All In My Head (First Tracks Book 1) (17 page)

Avery…

You just want him out the picture.

Effing A! You did too, a few seconds ago.

***

Early that evening, I was standing by the window, watching
the ocean from the warmth of the house. We’d played on the beach all afternoon,
and even after eating out for dinner, I still felt chilled. Nash and I hadn’t
talked about what was going on with us, but he must have come around and
forgiven me for the cold shoulder the night before.

Because you cuddled up with him all day.

Marcus sounded bitter and jealous, and I couldn’t blame him.
I couldn’t help him either.

Yes, the hell you can. Just ditch him.

I heard a noise, then Nash came up behind me and slipped his
arms around my waist, pulling me back against his solid stomach. His arms and
warmth surrounded me and I gave in, leaning my head back against the crook of
his neck.

“Brandon and Dawn are out in the hot tub, so I’m running you
a bath,” he whispered against my neck, and then he left his lips there, burning
into me. Heat fell through my body and pooled. He pulled me around to face him,
and the look in his eyes stopped me for a second. I thought I recovered but he
took me by the chin and gently lifted my face. “Don’t be afraid.”

He had seen that?

I met his gaze again and he kissed me. He took my hand and
led me up the stairs to the master bathroom. We step inside together and I
pulled in a quick breath. He’d lit small yellow candles and set them along the
bath’s rim. The tub was halfway full, with bubbles building magical mountain
ranges all over the water, and lavender steam filling the room. He shut the
door with on hand, pulling me close at the same time to kiss me more, urgently.
He lowered his head and his teeth grazed my neck, making me gasp.

When he undid the top bottom of my shirt, I understood…and
felt so completely naïve. The bath wasn’t just for me.

This isn’t going to happen. I’ll take his freaking head off his
body, Ave. Send him away.

My hands pushed Nash back.

No! Marcus, no.

Anger flashed in Nash’s eyes. I knew I couldn’t fight Marcus
and win. And I couldn’t handle that look. I stepped back and turned away, desperate
to make this okay. There just wasn’t any way.

“Avery, I don’t understand.” He waited with his hands on his
hips, and I didn’t miss the bulge in his pants that was quickly shrinking. I
stared back at him, feeling like a four year old.

“I’m really shy, and…” The bubbles were threatening to
overflow the tub so I turned off the water. Nash didn’t move, and I couldn’t
tell if he looked anger, hurt or just suspicious. Was that it? He didn’t
believe me. I wouldn’t either.

The bathroom was way too quiet without the water running.
Nash wilted—his shoulders slumped just enough for me to notice. He nodded and
threw a look at the bath and said, “Enjoy your bath.”

After he’d walked down the hallway, I locked the door,
mostly because I felt exposed. Vulnerable. I heard my breathing before
realizing I was going to cry.

It’s for the best.

“How can you say that?” I whispered. “You don’t give a damn
about my life. It’s all about you now.”

I can’t help it, Ave. I can’t step back while… while you do
that
with
him
. I can’t. I’m too in love with you.

In love with me? Where did that leave me?

Is that all you have to say?

“I want you,” I whispered, “and I can’t do anything about
it. I’m falling for you too, in all these different ways.”

And where did that leave us? We were in this
together—totally together but so far apart.

Ahh, babe.

It’d be the right thing to do to let the water out, but I
wasn’t ready to face Nash. I undressed and slipped into the water; he’d gotten
the temperature just right. Leaning back, I closed my eyes and let the water’s
warmth seep into me, breathing slow, picturing rolling, green hills and puffy
white clouds.

Marcus pictured me naked in the bubbles. I could see his
thoughts and feel the way he reacted, how badly he wanted to run his hands up
my body, feel my curves, drive me past my breaking point.

I saw him too: his wild, crazy hair, the glow in his eyes as
he looked at me, his full lips ready to kiss my mouth. I longed to have him
there, holding my face in his hands the way he did in the car when it broke
down, looking into my eyes with anticipation before he kissed me. I wanted to
feel his mouth on mine, to find out how he kissed. Would it be slow and
teasing? Driving me crazy? Making me ask for more? Would he eventually give in,
unable to hold back, even as I gripped his hair?

I could see how he’d lean over me, kissing me, as steam rose
off the water. How I’d run my hands up his back and feel his muscles.  

I wanted his body pressed into me in the water, his arms
around me too, pulling me up against him. I wanted us gripped in passion like
it was about to shatter us apart, on the edge of dying from desire. Our faces
pressed together, his neck in the dip between my shoulder and head, my legs
wrapped around him, binding us together while water splashed everywhere.

That sent me falling, gasping—a different heat flooded
through me, from the inside out. Sweat broke out on my forehead. I sat up to
gulp air, dizzy.

Marcus didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to. I felt him
all around me. 

Marcus

Avery dozed off in the bath as it cooled, pulling me with
her. I just held onto her, half aware and halfway giving into the numbing
endorphin release. She woke us both with a shiver, then tried to pretend I
wasn’t there. And of course her shyness made me grin like a fool. I’d have
given anything to pause time right there. Forget about whatever could happen
down the road. Who I was. Where I belonged.

I belonged right here.

She woke up and reluctantly let the cooling water out and
started to dress.

Ave, I’ve never felt so close to anyone like this before.

She paused while pulling her shirt over her head.

I know, sounds crazy. How could I know that? I don’t know it, I
feel it.

I felt her smile. “Me too. I’ve never talked to anyone else
the way I can talk to you, or share things like we do, especially not a guy.”

She went downstairs, but a voice stopped her at the top
before she walked into view of the living room. 

“How serious is it? You sound horrible.” Kyle stood by the
window, on his phone. “Mom, I can come home if you need help….yeah, but we can
come to the coast anytime. I don’t want you to be alone…but I can…Why are you
so stubborn? I like taking care of you.”

Wow. Kyle had a soft spot. And maybe we’d get rid of him.
Good riddance, asswad!

Ave didn’t seem to hear me. I wanted to crack another joke
but I felt drained, so I just watched along with her.

“Alright, Mom, but if you get worse or change your mind,
just call me. And don’t feel bad about it. I mean it.” There was a longer pause
and he said, “Love you too, Mom. Take care. Call me tomorrow, kay?” He slipped
his phone in his pocket and stood staring out the window at the ocean down
below. The wind was blowing outside but the chaos didn’t penetrate the glass.
It was still as stone in here.

Kyle sighed and turned around, then stopped short when he
spotted Ave.

She jumped. “Sorry! I was just going to walk through but I
didn’t want to interrupt.”

“It’s okay.” He walked her way—
swaggered
her way and
turned on his fake teeth-too-white smile. “I guess you heard that, though.”

“Sorry your mom is sick,” she said. “It wouldn’t be a big
deal if you needed to go see her.” Avery seemed to be thinking he’d leave to
take care of her, despite what he’d said. It’d give her a chance to talk to Kristina.

“Thanks.” He sighed dramatically. “But I don’t need to.
She’ll be okay.” 

Avery’s mind had changed directions to Kristina. She had to tell
Kris the truth about him, even if it strained their relationship for a while. Then
she’d talk to Nash and come clean.

“Avey?”

I watched Kyle change as he looked
at Avery—his body and expression turned seductive. It was so obvious I started
laughing.

I tried turning her body but it didn’t work. She’d froze. I
felt her heart rate quicken. Kyle reached to her face, stepping so close he was
breathing on her, as he leaned into her. She didn’t want him that close. She
didn’t want him kissing her, and it was plain as day he planned to.

Ave!

I concentrated everything I had, trying to send it into her.
All of my energy flooded her body. His mouth almost touched hers, but her arms
came up and shoved him backwards.

Kyle flew back, shocked as hell.

“Kyle?” A girl’s voice. Kristina.

Ave turned her head. Kristina stood in the doorway, one hand
on the wall, the other over her mouth, tears pooled in her eyes. Ave looked
between Kris and Kyle, gasping, too emotional to say anything. She turned away
from them but didn’t go for the door like I expected.

Vague but disturbing memories floated up: I was the one who
convinced Avery that Kristina stole Kyle.

She stared at the door while I tried to break through to
her. She thought something but her voice wasn’t clear. Her voice faded, like a
train pulling away from the station.  

“Ave?” I ran toward her, reaching out. It didn’t help.
“Avery!” I could feel myself falling the opposite way, losing ground while she
sped away from me. What was going on? The room faded, going black, taking
everything with it.

Avery

The wind moaned against the house, and I realized there was
a door for me to escape through. I just needed to move. Why couldn’t I move?
Something felt physically wrong.

“Krissy,” Kyle started. I heard the apologetic smile in his
voice. “Krissy, it was just a joke. Come on, baby.”

Kristina didn’t say anything.   

I could feel Kris looking between Kyle and me. He probably
had that stupid smile on his face. Maybe he believed it’d even work.

I gasped, air filling my lungs and burning, like I’d been
holding my breath too long. My head spun so wildly I had to close my eyes and
lean against a couch arm. Kris finally spoke, and I pushed through the fog,
trying to understand her words.

“How could you?” A beat of silence. Then, an octave higher:
“What were you thinking?”

“It was just a joke. I’ll admit, it was stupid. And I can’t
say who started it. We were just laughing, and then she…” He trailed off and I
pictured him gesturing my way, implying blame.

The awful dizziness drained and I felt myself coming around.
I turned just enough to face them without looking at them. “That wasn’t a joke.
You’re always playing both sides, Kyle.” Now that I found my voice and feet, I
moved through the doorway. The wind caught my hair and blew it around while I
looked for somewhere to go. There was just the beach so I walked a short distance
and collapsed down in the sand, crossing my legs and hunching over. Little
raindrops hit me all over.

Marcus, why did you let me do that?

Nothing. He was really mad. I wiped at my nose and realized
I was crying. Great. Why didn’t I just step back and say no? Why didn’t I slap
him as soon as he walked over? Why did I freeze up like that when I needed to
stand up for myself?

I could hear Kristina screaming inside. She thought Kyle
kissed me. Or I kissed him. At any rate, she thought there was a kiss involved,
and I didn’t speak up for some asinine reason.

Nash would catch wind of all this soon. Any moment now.

The screaming paused, then restarted in multiple voices. I
jumped up and ran back to the doorway. Inside, Kristina swung something back
and forth like she was trying to hit Kyle—but Kyle flipped over with Nash on
top of him. They both had a fist pulled back, ready. I rushed in, yelling,
“Stop!”

Kyle fell backwards, smack into a wall. Nash dove for him.
Kyle rolled to the right but Nash caught him, and they rolled and struggled
again, sliding across the floor. Kris and I both tried to stop it, but we
couldn’t even get close. It was too dangerous.

“What the hell?” Brandon ran in behind us, pushing Kris and
me aside with one hand on each of us. “What’re they fighting about?”

Kris gave him an icy death look which he hardly noticed.
Somehow he got in the middle of them and pushed them apart while they yelled at
each other. Brandon threw Dawn a look. “A little help here!”

“What could I do?” She’d backed up toward the door to stay
out of the commotion.

Nash, his face dark red, pushed against Brandon, trying to
get at Kyle, yelling obscenities. His veins popped out in a disgusting way. I
didn’t look over but I could tell Dawn and was looking at me and then Kristina,
trying to figure it out. The more Brandon yelled at them to quiet down, the
more Nash screamed at Kyle.

I had thought Kyle was a jerk
before
… He stepped
back, smirking at Nash and holding his palms up as if to say, “So what?”

Dawn’s hand on my shoulder pulled me back. This was on me—I
had to do something, and quick. I took a step just as two quick bangs sounded
behind me.

“Bandon Police!”

***

Nash didn’t say a single word to me the entire drive back to
Ashland. I stared straight ahead at the rain or out the side window and counted
in my head. I reached fifty or a hundred countless times and started over
because I couldn’t keep track, but I had to focus on something that would block
out my thoughts.

Fifty, fifty-one, fifty-two… This was the old Nash—quiet,
reserved and not sharing his thoughts. Where had that other Nash come from? The
emotional one that turned red, his veins popping out of his forehead, screaming
at Kyle.

One, two, three… I didn’t even get to talk to Kris. She ran
into her room.

Seven, eight… ten… One, two, three… Where was Marcus? I
needed some sage advice, some smart way to talk myself out of this. I wanted to
say something to Nash, some kind of explanation, but he’d been so mad back in
Bandon.

I can’t believe he still drove me home. Or that I got in the
car with him. I didn’t want to stay there with them, though.

Nash pulled up to the front of my house and put the car in
park. I waited a second to see if he’d turn the engine off, a signal that maybe
he wanted to talk, but he didn’t. What was the use in explaining? In saying
Kyle didn’t even kiss me? Maybe this was the easy way out.

I stepped out and opened the back passenger door to get my
bag, and made a split second decision that I couldn’t leave things like this.

“I’m sorry.”

He finally turned to look at me—that five o’clock shadow had
grown into the start of a beard, making him look like a different person.
Darker. Actually scary instead of just intense. Oddly, he didn’t give me a
death glare.

“Did this have anything to do with…that voice in your head?”

My mouth fell open—I had a response in there somewhere—but
it shocked me. That’s what he had been thinking about?

“Yeah, sort of,” I said, lamely, almost not caring about how
it sounded. “I mean, it did and didn’t. He can’t stand Kyle—”

His eyes were boring into me, unblinking. “How’s the voice
feel about me?”

I’m sure I gave him a wide-eyed
oh fuck
look.

“Yeah. Well… Avery, you need help. If you really hear a
voice, and you’re not making it up, that’s serious.” His tone didn’t have even
a hint of question in it, and he didn’t wait for any kind of answer. Nash
turned forward again and put his hand on the gearstick.

I closed the car door softly and walked up to the porch. For
the first time, he drove off without watching me go inside. Good thing, too. I
couldn’t get my key in the lock. My hand shook and I couldn’t see through my
goddamn tears, so I sank down into a pathetic slump on the porch.

Hello? Marcus? Don’t you want to scream and yell at me
too?

When
had
I last heard him? Not during the drive…or
when Nash was screaming at Kyle…or when I talked to Kyle? I think it was then.

But nothing now? I said his name and tried thinking a few
things that’d make him angry. He wasn’t there. He was gone. I was all alone.

Of course
I’d lose him now, when I lost Kristina and Dawn.
 He had never wanted to be stuck here—hadn’t he said so over and over? Yeah,
maybe we shared a few special moments, but I’d trapped him in my head somehow
and stolen him out of his life. He must have remembered who he was or a way
back to himself.
Marcus figured out a way to leave me
and ran as fast as he could.