All In My Head (First Tracks Book 1) (12 page)

“Lunch it is.” I could hear Marcus complaining, but I wasn’t
sure why. Probably Nash. Or maybe because I was spending time with Kris, and
away from him, not that I could get completely away from him.

Despite that, I had fun with Kris. Life felt normal for two
hours.

Then, later, after I picked up my own car, it felt too quiet
without Kris or Marcus talking. Everything came crashing down. It’d gotten dark
and I felt encased inside my car, cut off from the outside world.

“Still upset?” I asked him.

Ah, no. Just giving you space.

“Really?”

I couldn’t feel his emotions as much as usual. As I drove
home, I thought about what it would be like to be stuck in someone’s head. We
were both quiet then.

At home, my thoughts turned to the guitar, hidden in my
closet. Maybe it was Marcus thinking about it. I retrieved it and sat on my
computer chair. He must have been dying to play. We went from one song to
another with him playing and me listening. “Summer of Sixty-Nine.” “Stairway To
Heaven.” (So cliché!) Some Greenday. “H
ey There Delilah,” one of
my faves. A few that sounded like Bruno Mars. I loved listening to him play and
sing.
He wound down and his playing sounded like mindless strumming.

Someone knocked.

I jumped, then froze. Music played out in the house but I
hadn’t heard it over my own. I could pretend I’d been listening to music too,
but I knew it didn’t sound the same.

“Yeah?” I asked, looking around for somewhere to put the
guitar, on the false logic that I could hide it before opening the door.

We’ll just fiddle the truth a bit. Say you’ve had it a while.

Kristina stuck her head in, glancing around. “Who’s playing?”

“Oh, just messing around.” I started with that one instead
of the all-out lie.

“That was you?” She looked astounded as she came in and sat
down on my bed. “Wow. I didn’t know you could play.” Kris was all done up: hair
conditioned into perfect, soft ringlets, her cocoa skin glowing, pretty
glittery pink eye shadow, and barely there pink lipstick. She’d pulled off
party girl and classy in the same look.

“I’m learning, I guess,” I said, because that seemed like
the best answer. “I saw this old guitar in a used store last summer and bought
it on a whim.”

“You’re pretty good.” She ran her fingers down the strings. “So,
Kyle brought over some beer and wine to kick off spring break. We have some
people over. Want to come out and join us?”

“Uh, heck yeah!” I needed to feel normal, to have her think
I was normal. A glance in the mirror stopped me. “Just let me throw on some
lipstick so I don’t look all mousey next to you.”

“Whatever!” She sauntered out the door.

Laughing, I turned back to the mirror with my mascara wand
in my hand. Marcus hovered … I felt him around me as I dusted on a little blush
and lipstick.

Guess some makeup’s okay. Sometimes.

I remembered all his comments about snowboarding chicks and
how they didn’t need makeup. It made me laugh now.

When I met my own eyes again, I startled. They were the same
eyes I’d always seen in the mirror, but I knew Marcus was checking me out,
completely fascinated.
And fantasizing.

I sucked in a breath, my body on fire, and hurried out of
the room to get away from the mirror.

I walked down the hall to find a small party in progress—there
were twenty or more people packed into our kitchen and living room area. The
curtains were shut, blocking out the remaining daylight, and Kris had strung up
little white lights across the top of the living room window. Two lit candles
set on the coffee table, pushed against the opposite wall. The only other light
was the small one over the stove in the kitchen.

“Nice!” I called to her and got a thumbs-up in return.

Kyle stepped beside me and said, “Hey, Ave, I brought white
wine. Want a glass?”

Hmm, interesting.

This was the most he’d spoken directly to me since last
spring term. I had to find my voice to say, “Sure. Thanks.”

Oh, for a beer …

Several of Kyle’s friends were there, beers in their hands. If
I remembered correctly, they weren’t the two at the house on that awful night.

Too bad. I’d tear their faces off if they were. Might be a nice
time to teach Kyle a lesson too.

I felt my blood pumping hard, like Marcus was affecting me
physically. I didn’t like it.

Two girls I didn’t know were standing together, and one of
the guys yelled introductions. Dawn and Brandon were tangled up together on the
couch. Kyle handed me a plastic red cup of wine just as Kristina said over the
music, “So I had the best idea ever for spring break. The six of us should go
to the coast—Kyle and me, Dawn and Brandon, and you and Nash.”

“Thanks, Kyle.” I took a sip, digesting what Kris just said
and hoping Kyle would leave. He lingered. “There’s a trip in the works?”

“We can rent my aunt’s beach house starting Monday. She was
going to use it and changed her mind. There’s three bedrooms and it overlooks
the beach! It’ll be awesome. You want to go, right?”

Nash, me … and Marcus? “I … maybe.”

Her eyes bugged out. “
Maybe?
You have to go! It’ll be
so awesome.” She grabbed my arm while she hopped up and down. “Please?
Puleeesee?”

I tried not to look at Kyle but failed. At least I looked
away too quickly to read his expression.

“It’ll be an early birthday celebration!” she said. Kristina
might have just thought that up, but it still meant she remembered my birthday.
A smile fought its way onto my face.

 “Okay, okay! I’ll probably go. Most likely,” I added at her
pouty lip.

This couldn’t go on that long, right? Marcus would be gone
by then. Something had to give.

“You want Nash to come, right?” She slung an arm around Kyle,
who seemed to be waiting on my answer too.

“Yeah, sure, I do.”
I think. Maybe.

Can’t wait … NOT.

“And you’re okay sharing a room?” she asked, watching my
expression.

“Wait, what?” I looked between the two of them, feeling
stupid for not realizing that earlier … and feeling a little pressured right
now. Both Kris and Kyle watched me process it, and I realized they were the two
people that knew I had hang ups with the whole being intimate thing.
What if
he told her?

“There’s just three bedrooms … and the trip would be so
perfect to get a little closer.”

Kyle finally walked away and I shoved Kris’s arm, but not
hard.

She gave a sly smile. “Okay, sorry. It’s just, you’ve been
so in love with him, and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, even
if you share a room. Just be clear with him up front.” She gave a shrug like
that was an easy thing to talk about.

“Yeah …”

“But it would be perfect,” she said, grinning. It was all
very romantic in her mind. It was just complicated in
my
mind.

Kyle walked by again, pausing to fill my glass. I almost
didn’t notice, so it was lucky that I didn’t tip it as he poured. Our eyes met
for a briefest second when he glanced at my face. I looked away, because I had
been staring at him, I guess. He didn’t say anything. Just kept going. Kristina
talked the whole time.

Had she told Kyle to be nice to me tonight to butter me up
for the trip?

I remembered what Marcus said about her … and Kyle and me. Was
it possible that he wanted me to go for his own personal reasons? Hopefully
what I was thinking wasn’t showing through.

Could be over thinking it, babe. Remember how you told me she
always wants you to go along with their group things?

I nodded to Kristina like I was listening and told Marcus,
You’re
the one that mentioned all this other stuff. I think you’re trying to let me
off the hook so I won’t worry
.

Why worry? At least, why worry about what they’re thinking?
We’ve got a bigger problem.

“Where
is
Nash?” she asked like she’d been talking
about him. Good thing I caught the question through my thoughts and the music.

It wasn’t like I’d had time to invite him yet, but I just
said, “I think he had something with his friends tonight.”  That was lame of
me, and I wasn’t sure why I said it. Kris gave me a look so I added, “I’m sure
he’ll come on the trip. It’ll be great, right?”

Jazz came in the front door then with a couple of friends,
holding a grocery bag in each hand. Her friends helped her cover the counter
with bowls of tortilla and potato chips, different dips, and more beer.

By now we had thirty people easy, all talking and bumping
into each other, with the music pumping. It pulled me in and made me forget how
different I’ve felt from everyone else.

“Ave!” Kris squealed suddenly like she had another great
idea. “You should play your guitar!”

I gave Kris a wide-eyed look that I hoped would stop her and
said, “We’ve got music already.”

“Come on. Play for everyone!” Kristina said, gesturing
toward my room like I would happily jump up and run to get the guitar.

“You play guitar?” Kyle looked astonished, which hurt my
feelings for some unknown reason. It’d felt the same thing when Kristina said
that, but this just drove it in deeper. Of course, they were probably just
surprised that I had never shared that fact. It wasn’t like they all thought I
was incapable of something like this. It only felt that way.

I almost wanted to … but it wouldn’t be me.

Oh, you actually need me for something?

He sounded so smug that I decided to drop it right there.

No, go get the guitar. Let’s do this.

“Come on, Avey,” Kyle said.

I felt anger rising in Marcus like molten lava headed for
the surface—and found myself walking to my bedroom to get the guitar. As I
walked back to the living room, I asked Marcus,
Why are you helping me when
you hate Kyle?

Oh, crap, what if he was setting me up? My throat went dry.

Relax. I’ve got this. Trust me, Avery.

Would I even be able to play after two glasses of wine? Kris
turned the music off when I came back. The different conversations quieted as I
sat on the couch and started to strum. Hopefully I looked calm because my heart
was tapping out a staccato beat as I stared down at the guitar. So far, so
good. Marcus played “Free Fallin’” by Tom Petty. It sounded like it was an
easier song to play—good thinking on Marcus’s part.

“Aren’t you going to sing the words?” I heard someone ask
off to the side. I didn’t look at him or answer. And I wasn’t going to sing,
either.

One song seemed plenty enough. I stood up, surprised that
they clapped.

“You don’t sing?” Jazz asked as a rap song suddenly blared
out.

“No … still working on the playing part,” I said, which
seemed perfectly logical for a beginning player. Feeling my face turning red from
the entire thing, I hurried back to my room to put the guitar away. That was
enough of the spotlight for the entire year. I started talking to Marcus to
thank him—thinking at him, I guess—when I realized Kyle was right behind me.

“I had no idea you could play. That was cool, Ave.” He had
to talk loud over the music, even back here, and managed to do it with a big
Hollywood smile.

No more Avey? Was that just for Kristina to hear?

I stopped outside my bedroom. I did not want him in there.
But that made me feel a bit trapped. “Thanks,” I said, keeping it simple. “I’m
just going to put this away.” I held it up while nodding toward my room in case
he couldn’t hear me. Good thing the neighboring houses weren’t too close—it
also helped that they were rented by fellow students who partied on the
weekends.

I slinked into my room and hurried back out. Kyle had
stepped back but was still lingering in the hallway. He’d been holding a cup
before and handed it to me now.

“A drink for the musician.” He leaned in to talk, smiling at
me … and it felt like the smile he used to give me.

“Thanks,” I managed. Was he making amends for before or
making a move on me? Nervous as hell now, I slid past him.

It wasn’t like I needed more to drink, but it did give me
something to do with my hands as we returned to the party. I took a sip,
watching him walk away, and wondered if the wine was making me think all these
weird things.

No. There’s something different about him tonight.

Two couples were dancing—moving close together—so I went
over to the counter and snacks, hoping to sop up some of the alcohol flooding
my system. Yeah, I was feeling the wine. I should have paid more attention to
how much Kyle poured for me.

Or what he added. Shit, I can’t believe I didn’t think about
that. Be careful, Ave.

Jazz leaned toward me so I met her halfway.

“What’s with Kyle tonight?” She gave me a conspirator look.
So it wasn’t just Marcus and me that noticed. I glanced across the room at Kyle
and instantly regretted it. He looked right back at me. I shook my head at
Jazz, and a second later realized Kris might have seen the whole exchange. I
turned my back to Kyle. “Weird. It just figures …”

“What? Now that you and Nash are an item, Kyle’s getting
flirty?”

“Yeah,” I lied. I played with a nacho chip. I’d been
thinking something else—now that Marcus was in my head, I was noticing other
guys noticing me. But Kyle?

“He likes playing games,” she said right next to my ear.

I leaned back to give her a questioning look.

“You know what I mean. He flirted with Kristina when you and
him were together too. He thinks he’s some kind of king with his harem.”

Whoa. So everyone saw him for what he was, except Kristina
and me? I risked a look over my shoulder to see him grinning ear to ear with
his buddies. Marcus was right; Kyle was totally going for a Tom Cruise look.
Turning back to Jazz, I erupted into giggles.

She reached to tip my cup her way and looked in. “He didn’t
slip you anything, did he?”

Instead of answering, I looked in the cup again and set it
on the counter. Jazz grabbed it and dumped it out in the sink.  

“I’m keeping an eye on you tonight, girl.” She just about
shouted the words.

A face appeared between us—one of the guys I didn’t know—and
he grinned.

“Me too … dance with me.” He grabbed my hand before I could
answer, or even before I could decide, for that matter. A new song started, the
one that asks over and over, “Are you gonna spend the night?”

Mr. Tall and Blond grinned about it as he pulled me to face
him, his hands on my hips. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and grinned
back at him. Why not have some fun? It’d keep Kyle away. He leaned close to
say, “Jasper.”

“Avery.”

“I know. I’ve been watching you.”

I laughed, probably because I’d been drinking. Apparently
it’s attractive these days to tell people you stalk them. He might have even
put that song on. It was someone’s MP3 player, after all, not the radio. We
moved to the music and I let my mind go blank except for the beat and the feel
of him moving with me. I could sense other people moving around us, like we
were all a part of something together.

Guess this guy doesn’t know about Nash.

Oh—that’s why I’d been feeling separated from my friends and
my life. Marcus.
Stay gone! Let me have fun!

Are you drunk?

I leaned against Jasper. The room was dark and crowded
enough that I didn’t think anyone would notice. Our bodies pressed together. I
was dimly aware that his hands were roaming a bit. Why didn’t I care?
Was
I a little drunk?

The song changed to something faster. Jasper stepped back
and said something that I couldn’t hear. I felt a hand on my arm and turned, only
to run into Kyle. I literally body bumped right into him and he caught me in
his arms. I wasn’t sure if he’d meant to do it at first, but we started moving.

“Just one dance!” he yelled, looking over my shoulder. I
looked back to see Jasper nod at me, but I didn’t look long enough to tell if
he cared about Kyle grabbing me.

Wait—I was dancing with Kyle. I made a quick attempt to look
around for Kristina but of course I couldn’t tell where she was with so many
people dancing. Things were spinning and waving. Kyle pulled me against him and
I rested my head on him, mostly because I wasn’t too stable on my feet. Still,
even with my head all foggy, I felt all of him against me.

Marcus? Where are you?

I heard him talking but his voice mixed with the music. I
felt his frustration but couldn’t figure things out. Kyle was talking in my ear
too …

“Why do you have to be so hot?”

Did I hear that right? I lifted my head and found my mouth
about in inch from his. I stepped back, bumping into someone. Jasper.

I turned to him, away from Kyle, and yelled, “I need to sit
down!”

I think he said, “Done dancing?” on the way to the couch,
where we all but fell together in the corner spot. I laughed too loudly at
that, and it wasn’t even funny, and finally caught sight of Kristina. She was
dancing with Kyle now, so maybe she had noticed all of that.

Jasper’s hand on my leg brought me back to my here and now.
I rolled my head to look at him.