All I Have Left (16 page)

We left late that night and went over to Aiden’s parent’s house.

Aiden Gomez was one of Grayson’s cousins, older by two years, he’d left home when he graduated and eventually found his way to working on a NASCAR team where he was a spotter.

Aiden was a great guy and him and Grayson had always been fairly close growing up. In turn, I knew him pretty well too.

When Shane and I arrived it was well past nine that night and the party seemed in full force. They had a bonfire out back and the tractors were already out. The Gomez family was famous for souped-up lawnmower races. Aiden’s dad, Adam, always had the fastest.

That apparently hadn’t changed.

We walked around the side of the house and to the backyard, Shane with a firm grip on my wrist, never my hand.

I saw Frankie first, her arms wrapped around Aiden. He looked much the same, blonde hair, tall, lanky, same southern drawl.

I saw Grayson next, standing by a lawnmower with another guy around the same height and build. I recognized him immediately as the driver of the team Aiden spotted for. He had on a black hat pulled down low so you couldn’t see his eyes but I knew it was him. He was the most talked about driver in NASCAR right now.

My gaze went back to Grayson, in his hand a half empty bottle of whiskey frequently being brought to his lips. He looked up, maybe he could sense my presence, maybe not. Our eyes met, and then drifted. I hurt him. Bad. He wasn’t looking at me right now.

I wanted to cry, tears for everything I’d sacrificed but I didn’t…I was all cried out at the moment.

Aiden found us. “Hey, Evie!” he hugged me, the smell of gasoline and dirt all around him.

Shane stayed beside me, one hand on me.

“It’s good to see you, Aiden.” I let go of Shane’s hand to hug him tighter. As soon as I pulled away, Shane reached for me.

Aiden noticed, and he was already drunk so he said what he wanted. “Ease up man, I ain’t stealin’ your girl.” Aiden wrapped his arm around me, pulling me along. My hand slipped from Shane’s. “Come meet Jameson and Emma.”

I hesitated, knowing they were standing beside Grayson. How much pain would this get me?

Aiden wasn’t taking no for an answer and dragged me over toward the group, Shane followed.

Country music blared from speakers on the deck, a loud base to Brooks and Dunn thumped in my chest. My heart and bones shook, a fear of what would happen in the next few minutes broke them to dust.

Grayson didn’t look up, instead he brought the bottle to his lips again taking a long pull from it, finishing the remains. Jameson chuckled lightly beside him, bumping his shoulder with his fist. “I’ll race this guy. He’s all fucked up.”

Everyone chuckled, everyone but Grayson. His eyes were on the field, a group of girls to his left. The thought that he would be leaving with one of them brought a pain, a prickling cold sensation over me. My heart broke, if it could anymore.

I knew the sound, I hear it a lot these days, a shattered ice sound.

Aiden wrapped his arm around me again. “Evie,” he pointed to a girl a little shorter than me with black hair wearing a hooded sweatshirt and cut off jean shorts. “This is Emma Riley and her brother,” he pointed to the guy beside Grayson, “Jameson.”

I shook Emma’s hand first, then Jameson reached for my hand. “Nice to meet you,” he said, smiling, his voice a deep rasp I recognized from his frequent interviews. Ethan was a huge NASCAR fan so it was rare the race wasn’t on TV.

“What brings a hot shot NASCAR driver to Pinckard?” Shane asked Jameson.

Jameson squinted at him, his left hand tipping up his hat slightly. He didn’t answer Shane, barely even acknowledged him, but his eyes went to Shane’s grip on my wrist, and then back to Shane.

An awkward pause in the conversation caused Aiden to ask how everyone was and how long Grayson had been back.

Grayson shrugged. “Few days.”

The conversation was flowing lightly when Aiden laughed, he was drunk, as was most everyone, including Grayson who was leaned against the lawnmower. His hand slipped off the mower and he stumbled a little causing everyone to laugh at how drunk he was.

“You know,” Aiden said motioning between Grayson and I, “the last time I saw you Evie you were wrapped around this guy.”

I wasn’t going to say anything, it would make it worse when silence came.

Grayson looked over at his cousin, bloodshot eyes drifting. “Shit changed man.” The empty bottle in his hand crashed against the metal of the lawnmower. “You can’t leave and expect people to wait for you,” he turned his back and walked away, maybe for the last time.

Jameson chuckled. “And here I thought my shit was complicated.”

Everyone laughed, everyone but me. And then they looked at me for an answer, a clarification, an excuse. I had nothing.

It was evident right then I wasn’t the only one hurting here, he was too, maybe just as bad. Guilt can do that to you.

Aiden shrugged, raising his hands. “Sorry.”

Emma reached for him and then Frankie. “Let’s drink!”

That’s all it took for everyone to get distracted and caught back up in the lawnmower races.

It was another hour later, I hadn’t seen Grayson again but his truck was still parked next to Ethan’s Jeep. I knew he was here somewhere.

I was dancing with Shane on the deck, annoyed but allowing him to grope me knowing damn well, if I didn’t, it would cause a scene.

I saw Grayson over Shane’s shoulder, he was talking to Courtney and two other girls, they were all laughing at something he was telling them.

Shane noticed my attention was diverted and pulled back, his eyes on mine. “Come with me,” he breathed in my ear, his breath stinking of vodka.

Like I had a choice. He took me around the side of the house, but still in full view of the party.

He had me pinned against the house, with Grayson in full view. His hands moved over me, rough and tugging my dress up around my waist, his hand between my legs.

I knew what was going to happen. I knew then that I’d rather die than feel what I was feeling. Shane’s questing fingers prodded around me under my dress, an unwanted friction that was impossible to stop. It only hurt me. My tears couldn’t be helped. They streaked down my face and soaked into the front of my dress. I felt his free hand groping my breasts. Involuntarily, I made a whimpering sound, even more scared than I had been. I didn’t feel anything except the utter repulsiveness of having him touch me.

“Go ahead, look at him now. Let him see you fucking me. Let him…” he grunted, his erection against my thigh. His jeans were still on but I knew what was about to happen.

Grayson looked my way, over his shoulder when Courtney pointed at us, and then away again. To anyone this looked like a couple making out.

It wasn’t.

Shane’s left hand was wrapped around the back of my neck, the other between my legs. His mouth was on the heated sticky skin of my neck, biting and sucking.

I tried to scream for Grayson but Shane’s hand moved and captured my pleas. “He can’t hear you. He can’t fucking hear you.”

I heard the roar of the lawnmower races fade, and then saw Jameson coming around the other side of the house with his helmet in hand, his cell phone in the other.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, knowing he’d interrupted something private. Jameson looked at me as he walked by out of the corner of his eye, and the hold Shane had on me.

He stopped, a hesitation to his step. My eyes darted to Grayson, his back to me, his hand in his pocket and a new bottle in the other hand.

Shane looked over at Jameson who stopped.

“You okay Evie?”

My cry burst out, my body shaking and convulsing around Shane. His hand immediately went to my mouth covering my cries.

“Get lost,” Shane said, a frustrated clip to his tone.

“Nah,” Jameson stepped forward. “I think she wants you to get lost.”

I could feel Jameson staring at me, trying to decide whether I needed his help or not. I nodded with wide eyes trying to silently let him know I needed help.

Shane growled. “I said get lost,” he turned and buttoned his jeans he’d gotten undone and let go of me completely. I immediately flattened out my dress and pulled my panties up that were around my thighs.

My sobs took over and I fell to the ground against the house. Jameson reached a hand out to help me but Shane stepped between us. “This ain’t your business.”

“Looks to me like you’re beatin’ up on this girl and that makes it my business,” Jameson said, calmly putting his phone in his pocket and then dropping his helmet to the ground. “Makeup does a lot but,” Jameson shook his head squaring his shoulders, standing up to Shane. “It takes a fool not to see it in her eyes and yours. She hates you, man.”

“Just get lost.”

“You wanna hit someone, hit me.” Jameson stepped forward. “Not some innocent girl.”

Shane started to get even angrier. “Go back to you fucking hillbilly NASCAR and stay out of shit that has nothing to do with you.”

“Hillbilly?” Jameson laughed now. “You live in Pinckard. Alabama. Look around asshole, couldn’t get more hillbilly than this you stupid fucker.”

Shane snorted. “Yeah, whatever you say.” He looked down at me, crying into my palms and then back to Jameson. “Mind your own goddamn business.” His voice had risen, and caught Grayson’s attention. Immediately he was walking over towards us with Ethan and even Aiden by his side.

When he approached, Grayson’s whole body trembled in outrage, his body shaking so violently.

My eyes flicked to Jameson, and then back to Grayson, helpless.

“I’m sorry,” I rasped, looking at Grayson, my eyes focusing only on him.

Shane turned to me. “This is what you fucking wanted, wasn’t?” he asked, but again, he wasn’t looking for an answer when his hand connected with my cheek.

It was like slow motion for me. My eyes met Grayson’s tortured expression once again.

Jameson backed away holding up his palms with a smile. “Looks to me like you’re a fuckin’ dead man.” He looked at Aiden beside him, “I really wanted to hit that guy.”

That’s all it took for Grayson to pounce on Shane. His fist connecting with his already broken nose, followed by his left hook connecting with his jaw. Grayson was hitting him so fast that Shane didn’t even have time to react.

At some point, I think, Shane was unconscious but Grayson didn’t stop.

I had never seen Grayson react like this. I’ve never seen him so violent. This is not the same Grayson I knew. It seemed what was hiding in his eyes was finally coming out.

Guilt shames you. I think it’s meant to. I believe it’s meant to.

Drinking, well, it numbs you. I tend to want that these days.

It’s been a week since Evie told me to get lost. And then I found myself at a party she was at.

“Don’t make a scene,” I told myself, begged was more like it.

A week. That’s all. It was a week of nightmares. A week of remembering. So I drank. Seemed logical to me.

There’s four empty bottle of Jack Daniels on my nightstand.

There’s a hole in the wall of my room and my window is boarded because I shattered it.

If you asked me, I’m pissed. And I have every right to be.

But I’m a stupid son of a bitch if I believe that. So I don’t, mostly.

The thing was, this wasn’t Evie. Goddamn this wasn’t her. I knew her. Those scared, lifeless eyes were trying to tell me something. I knew the look. I’ve seen it before.

But still, I’m walking away, again. She had me right where she wanted me. Distanced but still holding on.

Was that her plan?

I kind of felt like it was.

I felt like my heart broke into a thousand pieces when she said she was with him and told me to walk away.

I didn’t blame her, really, how could I?

I left her. I did this. Nothing I said would ever take that shit away. I’m the reason why she is in this mess. I’m the reason why she’s in the arms of this goddamn loser.

Drinking seemed like the answer. It was always the fucking answer. So that’s what I did. All day, and now all night.