly, greeted Michael.

“Hello, you must be Michael Abdenstern?” A thickly built nurse, exceptionally tall, with heavy, dark, wavy hair smiled at him. Her teeth had yellowed from years of neglect.

“Yes, and I am very happy to be here.” Michael beamed. “My mother said you are going to make me well so that I can run and play and be just like Detrick.”

The woman nodded but did not answer. Instead, she looked over at the other nurses who stood listening.

Once he
was checked in, Michael was transported to the basement, where he smiled eagerly as the nurses took numerous pictures of him. While the necessary photographs had been taken, one of the nurses noticed that Michael wore a piece of jewelry.

“I’ll take that for you and keep it safe, all right?”

Michael nodded, and the young nurse took the gold
mezuzah
that he wore around his neck.

“We will keep this necklace for you, Michael, until you are all better and ready to go home.” One of the other nurses, a golden-haired girl of nineteen, repeated as she smoothed the hair out of Michael’s face.

“Thank you for taking such good care of me.” A line of drool had dribbled down his chin. With pity in her eyes, the pretty, young, flaxen-haired nurse took a handkerchief from her pocket and wiped Michael’s face. A tear had formed in the corner of her eye, but she quickly wiped it away.

Once all of the paperwork
had been completed, Michael found himself alone in small, white, windowless room. For what seemed like a long time, he waited. He began to feel afraid in his childlike mind. Panic set in, and he began to call out.

“Help me, please…someone come. I want my mother. Please, send for my mother. Is she here? I’m scared I need my mother!”

The tall, heavy, dark-haired nurse entered, accompanied by the young, pretty blonde whose eyes appeared red and bloodshot.

“It’s time that you get some sleep.” The heavyset nurse smiled at him.

“I’m hungry, I want to eat.”

“And so you will when you awaken. Right now, you must sleep.”

“But I don’t want to sleep, I want to eat.”

The tone of his voice alerted the other nurses outside of the room, and they entered, ready to strap him down if necessary.

“Now, Michael,” the young blonde choked as she tried to comfort him. “This is part of your treatment. A very important part. Don’t you want to get better?”

“Yes… I do… I want to get better.”

“Well, all right then. This is just a tiny prick. It won’t hurt for more than a second.”

The young nurse held Michael’s hand while the heavy-set one pulled the syringe from behind her back, where she’d been concealing it from him. When he saw the needle, terror filled Michael’s eyes and he screamed loudly.

“NO… No needles… NO!”

Two more nurses came in and held him down until the injection was complete. Within a few seconds, he lay quiet. His head fell to the left side, with his eyes still open in horror, his mouth in a frozen scream.

“He is better off, you know.” The dark-haired nurse who’d administered the hypodermic needle turned to the others.

“Yes, I suppose he is, but he was such a sweet one.” The
blonde tucked the blanket around Michael.

“Most of the simpletons are.
But this is best for Germany. Besides, did you see the necklace? Not only was he an idiot, but he was a Jew as well.”

“You’re right…it is best for the Fatherland.”

71

“Konrad, you look incredibly well. Just look at you! All dressed up in your SS uniform. So grown up. It’s been ages since you’ve been here to see Detrick. Sadly, I must tell you that he is not at home.” Inga studied Konrad. She’d known him since he and her son played together as small children. Now he stood before her, an SS officer, sharp and commanding in his black uniform. She trembled slightly.

“It is not Detrick I’ve come to
see; it’s you Mrs. Haswell, and Mr. Haswell.”

“Of course, come in then.” What could Konrad possibly want with her and her husband? Once
again, she looked him over, more closely. His uniform fit him impeccably and had been freshly starched and pressed. The silver death-head symbol on his hat sparkled, and his black leather boots shone so clearly that they reflected the light fixture overhead.

“Sit please, can I get you something?” Inga offered

“No, thank you. I will only take up a few minutes of your time. As you can see, I am working for the party now. And, I have a good position. Up until the present time, I have been able to shield Detrick. You see, I owe him a great deal. He stood up for me as my protector when we were just boys. But, it has come to the attention of my superiors that Detrick has been sustaining friendships with Jews. This is unacceptable to the party and I am afraid that if he does not cease this foolhardy behavior, they will arrest him. As you can well understand, my superiors will only indulge me so much, and then they will carry on with their work. So, I am coming to you in hopes that you will have some influence over him because I do not believe he will listen to me.”

“Jews?”

“Yes, Mrs. Haswell, I am afraid so. It seems that
he is still in contact with his former employer, Abdenstern, the Jew. Do you know of him?”

“Yes, I knew he worked for him long ago but I had no idea that he continued to see him. There must be some mistake.”

“I’m afraid not. And, it must stop. I am putting myself at risk coming here to help him. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, of course, I will speak to him tonight.” Her hands shook so hard that she folded them together hoping Konrad would not notice. “And, Konrad,
Mr. Haswell, and I appreciate your taking time out of your busy schedule to speak to us.”

“You know, it would not be a bad idea if Detrick considered joining the party. I am up for a big promotion soon, and if he changed his ways I would be happy to put in a good word for him.”

Hans placed his empty beer glass on the table. “That would be very good of you. Would that mean he would work for the SS?”

“Perhaps, yes, and if he did work with us it would also mean there would be gifts for his fa
mily. Plenty of food, furniture - that sort of thing. You know that the party is very generous with its own.”

“We will certainly discuss the situation with him and do all that we can. Thank you for bringing this to our attention.” Inga smiled weakly.

Konrad got up to leave. “Well, I am hoping to hear some good news about my promotion very soon. Farewell for now.”

He walked out, closing the door behind him. It had been difficult for him to put everything he’d worked for on the line, but he owed this much to Detrick. If by some miracle this meeting encouraged Detrick to join the
party it would have all been worth the effort. Then things would resume between the two of them the way they’d been before the Nazi takeover…only better. In the past, Detrick had been the popular one, the better-looking one. Now, he, Konrad, had the power and the party behind him. He’d proven himself worthy time and again, and he’d made friends with the right people. Yes, things would be better, much better.

              Detrick hung his jacket on the coat rack when he arrived at home early that evening. Then he took a few
reichsmarks
out of his pocket and put them in the jar where his mother kept her small stash of emergency cash. Except for the chirping of crickets, he heard no noise. His father would be at the tavern and his mother probably delivering laundry. The book he had begun reading awaited him where he’d left it on his bed. He sat down and tried to read, but found he could not concentrate. Things had become increasingly worse for Jews. Although Jacob still ran his business, the loss of Gentile clientele and the increasing popularity of automobiles and public transportation had hurt his income substantially. But, Jacob still insisted upon keeping Detrick on and paying him the same salary, although with the shortage of work, Jacob hardly needed the extra help any more. Detrick worried about Jacob; between Michael going off to the sanatorium and the constant rise in anti-Semitism, he’d aged.

The once-vibrant man now suffered with labored breathing, followed by exhaustion.
And, Leah, his precious Leah. How could he keep her safe in a world so infected with hatred? It seemed that anti-Semitism was like a plague that spread wildly, infecting Germany, and threatening to swallow the world. And, Leah, being such a small and delicate girl, could never stand up to the angry mobs who threatened her very existence, who wanted to take away her God-given right to walk upon this earth. Detrick shuddered. He thought of her tiny, delicate hands. The softness of her creamy ivory skin. And, the warmth of her sweet, gentle smile. He swallowed hard. For a moment, he wondered what his life would have been like if he had never seen her. Never fallen in love with her. From the first time he’d looked at her, she’d become his entire life, and because of the depth of his love, there was constant risk to his entire family. And, even worse was the risk to Leah herself. He didn’t care about his own safety, but he could not bear the thought that Leah might suffer and he would be powerless to help her. The thought taunted him, drove him to madness, even. But, then, Detrick looked at the small picture he kept of Leah and realized that, if he had not loved her, he might as well never have been born. This was who he was and what he was meant to do.

Jacob had suggested that he stop his daylight visits to the house or the shop
, and only come by after dark. Gentiles seen with Jews put themselves in real danger. And, the possibility of being turned in by a friend or neighbor was ever increasing; no one could be trusted.

When Detrick came to the house late in the evening, he would ask if Jacob needed any of the heavy mechanical work done, in an effort to be as useful as possible. If something needed to be addressed, Detrick went to the shop well after dark. Most times Jacob did not have any work for him to do and so Detrick just stayed at the house, close to his friends. And, to Leah.

And
, even as he sat thinking of all of the reasons he should not be in love, and even with all of the dangers he faced….still…he longed, yearned, for nightfall, when he would make his way safely to the Abdenstern home and into the arms of his beloved.

72

I
nga wondered how she would approach the subject his joining the party with Detrick. She knew how he felt about the Nazis, but she also knew that if he were a party member they would all be safer, especially Detrick, her dearly loved son.

As she suspected, when she arrived at home, Detrick had not yet left for the Abdensterns. Inga knew where he went; she knew everything, far more than he realized. The sun had just begun to set, and he always waited until total darkness before making his way to the Jewish sector.

“Detrick, I’m so glad to find you at home. It has been such a long time since you and I shared a cup of tea. Let me see here, I believe I have a few cookies. Shall we indulge?” Inga brought out a round, ceramic jar.

“Yes mother, I would enjoy a chat with you. It has been far too long.” He took a cookie and began to nibble at the edge.

After putting the teakettle on the stove, Inga sat down at the table across from her son. She wiped her hands on her apron. She smiled at him, and suddenly she realized how much she needed to talk to her son.

“I often wonder where Helga has gone.”

“I know, Mother; so do I.”

“I hope she is all right; perhaps she is with that Eric? I think
that maybe they are married somewhere. However, it seems to me that she would at least have let us know. These are such strange and terrible times, my son. I worry constantly for the safety of my children.” She shook her head. “With Helga gone, you are all I have left.”

He nodded. There was so little he could offer.

“And so…I must discuss something with you.” The teapot whistled. Removing it from the stove, she poured him a cup of tea. After placing the kettle on a mat, she sat down. Then she lifted his chin so that she could look directly into his eyes. “As I said, these are dangerous times we are living in.
And, well, I know you are very fond of the Jewish shopkeeper and his daughter; they have been good to you…good to us, too. However, Detrick, we live in treacherous times. I know that you realize that the law forbids this friendship, and the fact is that you are endangering us all. But most of all yourself.”

He knew that he had put himself in harm's way, but until
now, he’d tried not to consider the real problems he might cause Inga. It had been a long time since he had really looked at his mother and, now that he did, he saw that she’d developed a slight hump in her back, and although she’d always been slender, now the bones jutted through her skin in a skeletal and ghastly form. “I’m sorry, Mother, I will leave here. I will move away. God knows I never wanted to hurt you…or Father.”

“There’s no need to move away. In fact, it is probably best that you don’t. If you leave, it might cause suspicion and make things worse for all of us. No, I have another idea. One that you will, I am sure, find a bit repulsive; however, I think it would help to guarantee the safety of your Jewish friends, as well as your family.”

Detrick leaned forward listening intently.

“I think it would be wise for you to consider joining the party.”

“The Nazi Party? Are you serious, Mother? You know how I feel about the Nazis!”

“Yes, and that’s precisely why I think this might just be the answer. As you can see, more of our Jewish neighbors
are being arrested every day. What are you going to do when they come for your friends? There will be nothing you can do, unless maybe if you are a party member. Can I ask that you will at least think it over?”

“I will, Mother. I will.”

73

Detrick had ridden the bicycle in the dark on previous nights; tonight, however, he chose to walk and think. His mother’s words resonated with truth. There was no denying the arrests; he’d seen and heard the black autos belonging to the Gestapo as they turned corners, their horns blaring, filling him with fear and dread. Thoughts of terror had come upon him at night as he slept, and he’d awoken sweating with worry, wondering if the Abdensterns had been arrested. He needed to assure the safety of his friends. Until now, joining the party had not occurred to him. The repugnance of it still appalled him. But, if it was his only choice…the only way he might protect all he held dear, well then…

A
nd, what had happened to Helga? He wondered. Where had she gone, was she alive, was she all right? Did her Nazi boyfriend insist that they be as far away from her traitor brother as possible? Or had she come to harm? Had he, in some way, been responsible? So many questions, and not a single answer. A wave of guilt punched him in the stomach. Rather than see anyone else suffer for his choices, he preferred that he alone be subjected to the punishment for his behavior. His mother must not be forced to pay the price for his acts against the Nazi Party. The wind rustled through the leaves of the trees as Detrick inhaled the sweet night air. If he continued as he had been, more problems would certainly follow. Perhaps his mother would be taken to a work camp. A shiver ran down his spine. She was so old and broken, barely surviving in her small flat. How would she fare under hard labor? And, to think of her being beaten, and him to blame, made him ill.

Careful to avoid the streetlights and automobiles, lest he be caught walking through the Jewish sector, Detrick hid by taking side streets and alleyways whenever possible.

What to do, what to do?

With his head heavy and spinning like a top, he ducked into an alleyway and leaned against the side of a building. Sinking down to his knees upon the pavement, as the stars twinkled above him, Detrick prayed beneath the silver light of the moon.

Dear God, I don’t know what to do. I am confused, frightened, and trapped. Why me, God? Why have I been chosen to carry this burden? Why?

It had been at least half an hour that he knelt alone in the darkness, his knees aching against the cold cement, staring out into the empty alleyway, before an idea began to take shape in his mind.

74

As always, the soft illumination in the Abdenstern home called out to welcome him as he turned the corner of the block.

After climbing the front porch stairs two at a time, Detrick knocked at the front door. Jacob opened it and took him in, greeting him with a bear hug.

“Are you hungry? Come, eat.”

“No, really, I’m fine.”

“Come, eat. You have to eat. How can you resist? Leah made matzo ball soup and she baked a
Challah
…come, you’ll eat. It makes me feel good.”

Detrick laughed. He loved the old man.

Leah stood in the kitchen. When Detrick entered and saw her, his heart fluttered. She had a special magic, like a spell that rendered him helpless.

Jacob left the room, knowing the couple would want to kiss, but would refrain out of respect for him.

As soon as they were alone, Detrick took Leah into his arms. Tiny, like a dove, she surrendered softly to his might and he tenderly kissed her lips. For a long time he held her, his heart swelling deep in his chest. He wondered how this love that he thought was all consuming and was as great as any love could possibly be could continue to grow even stronger with each passing day. His hand smoothed her hair and she shivered with desire.

“Can we be alone later tonight?” he whispered in her ear.

“I don’t know…let’s wait and see when they go to sleep.”

‘My sweet darling… I want you… I want you so badly. I feel like I am dying of thirst and you are my well spring of sweet water.”

“I want you, too. All day I think…I can’t wait until Detrick arrives.”

“I know, love. I know.”

75

L
eah and Detrick lay naked in her bed as the stars sent bits of light through her window. She curled around him, her head bent against his chest, her leg over his. When they held each other like this, she felt as if nothing could ever hurt her. The strength of his body enveloped her in its protective warm cocoon. And the love they shared bathed them in an overpowering light and joy.

“Sweetheart?” h
is voice always grew quiet and a little hoarse after making love, as if the intensity of their coupling rendered him weak by the sheer awe of it.

“Hmm?” she purred back at him, contented, inhaling the wonderful smell of peppermint.

“Several months ago…” He squeezed her shoulder gently. “A friend I knew from school came to me…his family owns a home with a large attic. He knew about my relationship with you. And, well, he offered to hide you and your family. I would pay him of course.”

“Hide us…in the attic? Where would you get this money? Do you really think things are that serious?”

Again, he squeezed her shoulder. “I’m afraid so, sweetheart. I know that Jews are being arrested without reason and sent to work camps. I can’t allow that to happen to you or your family.”

“How much money?
With father in hiding the business would be closed, so how would you get it?”

“Well, that’s what I need to talk to you about.” He looked down at the back of her head, her dark hair catching tiny specks of starlight, and his heart broke a little. “I am going to join the Nazi
Party. I will work for them and use the money to pay for your protection.”

“Detrick, seriously. That is far too dangerous.”

“Perhaps, love, but we have no choice. I will not sit by and wait until they decide to take you away. Cooperate with me please. And tomorrow, I will have to convince your father.”

“Detrick, I don’t know. We would be leaving our home…everything we have, everything we know.”

“Yes, but it will only be until this Nazi threat is over. It can’t last forever. Better that you are safe than at their mercy. Let’s face it; kindness is not the strong suit of the Nazi Party, right?”

She nodded. “Yes, of course you’re right.”

“And their sentiments toward Jews, well, they terrify me. So please, Leah, do as I ask.”

She moved away from him to look into his eyes and she saw his determination. The enormity of the situation suddenly became real to her. “And how do we know we can trust these people, these friends of yours with the attic?”

“We don’t, love, but we have to try…they are our only hope. I will pay them well. That should keep them satisfied. I will give them all that I can. They are not rich, and I know their sentiments are anti-Nazi. So that should help us, too.”

“All right, Detrick, I’ll do as you wish. We will talk to my father together tomorrow night. My mother might not be willing, though. Every day she is waiting to hear news of Michael or Karl.”

“We must try to convince her.”

“She may decide to stay.”

“Well, if she does, then so be it. I can only offer I can’t force her. I only hope that, if she decides not to go, that your father will go without her.”

“I don’t know what he will do. If she refuses, chances are he won’t leave her here alone.
And, quite frankly, I don’t know if I could do that either. Let’s just wait and see what happens when we talk to them tomorrow night. You better get dressed and go. It’s almost daylight.”

“I know. I will be back tomorrow night.”

He dressed quietly as she watched him. “I love you, Detrick.”

Kissing her lips, he whispered, “I love you more than life itself, my darling, my Leah. As soon as we talk to Jacob, I will begin to make arrangements.”

76