All In (Cedar Mountain University #2) (24 page)

One week after the accident and my crankiness has hit an all-time
high. The stupid skin under the cast is starting to itch, and is nearly
impossible to scratch without slipping a hanger down there, and my ribs still
hurt like a bitch so getting comfortable is next to impossible. I’ve only made
it to about half of my classes this week, and since I’ve become ridiculously
bored with the crap on TV, I actually miss going to class. Cole and Delaney
high tailed it out of town the second their last class ended on Friday
afternoon. Cole had mentioned some lame ass excuse, but I’d known the real
reason.

I was beyond bitchy.

I cried every night and bitched every day.

It had become my new normal since coming home from the hospital,
and I hated every fucking second. I felt like I had lost all the control of my
emotions that I had found, but now it was so much worse than it had been
before.

My cell phone beeps for the millionth time this week, and without
even looking I know it’s Grant. Guilt is eating him alive, even though I don’t
blame him. They call them accidents for a reason, right? So whether it had been
after dropping him off in the middle of the night or coming home from classes
in the middle of the afternoon, my chances of getting hit by that car didn’t
change.

The silence in the apartment Saturday morning is overwhelming,
hanging over me like a thick blanket as I shuffle around. I’d snagged my curls
up in a messy knot on top of my hair, though half my hair was slipping out, it
just hurt too much to lift my arms up like that, and I still wasn’t deft with
the stupid cast on my hand. My white tank top is covered with an oversized gray
shirt that hangs over one shoulder, paired with my all-time favorite sweat
pants that have an anchor on the thigh. I have on fuzzy pink socks that Cole
had given me as a joke two Christmas’ ago, but they were ridiculously warm so I
wear them all the time.

So naturally this is how I look when Jacob knocks on my door at ten
in the morning, and I answer without looking through the peep hole. Because
maybe if I’d looked I wouldn’t have opened the door. Or at least taken the time
to run a brush through my hair.

And maybe over my teeth.

It’s like a punch in the gut to see him there. A physical blow that
sucks all the air out of my lungs. He looks perfect standing there in front of
me. I want to touch him. The need slams through me to the point that I have to
curl my hand into a fist to keep from reaching up to skim my fingers along his
jaw. I miss touching him. I miss holding him, and smelling him, and just
sitting in the same fucking room with him.

“What are you doing here?” The words feel like sandpaper coming out
of my suddenly dry throat. His eyes skim over me and I just want to turn around
and crawl back in my bed and hide under the covers.

“You look like shit, Grace.”

I can’t stop the snort the escapes. “Gee, thanks. Thanks for
stopping by, Jacob, but I can’t do this.”

“I want to talk to you.” One of his hands lifts up, but just shy of
touching my face it drops back down to his side. “Please, Grace. Hear me out.”

“Why don’t you look like shit?”

He gives me a weak smile. “I wasn’t in a car accident a week ago.
Can I come in? Just for a few minutes, then you can kick me out again if you
want.”

I must be a glutton for punishment because I step back, pushing the
door open so there is room for him to come inside. Without waiting I turn into
the apartment, moving to the kitchen to pull out a can of Diet Coke out of the
fridge. Jacob follows quietly behind me.

“Where are Delaney and Cole?”

I lean against the stove, watching as he settles on to a bar stool.
“They went home for the weekend.” I take a long drink. “I haven’t exactly been
stellar company the last few days.”

“I’m sorry, Grace. So fucking sorry.”

“Are you?”

“I overreacted. I realize that, but you should have told me the
truth.”

Flinching, I lift my can up for another drink. “That’s some
apology.” I drop the can without drinking. I’m not thirsty in the slightest,
but need something to occupy my hands. “Hey I’m sorry, but it was your fault to
begin with.”

“You don’t think you should have told me?”

This time I do take a drink, because I need the cool hit of liquid
to give me a second to get my shit together. “We’ve been over this, Jacob. Of
course I should have told you. I know I should have told you.”

“You used to think you were going to marry the guy, Grace, and all
of a sudden I’m hearing that he spent the night at your place and he kissed you
when you and I were together. And I’m not hearing it from you. How am I not
supposed to be pissed?”

“You’re supposed to trust me, that’s how.” I move across the small
gallery kitchen, slamming the can of
D
iet Coke
down on the counter right in front of him, some of it sloshing out and over my
hand. “I told you that Grant and I were over, Jacob. I told you that there was
nothing left between us. Why in the world should I give what happened between
Grant and I any sort of credibility at all? It didn’t mean shit to me.”

“I was blindsided, Grace. Completely fucking blindsided.”

“I know I made a mistake, Jacob. I get it. I fucked it all up, but
you didn’t even give me a chance to explain. You walked away.”

“I know. But I’m standing here now. I’m listening now.”

“You broke my heart. I’ve been down this road, Jacob. I’ve seen the
ending. It didn’t work out so well for me. How do I know that this time it’s
going to work? That this time I’m not going to get hurt?”

I roll the back of my hand under my nose, wiping away a very lovely
mixture of snot and tears as I stare at him, waiting. Waiting for him to
promise me that it will be okay.

“You want promises? I can’t give you promises, Grace, not the ones
you want.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Because I will hurt you. I’ll hurt
you, I’ll disappoint you, and I’ll sure as hell piss you off. It’s inevitable.
Just as you’ll hurt me, disappoint me, and piss me off. That’s life, Pixie. And
it sucks sometimes, and it’s hard every damn day, but despite all that hurt,
disappointment, and anger? I’ll still be there. Standing next to you. And
that’s what matters.”

I swallow hard, and feel the damn tears starting to pool again, for
an entirely different reason this time.

“I want to be with you, and to see where this goes. Nothing and no one
is going to change that. I know he promised you forever, I know you trusted him
and he broke your heart. I can’t tell you why you should trust me. All I can
ask is that you believe in me, that you believe in us, and in the fact that I
love you. Jesus, Grace, you’re the one I want everything with.”

I let myself touch him. A quick brush of my fingers over his arm.
Because I’m a glutton for punishment and I need the feel of him against my
skin.

“Grace,” he hesitates for just a moment and I jump in.

“You feel guilty.” I pull my hand away, clenching my fingers tight
again. “I was in the accident and it reminded you. It made you think of your
mom and Lacey and how you weren’t there for them and that’s why you’re standing
here in front of me. And I won’t do that to either one of us, Jacob. It
wouldn’t be fair.”

The entire apartment goes eerily quiet while he watches me. I can’t
read his expression at all. His entire body goes stiff at my words. Finally,
what feels like years later, he drops his arm down, hands hanging limply at his
sides while his eyes soften. “Is that what you think?”

“It’s what I know. You didn’t show up until I was in the accident
Jacob. You ignored me
.
You told me that there was
nothing left for me with you. Tell me I’m wrong.”

“Do you know how I found out about the accident, Grace?”

“I guess someone called you.” I start to pick absently at my cast
with my thumbnail. “Probably Ally or Del.”

Jacob moves across the kitchen, getting right in front of me so
that my back is pressed up against the counter and I’m forced to tilt my head
back to meet his gaze. He places his hand on either side of my hips, pinning me
in place. “I was here, Pixie.”

“What?” I demand, confused.

A small smile flirts with the corners of his mouth. Instead of
answering my question he asks, “Do you know when I missed you the most?” Wide
eyed I shake my head back and forth. His fingers dig slightly into my skin of
my hip. “There’s a moment in the morning, just as dawn breaks, and when you
were with me I would roll over and I would see you lying there with the sunrise
spreading across your face, and this warmth would slide through my chest. Every
fucking morning since you’ve been gone, Grace, I’ve looked over for you. But
you weren’t there.”

“You didn’t want me there,” I whisper.

“I’ve always wanted you. From the first time I saw you, Grace. From
that first moment, I knew I was all in.”

I feel my brow furrow. “I was still with Grant. You told me the first
time you saw me was when I was still with him.”

“I know.”

I lick my suddenly dry lips. “Why were you here that morning?”

“I love you.” He says simply. “I love you and I couldn’t not tell
you anymore. I’d come to tell you I love you and instead I ran into Cole.
They’d just gotten back to town, had barely put their stuff down when your mom
called. I’ve never been so scared in my entire life. Cole couldn’t tell me
anything other than you’d been in a car accident. I felt like my heart stopped.
Just quit beating entirely until we got to the hospital and they said you were
going to be okay.” His hands smooth down along my hips, finding the edge of my
shirt and moving back up so they brush against skin. I nearly sigh at the
slight contact. “I want to share my forever with you, Grace.” He says softly.
“I can’t imagine there ever being someone else I want by my side more than
you.”

“Grant isn’t going away, Jacob. He’s been my brother’s friend for
years, he’s been a part of my life for just as long. That’s not going to
change.”

“I trust you, Grace.”

He drops his hand from my waist, and the skin he’d been touching
feels cold at the loss. Before I can protest his hands come up to cup my face,
his thumbs brushing gently across my cheek bones. I hadn’t even realized I was
crying until I feel the moisture smoothing into my skin under his touch. “Say
it again.”

“I trust you, Grace.” He replies instantly, but I shake my head.
His mouth tips up, the dimple flashing as he tilts his head towards mine. “I
love you, Pixie.”

I release a long breath of air, my eyes locked on his as I whisper
softly. “I love you.” His eyes close, and he looks as if he is trying to savor
the moment. Committing it to memory to pull out again later. I know that’s what
I’ve done.

I close the distance between us, brushing my lips over his softly.
“I love you, Jacob.” My tongue darts out to lick across his bottom lip, dipping
briefly inside before I pull back. “If you ever fucking let me go again I’ll
kill you. Swear to God, Jacob, I’ll hunt you down and chop you up into little
pieces and feed you to my fish.”

“You don’t have fish.” He reminds me with a laugh. I just shake my
head again and tell him, “I’ll buy fish just so I can feed you to them. No
leaving.”

“No leaving.” He agrees, leaning into to kiss me again.

The End

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