All My Heart (Count On Me Book 4) (10 page)

Eric was right. Kayden
did want to come home and as much as I wanted to fight him on it, I couldn’t. That’s another way my best friend was right. He is like a hurricane and there’s nothing that will stop him once he gets the idea in his head.

I don’t want to depend on him. It feels like I’m relying on him the same way I did with my mom instead of being an adult and handling things myself. I wanted to tell him all that when we were having dinner, but I couldn’t.

It just proves that not much has changed since we graduated.

I still feel like a baby and no amount of changing seems to make it go away.

His revelation about Dean, I didn’t see that coming. I thought he would tell me about how hard the classes were or the grueling practices he’s been through since we’ve been apart, but not something about his brother.

Dean’s been reaching out to him a lot lately and despite knowing that Kayden’s aff
ected by it, he never breaks and goes to see him. I stay out of it because he knows how I feel about Dean, but this time I couldn’t stay out.

Someone went to visit him. Someone important enough that his lawyer had to call Kayden about it. There are only
two people I know of that are important enough to get a call like that and if I’m right then I think it’s something Kayden needs to do.

I don’t know much about his dad. I was too young when he left, but I’ve learned some things about him from my mom. I hope that the person going to visit Dean isn’t him because he doesn’t seem like a very nice guy, but if it is, he deserves the chance to know that and decide what he wants to do from there.

His mom is another story. She was around and I remember her. I also remember the way Kayden felt about her when we were kids. There’s a lot of things I blocked out over time, but the way he idolized her isn’t one of them. He loved her. I think he still does, so if she’s back and going to see Dean to try and connect again, this definitely needs to happen.

Kayden deserves to know his mom the s
ame way I know mine, even if she did make a lot of mistakes.

“Belle.”

“Mhmm?”

“Earlier, the way I acted about what you told me. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. We go from being so caught up in each other to me yelling at you for explaining things and wanting to do right by me. It’s not okay.”

Taking my hand and securing our fingers together, I reach across with the other hand and run it up and down his arm soothingly. The way he reacts, I know he hates it, but he doesn’t have to apologize.

Kayden believes he’s this horrible guy with anger problems, but it’s not how I see him. The only time he reacts the way he did tonight is when he’s worried about me.

If it was something different, it wouldn’t be okay, but him getting upset that someone hurt me, it doesn’t seem wrong. It just seems like Kayden. He’s protective because he loves me.

“I don’t like you getting ang
ry. You know it scares me, but I understand why you did. It’s okay.”

“You do that a lot.”

“What?”

“Sweep my shit under the rug.” He admits before turning his body on the sofa and facing me down. “I love you for doing that. For being so damn understanding, but don’t do it, because it’s n
ot right. The way I swore at you, it was wrong.”

“Okay.”

“Did you just agree with me?”

I nod and he smiles. “That was easier than I thought. I’m two for two tonight.”

“What do you mean?”

“You didn’t fight me on coming home and now you’re agreeing that what I did was wrong.”

“I’m not agreeing. I’m understanding.”

“You’re compromising.”

“That’s a big word for you.” I giggle. “Someone’s been learning.”

Moving quickly and taking me off guard, he flips me onto my back and before I can mount a defense, he starts tickling me. He goes for the back of my neck first, but when that doesn’t give him the reaction he’s looking for, he goes for my stomach and as expected, I can’t get my legs up to block in time, my laughter spilling out through the entire room while his fingers run across my skin.

“It’s a good thing I love you so much or what I’m doing right now could turn into something torturous later.”

“You wouldn’t torture me.”

“Hmm, you might be right about that, but like I said, it’s a good thing I love you because you’ll never have to find out.”

Before I can come up with a response, he
kisses me and just like every other time, I’m rendered speechless. It’s only when he breaks away, his face backing up an inch or two from mine that I catch his smile and return it.

“Seriously, Belle. I love you. Thank you for not fighting me.”

“You don’t think I’m a baby?”

Right now, as the thought comes into my head and spills out of my mouth, I feel like Eric. He always says what he thinks because as he says, he doesn’t have a filter that tells him when to stop, but for me, I have it. I don’t say half of the things I should say, but this time, I seem to be doing exactly that.

“Why would you think that?”

“Running to my rescue, needing to be here for me all the time. I feel like I’m a little kid you need to babysit.”

Where I expect him to get upset or show some sign of my words bothering him, his face just goes soft, his green eyes even lighter and he strokes my face with his fingers softly.

“The last thing I think about you is that you’re a kid I need to take care of. I don’t want to come home because I think you need me. I want to come home because I need you.”

“You need me?”

“Yes.” He says before another grin crawls across his features. “Isn’t the way I greeted you when I got here enough to prove that?”

I blush and he laughs before reaching out and lifting my head up to meet his, noticing the way it fell the minute my cheeks started to overheat.

“Last year, when I needed a wakeup call, there you were. Last fall when I needed a sign that we coul
d get through what happened at homecoming, what I did to you for all of those years, there you were. You have always been there, Belle, and you’ve always been exactly what I need. Do you remember when I asked you that question about the world ending two weeks ago?”

“Yes.”

“There was a selfish reason behind it.”

“Okay.”

“The world could burn around me and as long as I have you, I have everything I need. I wanted to know if it was the same for you.”

Soon, I’m pretty sure I’m going to change colors from my natural shade of peach to the dark pink he brings out of me when he makes me blush. He doesn’t even have to try, he just seems to know exactly what to say.

“Kayden?”

“Yeah?”

“We need each other.”

“We do?”

I know why he’s asking it like this. He’s so secure in the way he feels about me, but he’s not sure that it’s the same with me because every chance I get, I fight tooth and nail to prove I can do things on my own. It’s the way I’ve always been, even with my mom. I don’t want to need her, even though I know deep down I do.

“Yes, we do. I still think Toronto is where you need to be, but that’s the unselfish part of me. If I’m selfish, the answer is that the only place you should be is here with me because I can’t do this without you.”

It doesn’t happen often, so when it does, it excites me. Kayden blushing. My words having such a strong impact on him that he reacts in a way he has no control over.

“You want me here?”

“Yes.”

“Then here is where I’m going to be and Belle, I’m not leaving again.”

Chapter Ten

Kayden

When I got back to school last night, I expected to be hit with a gigantic ball of Dillon resistance.

The scouts came calling last fall and again in the spring and both of us were a sure bet for a scholarship, so after he got with Cadence, we started planning the way things were gonna happen if we both ended up being offered the same deal in the same place.

Despite not entirely trusting him at the time, we made the plan of rooming together here when we both accepted and never looked back. If I’m serious about going back to Wexfield, I’m giving all of that up and leaving him. Something I don’t expect him to be all that happy about.

Funny thing about this jackass. He really has changed in the last six months or so. He’s nowhere near the same guy and his reaction to me wanting to start transfe
r papers proves it.

“I wondered how long it would take.”

“That obvious, huh?”

“Yeah. You’re predictable.”

“You didn’t hear what she told me, man. I can’t just come back here and pretend I didn’t hear it and hope it doesn’t get worse.”

“Wait—back up. You told me you were transferring back to Wexfield. You didn’t say why.”

“Belle’s dealing with us again.”

He looks c
onfused for a second and then seems to get it.

“They hurt her?”

“Yeah, but according to her they didn’t. She doesn’t get the word hurt obviously. I can’t sit here and let them get the chance to do it again.”

“What the fuck happened? I thought she was off helping some kid like her?”

“Yeah, it’s because of her helping Isaac that it started, I guess. These guys, they’re people he went to school with before. Basically, he’s been dealing with us and because Belle is—well, Belle, she’s dealing with us too.”

“How soon do you leave?”

“I’m heading over to grab the transfer paperwork in a couple of hours and I’ll figure it all out after that.”

“What are you gonna do about the scholarship?”

“Don’t know and honestly, don’t care. Everything’s different now.”

I’ve never talked about this with anyone, not even Belle, but I haven’t been feeling the football lifestyle since I got here and it’s even worse when I’m out on the field. It was an escape in high school, a way for me to get my aggression out without completely losing my shit, but here, now, it’s not like that anymore.

I want more.

I’ve been giving it a lot of thought even before Belle told me everything this weekend. My grades haven’t always been the best, but I’ve been applying myself since I came out here, working my ass off in the classes I am in even if they aren’t carrying me to a definitive end.

Belle wants to teach kids like her, giving back to them what she experienced with Ms. Taylor during our time at Wexfield High and I want to do the same, but not as a teacher. I want to help kids like me. I want to take a bunch of angry kids and turn their lives around.

I want to be a counsellor.

After hearing Dillon’s story a few months after dealing with the fallout with Dean and then Amelia’s right after, it did something to me. Made me realize just how many of us are out there. Broken down by the way our lives have been that we turn it around on innocent people and make everything worse.

I don’t want anyone else going through that. I wasn’t sure it was what I wanted before I left, but the more time I spend at home with Belle, listening to her talk about how she sees herself in the future. I realized it.

This is how we’re going to change the world.

Football might have been
everything before, but things have changed. I have a goal now and I’m determined to do whatever I have to do in order to make it happen. Now I just need to make sure it’s attainable and tell my girlfriend about it. Preparing for the future, I need all the help I can get and no one can do that better than Belle.

“You’re really willing to throw away the free ride to go back home to Wexfield? Haven’t you spent the last few years bitching about how you couldn’t wait to get out?”

“Yeah, but that was before I had a reason to stay.”

“Bell
e’s been there the entire time so that’s bullshit.”

“It’s not BS.  You’re right, she has been there the entire time, which is probably why I didn’t bail out a whole lot sooner. I needed to stay and now, I need to go back. Being here, I thought it was the right thing, but anything that takes me away from her isn’t right.”

“Anyone ever tell you that you’re whipped?”

“Yep and I don’t care. Doesn’t change anything.”

The way he’s looking at me, it’s like he’s impressed and it’s weird. Dillon’s never looked at me like that before. We’ve always been equals. Two destructive jerks on the same path to nowhere.

Except I’m no longer headed to nowhere. I’m headed home.

“So when do we leave?”

“What?”

Where I might have shocked him a few minutes ago, he’s the one doing it now. That’s the last damn thing I expected to hear come out of his mouth. Football is his entire life, always has been. I can’t imagine Dillon doing anything but playing ball.

“You heard me. When do we leave?”

“You’re going back?”

“Well yeah. Y
ou’re not the only one with a very big reason to be there. I have one too and before Toronto knocked on the door, Wexfield wanted me to play for them. So if I can swing it, I can still go back and play ball the way I wanted to in the beginning.”

“Aww, Dill. I know what this is really about. You’re gonna miss me!”

I laugh and he rolls his eyes before shoving me and cracking up himself.

“Fuck off. It’s not about you leaving. It’s about everything else you said. We’ve got these girls back home and if I’m honest, I’m tired of doing this once a month thing. It’s time to change things up.”

“You sure you wanna do this? I mean you’ve got a pretty solid place here and the team loves you.”

“Yeah, well
, I love my girlfriend more. So I’m sure. The question is, are you?”

“Never been more sure of anything in my life. You remember talking to me awhile back about that feeling you get when you make the right decision? Well the minute I said I wanted to come home, I got
it. This is what needs to happen.”

“Well, alright
. We’re doing this.” Dillon states before grinning at me, making me wonder just what he’s gonna say next. “So, you pop the question yet?”

“No and even if I did, it’s none of your business, jackass.”

“That’s no way to speak to your future best man, Walker.”

“Dill, shut up.” I laugh. “You were right the other day.
When it happens, I have to be sure I’m doing it for the right reasons and I’m not sure I can say that right now.”

“Wait. Can you repeat that please? I’m not sure I heard you the first time.”

“Fuck off. You heard me just fine.”

“When am I ever going to hear I’m
right again? Come on! Give a little here.”

Rolling my eyes but unable to prevent myself from smiling, I give him the finger before grabbing my jacket off the chair. If I’m serious about getting the ball rolling here so I can get back to my girl, I’m done screwing around with him.

“You were right, but if you ever tell anyone I said that, I’ll deny it.”

“I knew you loved me!” He calls out as I turn and head out the door, the last noise I hear as the door closes behind me, him making a kissing noise with his lips. “See you soon, baby!”

I can’t believe this is happening. I’m actually going back to Wexfield and I’m not going alone. I’m bringing the world’s biggest asshole back with me.

Here’s hoping I don’t live to regret it.

Belle

After what happened last week, the last th
ing I’m looking forward to is going back to creative writing.

The one class I took that was supposed to bring me happiness has done nothing but turn me inside out and it has nothing to do with what we’re being taught. That’s the easy part. It’s coming face to face with Isaac everyday knowing just how alone he is and what he has to deal with that does it.

I might be making headway with him; we might even be friends, but he’s still struggling. I am too, but not the way I was in the beginning. Maybe I am stronger because what I thought would break me hasn’t been nearly as bad as I expected.

It could be because my attention is being ripped in two different directions, flittering between thoughts of Kayden and our time together and then Isaac and what I’m trying to do with him, but whatever the reason, I’m thankful for it. After living through what I did for the last four years, the last thing I want is a repeat,
especially with everything I’ve been doing lately to push myself forward.

Good morning Isabelle. :)

So much for not wanting to be here. Maybe I’m making more progress than I thought if he’s smiling at me.

“Morning Isaac.”

Did you have a good weekend?

“Yes. You?”

I
t was okay. Boring.

“What did you do?”

You want the truth?

“Were you planning on lying?”

No. :)

“Okay, so what did you do this weekend?”

Absolutely nothing. It was the most boring weekend of my life. Lol

“Happy to be back in class then?”

Yeah, I guess.

I sympathize with his answer
. I can hear the meatheads in the back as loud as ever, laughing at the two of us, probably thinking that because we’re not responding, we can’t hear them. It doesn’t exactly make me want to jump up and throw a party over being here.

Ever since we started the class together weeks ago, we’ve never spent any time together outside of it. If I want to do right by Isaac, I think it’s time I changed that. Wanting him to feel accepted and less alone, it’s gotta stretch out over more than just this one class.

“So, what classes do you have next?”             

Bio
logy across campus after this and then nothing else until tomorrow.

We have another thing in common even if the classes are different. Where I chose Chemistry as the focus for my science field of study, he chose a di
fferent path, but one that still bonds us.

“Do you want to get something to eat after your class?”

His response isn’t immediate and I start to think that I pushed him too far but before I can take back my offer, he smiles and it’s brighter than I’ve ever seen it.

You mean it?

“Yes. I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t.”

That would be awesome!
:)

Before Eric moved to Wexfield last fall, this was me.

I already knew we were a lot alike, but the more time I spend with him, the more I find out just how much. It’s nice having someone here that’s similar to me. As much as Kayden understands and is able to handle all of my ups and downs, until he goes through it himself, he’ll never truly get it. Isaac does easily.

“I’ve got an English Lit class after this, but I’ll meet you at the Science building when I’m done and we can head out.”

Are you sure?

“Yes, I’m sure.” I smile, nodding my head for emphasis. I know how strange this must be, someone genuinely wanting to hang out with him, but he needs to know th
at he’s not alone.

If I have my way he’ll never be alone again.