All I Have Left (12 page)

“You’re not really going to go after him, are you?” Grayson asked, still anxious. He reached for my hand, placing his own over mine—staring at me with obvious doubt in his eyes.

I jerked my hand away quickly before I forgot why I needed to leave and why Shane couldn’t see me here. “I’m going to call him. Believe me, if I don’t it will be a very long day for everyone. I have to call him before he goes to see his dad.”

Without waiting for Grayson, or Josh to say anymore, I ran downstairs only to run directly into my brother in their kitchen helping himself to their food.

“Well, good morning, sunshine,” Ethan greeted me with the biggest smirk I’d ever seen. How on earth he was so chipper with so little sleep was beyond me and actually rather annoying.

I grabbed some coffee off the counter, hating the satisfied expression he wore. “Fuck off! I have to get to work.” I grunted, scorching my throat from the hot coffee, but continuing to swallow it before I made my way to the door.

“Evie.” He pulled my arm before I made it out the door. “I’m only going to lie to Grayson for so long. You need to tell everyone the truth, including yourself.” His head gave a slight tip to the bruises that were fading from last week.

Ethan blinked, his eyes finding mine, sympathetically for a moment then walking over to Frankie with some coffee. She was on the couch in the living room moaning. Apparently, my little friend had a little too much to drink last night. Maybe someone should have gotten more sleep last night.

When I made it back to my house, I grabbed my cell phone off my nightstand and called Shane. While I waited for him to answer, I saw Grayson walking over to our house.

And the good times just keep on coming, don’t they?

“Where have you been?” Shane’s furious voice was suddenly hissing out a stream of profanities. I sat down on the bed half-paying attention to what he was screaming about, still swearing.

“Shane, just stop. I have to get to work!” I yelled back, tired of his endless fucking ranting.

He sighed. “I’m coming to get you Evie. I don’t want you anywhere near him today or your brother and his friends.” And, being the dick that he was, he hung up.

It was just like him to pull this shit on me.

Great,
I’m in for an exciting day. I changed out of that ridiculous dress into my favorite jean shorts and a tank top, threw on some flip-flops and pulled my hair into a messy bun. They never cared what I wore to work so that was nice. At least I didn’t have to dress to impress.

Just as I had decided that I would be perfectly content to spend the rest of eternity in my bedroom avoiding everyone, Grayson knocked on my door. I knew avoiding everything wasn’t the answer but was it so bad of me to want a little less drama in my life?

I didn’t think so.

“Who is it?” I asked, stalling.

What kind of lame ass question is that? Who else would it be? Johnny Depp?

I expected a sarcastic comment, but didn’t get that. “Let me in, Evie.”

“No,” I replied, burying my face back in my pillows. “Can you just go away?”

Why are you hiding? He can’t see you.

“No,” Grayson said. “Let me in. We need to talk.”

“No. I’m late for work. Go away.” And then I added, “You’re good at that.”

I heard him let out a frustrated sigh. “Stop being a drama queen and let me in before I knock this damn door down.”

I ripped my pillow from my head, glaring at my closed door. “I swear to God Grayson, if you break the door, I’m going to make you pay for it.” Before I even finished my threat, my door came down.

Grayson stood there, half pissed, and maybe a little in disbelief that he actually got the door down.

“Was that really necessary? You’re paying for that.”

“Apparently it was because you weren’t going to open the damn door,” he said with a sly southern grin.

Goddamn him.

He did that grin on purpose. Part of me hoped he’d lost that grin over time. The other prayed he hadn’t.

“You’re gonna fix that.”

He nodded. “I promise. I will.”

Neither of us said anything until my ringing cell phone brought me back to reality. With a heavy breath I walked downstairs, my phone in hand only to have Grayson follow me.

When we got to the front door my hands fell on his shoulders angling him out the door.

“You better leave, Grayson. Shane is on his way over and if he sees you that will only set him off more.” I pushed him out the front door, the one he didn’t break down.

“Evie—” he pleaded, disappointed, hurt, turning to face me.

“Grayson, I umm—” I couldn’t finish as I looked into his eyes, the sadness now so evident.

Grayson reached for my hand, his fingers gracing my knuckles. That touch was why I
couldn’t
be mad at him. Why I didn’t
want
to be mad.

I should be mad at Grayson. I should be fucking pissed at him for leaving me. Friends don’t do that. Not the way he did. They should never do that. But it was harder to be mad at him. The energy it took to do so I just didn’t have anymore.

“I can’t do this right now, I’m sorry. I’m late for work.” I pulled my hand away and closed the door. I stood with my back to the door and then I couldn’t take it any longer. This was a lot harder than I imagined it would be.

So I turned around and I watched him walk away back to his house.

Shane showed up a few minutes later. I looked over at Grayson’s house as we left and saw him sitting on the front porch with his head in his hands. I hated hurting him like this. I wanted to go and comfort him but I couldn’t. I can’t keep hurting both of us like this.

The coffee shop I was working at was just up the road about a mile right off the side of the highway as you headed into Dothan. It was popular with most of the locals and anyone who was just passing through town. I had my fair share of local farm-stalkers as I called them. Usually the dirty old men would come in at least three times during my six-hour shifts. It was a good job though and the tips were good. It wasn’t a career, I knew that. I tried college but when my mom lost her job with Toyota where she was an office manager, sacrifices had to be made.

Mom had been through so much to have us…not helping her wasn’t an option. Between the three of us we were able to live comfortably.

It took her six months to find something else so that’s where Ethan and I came in. I dropped out of college, Ethan never attempted to go.

Mom had been through so much to have us we had to help her. Between the three of us we were able to keep the house and eat.

Wyatt and Julia wanted to help so Julia got Mom into landscaping. She found an entry level position for her with Lawson Landscaping in Dothan and she absolutely loved it. I’d never seen her so happy and confident in herself.

When I thought about how I got messed up with Shane, my situation wasn’t good. Any way I looked at it someone got hurt. I didn’t belong with someone like Shane. I never did but how I ended up with his loser ass goes back to me attracting assholes. Staying because of my mom was another sacrifice that had to be made.

Shane sat parked outside the coffee stand the entire six hours of my shift.

Just about the time I was locking up for the night, my gaze caught his car. Courtney was leaned inside the window talking to him. I watched her, my eyes drawn to her golden legs. Frustrated didn’t even do my emotions justice.

When did I become this girl?

My eyes burned, emotions getting the better of me.

When I saw Courtney walking away, she smiled at me giving me that little parade wave she gave everyone in town.

I ignored her, as I usually did, and walked over to get into Shane’s Mustang. He didn’t say anything but I did. “Making plans later?”

His eyes shot to mine. “I should ask you the same thing. Plans with Grayson later?”

“There’s nothing going on between Grayson and me. He’s a friend.”

He shook his head, his eyes darker than usual, his bitter laughter burning. “Yeah, whatever you say.” His left hand casually draped over the steering wheel, his right finding my bare thigh. His grip wasn’t pleasant, it never was.

I tried to push him away, but he wasn’t having it. “I don’t fucking think so. Not now.” He swerved, pulling down an old dirt road off the main highway. I knew immediately what was happening. He was going to take what I wasn’t giving him.

When he shut the car off, shadowed amongst overgrown shrubs and thick trees, he started undoing his jeans, his buckle first and then the zipper, each click louder than the next.

Reaching over, his right hand tightened in my hair, trying to coax me toward him.

I shook my head, pleadingly, knowing my denial meant absolutely nothing. “Don’t…”

My tears flowed as he moved his hand from his jeans he’d pushed down past his hips and then to my mouth, his fingers probing along my jaw and then inside my mouth.

It was revolting. Both him forcing his fingers in my mouth and the fact that I was saying no and it meant nothing to him.

Shaking my head, my anger showing as I pushed back from him. “No. I’m saying no, Shane.”

His grip around my neck tightened, his right hand pinching the side of my face so hard I felt the burn and knew damn well I’d have another bruise to cover up tomorrow.

“Why are you doing this?” I sobbed.

“I do this because you don’t fucking listen.”

“This isn’t how you treat a woman.” I wasn’t able to finish, his hand drew back and came flat against my cheek.

I wanted to cry, and scream, fight him off but I didn’t. Instead I sobbed as he forced my head into his lap.

“This is what your mouth should be used for. Not talking.”

If I hadn’t been so scared of him hurting me, I would have fought back.

What I have right now, this is what’s left of me. A girl. A broken girl being forced, no, letting someone control her in ways no one should ever be controlled.

I didn’t want to go down without a fight.

I always thought a girl could fight back and never be forced to do something like this. But right now, what would fighting back get me?

More bruises I couldn’t explain. More pain I couldn’t take.

I was certain I wasn’t doing it right…I’d never given anyone a blow job before.

I tried everything I could do to make myself numb to the situation and what was happening to me right then, what he was taking from me, but I couldn’t.

I thought of Grayson, tried to imagine him even, but that only made me cry harder because Grayson would never force me to do something like this.

My head continued to be slammed down, my gags and pleas to stop earning me nothing but more force, his dick shoved down my throat.

“You fucking bite me, Evie, and I will hurt you so much worse than ever before.” His hands forced me down harder. “You understand?”

I said nothing in response. I couldn’t actually. I don’t know many people who could coherently talk with a dick in their mouth anyways. I wanted to vomit and I was gagging and choking so much I almost did.

The most demeaning part about it? The part that hurt worse than him forcing me to do this?

Him coming on my face and smearing it over my cheeks.

“I fucking hate you!” I gagged, my sobbing reaching a high of hysteria.

I couldn’t control my shaking any longer, pushing myself back away from him.

“You son of a bitch!” I cried, kicking at him and his car. I had spit and...my face was soaked and I could barely get out a breath let alone say anything else.

“Go ahead Evie,” he paused pulling up his pants. “Go see Grayson now. Show him who you fucking belong to, who owns you.” His hand brushed over my cheek and I knocked it away.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” I growled.

He laughed, bitter and as cold as his heart was. “Yeah, okay.”

There’s a lot of reasons why I stay. I’m ashamed, afraid, embarrassed…you name it and I’m feeling it. He wanted to destroy my self-esteem and he’d done a pretty good job of it now.

Shane looked at me, his eyes so dark I couldn’t see any good in them anymore. “You made me do that. You did.”